The year is 2010

Rachel POV

I got on the plane headed for Korea. I don't know what to expect of my new label mates, or my new life entirely for that matter.. Who will I meet? I wonder if Amber has changed since I met her for the first time a few months ago. I sat in the window seat and fell asleep on the plane. "Goodbye Seattle.. See you some other time.. Goodbye mom, dad, and Chris. I hope one day, I can bring you with me" I thought

When I opened my eyes again, I was in Korea.

"Here goes.. Not much" I thought

When I made my way through the crowded streets of Seoul, I finally found my new work building. On the front, it said "SMTown".. Hmm, Wonder what that means..

----

"Hello, my name is Lee Soo-Man.. It is nice to meet you" Lee Soo-Man, my new boss greeted me in english. How considerate..

"Hi.. my name is Rachel _____" I said back with a smile. As soon as the meet and greet was over, I walked down the hall of training rooms and walked past quite a few familiar faces. Some looked like they were happy to see me, others looked... Disgusted.. I saw Seohyun, who I had met months before when I had signed all the paperwork.. I saw Jessica, and Luna, and Taemin, and Yesung.

For some reason, I knew most of these singers didn't want me here. But honestly, what was there to do about it anymore? I'm here and here to stay.. Then I saw her, my new band mate. Amber Liu..

"Hey dude.. Nice to see you again" she smiled and let out her hand for a high-five. "Nice to see you again, too. Didn't you say we'd go to see our new dorm today?" I said while our hands collided. "Ahh yes! I did say that! Come on. There's a lot of stuff we need to show you" she smiled and walked me out of the building. Even though I don't know her well yet, I have a feeling we're going to be good friends..

Amber unlocked the door to the new dorm and let me inside. "Here we are.. Nice right??" she asked. I looked around and sighed. "It's great! I love it.." 

"So.. What do you wanna do first.. ?" she asked. I froze.. The first thing that came to my mind was meet all my new label mates again, and maybe make a better impression. But like they say. The first impression is always the most important. "I want to go back to the SM building, and meet with everyone again. I have a feeling our first meet wasn't that great" I insisted. She nodded her head and started for the door. "Okay. Let's do that" she smiled and waited for me to follow her

When we made it back to the SM building, all eyes were on me.. I bowed at everyone I passed by. "Am I doing this right?" I asked Amber. "Yeah. People are just a little bitter I guess" she shrugged..

"Bitter? Why?" I asked. "Cause nobody, with the exception of me, were informed that we were letting you in to our label.... They're not used to foreigners either. Don't worry. It won't be like this for long" she reassured me and continued to walk through the halls, while I followed behind her and bowed to everyone once again.

Soon, Amber and I were split up and I was alone in training room B45. "What to do.. Dance? Maybe I should practice" I thought and plugged my MP3 into the stereo. When the song came on, I let the beat fill my brain and take me over. My joints started to pop to the beat and I let go all of my pressure. The dancing took me away and I was hooked. Soon, the song was over and I was winded. I picked up my phone to see if I had any texts. Then I turned around. And there was man, sitting on the ground watching me... His presence made me jump, since I didn't know there was someone watching me. "You scared the wits out of me!" I yelled at him in english. He titled his head in confusion. I rolled my eyes. 

"Tired?" he asked. I just nodded and wiped the sweat off my head. I was sweaty all over. "Water?" he asked again. "No thanks. I'll get it myself" I said and sat up, ready to head out the door. He stared at me. "Me.. Water.. Get.. Water.. Myself" I said, trying my hardest to get him to understand. "Man, I really have to learn your language" I said out loud, knowing he wouldn't understand that either. "See ya.. What's your name??" I asked before leaving.. "Name?" he asked, pointing to himself. "Yeah.." I said... He was about to answer, until...

"Rachel! Where'd you go!..." I heard Amber yelling through the halls. I nodded and held out my hand.. "Rachel _____. Nice to meet you.." I smiled. He never did reach out to shake my hand. I only lowered my hand in disappointment. "Maybe he just doesn't like to be touched" I thought and walked out to Amber. 

----

I sat down at a table by myself drinking a bottle of water and people watched. Every time I'd lower my head to look down at my cell phone, I'd feel someone watching me, and I'd look back up. Whenever someone would walk by me, they'd either wave to me with a poker face, or glare. Waiting for someone to sit next to me was torture. "Why do I feel like coming to Korea was a bad choice?" I thought. Thinking about it made my head hurt. 

--

"Here you go!" Amber set down the heavy book on the table.. "What's this?" I asked. "Korean language for dummies!" she beamed. I looked down at the book and nodded. "Thanks.. I think I'll ask someone who speaks english for help too. Who should I ask? Are there any english speakers?" I asked. Amber looked up at the ceiling and rubbed her chin.. "My band member Krystal.. And her sister Jessica.. And Tiffany, and..... Key." she muttered the last part. "Who? Key?" I asked. Something told me this 'Key' is someone who has been occupying much of her thinking space. "Yeah, those people. Ask for them, I'm sure they'll help. I gotta go. Happy learning!" she smiled and walked up the halls. 

