Present Day

After those words I start to walk to my car.  I have the necklace in my hands. I can feel the cold of it between my fingers.  I am not looking back cause I know you are watching how I am getting away from you.  Maybe you don’t know I am still listening, so you start to cry. I hear your sob and my eyes start to fill with water, that’s when I start to run.  When I reach my car I turn on the radio.  It’s like heaven and hell had prepared it for me: one of your favorite bands is playing a song you really like:  “Abducted” by Cults.  I guess the lyrics describes how you feel, and I guess also describes how he felt once.

December 2^nd 2011

“I am sorry Jonghyun, I have to go”  Yoona said, packing all her stuff, running. 

“Wait, what happened?”  Jonghyun tried to incorporate but he was too weak. Yoona saw him and sat next to him.

“I will call you, I promise” she said crying.

When Yoona arrived to SNSD’s dorm Sooyoung was there, cooking.  Yoona went directly to ther kitchen and hugged her.

“What’s wrong?” Sooyoung asked, leaving what she was doing and hugging Yoona back.  Both sat on the couch while Yoona told Sooyoung everything. Sooyoung listened patiently, sometimes caressing Yoona’s head.

“This is a big mess” Sooyoung said after Yoona finished. “The most important thing is that you kissed Jonghyun, so that means you wanted to start something with him right?”  Sooyoung asked.

“Yes, I just can’t see Tabi Oppa in that way.  He has a girlfriend.  Although…”

“What?”

“The way he confessed, it semmed so real.  I can’t stop thinking about him”

“Yongie, I think you need to think really careful who you want to be with.  Yes, you kissed Jonghyun, but you keep talking about TOP and that’s not fair”

“The problem is, I don’t think I am in love of any of them.  I cannot understand how they love me? They barely know me.  They have spent so little time with me, that’s why I cannot decide who I like the most”

“Well, love is complicated. It could take years for you to understand how much you really loved someone, and other times, like Jonghyun and Seunghyun, you just know it”

December 25^th  2011

The events for the last days of the year were more than weird.  One couple was born and one heart was bleading.

It started in the morning.  It was the last rehersal for KBS Awards and since Big Bang was invited to perform Yoona knew she was going to see TOP there.  Yoona, hadn’t seen any of the boys, she, influenced by Sooyoung, cut down communication with both Jonghyun and TOP.  She was trying to figure her fellings before talking to them, but on the 25^th she sent Jonghyun a message suggesting they needed to talk. Jonghyun rapidly answer.  They decided to meet after Yoona’s rehersal.  Jonghyun was supposed to go for Yoona and take her for dinner.

At seven am on the 25^th Yoona was practicing her lines with Lee Seunggi.  They were the official MC’s.  Seunggi could tell Yoona was really distracted because she was doing a lot of mistakes.  Suddenly the front door opened and all the idols invited to perform appeared: Big Bang, IU, T-ara and 2NE1.  Yoona saw Seunghyun and his panic mode grew. Luckly the director told everyone to take a rest and go for lunch.

“Sorry Oppa, I did terrible today.  I guess im just excited”  Yoona said, talking to Seunggi but looking at Seunghyun. Seunggi only smiled and nodded.  Around Yoona he was speechless, completely clueless, incapable of saying anything. “Well, maybe after I eat I can concentrate more.  See you later Oppa.  Have a good lunch” Yoona said, bowing and walking away.

“Someday maybe I will be able to say something, something important.  That day maybe I will found more about you.  That someday someday will arrive” Seunggi said, watching Yoona running torwards an idol everyone knew as TOP. 

“Oh, Hello!” Yoona said bowing to Big Bang “Where is Daesung Oppa?”  Yoona asked, looking for him.

“Yah, I was just telling everyone how you and I became very close and you are looking for Daesung?” TOP yelled, placing his right arm around Yoona’s neck.  That act could have been normal, despite the fact she blushed instantaneously, and then saw the girls from 2NE1 looking at them.

“Let go” Yoona said, pushing TOP playfully.  “I don’t know who lied to you and said you and I were close”  GD and Taeyang immediately started to clap and laugh at TOP.

“I told you she was special” TOP said to Taeyang and GD.  “By the way, Jiyong wants an autograph.  He says you are the prettiest idol” TOP said.

“And I still think it.  In person you are like a doll” GD said, smiling to Yoona.

“Woo, you are really straightforward.  I like you”  Yoona said, smiling back.

“And I like you” TOP said looking at Yoona and caressing her head.  This time all the girls of 2NE1 came closer. Yoona felt Bom’s gaze over her, but TOP never turned to Bom, he looked at Yoona all the time, until Yoona excused herself to go to the bathroom.  Yoona was washing her hands when Bom entered the bathroom too. 

“Yoona ssi, can we talk?” She asked, friendly.

“Sure unnie”  Yoona said, afraid od what Bom had to say.  They went into Yoona’s dressing room.

“I’ll go to the point.  Do you have any feelings for Seunghyun? “ Bom asked as soon as they sat.

“What?” Yoona asked, shocked.

“You must know, I know about the message he sent to you.  I am not trying to be mean or anything but, I know him.  There are no secrets between Seunghyun and I. We are more than a couple. We are true friends. So, if I let him go I need to be sure I leave him with a person that loves him more than I do” Bom was really serious.

“Unnie, I won’t be mean neither but don’t you think this should be something Tabi Oppa and I need to talk?”  Yoona said in the most respectful tone.

“So you know about the message.  Seunghyun thinks you know nothing.  If you know about his feelings, why you didn’t say anything?” Bom asked, this time angry.

