"Are they gone?" I asked Yunho as we sat back to back on a bench sipping coffee at the park a few blocks away from SM.. "And never coming back" he sighed. At that, I felt like crying again, but held it in. My urge to cry disappeared. "I'm really sorry" I said looking straight ahead.. "It was their choice.. But Changmin and I can never hate them, just like everyone thinks" 

And that's when I realized.. That I haven't formally met Changmin yet..

"I know.. No one is asking you to hate them"

"Well that's what everyone expects...."

"They just want drama.. That's what kind of people reporters are..."

"I know.. And it "

"I bet"

After that, Yunho and I drank our coffee in silence.. "Would you say this is a date?" Yunho asked calmly.. "Not really. But you've seemed to loosen up. And for that, I'm thankful" I smiled, thinking of him while his back was to mine.. I heard him giggle. "You're welcome I guess. It wasn't hard to do after a while. You're a great person" he confessed. My heart started to warm up... What is this feeling that I feel around Yunho? What is this? Am I supposed to feel this.. And why do I have to feel like this around Onew too? I never knew I'd be torn..

"Thank you. You're a.... great person too" I smiled while I clutched my chest, which held my warm and beating heart.. After talking about how amazing we thought the other person was, I never turned around to him... Too afraid I'd blush

---

After our coffee "date", we returned to SM and continued practice.. When I walked into the building, I headed for the cafeteria to read like I always do. When I walked in, it was empty except for one person.. It's.. oh.. 

Maybe I should apologize to him...

My legs took over and I walked up to him, sat down, and waited for him to realize I was there.. "What do you want?" Ratface asked, not even looking up.

"Are you okay?"

"Why do you care?"

"Did I hurt you?" 

"No.."

"Don't lie.."

At that, he stayed silent. I think he's thinking about what to say.. "I just didn't know you had any fight in you. You come off as a wimp. I was just startled.."

"Yeah, you seemed like you were.." I sighed.. At first, I was preparing for him to shout at me again, but he just nodded his head slowly. Hmm.. Something must have his attention more than me.. 

"May I ask you something??"

"What?"

"Why... Have you been so mean to me? All this time? You never gave me a chance to be your friend.. Is it because I'm close to Yunho?"

Ratface stayed silent, obviously thinking again. Wow, I really need to learn his name.. "At first, it was because of Yunho.. But it continued on because I've.." he started, but stopped.. "What? Keep going. I'm listening.."

"I don't have to best home life.. And I never get to see my family. And also, one of my band members has left our group this past year and I'm still banged up about it.. We were really close.." he explained.. I looked down at the ground.. "When things bother me, I get angry and I take it out on people I don't know well. It's one of my bad qualities, I guess" he sighed. I just stayed quiet while he talked about it.. "I'm sorry... That I seemed like a bully all this time. I shouldn't have because you're new to our label, and our country.." 

"It's okay.. I forgive you"

Ratface looked up and smiled... My first time seeing his smile.. It made him look even more like a rat, but it was a perfect smile.. "Really?" he asked. I just nodded my head and smiled "Of course.. " 

"However, one of my bad qualities is... I forgive bad people too easily..." I said, making his smile drop. "But.. You seem worth it" I smiled again.. He stuck his tongue out at me and started to get up and walk away.. "Thanks for cheering me up" he looked back to me and said. "You're welcome.. I seem to be doing that a lot" I giggled. I finally looked down and opened my book as Ratface left the cafeteria.. 

Ratface..

Damn! I forgot to ask him what his name was again!

3 months later------>>> November 2010

"I have something to ask you" Yunho said next to me while we walked through the light blue lights hanging in the trees. "Go ahead" I said calmly. For a moment.. "Actually two things.." he added.. Now it's come to my attention as I looked over at him.. "What do you wanna ask me?" I stopped in my tracks.. Yunho looked around at the pretty trees and sighed.. Something was on his mind, something big.. 

"What.. Uhh.." he started.. "Yes??"

"What do you want for Christmas?" he smiled down at me.. "Oh.. Well, I don't know yet.. Something cute.."

"Something cute? That's my only hint??" Yunho blurted out, then put his hand over his mouth.. "Yeah.. You're going to get me something?" I smiled.. "Well.. You are my friend" he argued.. 

"Yeah I know.. I guess I'll get you something too" I said as he looked down at me and smiled.. "So what's the other question?"

