Chapter 35

Yuri’s POV

I went back inside our room with this smile on my face. What I said to Ms. Sun Hee was nothing but a joke. Hopefully, her sense of humor would recognize that. Although I’ll be honest, running away with Jessica, the idea of it, is quite tempting but that would never happen. Two 18 year olds running away together with nothing but pent-up feelings and strong attachment to each other, spells trouble.

I went back to my seat as quietly as possible. A few seconds after me, Ms. Sun Hee entered as well. She went back to her table and proceeded to do her job. I closed my eyes and let the time pass by me again.

The day went by faster than I had expected. The bell rang signaling for our lunch break. While everyone was scrambling to fix their stuff, I took this opportunity to talk to Kris.

He sat beside Taecyeon so naturally the atmosphere at the back where the three of us were seated, kind of detached itself from the almost cheery mood of the class as it was lunch break after all.

“Do you mind if we talked over lunch? It’s about your try-out.”

“Uhh. Yeah, of course.” Kris sounded a little bit awkward.

“Right. Actually…” I looked over my shoulder to see Taeyeon and Jessica staring at us.

I turn my head and face Kris again “…why don’t you go ahead and eat lunch first and just meet me at the field?”

“You sure? I mean I could just skip lunch. It’s totally fine.”

“No. It’s okay. Just meet me there when you’re done.”

I grabbed my bag and was about to walk past Taeyeon and Jessica but then something or rather someone stopped me.

“Hey, why don’t you join us for lunch?” Taeyeon looked at me as if she really wanted me to say yes. I look over to her side and see Jessica a bit surprised with Taeyeon’s actions.

“I can’t. I need to take care of things. Thank you, though.” With that said I took off and went out of the classroom.

This is me making every second count. I’ll fix what I can here before I leave to fix myself.

--

I went straight for the soccer field and decided to wait there. I sat myself down at the middle of the bleachers and just looked at the vastness of the field. I can’t say for sure if my decisions are right but I’m going to go with my gut feel rather than actually sitting down and thinking everything through.

If what that letter says is true, then I’ll make sure Dr. Kim pays for everything he has done to my family and to me. My desire for revenge does not translate well in reality. I still think about other possibilities. What if the letter was wrong? What if I did kill Taekwoon? What if? Would I be able to look at myself? Would Jessica be able to accept me?

These things run through my head at a constant pace. The steps I’m taking now are precautionary. I need to make sure everyone forgets Kwon Yuri if indeed there is a monster hiding himself inside me because that person doesn’t deserve to be remembered. He deserves to be buried deep into the abyss.

The time I spent hurting and beating myself over for not being able to remember things correctly or when I felt like hallowed out and empty is something I yearn for now. I would have preferred to feel like that rather than this haunting feeling of being more or less attuned to the idea of me being a monster.  I wish I had the strength to believe that I didn’t do it but I don’t. I just feel more attached to the idea of the opposite.

I closed my eyes and tried my best to block out unnecessary thoughts, the last thing I want to happen is to lose myself.

No. Not again, I thought. I can’t lose myself again. I need to get my grip on this reality. This is happening. Last night happened. My life happened. This isn’t a dream.

“Thought I’d find you here.” I hear someone say

I turn my head to my right and see Taeyeon standing there, looking at me with a smile. Eventually she sat down beside me and for the first few minutes, no one spoke. She must’ve wanted to say something. She never goes looking for me like this if it isn’t important.

“So…” Taeyeon starts off awkwardly

“If you want to say something, go ahead.” I returned my gaze to the field.

It takes her another while to speak again but nevertheless she did.

“These past few days… You’ve been acting more strange than usual; you know? I just wanted to know if you were okay.”

Taeyeon has always been there for me however I’ve never really gave it a second look. I never found it necessary for her to be there but now… now is different.

“Thank you for everything. You’re a really good friend, Taeyeon. I’ve never showed it but I really appreciate the friendship you’ve given me.

I didn’t need to look at Taeyeon to know that she was surprised by my sudden dialogue of gratitude towards her. I’ve never been like this with her. I know I should’ve showed my appreciation more. For all the years I’ve known her, I took her for granted.

“What’s happening, Yuri? Are you okay? You’re really scaring me right now.”

“I’m fine. You’re just overreacting. I’m just saying something way overdue.”

