Present Day

Seunghyun and I wait to see Yoona.  The first people that was able to go into the room was her family.  When Yoona’s sister walks next to me she gently sobs my arm and smiles, but her smile fades when she sees TOP.

“Can i talk to you you?” Her sister asks Hyung, he looks at me and gives me a sign to go in first.  When I enter the room I see Yoona sleeping.  She is so beaitufl even in this situation.  I walk next to her and instinctively caress her hair, but something interrumpts me.

“Please, don’t do this to me.  I need to see her”  TOP yells.  I recognize this voice, he is getting mad.

“Get out now, you did enough already”  Yoona’s sister reply.  I turn around and Seunghyun enters running to the room where Yoona is.

“I don’t care, I love you and you know it”  he says before the male nurses force him to go out “DON’T LET ME GO”  He keeps yelling as security takes him out of the building.

December 2012.

Yoona was getting ready for her date, actually she was thinking it waesn’t really a date.  Jonghyun was going to pick her up to go to the music festival.  Yoona wore a plain t-shirt and jeans.  She had a cap and also a big coat due to the cold of the season.  Yet, she looked beautiful.  When Jonghyun picked her up he was wearing the same style.  Yoona looked at him and laughed.

“You and I really think the same don’t we?”  She commented as she fastened her seatbelt.

“That’s exactly what i was going to say” He replied laughing.

The rest of the drive was pleasant.  Although Yoona was a little insecure because she hadn’t gone out with Jonghyun in a long time, they managed to talk comfortably with each other.  To catch up.  Yoona was even more surprised to know Jonghyun was always alert about her issues.  He used to ask Seohyun for updates about their work and ask indirectly about her exgirfriend.  Yoona felt bad she didn’t insist that much when she tought Jonghyn had cheated on her, but maybe there was something hidden behind.  Something that made her feel like she didn’t had to ask for Jonghyun, something, or better said, someone called Seunghyun. When they arrived the festival they listened the music.  Jonghyun was really excited about the bands that were playing, but Yoona kept thinking how, many of the bands presenting that day were bands she knew only because of Seunghyun, and again, Seunghyun came to her mind,  Those days it was almost imposible for her not to think about him, about his laugh and looks, about his voice and eyes… Finally when they sat down to eat Yoona and Jonghyun started the conversation again.

“Do you think I have a chance to compete against Hyung?”  Jonghyun asked, not looking at Yoona but at the ramen they were about to eat.

“Well, you know me so much I think you already have the answer”  Yoona replied, also looking at her food.

“But still, many things can happen in one month”  Jonghyun said, not to continue the conversation, just like a sudden thought.

“That’s true, and i will tell you something”  Yoona looked at Jonghyun “no matter the choice, i love you.  I really do.  The only reason I was so hurt  when ChoA kissed you is because I really liked you, and I still do.  I love you because you understand me.  You are my other half, if other halfs exist.  You are like me, you are lonely and lost, and just like me you need to find someone who can assemble your pieces, not just someone who knows how you think, but someone who challenges you to think different”

“Is that what he does?”

“Yes.  One of the most brilliant ideas he has is…We don’t say I love you often right?”

“Because I love you must be used only with important people”

“But, what if we are all important people?  What if inside my heart I want to hear I love you.  Seunghyun says if you love someone you say it, in that exact moment, before you lose the opportunity.  I think that’s what happened to us, we lost our opportunnity”  Yoona honestly said.  Jonghyun looked at her and smiled bitterly.

“I love you Yoona.  I do.  And I see you have matured so much, and I am happy for you.  I love to see you happy Yongie”  Yoona took Jonghyun’s hand between hers.

 “I think we all have matured”

Yoona came back to her dorm.  As soon as she sat on the couch her phone rang.

“Yes?”

“My lovely Miss Yoona?  What’s going on? Just to be sure you are still chossing me right?”  Seunghyun asked smiling.

“Woo, you are really confident on yourself”  Yoona also smiled.

