Practice Love
The Practice

#Practice 025
Letting go of the past is healthier than holding it back.

Oppa, how was practice? ^^

The blonde pressed his lips as he quietly replied to his girlfriend's text. The group, minus Mark and Mia, were on their way back to Jackson's vacation house when JB decided to take a stroll before heading back. There was a slight hint of frown appearing on Rian's face when he said that, but he didn't press it. He didn't want to assume things.

Quietly, he walked up the slope, breathing in the ocean wind and sighed heavily. He had to admit, the practice menu that Rian gave was a bit tiring on his side. But it wasn't anything he can't cope with. Especially not if he gets to converse with her properly, with no tears, no pain, nothing. 

At least, he had been trying to convince himself that.

He stopped his tracks and turned to the sight of the dusking sky above the surface of the sea. White, shimmering light glowed on the black canvas, as the cold breeze flew, brushed past his skin as he shivered slightly in response. It's beautiful. He thought, eyes staring afar as his lips curved into a smile. 

Everything felt so peaceful. He was at ease, like the gentle breeze, the shaking trees, he felt at ease. 

"It's so beautiful!" Down by the shore, he pictured the young brunette with a bright, cheerful smile on her face. She looked happy, genuinely happy. 

His grip on the railing tightened, eyes trailed the frames of events, memories, brushed past like flipping pages. 

This is wrong. He shook his head and bent his back, resting his head on his arm that was placed flat on the railing. I promised that I'll stop... 

His eyes wondered. No matter where or what he looks at, everything seemed to remind him of her. Lee Rian, the girl who was there for him at all times. She was this important to him, yet he was the one who hurt her. It was him all along, yet he chose to keep her close to him. Even though it hurts her, he couldn't find himself to let go of that hand. Selfishly, he acted, faked that he didn't know, that he wasn't aware of how much it hurts for her to remain by his side. 

And then she cracked, she broke, and she moved on. 

I promised to let her go. He bit his lower lip and closed his eyes. Words, everything she said slowly became a nightmare to him. "I'll wait. Even if it takes 10 years for you to succeed, I'll be there." They started to haunt him in his dreams, every promise, every sound... Like a cassette tape, it repeated in his mind, over and over again.

It constantly reminded him of that one fact, that he had broke his promise.

"Let's stop this." He clenched his fist tightly. "I need to focus, and keeping this relationship is bound to distract me." 

Stop it. He slammed his fist on the metal railing. Buzz, it sounded as he clenched his jaw, his brows furrowed deeply and his heart ached, tightened so painfully that he finds it hard to breathe. 

"I'm sorry, Rian." He kicked the railing once more, and a buzzing effect occured, ringing in his ears as he slumps down, his back leaned against the still-vibrating railing. His fist felt numb, red from the impact drawn on the hard metal surface. Red spots appeared like needle wounds, as if mocking his misery, he let out a trembling sigh and closed his eyes.

What can you do? It was as if his conscious was mocking him, his body trembled like trees. Every shadow, every piece of darkness... Everything seemed far too dark for him. He was slowly losing it, lost in the trail of memories. 

And then he heard her name.

"Rian-ah." He flinched, eyes darted towards the sight of Yoojin smiling gently on the phone. He's probably on the phone with her, with the girl whom he can no longer call a friend without feeling guilty over it.

JB clenched his fist as he watched over the man who constantly chuckled over the phone. How badly did he want to wipe that smile off his face, how badly did he want to grab that white checkered collar of his and scream at the top of his lungs... But he couldn't. He had no rights to.

He had no rights over her anymore. 

"Hyung, why did you do that?" His fist trembled as he casted a shaky breath, recalling the small conversation he had with Junior after they visited Rian in the hospital. He didn't leave, he was simply hiding in the corner. He saw how she made an attempt to throw the flowers into the bin, how she paused, her eyes watering with tears, and how she broke down. Every crystal tears pierced his heart, every cry hurts. 

Why did he do that? Why can't he just let her be free? He could have just bought lilies, anything but the two blooms of tulips that reminds her of their past. But why didn't he? "I'm only human." He bit his lips, painfully pressing his teeth on the warm flesh, so tightly it started to bleed. 

I'm just a selfish human being wanting to hold onto what's left for me to hold. 

That's right, I'm only human. He kicked the railing, straightening his back as he took slow, steady steps to Yoojin who just ended the call. The man was still smiling, still smiling. JB's fist tightened, and carefully, he approached him. 

"Jang Yoojin." He called out the man's name. Surprised, Yoojin turned around, eyes rounded at the sight of the blonde.

"Ah, JB-ssi." He smiled, rubbing the back of his neck as a light tint of pink flush on his face. "How are you doing?" He asked, but JB couldn't