Then, Yunho froze... So frozen, no movement detected at all.. "Yunho?" I said snapping my fingers in front of his face. "Umm.. I-I.. Uh" is all the noise he could make.. No words..

"Why are you so nervous? Do you like me?" I giggled.. Yunho still couldn't make out any words.. "Not like that!" he bursted.. "Well okay then. What's your question?"

"D-Don't you think these lights are fabulous?" he said pointing to the trees. I looked up and smiled. "I know that's not your question, but I'll stop bugging you about it.." I thought

"Yes, they're... What's the word?.. Magical" I smiled and spun around once in the snow. When I looked back at Yunho, he looked down at me and smiled. "Magical" he repeated my words.. "Yupp..." I smiled

"There is something special about you Jung Yunho.. Very special.." I thought as we kept walking along..

----

----> two days later

Amber and I walked outside watching the snow fall in our coats and boots, on our way to SHINee's dorm to eat dinner. "My first time in their dorm, what is it like?"

"How should I know, I've never been either.." she confessed to me.. I shrugged at her answer and kept walking.. "Well, this'll be an adventure"

"Welcome!" Key smiled when he opened the front door. I smiled and I walked in, immediately looking for Onew.. When he realized we were here, he came rushing down the stairs. "Rachel! Amber! You're here! I hope you enjoy our place.. It's nothing special.." he smiled and shrugged. "That smile though. It's so fun to watch him smile" I thought..

----

3 days later--->

"Why did you take me out to the roof?" I asked Onew as we stood there in the snow.. "I need to ask you something, and I wanted to do it in private.." he explained.. I nodded and listened for his question. "Wait.." he said and ran back beneath the door to the roof. Soon, I heard a click and a bunch of Christmas lights came on in so many different colors.. My heart stopped and a smile made it's way to my face. "Onew.. This is so..."

"Beautiful? Like you.." his comment made me blush.. "Stop it.." I said lightly hitting his arm..

"Rachel, I haven't known for that long, but I feel like I've found the person that I want to be with for a really long time. I can't say for the rest of my life, cause that's too far in the future. But I want to see you more and more. And hug you, and laugh with you. And make memories.. So.. Will you be my girlfriend?"

This is really happening.. It's happening.. Nothing came to my mind but this moment.. I can't believe it.. One tear threatened to fall from my eye..

"Yes.. Yes, I'll be your girlfriend" I agreed. Onew smiled and jumped up in the air like a little kid. "She said yes! Oh! Quick! We have to tell everyone!" he said hastily before hugging me and pecking my cheek.. I giggled and spun around.. "This feeling is such a nice one! The best since..."

*Flashback*

Then, it happened.. It happened right in front of me. And it's that exact that moment that I'll take a still frame in my head forever..

He smiled at me...

*End of flashback*

I haven't felt this way... Since...

I can't think of that now! 

I shook my head of the thoughts and ran down the steps to tell the rest of SHINee and Amber the good news..

----> seven days later, December

"Today is December 1st, and I think it's safe to listen to Christmas music now.." Amber giggled as she looked up her favorite Christmas music on her phone.. I could only stare out the window and think of one person.. "So, how are you and Onew doing? I know it's only been a week, but are there any details?" she asked. "We're doing just fine. No need to worry about anything, Amber.." I said 

When we made it to work, I saw very few people walking around the halls. I looked into rooms and saw nobody. "Where is everyone?" I asked Amber who walked with me. "Overseas" she calmly said. I nodded.

When I was alone, I walked into one training room with my head down, I looked up and saw two figures. Max Changmin and U-know Yunho.. Shocked to see two of the only souls in the building. I couldn't help but smile "You guys are still here!" I beamed... Changmin smiled and nodded. "Yupp" is all he said. Yunho remained silent, but couldn't stop smiling at me. That smile that hasn't left my mind since the moment I met him. Why can't he just stop? I'm taken now, and I can't just keep thinking about him...

"Hey! What are you doing in here?" I heard Onew from behind me. "Hey hyung!" he waved at Yunho. I could tell Yunho was surprised and unprepared when he saw Onew wrap his arm around my waist. I only looked at him. He looked down at where Onew's hand was, then back at me. With a somewhat desperate look, desperate for answers. 

I know Yunho likes me.. Why did I do this to him?

But.... I like Onew more.. 

"We'll see you guys later.." Onew chirped happily and led me out of the room. The last glimpse I saw of him was just him looking at me, looking confused. And that look he gave me ruined my day

"I hurt him, I just know it.." I thought

After that, Onew and I went on our first official date

---->> three days later

Mine and Onew's relationship had finally went back to normal and all I could think about was Onew. I really felt like I was falling in love... Hard..