“Obviously.  Well I also wanted to remind you about our date.  This sunday, don’t forget”

“Of course not, I really want to see the planetarium”

“Liar, you want to see me”

“Yes, but shh!  It is a secret, something only we know, you and me”

“Of course, it is always you and me”When Yoona hang up she hugged the phone, it was one of those moments when the leading lady in the drama knows that man she just talked is her destiny.  Yoona was finally feeling like the leading lady of her life.

That sunday, before going to see Yoona, Seunghyun invited Jonghyun for a drink. Despite the constant complaint about not drinking Seunghyun dragged his friend to his house bar.

“Come on!  You need to take the sun often.  You are so pale”  Seunghyun said Jonghyun while preparing a drink for both of them.

“But I don’t drink, and I don’ like the sun”  Jonghyun complained again.

“Doesn’t matter.  You need to take care of yourself.  I am worried for you.  Yoona is worried for you.  You are so thin and tired, you are an idol remember?  And you are a good artist, so I won’t let you end with your life like this”  Seunghyun said, visibly worried.

“Well, if I had a doubt of why Yoona had fell for you, now i don’t have any”  Jonghyun said resigned.

“What, why?”  Seunghyun asked curious.

“Oh, come on, don’t make me say it”  But Seunghyun was still clueless “You are a good person.  You are handsome and a good person”  Jonghyun said pissed.

“No, that’s not it”  Seunghyun replied denying with head and hands.

“How do you know?”  Jonghyun asked.

“Because you are handsome and a good person and you know how to play the guitar.  You have a talet I don’t”  Seunghyun replied, also pissed.

“But you are handsome, a good person and you know how to rap” Jonghyun cheered on his friend.

“Yes, but you are handsome, a good person, play well he guitar and you are y”  TOP joked.

“Man, you are y, only your gaze is y”  Jonghyun said serious. Seunghyun looked at Jonghyun and laughed.

“Man, sorry, but i already like someone, and even if i didn’t i like girls”  Jonghyun laughed realized what he had done and laughed. 

“Yeah i think i took it to another level” And just like that, the once friends laughed the whole morning, not talking about Yoona or problems, just drinking and having a good time.

By the afternoon when Yoona arrived to the planetarium everything was lonely.  No one was there.  Only her, wearing a dress and using Jessica’s best make-up. When she entered the main room, the room to see the moon and starts, Seunghyun was already waiting for her, dressed in a suit.

“Is this thing on?”  He was testing the micrphone “Oh, Miss Yoona you are here”  Seunghyun said embarrased.  Yoona smiled. She ran to TOP and hugged him really hard.  “Hey, what’s going on? “  He was surprised.

“Nothing, I just missed you.  A lot”

“Me too”  Seunghyun said, hugging her back. “I was trying to sing soemthing to surprise you, but once again you surprised me first”  Seunghyun confessed.  “I prepared this today,  we are in the moon”

Yoona realized they were literally in the moon. She stopped hugging him and looked around. “Oppa, this is amazing.  Thank you.  I must really like you”  Yoona joked.

“More than that.  You already know the effect you have in me”  Seunghyun said, looking at her.

“Today I won’t say you are really chessy, but you know what I think”  Yoona joked once again.

“I cooked today.  Unfortunately it tasted horrible so I ended up buying dinner”  Yoona laughed.

“Well, i appreciate it.  Don’t worry”  Yoona then extended her arm. Seunghyun looked at her hand without knowing what to do. “Come on, I told you if we were on the moon I would walk holding hands with you”

“Sorry, but it is not enough” Seunghyun said, and then he rested his arm on Yoona’s shoulder.  She looked at him and rested her head on his chest.  They walked to the dining table and ate what Seunghyun bought  and then went to look at the stars. They were laying down on the floor, where Seunghyun prepared a blanket for them.  Yoona was using TOP’s arm as a pillow, she was looking at the stars but Seunghyun was looking at her.

“I whish I could spend more time with you, like today”  Yoona said and then turned to see Seunghyun.

