Present Day

I drove as fast as I could to the hospital.  When I arrive is a complete chaos there.  Yonghwa is hugging Seohyun so hard, i cannot see her face.  I turn around and see SNSD leader’s eyes lost.  That guy from EXO is trying to make her come back to reality.  Yuri is crying, she can’t stop.  Jessica is hugging her knees and hiding her face between them.  Hyoyeon is caressing Sooyoung’s hair, telling her everything will be fine. Sunny is making calls like crazy.  She is trying to reach Yoona’s family.  Tiffany is probably the most calm.  She is filling the papers neded for the surgery.  Finally my eyes stop at him.  Seunghyun is the most affected.  He is the male version of Taeyeon, but worst.  TOP is using his hearphones.  I know what he is listening, because he has a tape of Yoona’s voice too, like the one i listened in the ocean.  After looking at him for a while I realize his hands are drawing a pattern on the Swarovsky necklace. I figure out he is doing a mathematic symbol called infinite.

June 2012

“I heard hearts can really be broken, but time manages to heal the wound, and Little by little sadness fades and happy times come…. You know?  I would like to know when are my happy times coming”  Yoona sid to Hyoyeon.  Both were lying in the bed of the Tokio hotel room.

“Come on Yoongie.  Cheer up.  I already told Seohyun not to speak to you about that subject, and we are in Japan, so you can heal faster.  Try to forget”  Hyoyeon comforted her friend.  Yoona smiled lifelessly when suddenly Tiffany entered the room with her characteristic eye-smile.

“Yah, you received a letter.  I already check and it is not from ‘who you know’. I think you should read it.  I leave it here.  Hyo, would you like to go for ice-cream with me and Taengo?  My treat!”  Hyoyeon jumped out of the bed and started put on her sneackers.

“Yongie, I’ll make Fanny to buy a chocolate-mint for you.  Don’t fell asleep, i’m coming right now”  Hyoyeon rapidly run to catch up with Tiffany.  Yoona smiled for real this time.  After the party, since Hyoyeon saw everything, she became Yoona’s confident.  What Yoona loved the most about her friend was that she didn’t say anything until she talked to Yoona first.  So, both agreed to maintain the secret and say Yoona was dissapointed of Jonghyun but never made clear why.

The first half of the month Yoona had lost a lot of weight, she was out of appetite. Seunghyun and Yoonchun usually sent her food or took her out to have dinner.  It is fair to say that when Yoonchun found out about what Jonghyun had done to her almost sister, he went mad.  Seunghyun had to tranquilize him but Yoonchun said he never wanted to hear about CNBlue anymore. 

When Yoona went to Japan, Yooonchun was the happiest person, cause that way he would be able to see Yoona often, so he promissed Seunghyun to take care of her. Seunghyun on the other hand waesn’t quite happy about the news, but he got an idea.

“Listen, i will writte letters for you”  TOP said more than excited the last time he had dinner with Yoona.

“I think that’s too much. You can call me.  I mean, I am only going to Japan, not the other century”  Yoona replied clueless.

“Oh, Miss Yoona please.  I’ve never done this before, and it feels more special than writing and e-mail or calling” Seunghyun said while winking his eye to Yoona, who just smiled.

That night, Yoona had received the first letter.  She opened slowly and started to read.

June 20th 2012.

Miss Yoona:

Korea has literally become dark since you left.  The sky is gray everyday and well, my humor is too.  I am missing you everyday.  I know you don’t like me to say this kind of chessy things but i can’t help it.  I thought this letter idea was good because i am not ashamed of telling you everything by letter, to express my feelings trough my hands.  I’ve listening a lot of music, and I have had a lot of work too.  Yoonchun told me you don’t look more happy than you did while you were here.  I am sorry to hear that.  I just want you to know time gives to time to accept some things are over and will never be the same.  If you were going to ask me for an advice, i will give you the same, talk to him.  Ask him to explain everything.  Don’t be to sttuburn.  I can’t see you sad.

Jeg elsker deg oo

Choi Seunghyun

Yoona read the letter once again, and before Hyoyeon return with the ice-cream, she wrote a small response.

June 29th 2012

Dear Tabi Oppa:

Yoonchun is right, i am no better.  I try to not skip dinner anymore, but somehow, even my body feels betrayed.  I keep loosing weight, and its worse since i have a tight schedule, but don’t worry.  Everyday I think less about that.  I guess, i am just depressed.  I saw Taeyeon Unnie  and she is not happy neither; i mean, she is, but not like she used to be whenever she had time to meet Junsu Oppa.  Why do you think feelings change? 