But whenever I was feeling like everything was going just right, I'd run into Yunho at SM or even see him on the streets or on TV. Now that I think about it, we've stopped talking all together. The rest of the SM artists are finally back from Japan and China and whatnot..

One day, I found myself at SM again with Amber and SHINee. We all sat at a table in the cafeteria eating lunch when I looked up and saw Yunho, he was hiding behind the wall, as not to be seen. Too late..

I got up and walked over to him. When I was ten feet away from where he was standing, he started to run. And I chased after him.. I chased after him all over the cafeteria while my band mate, my boyfriend, and his band mates watched in shock.. I couldn't keep up with him and Yunho got away.. I was out of breath when I sat back down at the table as if it didn't happen.

"Umm, what was that?" Taemin asked. "Yeah" Onew mumbled. "I-I uh.. Yunho and I were just playing a short game of tag.. He's a very... Spontaneous person" I lied. Amber shook her head in disapproval and continued to eat.. For the rest of the day, Onew couldn't take his eyes off of me, the expression on his face was sheer confusion

The next day was the same, Yunho came in to mine and Amber's practice room and sat down to watch us practice.. "What are you doing here?" I asked him. "I just want to see you practice" he smiled.. "Uuuh.." I hummed. "That's fine Yunho oppa.. Just sit down where you can't be stepped on" Amber smiled and the music..

While me and Amber danced, Yunho smiled and clapped his hands to the music like a five-year-old. I looked back several times to watch his aegyo, which lured me in.. I sat down next to him and smiled. "I didn't know you possessed aegyo" I said surprised.. "It's in there.. Not much though.. I only show it off to special people.." he explained. I couldn't help but giggle and look down at my shoes as I blushed.. 

"O-Onew oppa" I heard Amber stutter. I looked up to Onew looking down at me and Yunho sitting next to each other. Our faces blushing.. Onew's face formed a worried expression. "What are you guys doing?" Onew asked.

Yunho knows that Onew and I are together.. Why does he still try to flirt?

"Just talking? Why? Is something wrong?" I asked him as he stood frozen in the doorway.. "No.. I'm just gunna leave now. You've worked hard.." he smiled weakly and walked out.. When Onew was gone, I looked over at Yunho and frowned.. "I think it's time you left.." I said to him and stood up. Yunho nodded and collected his things and left the room..

I'm so confused.. 

The next day, I got a call from Yunho, asking me to get a coffee with him. "Umm, Sure, I guess" I agreed over the phone.

While we sat back to back like we always do. I decided to make the first move. "You do know that I'm dating Onew right?" I asked him over the wind that blew the snow around.. "Yes... And I'm happy for both of you" he sighed..

"You don't seem too happy.." I said

"I like you... I like you a lot.. That's why I'm not happy like you want me to be.. I was planning on asking you out first.."

"Yeah, well that didn't go too well.."

"It's not my fault I'm not as outgoing as you boyfriend is!" Yunho stood up and shouted at me.. "Well, now.. I don't think I'd say yes.. Because I like Onew more.." I argued.. "Are you.. Are you trying to say.. That you liked me at one point?" Yunho asked

"Yes.. I like you. I still do. And now I'm trying to get over you. Why won't you let me?" I asked. "I don't want you to get over me!" he pleaded..

Just as I was about to reply, Yunho looked over my shoulder and froze. I turned around to see what he was looking at. There, looking at both of us, was Onew..

"What did you say?" Onew asked, approaching us.. "Onew-sshi. It's not what you think.." Yunho tried to calm an obvious angry Onew down.. "Onew. Calm down" I said while sitting him down.. "What kind of messed relationship do you have with this guy?" Onew asked. 

"It's not messed up!" Yunho hissed.. 

"Onew.. It's true.. I used to really like Yunho, but I've gotten over him.. Mostly.." 

"Mostly??"

"I'm trying my hardest!" 

"Well I'll help you with that, because she's mine" Onew yelled the last few words in Yunho's face. Yunho looked defeated.. And with that, Onew took me by the wrist and dragged me off. I mouthed the words "I'm sorry" to Yunho as we walked away..

--

"Onew, trust me.. I like you, not him.. I'm just feeling so many mixed feelings! Have you ever felt this way?" I asked him while we argued in his room. "No! You're my first real girlfriend!"

