Chapter 42

Author’s POV

After his talk with Choa, Yuri circled around the amusement park. While walking around, he was able to spot Jessica within the thick crowd.

Yuri was only a few steps away from Jessica but he decided not to approach her right away. He kept his distance but he was careful not to lose Jessica within his sights. Yuri looked at Jessica with eyes that were vividly trying its best to remember that moment.

A moment that would never come back to him or to her. With hundreds of people passing by, Yuri had his eyes on one. A particular selection among the crowd that held a special bearing in Yuri’s humanity or whatever was left of it.

“I’m sorry.” Yuri whispers to himself

Yuri was tired but he had to keep on fighting. There was no place or time for wavering. If he turned back now, everything he worked hard for will be gone in an instant. This wasn’t just about him anymore. It was about the lives that were destroyed because of one person. Being selfish was not an option for Yuri but moments like this made him weak. He allowed himself to think of other things other than his plans.

Outside the walls of his plans, sprouted options that were doable and at times tempting but the little humanity that Yuri had knew that it wouldn’t be right to stray away from the path he had originally made for himself.

Yuri closed his eyes and made sure to not lose himself over the fantasies his opened eyes were having. When he got a good hold of himself he slowly took steps towards Jessica who was still unaware of Yuri’s presence.

“Someone’s looking a bit lost.” Yuri sneaks up on Jessica and whispers in her ear.

Jessica shuddered a bit from the surprise but she was able to control herself from letting out a dolphin-like squeal.

“And someone’s late.” Jessica fired back playfully

“This...” Yuri pointed to himself “…someone remembers informing you that he’d be late so I see no wrong in here.”

Jessica shakes her head in response and gave up “Did you just get here? The others are still going crazy with the rides.”

“I did. And you’re here alone because?” Yuri returns a question

“I was with Choa but she went off to buy snacks for her driver. I wanted to rest for a bit, that’s all.” Jessica says as she looks around the amount of people walking around the park.

Yuri smiles at Jessica and holds out his hand for the latter, hopefully in his mind, to grab.

“Let’s at least go on one of these rides before the fireworks start.” In the end, Yuri couldn’t stop. He couldn’t let the moment go. He wasn’t able to let go because he wasn’t aware he was still grabbing onto it in the first place.

Jessica replies by taking Yuri’s hand in hers and letting him lead the way.

The two end up lining up for the Ferris wheel. From friends to couples, the line for that one ride was nicely filled. Yuri let go of Jessica’s hand when they reached the end of the line where a staff of the amusement park relays instructions on safety.

Inside the gondola lift, Yuri and Jessica sat beside each other with Jessica sitting near the window.

“This is my first time to ride this.” Yuri shares his thoughts as he looks around interior of the lift.

Jessica turns her head and looks at Yuri in awe. “You can’t be serious. Really? It’s your first time on a Ferris Wheel?”

Yuri nods his head “Actually, it’s my first time in an amusement park.” He innocently reveals

Jessica’s jaw slightly dropped in disbelief.

“I can’t even begin to imagine what your…” Jessica pauses and instead whispers the next few words “…childhood was like.” She bit her lip and mentally scolded herself for not filtering her thoughts well.

The Ferris Wheel slowly went on its way and the two started to lift off. Jessica felt like she went overboard with what she said but Yuri didn’t let her have enough time to sulk.

“I wasn’t really adventurous as a kid. I liked the little things I was surrounded with. My mother was a professor at an Arts university. She taught Theatre and Film majors but that wasn’t all that she was interested in. She liked Art, in general. My childhood was filled with artworks, music, stories and the occasional star-gazing with my dad. Sports came a bit late in me but I did spend some time at parks.” Yuri explains in his own pace.

Yuri shared the truth for once. The inevitable guilt that he had on him wanted to be at least be able to tell Jessica something that wasn’t part of his plans.

Jessica felt fascinated and at the same time surprised that Yuri was actually sharing something from his past. She remembers being told by Dr. Kim that he doesn’t remember anything much from that part of his life. The thought of Dr. Kim brought back the events of a certain night that Jessica has been wanting to discuss with Yuri.

“Can I ask you something?” Jessica softly starts the overdue conversation

Yuri focuses on Jessica and waits for her to continue

“I know that I’m in no position to demand for answers but I don’t think I can ever just pretend it didn’t happen or I don’t know anything.” Jessica didn’t need to say anymore for Yuri to understand where she wanted to steer the conversation to.