PS.  What is the meaning of Jeg elsker deg?

Yoona.

July 2012

TOP was working with BIg Bang.  They were practicing for a series of concerts the next month.  Seunghyun was really tired.  He was playing with his phone, sitting on the wood floor of the practice room when his manager came with a letter.  When his manager explained it had a Japan addres TOP pulled up the letter out of his manager’s hand and started to read.  His inicial smile slowly faded.  He excused himself and went to the recording room to write an inmediate answer.

July 10th 2012

Miss Yoona:

Today I received your response to my first letter.  I am sorry to hear that.  I will send you vitamins if you need, my special VITAMIN will be all my love.  As far as Taeyeon’s issue, I don’t know what to say.  I think people should fight for happiness and if they are not happy togheter anymore, they shouldn’t force each other.  Oh, yeah, I am writting a lot these days.  I remember one day you told me you found writters incredibly attractive, I’m just warning you, maybe when you come back, you will find me irresistible.

Ps.  About the meaning of the last words, you will hve to find it for yourself.  

Je t’aime oo

Choi Seunghyun

Yoona arrived to her dorm tired.  She wanted to rest a bit before going to have dinner with Yoonchun, Taeyeon and Junsu.  She walked directly to the elevator when the receptionist called her.

“Miss Yoona, a letter arrived”  the lady said giving the envelope to Yoona, who ran upstairs and started to read it.  When she finished, she replied and sent her response right away.  This kind of game between her and Seunghyun was becoming interesting.

At 10:00 pm Yoona and Taeyeon took a cab to the restaurant where her dates were waiting.  As soo as they arrived, Yoonchun hugged Yoona and Junsu smiled at Taeyeon, who smiled back awkwardly. During dinner something felt weird. Only Yoonchun and Yoona were talking, while the couple remained silent.  Suddenly Taeyeon started to cry.  Yoona put down her fork and took Taeyeon’s hand.  Junsu looked away, his eyes were filled with water.

“Oppa, I am so sorry.  I can’t do this anymore.  I love you. I do, but i keep doubting”  Taeyeon whispered, looking down.

“I think Taeyeon and I will leave first.  We need to talk privately.  Is that ok?”  Junsu asked.  When they left, Yoonchun and Yoona finished their meal and then went for a walk to the park.

“I really didn’t know things were this bad between them”  Yoonchun suddenly said, concerned.

“Well, I have known Taeyeon Unnie for so long, I had the feeling something was wrong, but no to this extent.  Oppa, why do you think love dissapears?  Is it because people changes or simply because you find someone who you love more?”  Yoona asked his friend.  Yoonchun looked at her sad and hid her face in his arms.  They continued hugging while Yoona silenty cried.

In Korea TOP was writing a song.  He had a gigant cup of coffee next to him and was completely concentrated on his work.  After ten more minutes he finally took a rest.  Some papers were delivered in the morning and were lying on the top of his desk. He looked at them and found Yoona’s response in between them.  Seunghyun took his cup of coffee, went for a blanket and sat on the couch before starting reading.

July 15th 2012

Dear Tabi Oppa:

I just read your response.  You were right, the hope of your letter keeps me smiling these days.  I already think you are super handsome, the fact that you are writing now only increases the yness you already posses (I never told anyone y before, it feels weird).  As you can tell i am in better mood these days.  Once again you are right, somethings will never be the same, but happiness always exits.  I talked to my father, he is coming to Japan to see one of my concerts, i think thats part of the reason i feel so happy now.  I write shortly because i am going to have dinner with Taeyeon Unnie.  Yoonchun and Junsu is coming too.  I miss you Oppa, I want to hear your voice.

Yoona  

TOP put down the letter with a bright smile on his face.  He got an idea and rushed to the recording room.  Teddy, a producer from YG was there.

“Oh, Hyung, good, you are here.  I need a favor.  Do you think you can record me singing and save it on a USB.  I wanna send it to someone”  TOP said blushing.  He was scratching the back of his head ashamed.

