Time flies when you're spending it with someone you love. Somehow, the two month holiday in Mutuoapa was rapidly coming to an end. I had gotten closer to Joshua, in a better way possible. Of course, we didn't tell everyone straight away, but it was pretty obvious they guessed it as time passed. I mean, we weren't really the PDA type, so I guess we just had chemistry.

" What are you doing ? " Joshua asked one day. We were both sitting in the living room together, he was playing his guitar while I was knitting. I found a ton of yarn and needles lying around in the attic, so I nicked it and started knitting. Ever since that, my hands wouldn't leave them. These few days, it just kept pouring rain, so there wasn't to do. 

It got really cold really quickly in Mutuoapa, Mrs Hong turned up the heater to the highest level. 

" Hmm ? " he snuggled under my chin, making me chuckle. " Who's it for ? " 

I hid my smile, " It's just for fun. " and playfully pushed him away. The yarn was a mild ceamy colour, perfect for a woolen jumper. Truth was, it was for him since his birthday was coming up soon. 

" Or is it for someone special ? " he teased me. 

" Just because I'm your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm required to give you something. " I answer. 

" I never said you were my girlfriend, nor did I say you had to give me any gift. " he said. " You're the apple to my pie. " he began to sing.

I made a face, he kept playing his guitar, " You're the straw to my berry... you're the smoke to my high.... and you're the one I wanna-"

I shove him playfully, until he dodges by tumbling onto the floor. I laugh until my stomach hurts, he smiles and lays his head in my lap while I continued knitting. Once in a while, I ruffle his hair. 

" Can I sing you a song ? I'm serious this time. " he suddenly said.

" Okay. " I answer non-chalantly. 

" You used to call me your angel, said I was sent straight down from heaven..." he hummed. " You used to hold me close in your arms, I loved the way you felt so strong..."

" I never wanted you to leave, I wanted you to stay here holding me." suddenly, he hugged my legs like a child. " I miss you, I miss your smile, and I still shed a tear every once in a while..."

He stopped singing and looked out the window. " It stopped raining. Can I take you somewhere ? " he asked me.

I was surprised, " Of course, you don't need to ask. "

We drove in the frosty outdoors, and he didn't tell me where we were going. He took a few turns, into roads I wasn't familiar with. We stopped by a florist's, and he picked up a bouquet of lilies. I didn't ask much, as he kept focusing on his driving and the steering wheel. Now that I was dating him, I got to know a lot about Joshua. When he wasn't talking, it was best to not talk to him too. Because he was thinking about something, that was his privacy.

We drove up a hill, through the windy lane. It was steep, I couldn't stand it without holding Joshua's free hand. He looked at me, smiled, and squeezed it. He parked up front, and he opened my door. In his hands were the flowers, and we walked arm in arm uphill. It was strange, it had just stopped raining, the surroundings should've been cold and frosty. Only, there was the warm sun above, there was nothing cold about it. 

" Where are we going ? " I asked him.

" You'll know in a minute. " he answered, and kissed my cheek.

Indeed, I soon found out that we were heading to the cemetery located up the hill. I kind of expected it sooner or later, we passed the rows of gravestones, until he stopped on his feet. He was searching for the grave he wanted to take me to, I could clearly see the name engraved on the gravestone :

LILY SWANSON.

He settled the bouquet of flowers on top of it, and took a step back to stand next to me. I linked my arms with his, I could understand what he was doing.

He took a deep breath, " Hi, Lily. " he said. " I hope you like the flowers, they were your favourite. Five years, it's been five years since you left. That's pretty long, but I've never forgotten you. "

The way he spoke alone, it was as if Lily was really there listening to his every word. I totally knew what he felt, I done it a million times when my mom died. I wasn't scared, I would enter the graveyard alone and cry like she was there to comfort me. When you talk to something, it seems like the absent person you're talking to was there, it's a confort.

