Yuri POV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I pile a few things into a bag, hoping I’ll actually need it once I get to her house.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I have no idea if Taeyeon will even allow me to step through her front door, but the only thing I can do right now is be optimistic, because the alternative is unacceptable. It just is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I refuse to accept that this is it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know she’s hurt, and I know she hates me right now, but she has to understand how much she means to me and how my feelings for Jessica were never intentional.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I clench my fists again, wondering why in the hell I ever had those conversations with Jessica in the first place.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or why I failed to delete them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I never thought Taeyeon would be in a position to read them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I guess in a way, I just didn’t feel guilty. The way I’ve felt toward Jessica wasn’t something I wanted to happen, but the feelings are there, and refusing to act on them since our initial kiss has taken a hell of a lot of effort.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In an oddly sadistic way, I’ve actually been proud of myself for being able to fight it the way I have.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But Taeyeon won’t see that side of it, and I completely understand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I know Taeyeon, and if she read all the messages, she’s more upset about the connection I’ve made with Jessica than she is over the fact that I kissed Jessica.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The feelings I have for Jessica aren’t something I’m sure I can talk my way out of.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I grab my bag and my phone and head into the kitchen to pack the laptop.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

When I reach the counter, I notice a piece of paper peeking out from the computer. I find a sticky note stuck to the screen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yul,

 

 

 

It was never my intention to read your personal stuff, but when I opened your laptop, it was all right there in front of me. I read all of it, and I wish I never saw it. Please give me time to process everything before you show up. I’ll contact you when I’m ready to talk in a few days.

 

 

 

Taeyeon

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

A few days?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

God, please don’t let her be serious. There’s no way my heart will survive this for a few days.

 

 

 

 

 

I’ll be lucky if I make it through the end of today knowing how I’ve made her feel.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I toss my bag back toward my bedroom door since I won’t need it for a while. I lean forward in defeat and rest my elbows on the bar, crumpling the note up in my fist. I stare down at the laptop before me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Piece of computer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why the hell didn’t I have a password on it? Why the hell didn’t I take it with me when I left the hospital? Why the hell didn’t I delete everything? Why the hell did I even write anything to Jessica in the first place?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’ve never hated an inanimate object as much as I hate this computer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I slam the screen shut and bring my fist down on top of it with all my strength. I wish I could hear it crack. I wish I could hear the sound my fist makes each time I bring it down forcefully.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I want to hear it crushed beneath my fist the same way my heart feels crushed inside my chest.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I stand up straight and pick the laptop up, then slam it down on the bar.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I see Donghae exit his bedroom out of the corner of my eye, but I’m too pissed to care if I’m making too much noise.