A part of Yuri, that maybe bigger than what he can admit, wanted to tell Jessica the truth right there and then. Yet another decision fell on his shoulders and as heavy it was to carry out, he knew that there shouldn’t be any other choice.

“It had to happen. That night, had to happen. I’m sorry but that’s all I can say.” Is what Yuri said but in his mind he wanted to tell Jessica that, even that was part of his plan.

He badly wanted to tell her that he’ll be forever sorry for involving her in his own mess.

He wanted to tell her that she should throw away her feelings for him because he doesn’t deserve it.

He wanted to tell her that whatever good that she sees in him has never existed.

In the end, Yuri couldn’t. All he managed to do was retell himself that what he was doing was for the greater good while he looked at Jessica.

“Will I ever know?” Jessica meekly asks again

“When the world becomes a better place, maybe then you’ll know.” Yuri vaguely answers again

Jessica wasn’t hopeful that she’d get straight answers from Yuri so she didn’t feel that much of disappointment when she heard Yuri’s replies.

The silence didn’t last long as their lift reached the top. From their view, everything looked so small and the starts felt a bit closer. For the simplest of reasons, it seemed like they were on top of their own world.

“They’re like ants from up here.” Jessica says amazement. The view completely caught her attention. The height, the lights, and the endless sea of people moving at their own paces made her forget almost everything.

On the other hand, Yuri couldn’t care less about the view Jessica was taking in. He was more interested in another view that he wanted to memorize. The little things were slowly catching up to Yuri but no matter how much he wanted to keep these things, he just knew that he wouldn’t be able to take care of it.

Yuri kept his eyes on Jessica the whole time. This was another moment that he wanted to keep in his mind. While Jessica took in the view outside, Yuri took in the view from where he sat.

Next to the girl that he will always remember when everything will be forgotten, Yuri knew the inevitability of the things to come.

Jessica turned her head away from the window and back to the boy beside him. Her eyes met Yuri’s and just like before, everything stopped.

The gondola lift suddenly got smaller and the fact that it was only her and Yuri inside, suddenly hit Jessica. She meant to ask Yuri if he had contacted the others before he found her but the moment her eyes met Yuri’s, her thoughts were in a way violently taken away from her.

Contrary to Jessica’s frozen mind and thoughts, Yuri’s were full of contradicting thoughts. He was very much familiar with that certain feeling and so emptying his mind so he could focus on what he singled out was the right thing to do wasn’t so hard. Yuri slowly moved towards Jessica. This bold move left the latter unable to move from her spot. There was no space for her to do so anyway. There was the only the window behind her that caught her back.

Yuri didn’t take away his eyes from Jessica’s. With every move, brought Yuri’s face closer to Jessica’s and with every inch taken away from their distance, the louder Jessica’s heart rung inside her ears. When there was nothing but a slit of space between their faces Yuri stopped.

He didn’t stop out of his own will but rather because of a sound that rung inside the gondola lift. Yuri looked down and saw Jessica’s phone that was on her jacket’s front pocket. The light from Jessica’s phone bled through the jacket’s fabric.

Yuri took it and answered the call himself. While all of this was happening, Jessica was still frozen in her place, not being able to say a word.

“Hello?” the voice from the other end said

Yuri backed away from Jessica a bit but still kept his eyes on her.

”Jess? Are you there?” the same voice asked

Yuri smiled at Jessica who was still stuck in the moment. It took the latter a couple more seconds to process everything. When she was able to catch up, Jessica spoke.

“I-I’m here! H-Hi!” Jessica takes her phone from Yuri

“Are you with Yuri? He texted me he was already here.”

“Uh… Uhm…” Jessica struggled to answer and so Yuri snatched away Jessica’s phone once again and put the call on speaker

“Great timing, Taeyeon.” Yuri says as he smiles mischievously at Jessica.

“Yuri? Is that you?” Taeyeon, the unprecedented caller, asks.

“Yeah. We’re on the Ferris Wheel. We’ll meet you guys near the castle for the fireworks.” Before Taeyeon could even reply, Yuri already ended the call.

Yuri slides back Jessica’s phone into her jacket’s pocket and proceeded to smile without a word.