Onew sat down on his bed.. "I'm sorry I yelled at you and him.. I don't know what I need to do to keep our relationship alive" he sighed. "Is he on your mind?"

"Truthfully, he takes up one half of my brain and you take up the other"

"Sounds fair" he said calmly. "Yeah" I sighed as I sat down next to him on his bed..

"Well, maybe this will change your heart.." he said quietly

"What do you mean?" I asked. What does he mean by---

I was stopped when Onew took my face and brought me closer to him in a kiss.. His warm lips placed perfectly onto mine.. So perfect.. 

This is the first time Yunho had left my mind for a few precious moments

--->2 weeks later

Today is the day.. I gotta do it.. Who else will? I can't put it off anymore...

"Yunho.. We need to talk" I said when I popped my head into TVXQ's training room. Yunho nodded and followed me out of the room..

---

"Yunho.. This is probably one of the hardest things I'll ever have to do.."

"What's going on?" 

"For the first time in years, I've finally found the perfect guy.. But sadly, I had to find two.. perfect guys.. And I can't keep both.. I can only pick one.. And I choose Onew.." I explained. Yunho just stood there and nodded his head

"Unfortunately, I can't seem to get over you.. There's only one way that I can think of that'll really help.."

"Oh yeah? What's that?" he asked, his voice shaking.. Ready to cry

"Yunho, I've decided that I can't be around you, I can't talk to you, or touch you in any way. This is the only way I know I can get over you. I would like it if you'd do the same.. If some day, we can be friends again, I'd like nothing more than that. But now, I'm sorry. But we just cannot be friends.."

Yunho started to cry silently at my decision.. "Okay" he agreed. "But it'll be hard, you know.. Seeing you around here, not being able to speak to or approach you.."

"I know. I feel the exact same way.. But from now on, none of this ever happened, this time we spent hurting each other. I want both of us to just forget. I never knew you well, and I want it to stay that way until another day"

"I agree. To keep you and Onew together, this is the right decision.." 

"I'm happy you agree with me"

"So.. I guess this is goodbye?" he asked. And that when I teared up.. "Yes"

"Okay... Goodbye.. Until another day" he cracked a fake smile and walked back into the training room.. I started to walk away, but then turned around.. "Yunho?" I said. He turned around one last time..

"Merry Christmas..." I choked back tears..

"A-And a happy new year" he laughed, wiping his damp tears. 

I turned around and started to walk away. And the damage was done...

That may have been the last time I'll get to see his precious face again...

 

 

 

 

Years later--->>> August, Current year..

"We have a girl in our presence!" Shindong yelled throughout Super Junior's dorm. I giggled as I heard a lot of "Really's??" and "BUT I'M NOT DRESSED!!"

Ryeowook and Shindong had taken me to their dorm after meeting them formally for the first time. We had eaten lunch and now it was time to meet the others..

"Come on! They're all really nice people!" Ryeowook led me deeper into the dorm.. Soon, all of the Super Junior members were lined up.. "Rachel this is Siwon.. Siwon, this is Rachel" Ryeowook introduced me to every member one by one. Finally, when we were at the end of the line...

"Rachel, this is our leader, Leeteuk. Teukkie hyung.. This is Rachel" I smiled and bowed at the leader.. It was only after a few seconds, that I realized that I knew his face all too well..

"Ratface?" I whispered as I examined his face mentally.. 

"I never thought I'd meet you again.. It's been a while.. Hasn't it?" he smiled.. "So your name is Leeteuk.." I smiled.. Finally.. Ratface has a name..

All of the other Super Junior members started to go their separate ways as Ratface.. Or.. Leeteuk and I caught up. After talking with him, I realized that he was such a sweetheart, and he had done a lot more smiling since we met for the first time about two years ago..

Soon, Ryeowook joined the conversation and we talked for hours....

After wondering his name for so long.. It's finally risen to the surface.. Leeteuk

----

After the meet and greet, Amber came over and told me about her day.. but not before I told her mine.. "So I met Super Junior today for the first time.." I said in the kitchen while I made dinner. "Cool, I met someone new too!" she beamed from the couch. I brought out the food to Amber and sat down. "Really? And who might that be?" I asked

"TVXQ. You know them right? Jung Yunho and Shim Changmin"

And that was the first time I heard Yunho's name in two years.. 

I suddenly choked on my food and coughed it up.. "Who?" I asked. I had to hear it again..

