This chapter is going to be super long, so please prepare your eyes

 

And one more thing , Listen to this song just to understand Yuri's feeling in this chapter

 

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/hVj6VfCa2Uc

 

 

 

CONTINUES From Chapter 46 

 

 

 

Oh.

 

 

 

My.

 

 

 

Goodness.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I become weaker and weaker with every rhythmic movement she creates with our bodies.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I find whatever parts of her I can hold on to, because I feel as if I’m falling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grab her shirt and her hair while I moan softly into .

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When she feels the sound escape my throat, she quickly pulls away from my mouth and squeezes her eyes shut, breathing heavily.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When she opens her eyes again, she’s staring at my throat.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She pulls her hand from beneath my shirt, then slowly brings it up to my neck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, my dear, sweet God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She wraps her fingers around my neck, gently pressing her palm into the base of my throat while she stares at my mouth.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The thought of her wanting to feel what she’s doing to me makes my head swarm and the entire room spin.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m somehow able to glance into her eyes long enough to see them transform from a calm desire to an almost carnal need.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

With her other hand still curved around the back of my head, she pulls me to her with more urgency, covering my mouth with hers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The second her tongue finds mine again, I give her more moans than she can possibly keep up with.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

This is exactly what I’ve wanted from her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve wanted her to show up and tell me how much she’s missed me. I’ve needed to know that she cares about me, that she wants me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve needed to feel on mine again so I could know that the way her first kiss made me feel wasn’t just in my head this whole time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now that I have it, I’m not sure I’m strong enough for it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know that the second this ends and she walks out the front door, my heart will die all over again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The more I open up to her, the more I need her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The more I admit to myself that I need her, the more it hurts to know that I still don’t exactly have her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m still not convinced that she’s here for the right reasons. Even if she is here for the right reasons, it’s still wrong timing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Not to mention all the questions still running through my head.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I try to push them away, and for brief moments, it works.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When her hands graze my cheek or her lips close over mine, I forget all about those questions that I can’t seem to run away from.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But then she’ll pause to catch her breath, and she’ll look me in the eye, and all those questions just cram right back into the front of my head, until they’re so heavy that they’re forcing more tears to want to escape.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I clench her arms when the uncertainty begins to take over.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I shake my head and try to push against her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sh pulls away from my mouth and sees my doubt building, and she shakes her head to get me to stop analyzing this moment between us.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Her eyes are pleading as she my cheek, pulls me flush against her, and tries to kiss me again, but I struggle out of her arms.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Yuri, no,” I say. “I can’t.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m still shaking my head when her hand grips my wrist.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I slide off her lap and keep walking until her fingers fall away from me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I walk straight to the kitchen sink and dispense soap into my hands, then begin scrubbing the ink off my arm.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I reach into a drawer and pull out a rag, then wet it and press it to my neck.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Tears are streaming down my cheeks as I try to wash away the reminders of what just happened between us. The reminders are going to make her that much harder to overcome.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yuri comes up behind me and places her hands on my shoulders.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She turns me around to face her. When she sees that I’m crying, her eyes fill with apology, and she pulls the rag from my hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She brushes the hair off my shoulder and gently rubs my skin, washing away the ink.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She looks incredibly guilty for making me cry, but it’s not hers fault. It’s never her fault. It’s no one’s fault.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s both our faults.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When she’s finished rubbing away the ink, she tosses the rag behind me onto the counter, then pulls me against her chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The comfort that surrounds me makes this even harder.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want this all the time. I want her all the time. I want these tiny snippets of perfection between us to be our constant reality, but that can’t happen right now.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I completely understand her earlier comment, when she said that there are times she misses me and times she wishes she never met me, because right now, I’m wishing I never set foot out onto my balcony the first time I heard her guitar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I never experienced how she could make me feel, then I wouldn’t miss it after she’s gone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I wipe my eyes and pull away from her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s so much we need to discuss, so I walk to the couch, retrieve our phones, and bring Yuri's to her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I move away from her to lean against the other counter while I type, but she grabs my arm and pulls me back.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She leans against the bar and pulls my back against her chest, then wraps her arms around me from behind.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She kisses the side of my head, then moves her lips to my ear.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Stay here,” she says, wanting me to remain pressed against her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s crazy how being held by someone for just a few minutes can forever change how it feels not to be held by her.