Flustered didn’t quite fit the way Jessica felt. It was a mix of frustration and shock. The latter because she would have never in a million years imagine that Yuri would try to pull off something like that and the former because more or less she wanted to kiss Yuri too.

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Taeyeon’s POV

“Hey! Wait— “The call ends abruptly. I’m not even mad because if Yuri and Jessica are together at this very moment then there’s no need for me to even come up with silly plans.

From the minute Sooyoung, suggested this amusement park thing, I’ve been thinking about how to leave Yuri and Jessica alone. I should’ve known that they were bound to end up like that anyway, whether I helped or not.

“Well, Yuri and Jessica are together. They… well Yuri said that they’ll meet us up near the castle for the fireworks.” I announced to the group.

After getting on every single ride here, everyone was pretty much out of it but everyone was still up for the fireworks. We bumped into Choa along the way to snack stands. Basically, the only ones missing from the group were Yuri and Jessica.

I looked over to Kris and he doesn’t seem a bit worried about Jessica. Even Taecyeon spared the usual condescending looks and side comments. I’m guessing they both know that in this huge amusement park, Jessica’s safest bet was to be with Yuri.

“We should get going! The fireworks are about to start!” Sunny chimes after she comes back with Sooyoung with more snacks than the whole group could even finish.

Taecyeon and Kris helped in carrying the sea of snacks Sooyoung and Sunny bought. We then marched right up to the brightly lit castle. We were lucky enough to get a good spot. I kept looking around for Yuri and Jessica. The signal was a bit iffy at this part of the park so calling them was no good.

But then again I do want them to spend more time together so here’s to me hoping that they safely get lost together.

Sooyoung, being the master mind of this whole amusement park trip, came super prepared. Fiddling with her bag, she brings out a huge blanket for us to sit on. Amusingly, the blanket was heaps bigger than what I originally thought.

“You really planned this out, huh?” Taecyeon says as he takes the spot next to Kris.

“We’re seniors and in a few months, we’ll eventually go our separate ways! Might as well make good memories while we’re at it.” Sooyoung couldn’t be any more exact.

In a few months, these people I’ve spent the beginning of my youth with will go their own ways. It’s sad but it’s part of life. I could only hope that in some way, we won’t grow apart. It doesn’t have to be the same as it is today. As long as I could still keep some kind of connection with these bunch, I’d be happy.

The fireworks display was minutes away from starting. I looked around once again and finally spotted Jessica and Yuri slowly approaching our way.

“There you guys are!” I greeted them with a wide smile.

Jessica had her head down while Yuri had this sly smile on his face. The only time that smile comes out from him is whenever he sees something that is funny. Yuri and funny are rare to be seen in one sentence. What Yuri thinks is funny is very limited to things that happen by accident. I remember him smiling like this when one of his teammates kicked the ball too hard and ended up hitting their coach right in the head.

Jessica doesn’t say anything and takes the spot next to Kris while Yuri preferred to stand near guard rails.

Sooyoung brought back in the mood when she went and passed around the food her and Sunny bought for the group.

As usual Yuri turned down the food but instead took the bottled water I gave him.

“Did something happen?” I sneakily whispered to Yuri

Yuri only shakes his head and takes a sip out of his bottle “Aren’t the fireworks a bit late?” he changes the topic swiftly. This is really typical of him.

“It’s about 2 minutes late. When did you get here anyway?” there was no point in asking him, I thought.

“I just got here when I bumped into Jessica. Maybe 30 minutes ago or so.” Again, as usual, Yuri keeps his answers brief and short.

I’m 100% sure that something happened. I mean that phone call earlier with Yuri was weird. I wonder what happened? Well, one thing’s for sure, I won’t find out through Yuri. Maybe I’ll ask Jessica about it.

A loud bang erupted all throughout the theme park then in a quick second the skies were filled with different colors. The firework show started and the night skies became out of the ordinary.

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Author’s POV

The little theme park getaway that Sooyoung planned for her friends has now ended. All of them took the same bus home except for Choa, who was taken to the theme park by car and Yuri who wasn’t planning to end his night just yet.

“You’re not gonna go home yet?” Taeyeon asks her friend

“No. I need to take care of something first. You guys go on ahead.” Yuri replies

“Alright. Take care on your way home, okay? There are a lot of creeps around these parts.” Taeyeon bids goodbye as the others did.