" The thing is, " Joshua continued. " I never really got over the fact that you're gone, it took a long time for me. Even still, I couldn't bring myself to forget our past and move forward. Until I met someone, someone who means a lot to me. " he glanced at me, I was blushing. 

" And she's standing right here, the love of my life. " he pulled me closer and kissed my temple. " You did say all you wanted was for me to be happy, and I thank you for wishing me that. And now I'm truly happy. " he looked me, his eyes were sparkling. " Because I've found someone I love. "

" I think it's a blessing, don't you think ? " I smiled up at him.

He nodded, " I think so, thanks to Lily I love you. " 

I faced Lily's grave and switch to a more serious tone, " I never met you, Lily. But I can tell you meant a lot to Joshua, and you still mean a lot. Like he said, there will be a replacement for you in his heart. I can accept that, and I need to thank you because I think you made me realize how much Joshua meant to me. And I can assure you, that I love him just as much or more. " 

He looked at me with his gentle gaze again, and run his fingers through my hair. " Okay ? " he asked softly. 

I nodded, " I'm okay. "

That night was our last night in Mutuoapa, we had just finished hosting the farewell party Bonnie put together. It ended at midnight, we got everything settled half an hour later. Then it was shifting to packing, I was a quicker clothes folder, so I got the job done before one o'clock. I remembered I had already finished knitting the jumper. So I took it out from the cupboard, and folded it nicely. 

I crept to Joshua's room and knocked, I went in. He was reading a book again, but he waved at me and patted the empty space beside him. I skipped towards him and sat next to him. I rested my head on his shoulder as he read, then he noticed the jumper I was holding.

" What's this ? " he asked playfully, he knew obviously.

I played with my smile, " A sweater. "

He settled down his book, " I know that, but for who ? " 

I rolled my eyes, " Can you guess ? " he didn't answer, so I continued. " Ugh, you're so clueless. It's for you, dummy. "

He grinned and accepted the jumper, he examined it closely, " Hmm, I give it five. There's some minor mistakes, but the native talent is there. "

I swatted him playfully, " Hmph, if you don't like it, then you don't need to have it . "

" Okay, okay..." he laughed. " I'm kidding, I love it. " and he lightly kissed me on my lips. " Thank you, dear. "

I wrinkled my nose, " Ew, I'm not your wife or something. "

He hugged me closer and wrapped his blanket around me. " I hope you will be, soon. "

I returned his kiss, " Well, it's too soon to tell. But let's just hope it comes true. " 

For the first time ever since we knew each other, we just didn't talk. It wasn't the awkward silence we experienced, we enjoyed that moment. Just wrapped under the blankets together, appreciating each other's company. 

" Hmm, guess I won't have anyone next to my locker next year." I sighed.

He chuckled, " Are you gonna miss me ? "

" Of course I will. " I said honestly. " You won't be around to cheer me up anymore. " 

His face turned stern, " Is this about Wonwoo again ? If it's about him, you know you can tell me. "

He already knew about my problem with Wonwoo, and he completely listened to me and understood.  The million reasons why I loved him.

" I just- I don't know what'll happen when we see each other again. " I said. " It'll get awkward, I'm sure of it. " 

" Well, if none of you try to let things go. There's no end to this. " he told me. " Right ? "

" I don't know..."

He pecked my forehead. " It's gonna be alright, okay ? Sometimes the things that we worry the most are the things that don't happen. "

I nodded, " Yeah, you're right. " then I thought for a second. " Joshua, you knew I was dating Wonwoo, and Jeonghan, and Seungcheol. But why didn't you say anything to stop me from dating them ? Now I know you liked me, then why didn't you tell me anything ? "

He shrugged, " Well, you looked so happy at that time. If I told you about my feelings, it'd make things worse. All I wanted was for you to be happy. "

I couldn't help but kiss him passionately. " Well, I can assure you that I'm very happy now. " 

Yes, I was happy.