What really got me to be comfortable around Taeyeon was that she didn’t ask questions. She patiently waited for me to open up but I never did. The extraordinary thing about that is she never stopped waiting. She just stayed, kinda like how Jessica did but hers is a different story.

“Come on, Yuri. Don’t get all sappy on me.” She lightly punched my shoulder, making me look at her. We both laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation we are in.

“I’m not being sappy. I’m just being honest. You’re a good friend, Taeyeon and I wish I was like that too.”

“Hey don’t be like that! You’re a great friend too…just kind of on the weird side, that’s all.” Taeyeon tries her best to lighten the sudden mood I’ve placed amongst us but that’s not where this is headed.

“Don’t patronize me. I know exactly how I am. You’ve known me since freshmen year but I’ve never talked to you like this. I know I haven’t exactly given the friendship you’re used to and for that I’m sorry.” Maybe if I had treated Taeyeon more as a friend then maybe Choa doesn’t have to involved anymore but then whatever Choa and I talked about had to happen. It had to be like this because if it wasn’t then maybe Jessica wouldn’t have been there in the first place.

“You don’t have to be sorry. I may not know anything but I understand. Friendship knows no bounds, Yuri. It could come in any form, just like how strangely formed ours is.”

A smile forms on my lips. I’m lucky to have met Taeyeon. She has a great heart which is something I wish I had.

“Don’t change, Taeyeon. Your kind is pretty rare these days. Hopefully, in the end you won’t hate me.” I

“I don’t think you can do anything I’ll hate you for. You may not admit it but you’re a pretty nice guy, Yuri.”

I don’t know what nice is but I think I’m a bit far from that. Despite my thoughts, I chose to keep silent.

“There’s still a bit of time left. Come back with me to the cafeteria.”

“I’m fine. Go ahead. I’m meeting Kris here anyway.”

Taeyeon sighed. She was left with no choice but to go on without me.

--

I waited by the bleachers for a couple of minutes more before Kris came and sat down beside me. I turned to look at him and he had this nervous expression on.

“For the next few weeks, you’ll be having training sessions with me. We won’t be doing it here in school, I’ll just message you the details.”

Kris looked confused and it’s probably because I haven’t told him that he’s already accepted into the team. Well at least by my call, he’s in the team now. I’m sure the coach wouldn’t question my judgement. After all, this whole training-with-Kris thing was his idea.

“This means you’re part of the team now but you won’t be training with them any time soon. You need to condition yourself to catch up to their level. I’ll fill in the coach later so for now get yourself ready because it won’t be easy.”

“Will it be okay? I mean I didn’t go through the normal try-out.”

“Trust me, it would’ve been easier if you waited for the normal try-outs to start. It’s harder for you now because you’ll have to train with me.”

In my experience, one on one trainings were harder than team trainings. I remember being trained by our former captain, it was one of my least favorite moments. Back then I was already questioning myself why I stayed with the team. I could’ve left but then I just didn’t do anything about it. Before I knew it, I was exhausting myself for an unknown reason.

Kris stands up and gives me a bow

“I look forward to working with you.”

“You’ll most probably regret saying that. Anyways, after school just go home. We’ll start tomorrow.”

Kris nodded his head and was about to leave but then he turned right back around and decided that he had some things in his mind that he wants to say

“I don’t know what’s happening between you and Jessica but I saw you guys last night. She was crying and if it was any other night, I would’ve dragged you out of our house but for whatever reason I chose not to do anything. I just hope that my decision to stay put last night was right.”

“I hope so too.” 

 I really can’t say anything else because I know if I tell him my plans then it’ll be just a burden on his part.

Kris left while I just stayed there, looking at the horizon, desperate for any sign that I was just dreaming and none of this was true.

--

Jessica’s POV

I came to the cafeteria with the others and just like any other day, I felt the stares of other people on me but today is different. For some reason I can’t bring myself to care. From the minute I woke up to now, I’ve only thought about Yuri and how he’s doing. I want to help him, I really do but I don’t know what to do next. Do I talk to him about it? Do I give him some space? I really don’t know.

I didn’t really have an appetite so I just sat with Taeyeon and the others. Everyone at the table asked me if I was okay and I had to pretend I was. What I really wanted to do was follow Kris over to the field where he’ll meet up with Yuri but even I know it was a bad idea. He wants to deal with this himself but I don’t think I can just stand there and do nothing.