“I had never had the necessity to change something in my life, but now I wish I would never becane an idol.  This career ruined all of my relationships, with my first girlfriend, with my parents, and my old friends too.  You are my only hope”  Yoona caressed Seunghyun’s face.

“I don’t regret beign an idol.  I wouldn’t have met Yoonchun Oppa wich means I would never have met you”

“You are really chessy”  Seunghyun teased Yoona.

“Well, i learn form you”  Seunghyun took Yoona by her waist and pulled her closer  “Seunghyun, i really want to be with you”  Yoona said, and then she started kissing TOP. When she was kissing his neck Seunghyun sttoped her.

“I just want you to know something.  Maybe all of this is perfect now but I… I am not perfect.  I always tend to screw things up.  I am emotionally unstable and…”  Yoona kissed him before he could continue.

“I am not perfect neither, and you said you would love me like this, so I won’t regret it.  But you will have to guide me, cause I am new at this”  Seunghyun laughed and touched Yoona’s nose with his. 

“But Miss Yoona, you were doing perfectly before I started talking.  Kissing my neck like a pro…”  Yoona got red.

“Stop!”  She yelled as she hid her face in his chest. Suddenly she felt how Seunghyun started her dress so she fought back  “So I will be able to see what every fan dreams of.  Big Bang’s T.O.P. body”  Yoona said laughing,  This time TOP got red and his his face inside the blanket.  At the end they started teasing each other so much that the whole day passed before they noticed. Finally TOP took Yoona back to her dorm.  When he parked infront Yoona looked at him one more time. “Next time you won’t scape, I will see your body”  She said, having fun.  

“Haha, next time I will kiss your neck”  Seunghyun .

“Next time I will undo your shirt”

“You are a complete ert”  Seunghyun commented and Yoona laughed. She got closer and kissed TOP. Then, she rubbed her nose against his.

“I love you”  She whispered.

“I love you”  He whispered back  “Wait for my call”  Seunghyun warned her as Yoona was getting off the car. But that call never came.  Yoona received a lot of calls from Yoonchun, Minho and Jonghyun but none from Seunghyun.  Yoona was getting worried.  It was completely weird to spend a whole week withouth knowing anything from TOP.  One day, she received a call from her sister;  she invited Yoona to have lunch.

“I heard you are dating Choi Seunghyun”  was the first thing her sister said after they ordered the food.

“No, but I want to.  I am just waiting for him to ask me”  Yoona said, angry at the tone her sister used.

“I thought you had better taste Little sis” Her sister was sarcastic.

“What that’s suposed to mean?  Please speak clearly, you know I hate when people is ambiguos”  Yoona was getting mad.

“Don’t get mad at me Yoona.  One of my dearest friend knows him.  She told me to warn you he only looks for one thing.  I thought you were going out with Jonghyun.  Listen I don’t know what happened with you and Jonghyun but Seunghyun…”

“Seunghyun loves me.  He has shown me how much he loves me, and sorry to dissapoint you, but I love him back.  I know about his past.  I know he has dated a lot of women, but we all have the opportunity to change our lives”

“A man don’t change only for love”

“You are right, but Seunghyun is not changing.  Seunghyun is finding himself.  Listen I need him as much as he needs me, and I won’t let you or anyone comes and talk about thing you don’t understand.   I appreaciate your concern but you can’t tell me this kind of thing if you don’t know him”

“But I am worried,  You are a beautiful woman who has everything.  As soon as he gets what he wants he is going to stop seeing you”  When her sister saw Yoona’s reaction she asked “Unless, Im Yoona, has Seunghyun stopped calling you?”  Yoona was about to reply when her phone began to ring.  When she saw GD number she rapidly answered, leaving her sister talking alone.

“It’s me, please tell me Seunghyun is fine”  was the first thing Yoona said.

“He asked me not to call you, but I don’t know what to do.  Please come, just be prepared for what you are going to see” 

Yoona hang up and grabbed her bag. 

“Are you leaving me like this?”  Her sister asked.