Yuri and Choa watched everyone get on the bus and eventually leave the stop. Yet again, Choa and Yuri were left in each other’s company.

“When everything is over, I’ll leave but before I do I’ll make sure everyone is taken care of. You don’t have to worry about anyone.” Yuri says in an attempt to make Choa switch sides.

“What can you do for me then? Let’s drop all the drama and be honest for once. I’m doing what I am because there is something in it for me.” Choa faces Yuri head on.

She had a reason much like Yuri. A strong desire has been her driving force to agree to do Dr. Kim’s biddings. Seeing as she could never bring herself to that edge again, she sought for an alternative. Choa wanted to forget everything and she knew that Dr. Kim will be able to help her.

“If you think forgetting everything will solve whatever is eating your life away then you’re wrong. Everything that has happened to you up to this very moment, made you into who you are now. Erasing that is erasing yourself. Getting bent over for a life like that is worse than just ending it yourself. That isn’t what you want, Choa. You can step out of the darkness, all you have to do is try. It’s scary, I understand but you have to try. Look at yourself and be honest. You had fun tonight right? I know you’re gonna say that you only came here because you needed to watch me but you can never deny the fact that you actually felt something different tonight. You can feel that permanently if you just let yourself.”

Hearing Yuri talk about her like that made Choa’s anger intensify. She has always thought that Yuri never had the right to talk about the incident last year. For her, Yuri will always be the reason that she still existed and that’s what she hated. Choa hated the fact that she owed the life she wanted to end.

“Trusting me or anyone for that matter is hard, that much I can understand but you don’t want to hurt anyone right? If you keep this up, it’s not just me who’ll be going down. He’ll bring as much people into this as he wants because that’s how he is.”

Yuri was risking everything just to make sure Choa chooses the right side. As much as he didn’t want to give out more information than what was necessary, he had to because there was no other way to convince her.

The night breeze gently passed by and a quick brush of coldness attacked the two.

“Then what the hell are you doing to Jessica then? If you know he’ll bring other people into this then why the hell are you dragging Jessica into it, yourself?!” Choa shouted at Yuri. The things that Yuri are saying and his actions didn’t match in her eyes. They were always contradicting and that is why she can’t bring herself to believe anything that comes out from Yuri.

“The less you know, the safer you are but I guess there’s no point in keeping it from you anymore. Like I said, I didn’t plan for Jessica to happen. I wasn’t the one who brought her into everything, Dohan did.”

Choa’s expression darkened. The things that she knew were slowly biting the dust. “What?” she utters in great confusion

“Why would a psychopath like Dohan engage himself in a relationship? It isn’t just for his cover. He needed Sun Hee because he needed access to the school’s database. He was hunting for a new toy. I’m sure he considered you but because of your political ties, he risked getting discovered.” Yuri takes out his phone and scrolls through the images stored in it. When he finds the one he needs, he stretches his hand out and shows his phone to Choa.

“Jessica and Kris weren’t supposed to be in my class. Here’s the original class list. They should’ve been in Sooyoung’s class.”

Choa scans the picture Yuri was showing and just like what he said, Jessica and Kris’ names were on the list of Sooyoung’s section.

“Dohan is resourceful. He could’ve asked someone he knows to hack into the system or he could’ve done it himself. Either way, he purposely put Jessica and Kris in my class. I’m not sure yet what he really planned to do but I know he had something in mind. I had to stop it so that’s why I’m doing what I’m doing.” Yuri keeps his phone back in his pocket and faced Choa again.

“Are you ing out of your mind? If what you say is true, then what you’re doing is not helping Jessica. You’re putting all the attention on her by continuously involving her in this whole thing.” Choa clenches her teeth to prevent herself to make an awful scene.

“If I hadn’t taken her in, then Dohan would’ve done something to her already. Right now, he’s laying low because he’s waiting for me to do what he has always wanted me to do...This whole thing started because of this obsession he has on having control.” Yuri’s fists balled up involuntarily.

A certain memory from his palace floats up and clouds his vision with anger and hate. When he woke up from the trance Dohan put him in last summer, hundreds and thousands of locked memories unfolded themselves. One particular memory held the most vividness amongst others. Yuri has gotten this far with his plans because of this memory. It kept him sane and alive for the sake of revenge.

“He… he wants to see me kill Jessica just like how he killed Taekwoon and my mother right in front me.” 

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