After Amber left, I cracked the book open and began to read, yet the constant feeling of being watched distracted me. I rolled my eyes and looked up from the book. "Who's watching me?" I asked in the seemingly empty room. When I looked back down at the book, I heard someone open a door and walk in. I looked up and saw a man with brown hair, half of it was shaven off. "What the heck?" I thought. He immediately looked at me and smiled. He walked over to me and sat next to me at the table. "Annyeong" I smiled. He laughed at my apparently failed attempt at Korean. "You don't have to speak Korean, I know my english pretty well" he assured me. I took a deep breath and looked around the room "Finally!!" I yelled out. I looked back down at the man and smiled. "I'm Rachel"

"I know who you are.. I've heard quite a bit about you" he said. I froze. "Wait.. People know about me?" I asked. "Of course. You're our only real foreigner.. We didn't know it would happen" he giggled. 

"I need a little help.. What's your name?" I asked. he bowed. "Kim Kibum.. But you can call me Key". I nodded my head. "Oh yeah! Amber said you could help me" I remembered. "A-Amber mentioned me?" he stuttered. These two definitely have some history.. I can feel it.

"Yeah.. Is that a problem?" I asked. Key stared down at the ground... "Hello?" I waved my hand in front of his face. "Oh.. No, that's not a problem.. Okay. Let's get to your lesson" he snapped out of it and smiled. And that's when the lesson began. But I couldn't get rid of the thoughts I had. What is Amber's and Key's history.. 

And who was that man watching me while I danced?

----

>>> next day

When I walked back into work that morning, I was pumped for my debut stage.. How would people react to an American singing to Korean? Hopefully they'll understand. While I sat in the cafeteria in the same place as yesterday, reading my Korean book, I looked up and saw the guy who watched me dance from before, only he was walking into the building with people in suits, and four other guys dressed much like him that looked like they were all about the same age. "Hmm.. Maybe that's his group?" I thought. While he walked by, he stole a glance of me. And I looked back.. He's a handsome man, but why does he have to be so creepy?

While the five members and the men walked by in one big mob, Amber walked by and lowered her head, as if she was paying respect. She spotted me and walked over to me. "Hey, who was that??" I asked her. "Hmm? Oh that was a group from this label.. They're breaking up though" she sighed. I looked down and thought quickly. "All five of them are leaving the company?" I asked. She shook her head. "Three are leaving. Two are staying.." she explained.

"Which are the ones that are leaving?" I asked. Why do I care? 

"You don't know their names or faces, so why does it matter?" she asked. "Well, I did meet one.. Well, sorta." I said. "Which one?" she asked eagerlly. "I never got his name.." I shrugged. "Oh, well we should meet all five before they leave.. They seem like really nice guys" she sighed. "It's a shame that three of them are opting out"

"Yeah, it really is. I hope the one I met isn't leaving.. He's really cute.." I looked around the building. "Which ever one you met, if you met him in this building, he's one of the ones who's staying.." Amber explained. My heart jumped. "Really?" I smiled...

Amber nodded and sat next to me while we read the book together. 

---

After I finished my studying for the day, I walked around the halls and looked in on the groups of people dancing together. I sighed. "Will I ever gain their acceptence?" I asked myself

When I decided to sit outside by the door, the group that once came in surrounded by guards were now sitting at a table talking amongst themselves. I watched from afar as they talked silently. The guy that watched me dance had his back to me. But one of the guys at the table was facing towards me, and spotted me. CRAP!

I hid behind a wall and watched secretly. After about five minutes, they started getting up one by one and left the building. All but one remained sitting at the table.. It wasn't the one that I 'met', but he sat alone and held his head in his hands.. Poor guy. His group is disbanding. I don't blame him if he feels down. 

I decided to walk over to him to meet him. I probably won't be able to communicate well, but it's worth a shot. When I walked up to him and tried to look at his face that was covered with his fingers, I whispered "Excuse me" in Korean. 

He looked up at me with a 'deer in the headlights' look. I just smiled and waved. "Hello.." he said. I took that as an invite to sit next to him, so I did. 

"Are you okay?" I asked him.. I think he could see that I didn't know much Korean, so he tried to humor me by speaking his best English. "I'm sad" he simply said. I looked down at the ground and sighed. "I'm sorry" I said in Korean. He looked up at me and smiled. "It is not your fault" he said. 

"What's your name?" I asked in Korean.. He smiled.. "Yoochun.."

I smiled at him and patted his back "I'm Rachel.. Don't be sad.. Please" I said to him. He put his hand over mine and looked down. "Thank you" he said. And with that, he stood up. "It was nice to meet you, Rachel. Hopefully, I will see you some other time" he waved goodbye and walked out the front door of the building. "Yoochun, I'll remember you" I thought and stood up to leave and search for Amber. 

----

While I walked in the halls to look for Amber, I crossed paths with a man. Obviously, we were closer than I thought and he bumped into me. I dropped my book on the ground and one of the pages ripped. "Oh no!" I blurted out. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry" the man knelt down to help me. "It's okay.. Really.." I said. I think I'm finally getting used to speaking Korean. Then he explained something to me in Korean..

Well.. Maybe not..

"Yeah..." I just sighed. I still need a lot of practice. "What's your name?" he asked me. I looked up and realized what he'd asked. "Rachel. I'm Rachel" I smiled and took the book under my arm. "I'm Jonghyun" he said.

"Nice to meet you, Jonghyun.. Is it okay if you introduce me to other people? I don't know many people yet..." I said in English. Dang it, he won't understand that. He tilted his head in confusion, just like the man in the training room.

