Minju, my dear Minju.

Was there ever a name more beautiful than your name, Jeon Minju ? Whenever I say it out loud, or hear anyone speak of it ; my heart rings like a bell. Funny isn't it, a ringing heart ? But that's the best way I can describe what I feel. That's what I feel whenever you talk to me, or just smile. I don't know how to explain it to you, but you were always different to me. And you still are. 

Why have I written this letter to you ? Because I'm not the kind of person to express what I feel, that's not me. I shut everything out, I don't talk. But I love words, see, strange of me isn't it ? So I figured, I could be completely honest if I didn't say it out loud but pour every bit of my feelings onto a paper. For you to read, to understand, and hopefully to accept it. 

Do you know I've been reading ever since I was little ? I'm not going to lie, my first novel was  A Tale Of Two Cities by Charles Dickens. I read it with an open mind and heart, and it's normal for kids to not know how to not be. Maybe that's the beauty of it all when you're a kid and you accept what you gain as a blessing. I felt the most complete despair of Sydney Carton in the story, because he had no hope for the woman he loved would love him back. The ending ? He still saved her family by death, because he loved her. 

I would have chosen death for a chance to tell you the truth, Minju, for I want you to know that I want the same honor to you, even if it means death. Lily felt like a haven to me, and I still wish she were here. When she left, I felt like everything I believed in about love was fake. ' True love never dies, it keeps following you wherever you go ' , I've always believed that until Lily's death. I shut everyone out, including my own conscience. I thought I would never love another as much as my love for Lily, but I suppose I was wrong.

You changed me, Minju. For the better, or I wouldn't have been the person I am today. On the day I found you lying in your bed, just bleeding like you were going to die ; I became scared all over again. I was scared, the person I loved was going to leave me again. I didn't wait for an ambulance, I carried you all the way to the hospital. I didn't want to lose you, because you mean so much to me. 

I Love You, Minju. And I don't think anyone will ever know the true meaning of love, because it's full of infinities. To me, it's a measuring to how long and how much you hold on to the person you have loved for a life time. And my love for you is a lifetime's worth. Damn me whenever you can, or say that what I'm saying will never make a difference ; but I think it's better to express what you feel about someone. About you. 

You don't have to be perfect, Minju. Perfect is dull. Your imperfection is what made me love you all these years, and I still am. Now we're eighteen, I think we should have better understanding about life. What you are, who you are, that's just makes you different from everyone else. And you're absolutely beautiful to my eyes, Minju. Life is not an easy road for you, my Minju. When people look at you, they see this helpless girl that needs help who's trapped in her own world of problems. But to me, whenever I look at you, I see this strong, amazing, beautiful girl that I've been loving for the past five years. You're not a replacement of Lily, there will always be a place for her in my heart in memory. You're different, you're somewhat of a miracle to me. I have learned to not question miracles, or complain that they are not constructed perfectly to one's liking. Miracles happen to make a difference, you were the miracle that made the difference.

To the beautiful you, my dear Minju,

Joshua Hong.

I sat on my bed, awake for quite a while. The letter cutched tenderly in my hands, unread. I couldn't bear myself to repeat what I read. I was too scared to even try to understand what Joshua wrote. 

He called me beautiful, that was enough to make me unsure of what to think about. All this time, he hid the letter in the book. He was hoping me to read it, and he was waiting for my answer. Honestly, my whole mind and body was not working properly. I didn't know what to do, at all. The situation I was in, it was harder than rejecting someone, because it wasn't like I had no feelings for him at all.

But were the feelings I had for him were the same of his to me ? 

There was a thin line between liking someone genuinely and liking someone after they say they like you, which one was I ? The truth was, I had a feeling I'd known his feelings from the start, only I ignored it. All his good intentions, and I pushed them aside as a friend. He was still a friend, only he wanted to be more than that. He had given me the chance to decide myself, whether I wanted to accept it. Only...

I didn't want to decide anything.

It hit me, like a gust of wind. I realized, once and for all, what was I doing wrong this whole time. I knew everything that happened around me, only I just wanted to see it all, not to get involved in it. I was scared to feel, scared to know what real feelings were. After all the heartbreak I'd been through, I was too scarred to even dare myself to start feeling loved again.

To me, love already was like glass. It was fragile and could break if we were not careful, the worst part was it scattered everywhere and would cut us and make us bleed. It would hurt us. I was too afraid to touch it again. Joshua said I changed him, into a better person as he is now. Was I really capable of doing that ?

