~ Flashback ~ 

Joshua looked out the window in his class, it was autumn now. The crimson and orange sight of the fallen leaves left an impresion of vampires. Weird, huh ? He kew that too, everyone would frown at him when he said that. It was a common reaction.

To him, they really reminded him of vampires. The girls kept gushing about Edward Cullen, the Twilight Saga... While people just liked to hear about it and watch the movies and fangirl over them, Joshua preffered to get to know stuff in depth. He bought the whole series and read it. That's where he thought fallen leaves linked to vampires. 

Fallen leaves were beautiful, but dead. Exactly. Like. Vampires. Beautiful but dead. 

None of his friends were in this class with him ( it was English ). Teddy and Brook were in Science and Lara and Izzy were in History. Miss Privet, the English teacher was on lift, so the whole class was left to fend for themselves. The boys were already starting some kind of swordfight with the brooms, the girls were chatting and drawing. What could you expect from twelve year olds ? 

Joshua might've been an exception.

It always looked amazing in Autumn in New Zealand. The problem, Joshua didn't know how to draw fallen leaves. So he couldn't capture that scene. It was a shame, Lily loved Autumn. She was not in this class, she was way up in the left wing, on the other side of the school.

Oh well, there was always reccess.

..............................................................................................................................................................................................................................................
" They look so pretty, don't they ? " Lily asked Joshua as they walked on the stepping stones guiding them through the lane. 

" Yeah, like vampires. " Joshua explained. " They're dead, but beautiful. "

Lily turned to look at him, and she shook her head in disbelief. " You're weird, Joshua. " then she cocked her head and smiled, " But I like it too. "

Joshua blushed, " You do ? "

She nodded. He couldn't get over how pretty she was. she looked like an angel. Her rich brown and wavy hair, her rosy cheeks, perfect hazel eyes... He loved her, everything about her. 

" You're pretty, too. " he blurted. 

Lily raised an eyebrow, " What did you say, Joshua ? " 

" N-nothing ! " he stammered. " W-we better get going, the teachers might get worried. " and he grabbed her wrist so they could keep on walking.

" Ow ! Not so hard, Joshua ! " she winced. 

Joshua let go immediately, Lily was rubbing her wrist attentively. He didn't even touch it too hardly, why did it hurt?

" Are you hurt, Lily ? " he asked, concerned. " Did I hurt you ? "

" N-no..." she lied. " It's nothing. "

" You're lying, Lily. " he said. " I know you, why are you lying ? "

" I-" she hesitated. " It's nothing you should know. "

She was caught off guard, he grabbed her wrist and pulled up her sleeve. There were slash marks, of a whip. And on her forearm, the bruises were turning bluish-green. Joshua stared in shock, he let go and Lily quickly pulled down her sleeve. 

" I told you it was nothing you should know. " she said, her voice small and fragile. 

" Of course I need to know ! " he demanded. " Lily, please tell me. " he was desperate.

Lily, that girl who always kept a smile on her face, was suddenly cracking. She looked broken. " I don't want you to get into trouble with them, Joshua. Trust me, you're too improtant to me. "

" Who's ' them', Lily ? " he started to sound scared. 

" My parents..." it came out as a whisper, she looked scared even just mentioning them. 

Joshua couldn't believe her words. Of course he never met Lily's parents before, but he always thought her parents must've been nice people to have a daughter like Lily. Parents that would never hurt their own child. 

" You have to tell someone, Lily. " he said, as scared as she was. " You have to. "

" No ! " she shook her head. " I can't. "

" Or I can help you tell-"

" No, Joshua ! " she raised her voice." I don't want you getting involved. You're my friend. "

" Well, you're more than my friend ! And I don't want you getting hurt. Not like this, not ever. " he protested. 

" I'm begging you, please don't get yourself into this. " she pleaded. " You're the most important person to me..." and then she was crying.

He couldn't stand seeing people cry, especially girls, especially Lily. All the anger and urge in him instanty faded, and his gaze softened. 

" You're more important to me than I'm to you, Lily. " he said. " Nothing can change that." and he took a step forward and hugged her. He wasn't sure if that was as friends, or more than that, or somehwere in between. But overall, he just wanted to comfort her and make her stop crying.

" Promise me, no matter what, you won't get into trouble. " she sniffled. " And you won't forget me, like I'm never ever ever gonna forget you. "

He nodded and soothed her back with his hand, " I promise, I will never ever ever forget you. "

~ End of flashback ~ 

I woke up with the sun peeking through the windowsill and entering me and Jane's bedroom. The curtains we had were translucent white lace fabric, so it was pretty easy for light to pass through. 