“Haha, i never thought i would see you like this.  Go in, i will record it for you but in exchange you need to tell me who is the lucky lady”  TOP smiled and went into the stall.  He smoothly started to sing:

It was dark when I found you

I'll build you a house

In the oak tree outside

You can come by

Whenever you'd like

Don't be frightened

I'll set you up right

Cause everyone needs

Somebody sometime

I'll leave the light on

So you know I'm at home

You can come in

You won't be alone

And if you forget

How to find your way home

Call out for me

I will carry you

And if you need rest

I'll stay right by your side

You won't have to ask

I won't let you down

TOP wrote a letter and sent the recording to Yoona.

Yoona was in her room.  She had ordered that if a letter arrived to be inmediately delivered to her room.  She was looking trough the window when someone knocked the door.

“Yes?”  Yoona asked running to the door.

“Miss your letter is here”  a man said.  Yoona opened the door the fastest she could, gave a tip to the bellhop and opened the envelop agressively. The first thing she found was the USB.  Yoona connected it to her computer and listened TOP’s manly voice while reading his letter

Jule 25th 2012

Miss Yoona

It is really good to hear you are doing better.  I also find myself anxious thinking your letter will arrive anytime.  Since you said you wanted to hear my voice i sent you some of the lyrics i’ve been working on.  I wrote them thinking of you.  Maybe you will like them, maybe not, but for me the most important thing is that you know there is no single day i don’t thing about you, about your beauty and your soul.  You need to know you have something no one else has, something that I want.

Eu te amo oo

Choi Seunghyun.

Yoona read Eu te amo and got confused.  She had no idea what those words meant, she had already asked a lot of people, but since the words changed with every letter she was more and more confused everytime.  The only thing she understood was the infinite symbol, but still was difficult to make a conclusion only from there.

August 2012

The response to TOP’s letter took longer than expected.  He was already thinking about calling Yoona when in his mail appeard the last letter Yoona worte for him.

August 1st 2012

Dear Tabi Oppa:

Thank you for your words.  I don’t want to reject you, but i am not ready to start something now.  The memories I have with Jonghyun are still fresh.  Whenever i go out, i think about something i did with him. Sometimes i find myself thinking about what he is doing, if maybe he is as sad as me… The dinner with Taeyeon and Junsu was not good.  They broke up.  Unnie was really sad and I asked her if she still loved him, why they ended their relationship.  Unnie smiled bitterly and told me she was confused, she also said that her love for her three and a half years boyfriend was never going to dissaper, but in this moment of her life, she was looking for something different, that both had changed.  Oppa, help me.  I need to understand a lot about life.  I hate to think you might stop loving me, like Jonghyun did, but i cannot make you promisse me you will always love me, because people change and there is no reason to expect they will remain the same always.  I need answers and I need to be happy.

PS.  I still haven’t found the meaning to the words you always write at the end, so when I see you again you will have to explain me.

Yoona

TOP saw Yoona’s last letter and Heard the recording Yoona made for him.

I can finally see that you're right there beside me.

I am not my own, for I have been made new.

Please don't let me go, I desperately need you.

I am not my own, for I have been made new.

Please don't let me go, I desperately need you.

 TOP was cnfused.  He was happy to know Yoona needed him, but whenever he thought she was doing better, letters like the one he had just received, full of sadness and thoughts made him realize she was not over Jonghyun yet.  That she was suffering. The only thing Seunghyun could do was to write a final letter for the love his life, and wish to see her healthier and happy once her concerts in Japan had ended.

September 2012

Yoona was in her dressing room.  The last concert has finished.  Three months had passed since her break up with Jonghyun.  Yoona was packing her stuff, she had no time to rest, her plane back to Korea was leaving in another five hours, but when she received TOP’s last letter, Yoona let everything she was doing to read the piece of paper she had in her hands.

August 16th 2012

Miss Yoona:

I guess this letter will arrive until the end of the month.  I have your last letter in my hands right now, what you wrote makes me think about humans, about how we are.  I want you to close your eyes and think carefully, about what you like, take your time… Ok, now i want you to think about what you love, what you really love…You see, there’s a huge difference between liking and loving.  I like to sing, but i love rapping, i like to eat, but i love eating Korean food, I like girls, but I only love one.  You once said you didn’t love anyone but your family, then why are you so hurt?  I think you need to be honest with yourself.  Yes, people change, we all change, but changing is not necessarily a bad thing.  I think Taeyeon is less presured now that she clarified her feelings, and Junsu is also more relaxed now that he knows the reason why Taeyeon was acting weird.  See, there are alwys two versions of each story, you used to be a Yoona who focused on the learning experience, now, due to the last months events, you always look for sad endings, but I keep praying for you, to find your way back home.  I will fix you Im Yoona, I will.