Kris came back just a few minutes after he left and I couldn’t stop myself anymore.

“Is Yuri still at the field?”

My heart’s beating shifted. I’m not sure if this was nervousness or excitement. I just really need to talk to him.

“Uh yeah. He’s still there.”

I faced everyone at the table and excused myself. I want to talk to him. I need to talk to him.

--

Author’s POV

Jessica ran out the cafeteria as fast as she can because she didn’t want to miss Yuri. She got to the field at record time. She scanned the area and immediately found Yuri sitting down at the bleachers. Slightly out of breath and with tired footsteps, she approached him.

Yuri saw Jessica slowly coming towards him. He waited for her with a smile, something that was slowly turning into a habit.

“Hey.” Yuri says first. Unknown to him, letting Jessica see him smile hurts her in more ways than he’ll ever understand.

“Hey…” Jessica puts on a fragile smile

Nothing goes by unnoticed and in an instant Yuri knew why Jessica was right there in front of him.

“Jung Jessica, I’m okay. You don’t have to worry about me.”

Jessica heard those words loud and clear but she knew…no, she felt that there was more to what Yuri was saying. Seeing Yuri act the way he is right now made her feel uneasy and even more afraid as to what he’ll do next. She was afraid that Yuri would do something drastic and something that he will regret but at the bottom of it all, she had no right to question him. She didn’t know what was going through Yuri’s mind, she didn’t know anything.

“How…how can you be alright? If it was me— “

“But it wasn’t you. It’s me and it’ll never be you and that’s why I don’t want you to worry because it’s my problem, not yours.” Yuri didn’t intend to sound so cold and distant but that was how Jessica heard it.

Jessica felt like she was about to cry and she didn’t know why. She knows that Yuri had the right to push her away like this but even though she knew, it didn’t change the way she felt. It still hurt her.

“Well, it’s different for me, okay? I’m worried because it’s you, Yuri. It’s not some other person. It’s you. It’s always you…” Jessica stopped midway. Her hands turned into fists, trying hard to fight the tears that were threatening to fall.

This was Jessica’s weakness. She cares too much in too little time. Days have only passed since she met Yuri but already, the boy had a hold on her which was something she told herself she won’t get into when she started this school year. Both Yuri and Jessica knew how unexplainably rough and fast things got serious, not only between them but their entire situation as well.

Yuri lessened the distance between him and Jessica. He stood tall in front of her, who had her head down, trying her hardest to not let her emotions get the best of her.

“These past few days have been really hard on both of us. I don’t know when everything got so complicated but I think we should steer clear away from each other for a while. I know it’s mostly because of me and I want to apologize for that.”

Jessica looked up and met Yuri’s eyes. She couldn’t deny that she also felt the heaviness of everything. It was strange to look at them from outside their little bubble. It was true that Jessica would’ve immediately thought of how ridiculous the two of them are if she weren’t part of it.

“Again, this isn’t about me pushing you away. I would gladly appreciate it if you wouldn’t think that way. It’s just that everything got so serious in such little time and I think we both need a breather from everything and well mostly I think you need to take a break from taking in all my problems.”

In silence, they both knew that it was the right thing to do, at least for now.

“You’re right…” Jessica’s voice was unstable but it was true. Beyond the blissful encounters she had Yuri, there was always that gnawing feeling that something at the bottom of it all was waiting to explode. And that was what happened last night. The bomb that had been ticking, finally took off. 

“I’m not saying we should just down right ignore each other’s existence because trust me, even I can’t do that. I guess maybe when we’re in here, we can just exchange a smile or two. I don’t know. Do you have any suggestions?” Yuri wasn’t exactly sure how they’ll be handling steering clear away from each other.

Jessica heaved a sigh and thought about it.

“I think… we’re both overwhelmed by the situation. Maybe we should take time to sort through our feelings and thoughts then when we’re both ready, we can talk about it.”

Yuri nodded his head in agreement. To him it sounded reasonable. He was aware of the fact that maybe after this so called break they’ll be having, there’s a chance that Jessica might not exactly want to be there for him anymore. In more ways than he’ll ever think of, it would hurt him but he would understand. His situation right now, isn’t that much attractive to get involved with.