"Yunho and Changmin. TVXQ" she repeated.. I froze.. Memories started to flood my brain.. Everything came back all at once and I couldn't handle it.. My brain was a hot mess and I couldn't speak.

"Is something wrong?" Amber asked.. 

"No.." I said calmly, regaining my composure..

What happens if we meet again...? Amber knows them. I'm sure to be forced to talk to him again

I haven't thought about him in years..

Will history repeat itself?

Maybe I can just pretend that I don't know him well.. Cause it's the truth, I really don't

Like I told him before, pretend that all of the bad memories have been erased.. 

"Okay.. Well make some more food, your boyfriend is coming over soon!" Amber said as she hopped up off the couch and walked into the bathroom.. 

What??

Oh! Right. My boyfriend..

Did I seriously forget that I have a boyfriend?

Oh God

It's happening again...

------>> Current year, October 31st

Changmin looked through the Halloween costumes hurriedly. Suddenly, he handed me his phone. "Can you hold this for me, for a second..?" he smiiled and sat his phone down on my lap.. I smiled and picked up the phone. "Go pick out a costume, quick" I ordered him. 

This is the closest I've been to Jung Yunho in two years.. Just being with his band member puts me on edge.. I sat in the Halloween shop spacing out when I felt Changmin's phone buzz in my hand.. I looked down and saw that he had a text.... From Yunho..

To: Changmin
From: Yunho

Dude.. When are you coming home?

I read the text slowly while my heart started to beat faster and faster.. What do I do? Should I reply? Should I wait for Changmin to come back? Should I-

Buzz buzz- buzz buzz

Now Changmin is getting a call

Incoming call : Yunho

Oh god.. 

It's time.. it's time to talk to him. It's time to hear his voice after two years of waiting.... It's been long enough.. I wonder if he's been thinking about me

I pressed talk and put the phone up to my ear.. "Hello?" I said slowly.. "Who is this?" I heard Yunho's voice in the speaker.. At that, I almost dropped Changmin's cell phone on the ground.. "This isn't Changmin.."

"I know that.. Who is this?" he asked again. Wow, I guess it's been so long, he can't recognize my voice anymore.. It's time to reveal myself.. "Identify yourself please" Yunho said. He sounded annoyed.

"It's Rachel..."

And at that.. Silence.. Pure utter silence.. I can only imagine what his face looks like right now.. "Rachel?" he asked again.. "Yes, it's me.." I assured him

Yunho POV

"Hello?" I heard a female voice. What? A female voice? What woman is Changmin with? "Who is this?" I asked. The person on the other line didn't answer right away, all I heard was some noise, as if the person dropped the phone... "This isn't Changmin" she said

Wait.. Where have I heard that voice before?.. What ever..

"I know that.. Who is this?" I asked again. Again, a long pause. I rolled my eyes.. "Identify yourself please" I asked.. What's wrong with this person? Did Changmin lose his phone and this is the person who found it? That Changmin, always losing his--

"It's Rachel.." I heard the voice say to me.. Then I realized who the voice really belonged to.

It's Rachel.. It's really her.. The first time hearing her voice in years.. I can't believe it!

"Rachel?" I asked. I was dumbfounded.. How did fate bring us back together?.. And why did fate take so long?

Does she look different? Is she still with Onew? Will she be my friend again after all this time? "Yes, It's me" she said. I let out a short breath of shock.. "It's... It's been a while" was all I could say.. "Yes.. It has" she said.. I wonder if she's just as shocked as me.. "I need a moment..." I said before hanging up on her. I grabbed my head as it spun in different directions.. I thought this would never happen.. The girl that I..  Loved, has finally come back.. That's right.. I loved her..

I.. love her..

----

"Hey dude! Where have you been?" I asked Changmin as he walked up the steps to our apartment. Following closely behind him was Rachel. Wow, she hasn't changed a bit. Her grey hair has faded to white a little.. I wanted to run down the steps and hug her.. But no, gotta keep my cool. Changmin doesn't know a thing. I totally left him in the dark about everything and if I hug her now, he'll be totally confused. He thinks I barely know her, and that's how it'll stay, just like she wanted

Rachel POV

"Hey dude! Where have you been?" I heard Yunho's voice from behind Changmin. It's finally time to see him..

I looked up and saw him looking down at us.. "Wow, you haven't changed one bit" I thought and smiled. 

It's finally time to start fresh in a friendship with Yunho.. It's finally time.. Time to pretend that everything between us in 2010, never happened..