This chapter is going to be super long, so please prepare your eyes

 

And one more thing , Listen this song just to understand Jessica's feeling in this chapter 

 

 

 

https://youtu.be/ySrsdn6QQRY     

 

 

 

 

 

Jessica POV

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Sound triggers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They happen a lot, but mostly when I hear certain songs.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Especially songs Jun and I both loved.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

If I listen to a song during a particularly depressing period, then hear it later on down the road, it brings back all the old feelings associated with that song.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There are songs I used to love that now I absolutely refuse to listen to.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

They trigger memories and feelings I don’t want to experience again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My text tone has become one of those sound triggers.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Namely, Yuri’s text tone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

It’s very distinct, a snippet from the demo of our song “Maybe Someday.”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I assigned it to her after I heard the song for the first time.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’d like to say that sound trigger is a negative one, but I’m not so sure it is.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The kiss I experienced with her during the song certainly led to negative feelings of guilt, but the kiss itself still turns my heart into a hot mess just thinking about it.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

And I think about it a lot. Way more than I should.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

In fact, I’m thinking about it right now as the snippet of our song pours from the speakers of my cell phone, indicating that I’m receiving a text.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

From Yuri.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I honestly never expected to hear this sound again.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I roll over on my bed and stretch my arm to the nightstand, my now-trembling fingers grasping at my phone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Knowing that I’ve received a text from her has once again wreaked havoc with my organs, and they’ve forgotten how to function properly.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I pull the phone to my chest and close my eyes, too nervous to read her words.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Beat, beat, pause.

 

 

 

 

 

Contract, expand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Inhale, exhale.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I slowly open my eyes and hold up the phone, then unlock the screen.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yul: Are you home?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Am I home?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Why would she care if I were home?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She doesn’t even know where I live.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Besides, she made it pretty clear where her heart’s loyalty resided when she told me to move out 3 weeks ago.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But I am home, and despite my better judgment, I want Yuri to know I’m home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I’m tempted to respond with my address and tell her to come find out for herself whether or not I’m home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Instead, I go with something safer.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Something less telling.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me: Yes.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I pull the covers off and sit up on the edge of the bed, watching my phone, too afraid even to blink.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yul: You’re not answering the door. Am I at the wrong apartment?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Oh, God.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I hope she’s at the wrong apartment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Or maybe I hope she’s at the right apartment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I can’t really tell, because I’m happy she’s here, but I’m pissed off that she’s here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

These conflicting feelings are exhausting.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I stand and run out of my bedroom, straight to my front door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I peer through the peephole, and sure enough, she’s at my front door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Me: You’re outside my door, so yeah. Right apartment.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I look out the peephole again after hitting send, and she’s standing with her palm flat against the door, staring at her phone.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Seeing the pained expression on her face and knowing it derives from the battle her heart is going through makes me want to swing open the door and throw my arms around her.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I close my eyes and press my forehead to the door in order to give myself time to think before making any rash decisions.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

My heart is being pulled toward her, and I can’t think of anything I want more right now than to open this door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

However, I also know that opening the door won’t do either of us any good.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She just broke up with Taeyeon a matter of weeks ago, so if she’s here for me, she can turn right around and leave.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

There’s no way anything could work between us when I know she’s still heartbroken over someone else.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I deserve more than what she can give me right now. I’ve been through too much this year to let someone screw with my heart like this.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She shouldn’t be here.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Yul: Can I come in?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I turn until my back is pressed against the door.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I clutch the phone to my chest and squeeze my eyes shut.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I don’t want to read her words. I don’t want to see her face.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Everything about her makes me lose sight of what’s important, what’s best for me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

She isn’t what’s best for my life right now, especially considering what she’s gone through in her own life, and I should walk away from this door and not let her in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

But everything in me wants to let her in.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Please, Sica.” The words are almost an inaudible whisper through the other side of the door, but I definitely heard them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Every single part of me heard them.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

The desperation in her voice, combined with the simple fact that she spoke, completely slays me.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

I allow my heart to make my decision for me this time as I slowly face the door.

 

 

 

 

 

Please Subscribe to read the full chapter