I blinked a few times and checked the time, 5:45 a.m. . Suddenly, someone knocked on the door and caught me by surprise. I glanced at Jane, she was still sound asleep. I pulled away the covers and tiptoed towards the door to open it. I wasn't expecting Joshua to be standing infront of the room.

He was in his pyjamas, his hair messy. He glanced at Jane and mouth ' Ooh' . 

" It's five in the morning..." I whispered. " She's still sleeping. "

" Why aren't you ? " he quirked, his hands stuffed in his pockets.

" I just woke up. " I answered. " I was about to ask you the same question. Why are you awake and in your pyjamas ? " 

" I want to show you something. " he explained. " How long does it take for you to get ready ? "

I thought for a second, " Give me fifteen minutes for me to get ready and not waking anyone up. " and I silently closed the door.

There was no way I could shower quietly, it was impossible. I just prayed Jane was not going to wake up from the sound of the water splashing about, for god's sake I even dropped the bar of soap... I pulled on a black skater skirt and a maroon under sweater. It was so hard if you didn't own any normal T-shirts! I borrowed Jane's ribbon and tied up my hair, took out a pair of denim flats and tip toed towards the door. I was done in twelve minutes, minus I didn't need to dry my hair.

I opened the door-

He exited his room at the very same time, and we were facing each other, since our rooms were opposite each other. He looked surpirsed, and I was no better. Was this a coincidence? Because he was also wearing an under sweater the exact colour as mine, black jeans and denim chuck taylors. 

He got over it and laughed and shook his head, " Well, we certainly have chemistry. "

I grinned, " It's called telepathy. "

" I think more like the same taste of clothes. " he joked. And we both laughed. 

I held a finger up to my mouth, " Shh! We'll wake someone up ! "

He looked around and beckoned me with his head, " Let's go. " and I walked behind him since it was a one person corridor. 

" Where are we going ? " I asked. " Please don't let it be some rave or downtown party. "

He frowned and looked at me, " Why would I bring you to some place like that? Besides, I'm not a party guy. "

" Well, that's good to know. "

Joshua was allowed to drive on his own, so he borrowed his dad's white convertible. I hopped in and he drove off. I realized New Zealand's morning came early, I could clearly see the stars above slowly fading away and being replaced with the orange sunlight. Speaking of sunlight, it couldn't have been dawn already?

" We're gonna miss it ! " Joshua checked his watch. " Is it okay if we speed up a little bit ? "

" I don't mind. " 

He stepped on the pedal and the car's speed accelerated. We drove fast, and my hair was whipping through the wind. " If this were in the city, we'd get pulled over within minutes ! " I screamed.

He laughed, " But technically we're not in the city, and we're running out of time! "

I enjoyed it actually, and somehow some wild part in me took over. I stood up in the seat and loosened my ponytail, letting my hair whip freely in the wind. I must've looked like I was crazy, because Joshua pulled my back into my seat immediately.

" Wohoooooo! " I exclaimed. " That was so amazing ! " 

He laughed, " That's dangerous! "

" But it was fun ! " I defended myself. " Oh my god, that was the best ever! " And I threw my head back like a toddler.

Joshua kept on driving, " How do you feel? "

My hand rested on my chest, where my heart was thumping loudly. " I can feel my heart jumping out of my chest right now, it's scary but amazing..." I admitted.

" That," he smiled. " Is when you know you're enjoying yourself. "

He pulled over at the beach near Auckland, he quiclky got out the car. I did the same and ran after him, I took off my shoes as he did and we ran towards the beach.

The moist and sandy surface hit me in the feels, as I was barefeet. There I saw Joshua just staring at the horizon, not the ocean but the sky. I knew exactly what it was, the break of dawn. 

I've seen sun rises in so many movies, I thought it wouldn't make any difference seeing it now. But I realized I was wrong. Seeing it through other people's eyes and seeing it with your own made a big difference, because it's inexplicably different when you're completely there to see it all. That made it real.

I moved to stand beside him, and I breathed in the salty sea air. " It's beautiful..." I said, to both him and myself.