"You.. Introduce me.. To others" I said in bits of Korean. He snapped his fingers.. "Oh yeah!" was all I understood. Then, he started to blabber on something else that I didn't understand. He smiled and grabbed my arm gently. 

When he finally stopped at one door, I saw four other guys dancing and playing around. "Hyung! Come here" was all I understood. Then another man came over to us and bowed to me. "Hi, I'm Lee Jinki, but call me Onew, if you want" Onew smiled and held out his hand. I smiled back and took his hand. "Nice to meet you Onew"

After I met the rest of SHINee, I wandered around the building aimlessly when I was about to cross paths with someone else. This time, it was a woman. Beautiful woman she is..

"Hi!" I blurted out. She just looked at me with a weird expression. "I'm Rachel. What's your name??" I almost yelled. "I'm Taeyeon" she said cautiously as if I was about to attack. Am I scary looking?

"Pretty name! Nice to meet you" I beamed. Taeyeon just rolled her eyes and kept walking.. I sighed and plopped myself down on the ground. "Damn.. This is hard" 

I finally decided to sit back up when there was someone walking down the hall again the different direction. I heard Taeyeon, the girl I just said hello to, say..

"Yunho oppa! Hi"

Then I heard a male voice. "Hey there" he said. Finally, the man, whose name is Yunho ovbiously, came into my view as he turned the corner. That's when I realized who he was. The man who was watching me in the training room yesterday. "His name is Yunho? That's an odd name" I thought

When I came into his vision, he stopped walking and stared at me.. I didn't know what to say.. And obviously, neither did he. His face was so blank, as if I was literally looking at a blank page in a book. He looked so confused and innocent. Then, he just raised his hand and waved at me. "Hi" he said in English, which was the cutest thing I'd seen all day! I wanted to burst out and scream "AWWWW" and pinch his cheeks.. I could feel my cheeks turning red. And it was hard to look at him. Oh god, why do I feel so embarrassed? Just yesterday I was totally fine... What happened?

"Hi" I waved back. Why are we waving? Are we little kids in a playground? We're only 4 feet apart and we're waving.

Then, it happened.. It happened right in front of me. And it's that exact that moment that I'll take a still frame in my head forever..

He smiled at me...

For a single second, my knees felt weak... Wow.. What an amazing smile. I couldn't help but smile back, of course. "My name is Yunho" he blurted out, but then smacked his hand over his mouth, as if he wasn't planning to randomly announce his name to me. So cute!

I let out a small giggle. "My name is Rachel" I sighed and bowed. When I looked back up at him, he removed his hand from his face and smiled again. "R-Rache.." he tried to pronounce my name with his Korean accent. I laughed out loud at his attempt, which embarrassed him as he looked down at the ground and blushed. "It's okay... Call me something else" I said to him as he looked down. But his head shot up at my comment. "No! I'll get it right" he blurted again which made me jump.

From the outside, he looked kinda... Mean.. And cold.. I guess that's just how his face is

When he saw me jump he reached his hands out like he was alarmed I might fall.. "Sorry I scared you" he sighed.

But on the inside, and judging by his smile, I know he has a warm heart. I just know there's so much more on the inside...

"Well.. I'll see you around, Yunho" I smiled and started to walk past him. "It was nice to meet you" he said in English just as I walked past him. I stopped at his side, looked over to him and smiled. I only nodded and continued to walk..

-----

I couldn't seem to take my mind off of Yunho the entire rest of the day. While I went out to lunch, while I practiced my dancing, while Key lectured me about the Korean language, everything around me was a blur... 

"Rachel?...Rachel...?.. DUDE!" Amber pushed me on the couch. "What what what??" I yelled. "I asked you what has your mind so occupied!" she bursted. I realized that I'd been ignoring her and shook my head. "What happened today??" she asked again. I took a deep breath

"I found out who was watching me yesterday while I was practicing. I finally learned his name.. And I can't seem to take my mind off of him" I confessed. Amber's eyes widened. "Who who who?? What's his name??" she practically screamed...

"Yunho" I sighed.

"Hmm, isn't he the leader of that group that's disbanding?" she asked

"I don't know.. But I did meet one of their members.. His name is Yoochun.." I explained. "Stop telling me these names. As terrible as it sounds.. I don't know any of them personally.." she moaned. "But you should!" I blurted. She just shrugged me off and continued to watch TV.

----

The next day, I started to talk to more of the female idols and learned their names. One of the male groups in the label seemed to avoid me all day, but that's okay. They'll warm up.

I met SNSD, f(x), and BoA.. And that's about it. 

While I read my Korean for dummies book in the cafeteria, I couldn't help but hear noise behind me. "Who's that?" I thought as I turned around. It turned around the five members of Yunho's group. I saw Yoochun, Yunho, and three other guys I've never seen.. "I wonder what would happen if I went up to them and joined the conversation." I thought again, but then quickly shook my head of the thought. "No. They're breaking up. Give them all the private time you can, Rachel" I sighed and didn't look back at them again.

Soon, my eyes felt droopy and I laid my head down on the desk.. When I closed my eyes. Time seemed to slow down and everything went black. Then, I felt something smack my face lightly. A hand maybe?

"Huuuh?" I moaned and looked up.. It was the guy from that one band... The guy that reminds me of a bunny rabbit. "Sleeping? This isn't the most comfortable place to be.." he giggled. I turned around to see if Yunho's group was still behind me, which they weren't.. I looked back up at bunny and smiled. "Hi" I said cheerfully. 