liebe dich oo

Choi Seunghyun

Yoona read the letter over and over again, she was crying, but this time she was really happy.  Seunghyun was right, all this time, her own experience hid the fact that her leader was now in love with someone else, and that breaking up with Junsu was the best thing she could do.  She also spent hours of sadness that prevent her of having a good time with her Yoonchun in Japan.  She didn’t even enjoyed her Japanesse fans in each concert.  Finally Yoona was awakening from her long dark dream; the first thing she did was to wipe her tears, and then she wrote one more letter, but this time it waesn’t addressed to Seunghyun.

September 12th 2012

Choi Seunghyun was sitting in Yoona’s favorite coffee really nervous; he was sweating and snaping his fingers.  This was the first time he was going to see Yoona in three months.  TOP was focusing on the table when someone shouted “BUH!” to his face.  TOP startled while Yoona started to laugh.

“Oppa, sorry, but you were really concentrated i had to do it”  Yoona said while sitting in front of Seunghyun.  He looked at her curious, suddenly all of the things he had thought, the million of greetings he practiced had no meaning now.  He loved Yoona because she was always unexpected, he had no plans when it came to her.

“How dare you Miss Yoona?  Wait for my revenge”  He pretend to be mad, and drank his coffee.

“Oppa, come on.  It was a good joke.  Well, spill it out, the last words in each letter.  What is the meaning? “  Yoona asked really curious, like a detective, taking out all the letters she received from Seunghyun.

“Did you find out what this is?”  TOP asked, pointing at the symbol near the words.

“Yeah, that means infinite”  Yoona opened her eyes.  He was about to reveal the mystery.

“Each phrase at the end is ‘I LOVE YOU’ written in different languages, the symbol next to them, the infinite means i love you infinetly.  I, Choi Seunghyun did the corniest think only because i love you infinetly”  TOP looked at Yoona directly to her reyes and got closer.  Suddenly Yoona also moved her head to the center of the table.

“I, Im Yoona must admit that your cheesy act moved some fibres of my heart”  Yoona  took a napking and worte something, she then held the paper in front of her face.  She had written:

“Saranghae infinitely  Choi Seunghyun”

TOP saw the sentence and smiled ashamed.

“We are a pair of corny people”  Then both laughed and continued talking.

September 15th 2012

Jonghyun was sleeping in his room.  He was not in a good humor.  Everyday was dark and long.  He coulnd’t reach Yoona.  Not even Seohyun was willing to help him.  Jungshin knocked on his door.

“Go please, I want to rest”  Jonghyun yelled from inside.

“Hyung, a letter arrived.  Its… its from Im Yoona”  Jonghyun barely heard the name, he ran to the door and ripped the envelope to see the content.

September 1st

Dear Jonghyun:

Things change, nothing remains the same.  I came back to place i thought i would never return, cause I thought I would return with you, togheter.  I imagined my return in a sunny afternoon.  I felt warm and excited.  I thought about our long walkings trough the beach, when you talked me about the beautiful seaside in Japan.  I imagined every color I perceived with you by my side.  Then, i thought bout you, and i arrived, but there was no sun in the seaside.  Every color started to fade, so I missed you more and more.  I felt bored and sad.  Sadness filled my life, so no color came, but I couldn’t stop thinking about you. Suddenly something changed.  One day I ran out of memories, so i stop thinking about you.  That’s when I saw him, he made me realize colors where always there, for me, the sun always shined and it never rained.  Seunghyun made me realize things are not the color they seem to be, but they depend on the eyes that are seen through. So, I finally came back to the place i thought i would never return: happiness.  I am happy again Jonghyun.  I thank you for everything you gave me, you made me strong, and I could never hate you, i don’t need to do it, but i don’t want your friendship neither.  Please be healthy and maybe one day, we can see each other with a smile on our faces again.  I wish you happiness and ask  you to wish the same for me.

Yoona

Author's note: For this chapter, specially the last part I used a lot of ideas from Mario Viñuela, he is a complete poet and I had to mention him.  He is an inspiration and you can check a short film from him on Youtube called "El color de las cosas".