" I said I always find something changing or different everytime we come back, but ' this ' never changes. " he confessed. " It's beauty that never fades, it's immortal. Everlasting. "

We sat on the log lying stranded on the beach, so we wouldn't get our clothes wet. I picked up a twig and doodled on the ground, because I didn't know what else to say to Joshua. Then-

" I still wanna know why you were mad the other night..." he blurted. " I said I'd give you time to think about it, can I ask you now ? " he glanced at me. 

I pursed my lips, " Actually, I had no right to be mad at you. I'm not supposed to even have an opinion. "

" Well, you can start out by telling me..." he shrugged.

I hesitated, but eventually gave in. " Why didn't you tell me you weren't going to continue senior year? I didn't know you weren't going to be my locker neighbour anymore next year, why didn't you tell me sooner ? "

Joshua didn't reply for a while, and picked up another twig and started to scar the surface of the sand. " I never wanted anyone to know."

" Well, you could at least tell me. At least give me some sign or something? " I said, I knew I sounded like a brat.

He raised his eyebrow, " And then what ? Would you even care I wasn't nosing beside your locker anymore next year ? "

" Of course I care ! " I protested. " Joshua, why would you even say that ? "

He shrugged, " I thought it didn't matter. I made my decision, there's no chnaging that. So, are you mad that I'm transferring straight into college? "

I thought for a second, " Not really... I'm just upset you weren't even planning to tell me. Is that what you did when you transferred to our school? You just left without a word to your friends ? "

He sighed, " I had a reason, Minju. I had a reason to escape this place, the place I call home. " and he started to write something on the sand.

LILY SWANSON

" Who's Lily Swanson ? " I asked.

He looked away, " She was a girl I knew before I moved to Korea, she was the reason I moved anyway. "

" What? She must've scared you to death. " I tried to joke.

He stared down at the writing on the sand and stood up. He walked towards the sea and stood there. 

" She's dead. " he said. The words hung in the air. I didn't know what to say, because I generally didn't like talking about dead people.

I learned to not say anything that would hurt the person talking about it, " I can guess you two were close. " 

" We were. " he replied. " She died a year before I moved, her parents weren't good people. She didn't deserve them as parents, they didn't deserve her as their daughter. "

" How so ? " I kept asking.

He didn't turn back, " The police found her at home, she didn't come to school for a few days. They even asked me if I knew anything about it. "

" Did you ? "

" I did. But I was too scared to tell them sooner. " his voice sounded full of regret. " They found her in her house, she was already dead for two days. Tortured to death, the police said. But they found scars on her wrist, those didn't look like someone else did that to her. You know what I mean ? " 

I completely understood. Those scars were of her own, suicide marks. She slit her wrists, she wanted to kill herself. And now Joshua was taking the blame on himself.

" It wasn't your fault, Joshua. " I told him, even though that was one of the most cliche things people would say.

" It was to me. I didn't know better and I didn't think of the consequences if I kept it a secret. I caused her death, one of the closest people to me. My parents knew what was going on, and they didn't want to see me isolated from everyone again. I'm actually really grateful they sacrificed everything just so they could see me happy again. To be honest, no matter where I go, I'm always to tied to this place. That's why I come back here every summer, I can't leave for good. "

I've started to realize, that Joshua wasn't always the same person I knew. He didn't change, I just didn't get to know him well enough. I didn't know there was a part of him deep inside that pushed people away, that wanted to be left alone. I didn't know he already could love someone so much at a young age to feel guilt over someone he lost. I thought kids didn't know how to not be.

It occured to me that there had to be reasons for everything to happen. And sometimes those reasons might make no sense to us who are watching, but make total sense to the people that are currently in the situation. I experienced the exact same thing over and over again, but only now do I realize it. I was right, I wasn't in the place to question Joshua's choices, like the way he treated me and respected my choices. As long as I knew what we stood for and remember who we are.

Out of my instincts, I walked over to him and looped my arm around his. Maybe as friends, maybe not- I wasn't sure. But he didn't protest, and let me do my bidding as we gazed at the break of dawn.

" We better get going." he said. " My mom might get worried. "

" Or, " I tilted my head up to look at him. " We could make breakfast for them. I'm quite the cook, you know. "

He smiled and pinched my nose, " Sure you are, but make sure not to blow up anything. " and we laughed while we walked arm in arm back to the car.

Maybe that was the difference between knowing someone from afar and getting to know them up close, you could see the cracks in them that made perfectly imperfect and real.

* sorry if this chapter was a little long ! I just couldn't stop writing ! And hooray, long holidays finally here , so expect more to come ! ENJOY~