"You seem happy for someone who just woke up" he said as he sat down. "Ahh, I wasn't really asleep" I shrugged it off. "What a surprise. Usually when I wake my members up, I get a slap in the face. They have no respect for their leader!" he blurted and laid his head down on the table, which made me giggle. "Yeah.." is all I said, because what he said didn't quite make sense. I still need more time to master Korean. 

"What's your name again?" I asked him. He stood up and bowed. "Lee Jinki inmida! Or you can call me Onew" he said proudly. His awkward nature made me smile. There's something about him that I can't seem to put my finger on....

----

While Onew and I talked for about an hour, I decided it was time to hit the dance practice room to work out. As I said goodbye to Onew and walked to practice room 3B, I crossed paths with an idol. A man, who looked down at the ground, looking somewhat sad.. "Maybe I should say hi.. He looks a little familiar" I thought

Right when he was at me side, still walking, I made up my mind. 

"Hi!" I said cheerfully to him. He slowly looked up at me, sheer sadness painted all over his face. Why do people have to be sad? He seems like someone who should always be happy. "Hi" he said back rather quietly. 

"What's your name?" I asked him..

"What's yours?" he asked. "Woow, what a weirdo.. Definitely a special person to talk to.." I thought. Usually people give you their name when they ask for it, but not this dude. 

"I asked you first" I said.. He sighed, but then smiled.. "I'm Jaejoong" he bowed. His smile seemed to speak a million words.. Something special was definitely hidden behind that simple smile..

"I'm Rachel. It's nice to meet you, Jaejoong" I smiled. 

"What group are you from? Are you a solo artist?" I asked

"No.. I'm part of a group. We're called Dong Bang Shin Ki. But lately, we've been having issues.." he explained. I looked down at the ground at my shoes. "I'm sorry to hear that" I sighed. 

"It's fine.. I hope we can meet you again sometime in the future, even though the chances are quite slim.."

"You will. I'll remember you" I smiled at him.. 

"Thank you.." he smiled and played with his hair. "What for?" I asked. He looked up at me slowly. "For cheering me up.."

I shrugged and blushed. "It was nothing.. It's what I do.." I giggled. Just when Jaejoong was about to speak again, we both heard a voice from behind him. 

"Jaejoong hyung!... We're leaving now..." I heard a male voice in the distance. I looked over Jaejoong's shoulder and saw a man, a tall man. "I'll be right there, Changmin-ah!" Jaejoong yelled without turning around. The members of Dong Bang Shin Ki seem to really be cold with each other, as if they're fighting. I can only imagine what it's like. "You should go" I said

The way the man, obviously named Changmin, said "We're leaving now" honestly broke my heart, as if he was saying "we're leaving now and never coming back" 

"You're right.. I sincerely hope we see each other in the future" Jaejoong smiled and started to walk away. "I-It was nice meeting you!" I called out to him as he left. He turned around briefly. "It was nice meeting you too, Rachel. Goodbye" he nodded and continued to walk away with Changmin.

"I'll remember you, Jaejoong.. I promise" I thought..

---

Later that day, I ran into Yunho again in the hall, and like yesterday, it was nothing but stares and awkward waves. As I looked at him from the other side of the hall, it looked like he wanted to get closer. He was no more than 10 feet away. I looked down at the ground for a short second when he decided to speak. "Can I get to know you better?" he said silently, but loud enough for me to hear it. Yet I played dumb and asked him to repeat himself.

"Uhh.. Nevermind" he sighed and looked down as he blushed. I could feel a sadness growing in my heart. "But, I wanna know more about you too" I said in my head.

And at that, I decided I needed time to think. So I turned around and left, leaving him there alone.

While I walked away, I had the weirdest feeling that someone followed me all the way to the cafeteria.... When I sat down at my usual table, I looked around once and laid my head down to think..

Why did I have to screw that up?

I do want to get to know him better

And now the oppurtunity is lost..

While I thought of what I was going to say to Yunho next time we meet, I couldn't shake the undeniable feeling of being watched. When I finally decided to look up from the ground, I found out that I was being watched by a man. He looked like an idol, but I've never seen his face before. His face reminded me of a rat. He looked rather upset with me. "What did I do wrong?" I thought

He started to walk up to me slowly, keeping his eyes on me, not looking anywhere else, but at me. I started to feel uncomfortable when he finally made it to my side. "Who are you?" he asked. I didn't know how to answer the obviously easy question. "Just tell him your name, idiot!" I thought, but his glare distracted me

"I'm Rachel.. And you are...?" I asked

"Why were you talking to Yunho?" he asked.. Hmm, he didn't say hyung, he must be older than him. "Uhh. Well.." I stuttered. Why do I feel like I'm in an interrogation?

"Well..?" he said, trying his hardest to get the answer out of me. "Are you two friends?" I asked him. "Yeah.. He's a very good friend of mine, and things that happen to him don't exactly get past me" he spat. Why is he so mean?

"I'm sorry" I sighed "He must be really important to you.. I'll stay away"

"I'm not telling you to stay away. I'm asking you.." he said, then got really close, too close, to my face. "Why were you talking to him?" he asked. I can't breathe with him this close, so I backed up, but he followed me to the other side of the long seat and got even closer. "Stop!" I yelled as I stood up from the table. 