“Yes, I will ask him directly and if you are wrong sister, then you will have to apologize”  Yoona didn’t even said good-bye.  She was so angry she just drove all the way to TOP’s house in the hills.  When she arrived GD along with some of TOP’s friends (all man) where there.  Yoona greet them but she looked right away for Jiyoung.

“He won’t go out of his room.  Something hapened between you two?”  GD asked Yoona.

“No, we…we were perfectly fine but he stopped calling me after our last date”

“Well.  You must know Seunghyun suffers depression.  He is usually fine and controlled but when something shokes him he stays in his room for long periods of time.  He sleep and eat and take painkillers.  He is usually tired and unwilling to see anyone, but I think you are the only person who can help him.  The last time he was in this state was when you rejected him, but it was also you on Valentine’s day who brought him back to reality”  Yoona was shoked.  Hours later, when she went back to her house she kept thinkingTOP was trying to tell her about his disease that day on the planetarium, but right now she was going upstairs, to Seunghyun room.  When she arrived she knocked the door, but there was no response.  Yoona inhale deeply and opened the door. He was there.  Looking at the window lost, with red eyes as if he just finished crying.  He didn’t even bother to see who had opened the door.  His room was messy.  There was a strong smell of medicine combined with the food TOP hadn’t eaten, which was a lot. Yoona slowly walked next to TOP and sat next to him. It was then when he finally turned and saw her.  Tears came down of his face.

“I told them not to call you.  I didn’t wanted you to see me like this”  TOP said crying. Yoona took his face and hugged him.

“It’s fine, don’t worry.  To me you are still the most handsome candidate I’ve ever had”  Yoona tried to confort him, but TOP won’t recover, so Yoona asked. “What happened?  Everything was perfect a week ago.  What happened?”  Seunghyun looked at her and started caressing her hair.

“Reality”

“I don’t understand”

“I am sorry.  I should have been a better person, I hould have done things differently.  I hurt a lot of people before and now I don’t deserve to be happy, just like she said.  I thought as long as you loved me and I loved you everything was going to be fine, but it is not.  I can’t be happy, I don’t deserve it”

“Stop, stop.  I don’t know who is she, but it does not matter.  No one has the right to decide who deserves to be happy, and every person has the right to regret their past actions.  I don’t care what you did before.  I won’t even ask about your past.  I just care who are you now, and you are a good person, don’t let others make you believe you don’t deserve something”

“But, I treated bad a lot of girls.  I used them, I even used my best friend…”

“I know.  I know you were a playboy but, listen I don’t mind if you don’t mind, cause I don’t shine if you don’t shine. We are now togheter, it is you and me, and I will never let you go”  Yoona hugged Seunghyun tight, because he was still under medication, living half in reality half in his dreams.  He was beign tortured about his past.  Yoona stayed with him until Seunghyun fell asleep, then she took Seunghyun’s phone and recognized her sister’s number in the latest calls. She pressed that number.

“I won’t forgive this so easily.  I would never do this to you.  I hope you regret your actions, cause if you don’t you and I have nothing to talk about.  I know you sent your friend to remind Seunghyun he didn’t deserve me.  To remind him all the pain he caused in the past.  I just hope you know all those women who dated him were old enough to know he was looking for just one thing.  I am not justifying him, but most of those women wanted to brag about beign with Big Bang’s TOP, someone who was lonely and needed love.  I just wish you have talked to me first, before causing all this pain.  Don’t come over my house, I really don’t want to see you right now.  After all, my love for you won’tend, you are my only sister, like a mother to me, but I don’t want to talk to you right now”  Yoona inmeddiately hang up, before her sister could say something.  Then shen went back to the room and took care of Seunghyun.  Yoona didn’t know that two weeks later she was going to have an accident, that her sister was going to think Yoona was still mad with her, and that ultimately, was going to blame Seunghyun for not beign able to be in peace with Yoona if she died. Yoona didn’t know her sister waesn’t going to let Seunghyun go into the hospital room to see her when she was fighting against death.