We headed downstairs together , where Jane was still arranging everything. Joshua shook his head, " C'mon, let me help you, slow poke ." and he snatched the dishes away from his sister.

" Hey! " Jane protested. " I'm not four anymore ! "

" You act like one. " he joked. And Jane pouted and stormed off into the kitchen again.

I glanced at her, a little worried. " Should you go check on her ? She looks mad. "

He smiled, " She's always like that, but she's never angry for real. Let her be, like I said , she doesn't manage herself properly and acts like a four year old. "

I raised my eyebrows, " Hmm, says the person that can't manage his time properly and stays cooped up in the library. " 

He finishes aranging the table and crosses his arms , and looks at me . " Oh really, Jeon Minju ? "

The way he held my gaze was making me crazy, but I wasn't backing down, I looked him in the eye. " Mm-hmm." I mouthed, and soon it was a staring contest.

I obviously won, boys were never good at staring contests. Joshua gave up after a while.

" Be careful or you'll get the ZING! " Jane teased us as she brought in the food. 

" Jannnie ! " her mom nagged. " What did I tell you about interrupting people ? "

" Oh it's okay, Mrs Hong. " I assured her. " We weren't doing anything. "

Instead of talking some more, Joshua walked into the kitchen and helped clean the pans and pots while I helped out in the dinner table. I heard footsteps coming down the stairs, it was Joshua's dad. He looked freshed out from the shower, and happy. He sniffed around.

" Mmm.." he said. " I know that smell anywhere. Is it roasted chicken, honey ? "

" I see your senses are still quite sharp, dear. " Mrs Hong noted . " Yes, I cooked you your favourite."

Mr Hong held his wife close and wanted to kiss her, but she held up her finger. " But it's not for you, I wanted Minju to taste my best cooking. "

" Gwaenchanna, I still wanna kiss you ! " and he planted a kiss on her cheek.

I couldn't stand but giggle at the scene those two adults were pulling, not that it was funny though. I thought it was the sweetest thing I had ever seen. 

" You'll get used to it in no time , trust me . " I didn't notice Joshua coming up from behind me. " They love each other to bits. "

" I think that's really sweet. " I whispered back. And Joshua cleared his throat on purpose, that made his his parents blush.

" We have someone else here..." he murmured , so it wasn't that clear.

" Um, welcome to our lovely home, Minju. " his dad shook off his awkwardness. " Make yourself comfortable, please. "

" I will, thank you."

" Haha, let's sit down." Mrs Hong ushered us. " Quickly ! The food's getting cold. "

We sat and ate, let me just say that was the most delicious food I ever had for a lifetime. I wasn't kidding, I never had a proper meal that made me full. I was so used to it I had to force down the other half of my dinner when Mrs Hong offered me more. 

" Have you booked the tickets yet , dear ? " Mrs Hong asked her husband while eating.

" Mm-hmm." Mr Hong swallowed his food. " I just booked them, including Minju's. "

I kind of choked on my water a little. " Um, what tickets ? "

Joshua turned to me, " Every summer break, dad brings us to our family home in Auckland , New Zealand . We spend our whole time there until the summer's over. So, do you mind if we invited you ? "

I was a little taken aback, and a bit confused and honored about it. It was hard to let that sink in.

" Can I really tag along ? " I asked quite timidly. 

" Of course you have to come ! " Mrs Hong exclaimed. " Or you're umcomfortable about it ? "

" Nono.It's just I'm feeling like I'm using your kindness too much, and I don't want to burden any of you. Now you're using money to even take me on vacation, I don't know about this..."

Then Jane takes my hand, " Unni, don't feel that way. We really like you, I mean my mom likes you better than me."

" Jaein, you're not helping." her mom snapped.

" Our point is, Minju," Joshua said. " That we're completely commited to help out. Me too , as a friend. "

" Joshua's right , Minju. " his dad added. " I can see you're a very nice girl , and I think it is very worth it to help you. If it's one thing we want is for everyone to be happier. You've been through enough that you deserve better. "

Wow, Joshua's dad actually swears. Just wow.

Deep down, I was dying to accept it. I am not afraid to admit that was my dream, to actually get a life that I wanted so badly. To be free and cared for. But what did I deserve fpr Joshua and his family to treat so kindly. I could accept anyone's offer easily, but why was I having such a hard time now ? 