“I want you to promise me something though…”

“Which is?”

” I want, no…I need you to promise me that you won’t do anything rash or stupid during this thing we’re gonna do.”

Yuri felt a bit uneasy. He thought that maybe Jessica has caught on to his plans but it was too impossible to even consider that. Yuri wasn’t even done with all his schemes. Leaving the school was only the first step. Whatever comes after that was unknown to Yuri or to anyone else for that matter.

“What’s the worst thing I could do?” Yuri asked. He wanted to gauge just how much Jessica understands him as of the late. Given the circumstances before, Jessica must have some idea of how Yuri thinks now.

“I don’t know… Maybe you’d rush things and not think them over which is totally beyond your character or maybe you’ll....”

“I would what?”

“Run away from everything… because I know I would. If I were you, I mean.”

Yuri smiled but said nothing. He put his hands on Jessica’s shoulder and pulled her in for a hug.

“Until it’s over, I don’t want you to think of me. When we’re both ready, just like you said, we’ll talk again and start from there.”

Jessica didn’t move an inch. She only nodded her head and kept her arms on her sides. Yuri pulled away and offered to walk Jessica back to the cafeteria but the latter rejected the offer.

“It’s okay. Might as well start now, you know?”

Yuri watched Jessica’s back grow farther away from him. It was a sight that he never wanted to see again but he knew that later on, the inevitable will happen and no preparation or words would be able to make it hurt less.

--

Yuri’s POV

Weeks passed and my silent game with Jessica continued. I’ve taken steps into making our interactions more minimal than ever. I switched partners with Taeyeon for the sky-lantern making project. The rumors of me and Jessica also died down so I guess that’s one positive thing coming out from this.

I went back to my life before Jessica. I lived inside my routine with just a few new twists like training Kris, after school and reading new books I’ve made myself buy to distract myself even further. It worked to an extent that I was able to keep myself thinking of anything outside this routine.

The bell rings signaling the end of school. I stuck to my routine and went out of the classroom as fast as I could. From there, I would make my way home to get my soccer bag and head on to the field, outside of school that I rented for me and Kris to train at together.

So far, Kris has been showing some improvement. He’s a fast learner so that helps a lot. It’s also a good thing that Kris is not the type to pry around things he’s not meant to know. In all of our training sessions, he hasn’t asked about me and Jessica which is really a plus on my list.

“Do that again but this time adjust your aim. Shoot it a little bit to the left.” I kick the ball towards him.

Today, we’ve been all about ball control and aiming. He’s a pretty good shot but Kris is not consistent enough. We go over this until the moon looms over the skies and of course us. We both pack up our things and walk out of the field.

When we reached the gates, a figure was slowly making itself clear to us as we got nearer. Walking even closer, I realized it was a woman. This woman whom I first saw at the party before.

“Kwon Yuri…” She says my name in a hushed yet audible manner.

Kris narrows his eyes down to the same woman and then says something that makes me remember who she was.

“Hey! You’re that nice lady that helped Jessica at the party!”

She’s my aunt’s assistant or something like that. I can’t exactly remember her position but whatever it is, she’s someone my aunt trusts enough to introduce to me.

She gives us a quick bow and then she turned to me

“Do you remember me?” This woman whose name escapes me as of the moment, looks at me expectantly. It’s like she really wants me to remember her.

“You’re my aunt’s assistant, right? Grace, was it?” I think that was her name. I’m not entirely sure.

She looks at me with this disappointed face. It was like she as expecting me to say something else.

“Yes. I came here to talk to you, actually.” She glances over at Kris, gesturing that she wanted to talk to me alone.

“Well, I’ll go on ahead now. Good night!” Kris leaves us and goes on his own way.

I switch my attention back to the woman in front of me. She looked right into my eyes. She was searching for something but clearly she’s not gonna get anything by just staring at me.

“Is there something wrong with my aunt?” I could only imagine this has to be about my aunt. Other than her, I don’t think me and this woman have any connections at all.

“No, Yuri… This is about you.”

I kept quiet and waited for her to continue. My eyes caught her hands turning into fists.

“Look me in the eyes and tell me you don’t know who I am.” Her eyes suddenly had tears in them.

My chest started to feel heavy. There was this unwarranted guilt that was slowly washing over me. Do I know her?