“I just found out.  I didn’t know what to tell him…”

“Please tell him no”  Bom suddenly said.  Then, she started to cry.  “Please, don’t make him suffer.  I believe you are a good girl.  He is going to talk to you about his feelings.  What you have to do is tell him you want to be only her friend”

“Why would I do that?”

“Because im begging you.  I really, really love him, and I can make him happy, and you don’t.  You don’t love him as much as I do, and you will never understand, so please, he has suffered a lot.  This is a request from your Unnie.  I will never ask you for anything in my entire life, just this favor”  Bom got up and sat on her knees. 

“Don’t do that Unnie, please, get up “ Yoona said.  “I don’t want to see him suffer.  I was thinking a lot these days.  I met two boys, and I chosed one of them.  I chose him because I wanted to see him happy.  I just want to see Tabi Oppa happy.  But, it is true that you know him better, so, if you think he won’t be happy with me, then I think I have to let him go”.

December 31^st 2011

The Awards were done.  At the end of the Ceremony the girls from SNSD went to congratulate Yoona.

“Aigoo, my Yongie did perfectly.  I am so jealous.  I mean, you looked perfect girl”  Jessica said, hugging Yoona.

“Don’t lie to her or she will believe she is perfect”  Hyoyeon joked.  Yoona started to throw punches on Hyoyeon’s direction while her and Sooyoung laughed.

“But seriously, you did really good Im Yoona.  Now start to change cause we are going to the party”  Sunny said.

“Sure.  About that, do you think you can go first?  I’ll see you there.  I need to do some stuff first” Yoona replied.  All the girls left and Yoona was packing her stuff when someone knocked the door.  “Come in” Yoona yelled.

“Miss Yoona.  Congratulations.  Best MC ever” TOP said in a funny mood, raising his finger and moving his neck. Yoona started to laugh. “Close your eyes.  I have a present for you” Yoona obediently followed TOP’s instructions.  Seunghyun placed something in Yoona’s hand.  When she opened her eyes, she saw a fluffy light blue half moon.  It was the cutiest soft toy she had ever seen.

“It’s gorgeus.  Can it get any cuter? I don’t think so.  I love it.  Thank you Oppa”  TOP was smiling, arms crossed on his chest, looking at Yoona with loving eyes.

“I wanted to come early but all SNSD was here and it was too much for me to handle” Yoona looked at him rapidly, still hugging the moon.  She hid her face underneath her gift. TOP saw all the flowers in the room.  Yoona had received 7 white roses from SNSD and one pink, from Tiffany.  She also had a big ornament from Super Junior, and two smaller but still beautiful; one coming from 2pm and another from 2am.  Two groups that Yoona was really closed to.  But one of them was peculiar.  It was right in the middle of Yoona’s dressing table, inside a beautiful glass.

“This one is quite unique” TOP said, pointing at the flower.

“Well, it is called Lamprocapnos or bleading heart.  It’s from Japan”

“Who sent this?” TOP asked, raising an eyebrown.  “Your father?”

“No, a friend of mine.  You know him.  Jonghyun from CNBlue, do you remember him?” 

“This must be expensive why would he send something like this?” TOP asked.

“Because we are dating.  We started dating six days ago.  He came to look for me after the last rehersal and he proposed” Yoona said, looking down.  TOP’s smile faded.  His whole body became heavy.

“I need to tell you something” He whispered.  “I should have told you before.  I have no idea if this will change your mind…”

“About me dating Jonghyun? I don’t think so.  I love him”  Yoona lied. TOP was speechless.  This night was supposed to be a memorable one.  For the first time in his life he was going to declare his love for someone. Instead, this was a night he wanted to erase from his memory.  “Listen Oppa, I have to go, my members are waiting for me.  When you go out can you please shut the door?”  Yoona ran to the bathroom, and started to cry.  She hugged the half moon Seunghyun had given her as a present. She wanted to go back and hug him, and tell him everything was going to be alrigh, but she couldn’t.  She was dating Jonhyun now.  She really cared about Jonghyun, but it was a different kind of love, not even Yoona knew how to explain the way her body reacted everytime Seunghyun was close to her.  The way her heart raced when he smiled and how happy she was talking to him.  It was a different feeling.  Her heart was easy when she was with Jonghyun, maybe too comfortable.  She never felt alone and she could talk about anything with him.  She needed Jonghyun, but she desperately needed Seunghyun.  So knowing that she waesn’t good enough for him made her cry and feel apologetic. That also made her accept Jonghyun’s love when, after the rehersal on the 25^th he asked her to be his girlfriend.  Today Yoona was crying because she had made a mistake.  She felt bad towards herself, Jonghyun and Seunghyun.

Seunghyun remain in Yoona’s dressig room.  He was playing the flower Jonghyun had given Yoona.  He was serious, just caressing the flower, suddenly he started to sing a song from one of his favorite group, "Abducted" by Cults.

“She took my heart cause I really loved her.  She took my heart and left me bleading” TOP whispered.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9i1MXHGB8g0 

Hello everyone.  Once again, thank you for all your comments.  I really apreciate those readers who take the time to read and feedback my work.  So, i finished writing chapter 10, and i must say, in this chapter you will all know who Yoona is talking to in the begining, also who she chose, hang in there.  I wanted to ask you: would you be interested in a playlist with the songs i will be using for the next chapters? I already submited one song "Abducted" by cults, i don't know, maybe it will be easier to understand some parts of the chapters.