" Minju, please ? " it was the first time Joshua was pleading me . " Not just for me, but for you too ? "

I pursed my lips but I nodded reluctantly. " How can I say no ? "

They all sigh in relief, and Joshua's mom clasps her hands together . " This calls for a celebration, how about another round of SNAP tonight ? "

" I'll get the cards ! " Jane beamed.

" I'll order the pizza . " Mr Hong added.

" And I'll clean this up . " Mrs Hong said.

" I'll help you. " I offered, but this time it came out automatically. Mrs Hong didn't protest thi time , because she knew by then that was my way of showing that I was one step closer to them now, and they were regarded as the closest people to me. As I left the dining room-

" I'll be outside in the backyard, you can come over after you're finished with the dishes. " Joshua held me by my wrist and said to me.

" Okay. " I said and went into the kitchen.

His mom explained that they were leaving this weekend right after school break starts. When I ask about school, she replied that I didn't need to go to school anymore, at least for this year0end semester. That way , I could start of my last year when the new term opens. 

To be honest, I was quite grateful I didn't need to show up at school anymore for a while. One, rumors would soon be buzzing around the school about my absence. Trust me, last year when Luna Song didn't attend school since she had a kidney infection, by the time she returned people were accusing that she was got pregnant by one of the lacrosse players. I'd rather let these rumors of mine spread like wild fire around school when I wasn't there to know, I wanted to let things die down .

Two, I just didn't want to face Wonwoo.

Thinking back, I might've been too impulsive to kill myself. But who could accept that both of you had to break up because you were related ? I know I couldn't handle it. Why ? Because it was a problem that could never ever be fixed, even how hard you try. It was unchangeble, the most undeniably cruel joke on earth. 

I guess my old depression signs just kicked in.

To forget things, I headed out to the backyard, passing the living room. Jane and her dad were already playing the game and shouting random words, still they waved at me and asked if I wanted to join. I declined.

Out in the backyard, Joshua was sitting on the grass, reading a book again. I crept from behind him.

" Boo ! " I said loudly into his ear.

" Ouch ! Not that loud..." he said.

" I thought you were gonna get scared..." I said, embarassed.

" I could hear your footsteps a mile away, of course I knew you were coming. " he chuckled, and he resumed back to reading.

I rolled my eyes and sat beside him. I looked up at the sky, into the clear starry horizon. The clusters of stars were so beautiful, but wrapped around the moon. Like they were inevitably attached to the big round circle in the middle.

" What are you looking at ? " Joshua asked as he closed his book. " I guess the stars are really pretty..."

" It's not that..." I said. " They look like they're all attached to the moon, like they can never escape. As if it's tying them down and not letting them go. " the more I explained what I saw, it just made me sadder.

" That's one of the interpretations, but not the only one. " Joshua said. " Try thinking it in a better way, see all the stars ? " he pointed at the sky.

I nodded.

" Well, imagine all those stars were each and every person on earth. And the moon isn't what's dragging them down, but a reminder no matter how old you get or how far you are or how much you change in time ; you're still who you are and it won't ever change. "

That indeed made me feel a whole lot better. I thought about it, " I think that's a way better explanation, why am I always thinking such sad thoughts? " I laughed sadly at my own depressing mind.

" It's okay to think like that. " Joshua said. " Why should we always have happy thoughts ? You just need to balance those two emotions, that's the key. "

I glanced at his book , " Wasn't that the book you were reading in the bus the other day ? "

" Yep."

I frowned, " Why are you reading it over again? "

He held the book and flipped the pages, " Sometimes the things that we want to visit again or reread , even though you've practically done it a hundred times before; wanting to do it again, that's what makes it precious. "

I sighed, " Sometimes I wish I could just look at things better... like you do. You seem so sure about stuff, about me, That I'm worth your help. "

" I am sure. " he looked at me sternly. " There's no reason to not help someone, and of course you can look at things better. And it's not relying on meds trust me. "

" But how am I gonna change ? It's not like it's going to be easy." I pulled my knees against my chest, like a lost child.

Joshua put his hand on my back, comforting me. " You'll see by the time we get to Auckland, trust me. "

" Hmm, it's going to be my first time boarding a plane. It's kinda scary thinking about it. " it was such a random statement, I felt embarassed saying it out loud. 

Intsead, Joshua laughed at me. " Everyone feels that way, it's so weird ! "

" Well, yeah ! It's like flying, who doesn't like flying ? " I reasoned.

He just shook his head and smiled at me, " True... True..."

Then Mrs Hong called us in to eat pizza together.