“If you have something to say then please get to the point.” My voice sounded shaky for whatever reason.

Grace shakes her head and then turns her back on me. She takes exactly three steps before speaking again, with her back facing me.

“You were the last person I thought that would forget him. He treated you like a real brother and now you walk around like he was never there.”

--

Author’s POV

Yuri exactly knew who Grace was talking about. It could only be one person. His whole world came crashing down after one moment that he has no memory of at all.

“I… don’t…” Yuri had no words to offer because he wasn’t sure what exactly to say.

“You don’t what? You don’t know what I’m talking about? Well, let me refresh your memory…” Grace turns right back around and takes out a folded up picture from her pocket.

“This boy in the picture… was the nicest and selfless person I’ve ever met and I was lucky to have him as a brother even if it was just for a while. It didn’t last long because the world took him away from me…” Grace paused and looked at Yuri right in his eyes.

“…You took him away from me.” Grace spat these words like poison.

The guilt that was slowly making its way to Yuri picked up its pace. The idea that he, himself, did not want to entertain has proven to be more logical than the opposite.

“That’s not it. I… I don’t know what happened, okay? I… I don’t remember.” Yuri’s words were all over the place just like his thoughts.

“Of course you wouldn’t. He’s nothing to you, right? He doesn’t matter. My brother was just another person to you.”

For the past few weeks, Yuri was able to successfully block out any noise from his routine but the moment that he was in called for the breaking of the temporary walls he put up against the looming problems he had.

In Yuri’s mind the world around him and Grace was shattering and breaking apart. He could see each particle exploding into thin air while Grace’s voice became amplified above everything else. Reality was slowly turning into something Yuri could never recognize. One minute, everything was okay and now there was nothing normal in any of the things he was witnessing before his eyes.

“Your family covered every single trace of you in that case but secrets are not meant to be kept. The whole world thought my brother was just another mental case that was neglected but he was never like that. He wasn’t crazy… My brother was… he was him and he was normal, just like any other kid.”

Grace went on and on with words that Yuri was barely hearing anymore. A certain phrase blocked out every other sound that Yuri heard.

“...secrets are not meant to be kept…”

Yuri’s breathing became hitched. His mind, slowly drifting away from consciousness. The more he fought to stay awake, the more his body fell deeper and out of reach. Yuri’s body suddenly went numb and then in the next moment or two, he finally fell but his body didn’t hit the ground.

“I guess telling you off once wasn’t enough.” A figure suddenly appeared from the darkness just in time to catch the now, unconsciousness Yuri. This person put one of Yuri’s arm around him to help in supporting the weight.

“How long have you been there?” Grace felt terrified at the sudden appearance of this person. All this time she thought she was waiting for Yuri alone but it turns out there was another guest to this unplanned party.

“Long enough to realize that no matter how much people see the truth, there will still be some who will walk away from it.”

“You wouldn’t be here if you believed the same truth you’ve been feeding a lot of people.” Grace disgustingly says

To her, the appearance of this person was an affirmation of the truth she has been holding onto. Her existence from that certain moment and on has always been wrapped around this truth.

Kwon Yuri killed her little brother. It was his fault and no one else’s. Plain and simple.

“This will be my last warning, Grace. If you ever approach my patient again, I’ll make sure to ruin your career with a restraining order and a lawsuit.”

Grace shook her head and said “Don’t worry. This’ll be the last time. I didn’t build my life to get it taken away from me by the same person who took my brother’s away. He’ll get his day and you’ll get yours too. If I were you I’d watch my back.”

Grace took off and disappeared into the night. In her heart was a new sense of conviction and determination. There was no reason for her stay in the arms of revenge anymore. Actually, she was never there. She may have thought that she was but she never was. Her heart that was full of hatred and anger proved to be still pure.

The figure of the dark watched as his ray of hope lost its light in Grace.

“And I thought she’d be more than that. I’m getting really rusty.” A small laugh was heard in this night full of unparalleled surprises.

The figure took Yuri and carried him on his shoulders. Reaching his car, the figure gently set down Yuri at the back of his car and finally drove away into the night.

---

HELLO. LONG TIME NO READ? 

LOL okay that was lame, I know.

Anyways, 300 subscribers so yay! 

THANK YOU. 

-ymllama