"Hyung! Where have you been? It's time to practice!" a man yelled from behind us. I turned around and saw a short man with attractive eyebrows and jawline. I turned back to the rat-faced man and sat back down at the other side of the table. "Psshh, whatever" he spat my way before he started to walk away with one of s, I heard the shorter guy say "Don't mess with her, she's new"

I finally took my first deep breath of air in minutes and laid my head back down. "Why does everyone hate me?" I asked aloud. 

"I don't hate you" I heard Amber say from a distance. I shot my head up and saw her walking towards with me. "Thank god you're alone!" I exclaimed.. She giggled. "Why say that? What happened?"

"I don't know! Everyone here is so mysterious" I sighed, remembering how Yunho acts around me, and how ratface asked me questions while scaring me to death. "Well, don't worry about them. Our debut is tomorrow. Excited?" she smiled nudging me. I shook my weird thoughts and replaced them with happy ones. "Of course! We're gunna kill it!"

Just then, my phone rang. I looked down and saw the caller ID... It's from America.. "How did they find this number?" I asked myself. "How did who find this number?" Amber asked while looking down at my screen. "it's a phone call from America.. Look" I said pointing to my phone. I watched her face form a confused look. "Maybe it's from a phone call from home.. Friends?" she asked.

"Don't have any..." 

"Family..?" 

"Can't understand why.. My mom hates me, my brother never tries to contact me because he's busy with work.. And my dad is really sick.."

"Damn" she just sighed. By this time, we let the phone ring too long and missed it. I set my phone down on the table and started to change the subject when my phone rang again. Same number..

"Just answer it" Amber commanded.. "Fine.." I sighed and looked down at the number one more time before answering it.

"Hello?" I said.

"Rachel?" I heard my brother, Chris say into the phone. "Chris! How have you been??" I practically yelled into the phone. This is my first time talking to him in months.

"Are you in Korea?"

"Yeah, I've been here for a couple days. Where have you been?"

"I've been taking care of our father! You should be here helping me. Mom is furious.."

"She always is.."

"Rachel, you need to come back to America.. Dad doesn't have much time left"

"I'll see you guys soon.. I really will.. My official career begins again tomorrow"

"Please be fast!"

"I will! Have faith in me.. I'll have my debut and I'll be back just in time to see him.."

"Why can't you take time off of work just for a while to see your dad before he DIES??"

And that's when I had had it..

"... He's not going to die! And why couldn't you take time off of your work to take care of ME when I was sick? What makes dad different??" I yelled into the phone before hanging up on my brother. 

I took in a deep breath and felt a tear roll down my cheek. "Stop crying.. Stop CRYING!" I thought. Then, I remembered that I wasn't alone. I looked down at Amber. She stared up at me concerned.. "Do you.. Think we can postpone our debut so you can see your dad?" Amber asked.. 

"You know we can't do that.. I wish" I sighed and threw my phone on the table. "Well, let's just hope the debut goes by fast. I hope he can hold on for you"

"He can. My father is a strong man"

----

Next day--->>

Just as the song ended, Amber and I ran back stage as fast as we could. I was full of energy that I didn't know how to use.. But at the same time, my dad wouldn't leave my mind.

"GOOD JOB!!!" I heard a male voice behind while I drank my water bottle. I spun around and saw a man with a cute face. I wanted to pinch his cheeks. "HI! I'm Rachel! WHAT'S YOUR NAME??" I asked him over the loud music. "Lee Sungmin! Nice to meet you!! Me and my hyung came to see your performance!! I'LL GO GET HIM SO YOU CAN MEET HIM!" Sungmin yelled over the music. I smiled and nodded while he ran off. Soon, he came back with another guy with black hair and a cute small smile.. "HI! I'M KIM JONGWOON! BUT SINCE WE'RE FROM THE SAME LABEL, CALL ME YESUNG!!" he introduced himself. I laughed at how loud he had to be to communicate. "WHAT IF I LIKE JONGWOON BETTER??" I joked with him. He laughed and shook his head. "WELL, THAT'S JUST TOO BAD! CALL ME YESUNG! I'M LOOKING FORWARD TO MAYBE WORKING WITH YOU AND AMBER!" he yelled to me..

Sungmin and Yesung. Seem like two really nice guys.

When they left, I sat backstage, and listened to the screaming fans.. Those are my Korean fans.. My fans, people that are happy to see me. I couldn't believe it. If only my family could see me now.. I hope where ever my father is, he's happy for me.. After all this thought, I could feel a small tear fall from my eye.. "I told myself I wouldn't cry! I've done this before in America.. Why am I crying again!?" I thought.

"Don't cry!" Amber yelled over the music while she hugged my quivering body. "I-I can't help it!" I argued. I could hear Amber sniffle, as if she had been crying too.. 

I looked up and saw her red puffy eyes. "Why are you crying? You've done this before!" I cried. "Because.. I'm just.. really really proud of you" she said while wiping her tears away. "Awwww!" I sobbed into her jacket. "I'm proud of you... I'm proud of you!" she repeated to me while we both cried alone baskstage.. Until..

"HEEEEEEYYYY!!! YOU GUYS DID AWESOME!!" I heard a familiar voice. I looked up to Taemin. "Taemin! You're here!" I smiled. He shrugged. Emerging behind him was Jonghyun and Onew. 