Maybe I was, because he felt loved. I unintentionally gave it to him, a chance to heal. It all made sense that he was right, the measure of love was infinite. It wasn't just glass that could hurt people, it also had the power to mend our heart.

I knocked on his door, my hands growing cold and numb. When he opened the door, everything that I had memorized to say completely vanished. His hair was damp from showering, wearing a blue long sleeve and jeans. He looked younger without all the dressing up, he looked like a normal teenager. He looked so handsome.

" Minju ? " he looked much more surprised than usual, maybe because my eyes were starting to get watery. Then he saw the letter I was holding, his eyes darted towards me. " Minju, I'm sorry if you didn't like it-"

" Just close the door. " I cut him off.

He said nothing, and closed the door behind me. His room was clean and tidy, only not as nerdy as I expected. A whole cupboard dedicated to his books, nice art in frames hung on the wall, his beloved guitar settled nicely on his chair. My back was turned, so he couldn't see my expression.

" I see you've found the letter. " he sais awkwardly. " So, uh, that was what I was thinking this whole time. "

" You really felt that way ? " I asked cautiously. 

He walked up to me, " I wanted to tell you straight away, but everytime I look at you, I can't. "

I slowly turned to face him and took a step closer, his face was placid with incomfort. I wanted to make him be himself. " Why ? " I asked.

He shrugged, " I'm not good at talking. " he was creeping into a faint smile, that smile that I've always loved.

" Well, I'm good at talking. " I slowly edge even closer to him until we were touching. " So let me tell you everything I've been holding inside of me. Will you,      Joshua? "

He slowly nodded, " You have my attention, and all the time you need. " he said gently.

I tilted my head to look up at him, " Those were the most beautiful things anyone has ever wrote to me, or said, in your case. " I admitted.

He chuckled a little, " I wasn't lying, they were true. "

I don't know who made the first move, but he slowly laced his fingers with mine. Even so, I could feel his hands shaking . I squeezed them, since I was finding it hard not to. 

" I've written so many love letters, to every boy I ever loved. " I continued. " But none of them can compare to yours, and I don't like to question miracles, you were the miracle. And you don't care how imperfect I am, or how blind I was to not give you a chance. I'm saying all this, because, " I took a deep breath to stop the tears from flowing out. " Because I love you, Joshua Hong. I love you so much. "

He brushed his thumb under my cheekbone, that was a new feeling to me. He was quiet, but his gaze held me steady. He grinned and our foreheads were touching. I liked our situation now, and I appreciated the privacy we had. His hands were on my waist, this was the first time a boy was touching me like this. I was a hopeless romantic, but this was my first personal romantic scene.

" I could kiss you right now..." he whispered.

" Kiss me then. " I replied softly.

He was a surprisingly good kisser. As soon as I said that, he leaned towards me and kissed me soundly on the lips. No more playful pecks on the forehead or cheeks, he just kissed my lips. I closed me eyes, wanting to remember every second of it as I was in his arms. It wasn't the awkwardness with Seungcheol, or the feeling around Jeonghan, neither Wonwoo. This felt, right.

My hands were around his neck, and he was holding me closer. He tasted of tea leaves and sea breeze, the way autumn felt, the way it was to love someone as much being loved. His hands reminded me of the multiple times he used it to play the guitar, with care and gentleness. He was being very careful with everything, he wasn't holding me too hard, he just made sure I was okay. I loved that about him.

" Don't stop, please..." I murmured to him. 

He broke away as I was quite reluctant, and he smiled while holding me even more closer. " I never said I was going to. " he said softly. " But wait a moment and listen to what I'm going to say, my Minju. "

" Am I your Minju ? " I burried my face into his chest, partly so he couldn't see the joy spread across my face.

" Yes. " he my hair. 

" What do you want to say ? " 

He planted a light kiss on my lips, " Stay with me, be with me. Don't ever let me go, hold on to me like I've been doing for so long. Just promise me that, can you ? "

I cupped his face with my hands, and kissed him back. " I promise, Joshua. You're so important, of course I promise. You're a dream that came true, my dream. "

" I love you so much..." he kept on saying, his gaze steady.

" I love you more..." I answered, and giggled as he embraced me. I felt so safe in his arms, that feeling when you know that person you love and loves you back won't ever let you go.

" I love you most..." he said before kissing me all over again.

Love really was like glass, it cuts you and makes you bleed ; it leaves a scar, yes. But it's to remind us to love others harder, so they wouldn't slip away.

I was never ever going to let him slip away.