"Yah! Don't cry! This is just the beginning" Onew smiled down at me and wiped a tear from my cheek. His smile made everything better. I looked up and saw Jonghyun smiling down at me. "We're very proud of you!" he said while ruffling my hair. I looked behind him and saw Key, my Korean teacher. "Teacher! Come here!" I called him. He came over slowly and smiled. "Teacher?" he giggled.

"Yeah! You've been helping me speak better Korean, haven't you?" I smiled. By this time, I'd stopped crying. Key shrugged. "I am a good teacher.. Aren't I?" he laughed.

While the conversations between SHINee moved on to Amber, I looked around and saw two figures in the distance, standing next to each other

"Yunho?" I mouthed. He looked at me from about twenty feet away, smiled, and put two thumbs up.. I smiled and wiped my damp face one more time before holding up one thumb. Yunho nudged the person standing next to him. The other person looked over at me, smiled, and waved. Where have I seen him before??

---Flashback---

"Jaejoong hyung!... We're leaving now..." I heard a male voice in the distance. I looked over Jaejoong's shoulder and saw a man, a tall man. "I'll be right there, Changmin-ah!" Jaejoong yelled without turning around.

---End of flashback---

"It's Changmin!" I thought.

After remembering his face, I smiled and waved back. I looked at Yunho and gestured him to come over. But he wouldn't.. "Please?" I mouthed to him. I wanted to finally get closer. Why does he want to keep such a distance? 

He just shook his head and mouthed "It's okay".

I started to pout.. I clasped my hands together and looked at him with puppy dog eyes. 

I was too busy persuading Yunho when.. 

"Hey! We'll be right back!" Amber tapped my shoulder and walked away with SHINee. I took my eyes off of Yunho and Changmin for only two seconds, and when I looked back, they were gone. "DAMNIT! I need to find them" I thought and stood up. I saw them walking away. What do I do?

Chase them? I don't want to look weird. 

I took a deep breath and sat back down. Now I'm alone again.

I looked down at the ground and sighed. Why won't he come close? Why is he so shy? I want to know more about him.. Why does he have to be like this? If I talk to him again, will I get approached by ratface again?

So many thoughts....

Soon, Amber came back up to me and told me to come with her. She brought me to Lee Soo Man, our boss. He held out arms for a hug. I smiled and accepted his hug. "Good job out there. I can't wait to see more from you and Amber!" he said. "You will. I'll make sure of it!" I said over his shoulder, feeling like crying again. "You're Korean has improved" he said when he let me go. "Yeah, I got help from Key" I confessed. Soo Man patted me on the shoulder and smiled. "I hope SMTown really becomes a big happy family for you" he giggled.. Family..

MY DAD!

"Sir. I have a favor to ask you. A big one"

---->> Three days later. 

I woke up to my alarm at 8am. While I stretched and made my usual weird noises that sounded like alien mating calls...

"Uggghhh! Shut up! I'm still sleeping!" Amber groaned in her bed. "You know you love me" I said in a raspy voice. I looked down at my luggage, which was packed for my 6pm flight to America. "I'm so happy our boss is letting me leave on such short notice" I smiled, finally waking up.

"He lets you do things because you're a foreigner. You are what's going to help our company spread to America. That is what you're here for.. Isn't it?" Amber said with her face buried in her pillow. "That's what they told me" I shrugged

"You're like a secret weapon to him.. And you get privileges" she sighed. "I-I do?" I asked... "He failed to mention that.. I think everyone should get fair rights"

"Tell him that. Welcome to the workplace" she moaned and rolled over in bed. I laid back down in bed as my mind raced. 

"I don't wanna be special. I don't want to be a secret weapon. I just want to be like everyone else.. Same rights and privileges"

After much thought, I finally got up, took a shower, dressed, ate breakfast, and drove to work.

----

"Is Lee Soo Man here today.. I need to talk to him.." I asked the secretary at the front desk. She checked her watch and looked at a piece of paper on a clipboard. "He should be arriving in the next ten minutes. You're here a tad early.. Most of you who aren't working overseas don't come in for another hour or so" she said. "Well.. I have something to talk to him about.." I sighed and sat down in a chair. 

After waiting for twenty minutes, Soo Man finally walked in alone. "Rachel.. Your flight is today.. You should be getting ready to see your family" he smiled at me. When he was preparing to walk past me, I stopped him with my hand and pushed him back in front of me. Not the most respectful thing to do, but hey. "I'm an American" is my biggest excuse.

"Manager Lee. I don't know if this is true or not. But Amber said since I'm you're only real foreigner, I get privileges that the other idols don't, like leaving work on such short notice. Is this true?" I asked him with a straight face, making him know that I meant business. "People like you deserve it. Asking you to leave America was not an easy task. You're our biggest asset in terms of international market share. You know very well one of the biggest reasons why you're here is to help us with our popularity in America. We don't want to lose you. I don't want to lose you. You're a gifted singer. You really are" was his arguement..

And now it's my turn...

"Your other idols deserve more than me! I've seen their audition tapes and training videos. I've never been through such tough training. I can only imagine how many hours they've taken out of their precious lives so you can turn them into stars. Just because I decided to leave my hometown doesn't make me any more important or any more credible than your other idols. Please take into consideration that what decisions I've made doesn't make me special. I don't want special privileges.. I want to be like the others so we can get along better. And if you're not willing to take away these privileges, then at least give them to everyone else so we can all be equal. All I want from you is equality, and I promise you, I'll work hard.."

After I was done with my rant, I could finally take my focus off of Soo Man. It was only then that I realized, we had an audience....

I looked around.. behind was Soo Man was Yunho, Yoochun, Jaejoong, Changmin, and their only other member that I haven't met yet.

To my right was Taeyeon, Sunny, Seohyun, Yuri, and Jessica.... Behind them were Sungmin, Yesung, the short guy with the nice eyebrows and jawline, and ratface, along with about five other guys.

And behind me, was Jonghyun, Key, Minho, Taemin, and Onew. Behind them were Luna, Sulli, Victoria, and Amber....

Oh my god...

Everyone.. That I thought, for a second, that I could actually get along with one point in time..

Probably all think I'm crazy..

Weird..

Terrible..

Disrespectful..

Out of line..

I guess you could say I've sealed my fate..

As the odd one out...

Forever....

I could feel a small tear fall from my eye.. "Don't wipe it, Rachel. Then they'll know you're crying.." I thought

I looked back at Soo Man. Everything was dead silent. Nobody said anything for a long, painful, fifteen seconds...

...Until..

I could hear someone clapping.. Clapping their hands together... Like applauding.. .. I looked behind Soo Man and saw Jaejoong smiling at me and clapping his hands.. Very soon after, Yunho joined in. Then Changmin, Then Yoochun, Then their fifth member..

That's very nice of them.. But..

Then I heard the clapping coming from my right..

...Ratface was clapping his hands and nodding his head.

Gradually, s started to follow his lead.. I felt my cheeks blush. 

"WHOOO!" I heard Jonghyun cheer behind me. I turned around and saw that all five SHINee members were clapping too. Even Minho, the one that doesn't like me. And then, all at once, the five SNSD members started to applaud. Shortly after, Amber joined in, along with her members.... 

This is too much.. Way too much.. This is not what I had expected. I was about to run, until I looked at Soo Man, who was also clapping. What?? My boss is clapping for me after I called him out??

The cheering and applause went on for another ten seconds. An unbearable ten seconds, I might add. My face felt so red, I covered it with my jacket. "Stop it.." I mumbled. As much as I wanted to get away, I felt a small smile make its way to me face. 

"So this is what acceptance feels like.." I thought underneath my jacket. Finally, the clapping was starting to fade and I can show my face again.. "Rachel. I think you're absolutely right. Thank you for opening my eyes.." he smiled and offered his hand for a hand shake. I reached out and shook his hand. I looked around and saw that everyone was just watching, and smiling. I felt my cheeks blush.

Lee Soo Man looked around for moment. "Well, don't you all have something to do? Our next concert as a family is coming close. I hope you all are working hard.." he announced to everyone. All but about a few said "Yes, sir"

I sighed and sat down while everyone went their separate ways. I looked behind Soo Man and saw the five TVXQ members walking when Yunho turned around, smiled, and gave me a thumbs up. I smiled and mouthed "Thanks" to him. After that, he turned around and didn't look back. I started to think about how much time his group had together. I've heard not much longer. The three that are leaving are debuting soon as a separate group. As I thought, someone looked down at me. I looked up to my boss. "You know, you are right. Everyone should be treated equal. But I do still recommend that you fly to America today to see your family. When you asked me, you sounded desperate.." he frowned. I looked down at the ground and thought of my dad, and how he looked the last time I saw him.

"I am desperate.. And yes, I'll go ahead on the flight. If all goes well, I'll be back by this weekend.." I smiled up at him.. Soo Man smiled at me, patted me on the shoulder, and walked away, leaving me alone. 

When everything calmed down, I left the building, went home, and packed the last of my things. I'm all ready to go, but it's only noon.. "I'll just wait a few hours.." I thought

From then on, I made my bed, sat down, and stared at the clock for another two and a half hours. 

---

"4pm, now is a good time to leave" I thought and picked up my bag. When I made it to the lobby, someone was standing next to their car, looking into the glass doors at me. When I walked out with my luggage, I saw Onew, standing by his car. "Hi.." was all I could say

"Hi.. I'm here to take you to the airport" he smiled. "Oh.. It's fine, I can drive myself.." I looked down and blushed. He wants to drive me? That's so kind..

"I'm not taking no for an answer" he giggled and started putting my luggage into the trunk.. "Well.. I guess that's fine.." I thought. "Quick. Get in. Don't wanna be late to your flight, now do we?" he said as he shut the trunk. I obeyed shyly and opened the passenger seat door.

As soon as we got onto the freeway, Onew spoke up. "So, why are you going back to America? You just debuted.." he said confused. "I wish I didn't have to leave work.. I'll be back soon. My dad is.. really sick.. And I need to see him" I sighed. I could see, from the corner of my eye, Onew looking at me. "I'm.. I'm really sorry.." he whispered. I faked a smile and looked back up at him. "It's okay. It's just a visit. He'll be okay" I smiled at him. He didn't seem to believe my words and just continued to drive. 

--- 

When I was finally there, Onew waved to me while I walked into the building. When I went through security, people were looking at me and pointing at me. I wondered for a moment why, but then I remembered...

I'm famous in Korea now.. 

---

When we landed in Seattle, I didn't even bother unpacking my bag or check into a hotel. I rolled my bag behind me as I made my way into the hospital my dad was staying in. "Can I get the room number of Geoff _____ please?" I asked the woman at the front desk in Korean..

"...Excuse me? Ma'am.. I don't speak that language.." she said.. Oh crap

I've been speaking only Korean for days.. Have I already forgotten to speak my native tongue??

"Oh..." I said, shaking my head.. "I'm really sorry.. Can I get the room number for Geoff _____ please? I'm his daughter.." I said while I put my liscense down on the table for her to inspect. Just as I turned around while I waited, my phone started to buzz in my pocket, but I ignored it....

"Okay. He's in room 330.. Go on ahead" she smiled and pointed me in the right direction.. I nodded my head once, picked up my liscense and walked through the doors that she had pointed to.. Just as I was about to walk into the main hall..

"Rachel.." I heard my brother's voice from behind the wall.. I decided to hide myself before turning the corner to see him

"This is Chris leaving you a voicemail.. Look.. This is one of the hardest things I've ever done.." he said, his voice breaking.. I continued to listen..

"I wanted to wait until you got here, but mom said it's better that I tell you as soon as possible, even if it's over the phone.."

I heard him sniffle and let out a small cry.. 

"Rachel.. Dad's dead..." he cried..

No.. This isn't happening..

I felt a sudden tear fall from my eye... 

"I'm sorry-y-y..." Chris sobbed into the phone.. I couldn't feel my legs so I collapsed on the ground.. My senses weakened and I couldn't see, hear, speak, stand.. Nothing.. 

"No.. This.. I.." 

Apparently, Chris heard my body fall to the floor, and I felt someone holding my body close.. I had just enough energy to look up and I saw my brother, his eyes full of tears..

That's when I was done holding it in.. I let out a loud cry, that almost sounded like a scream... "NOOOOOOO!!" I screamed as Chris rocked me back and forth.. I could hear him trying to shush me.. While I was having my fit, I glanced up for a brief moment and saw my mom looking down at us...

"Rachel... You're here.." she said quietly. I pushed Chris off of me and stood up to hug my mom. I put my arms around her, but she wouldn't hug back. "I've missed you mom.." I sobbed into her shoulder.. I felt like I was hugging a tree. 

"Rachel" I heard Chris say behind me.. All of a sudden, I felt my mom put her hand on the top of my head.

"Mom?" I said.. What is she--

Suddenly, her hand closed and she grabbed me by the hair, almost ripping it out..

I let out a scream while she dragged me by the hair to dad's room. When she opened the door to one room, she brought me in and threw me at dad's dead body, which was laying in a bed.

"LOOK AT WHAT YOU DID!!!" I heard my mom scream at the back of my head. I tried not to pay attention and just laid my head down on his chest and sobbed.

I finally got to see my dad.. 

Only..

He's dead now.. "Dad.. Why did you have to leave so soon? Why couldn't you wait a little longer for me? Was I really gone that long?"

Soon, orderlies in the hospital heard mine and mom's screams and ran into the room.. 

"It was her! She killed that man! She killed him!" My mom screamed while she was yanked out of the room. After she wasn't in my sight, Chris ran in and started to yank me towards the door I came in. "Get out" he said while he dragged me.. "What?? Why?!" I asked, still not able to control my tears..

"Because now is your only chance.. Go back to Korea" he said while lighlty pushing me towards the door. "No! I'm staying for the funeral.." I said confidently, wiping my nose. Chris rolled his bloodshot eyes and sighed. "Okay.. But after that.." he started.. 

"What.. What do I do after that??" I asked.  Chris looked down before replying..

"You have to go. And.. You can't come back." his voice cracked....

"N-Never??" I could feel myself tearing up again.. "At least until further notice" he sighed.. "As long as mom is like this, after the funeral, you can't come back"

"Well, at least make an effort to come to Korea someday to visit me...." I negotiated with him. "I know mom won't.." 

"I will.. Someday.. Now go, get out.. I'll see you at the funeral" he said pushing me back again. I just nodded, tears in my eyes, and turned around and ran as fast as I could. I grabbed my luggage out of the waiting room and just kept running. I ran until it was hard to breathe. I finally stopped outside a Pizza Hut when I felt rain start falling from the sky..

Scenes from minutes ago started to replay in my head.... "He's dead.. My father is dead" I kept repeating in my head.. Because it's the truth. He's gone and never coming back... Rain started to drench my entire being and people tried tapping me on my shoulder, asking if I was okay. But I'm too deep in thought to reply.. Or move.. I finally moved to a more dry place to sit and think.. 

"Chris is right.. After this funeral, I have to leave for good.."

"Because.. There's nothing left for me here.." 

"Dad's dead, mom wants to kill me.."

"The only thing that would get me to come back is Chris.. And he's the one who's telling me to leave"

"It's settled.. My heart, my soul, me as a person.. is meant to be in Korea"

"There's nothing left for me here.. Anymore" 

"I want my new friends here with me"

"Even though some of them aren't even friends...And some I'll probably never see again soon" 

I want Amber here.. 

I want Yunho here

And Onew

And Key

And Yoochun

And Jaejoong

And Changmin

And Luna

And Victoria

And Sulli

And Jonghyun

And Sungmin

And Yesung

And.. I hate to say it.. Even ratface..

No use getting up from this spot.. Guess I'll just sleep here...