Chapter 32

Author’s POV

“I love you, my son. Goodbye”

Yuri kept on re-reading the last line. He was baffled. At some point, his mind crossed the thought of the whole thing being a joke. It was impossible, he thought.  His mother died before he met Dr. Kim and yet he remembers being given the box after he started seeing Dr. Kim. He looks at the letter again and turns it over to find a date written.

July 20^th 2003

Seeing the date made him more confused. It was impossible for this letter to exist, Yuri thought. His mother should’ve been dead when this letter was written.

Yuri started to think really hard about the little things he remembers from his past.

He goes back to the time he was given the box. Like before, the face of the person who gave him the box came out faded and beyond recognition. Yuri recalls feeling confused during that time but anything after that was now distant and unclear.

Yuri took in a deep breath and released it slowly. He repeated this until he was able to calm himself down. Yuri goes back to the basics and tries to think of his mother, in an attempt to pull out more memories.

..

..

..

The first memory he brought out was the time when he and his father went to Jeju Island to scatter his mother’s ashes into the ocean but this wasn’t what he was looking for. Yuri tried to concentrate more and the more he did, his head felt like it was being burned. It was extremely painful but he knew he had to do it.

Images of various memories started to flicker in his mind. All were distorted and it was just one big mess. Yuri tried to push himself further but in the end he surrendered to the pain. He flopped back down on his bed and as he did the room spun in his eyes.

Just as he was trying to recollect himself, an unnatural fact hit him hard.

Kwon Yuri unbelievably cannot remember his own mother’s face.

Realizing this, Yuri struggled to get up from his bed and out of his room. With uneasy yet hasty steps, he hurries down to his living room and sets his eyes on the bookshelf at the corner of the room. Yuri grabs one side of the shelf to support himself but then eventually loses grip and lands down on the floor. He reaches for the box that was at the bottom and grabs a certain framed picture.

His mind immediately recognizes his father from the picture however the woman beside him appears to be a mystery to Yuri. He knew it had to be his mother but what he doesn’t understand is why he can’t recognize her. No matter how hard he tried, he couldn’t associate the woman’s face he sees in the picture with any memory he has.

“Why… why don’t I…know you?” He whispers to himself.

The picture he held was something he took from their old house before he moved out to settle down in the house he lives in now. This fact was something he remembers quite clearly. He unknowingly took the picture but he never gave it a second thought when he did. His actions didn’t make sense to him at all. He knew he took the picture for a reason, he knew that it was a picture of his parents and yet now, the only person he recognizes in the picture was his father.

Yuri felt frustration all around his body, he trembled and fear seeped out from the deepest corners of his heart. He didn’t know what to do next. Fear took him in and didn’t show any signs of letting him out any sooner.

In his most vulnerable state, he reaches down for his pocket and grabs his phone.

With shaky hands he tried hard to go through his limited contacts and find the one he wanted to be with the most, right at that very moment.

..

..

“Oh hey. I was just about to call you. I tried sketching some designs but I’m not sure if they’re any good. I can send them to you right now.”

..

..

“Yuri? Are you there?”

..

..

“Can… can you… go out tonight?” Yuri asks with an unstable voice

Jessica, the person on the other line, senses the uneasiness from Yuri’s voice which alarms her.

“Are you okay? Where are you?”

“Please answer my question first…”

Jessica could hear each uneven breath Yuri takes through the phone. Eventually she gives in to her feelings, turning off all other thoughts.

“I can...”

“Wait for me outside your house.”

--

Jessica’s POV

“Wait for me outside your house.”

Before I could even say anything, Yuri hung up. I ended up staring at my phone until the screen timed off. Yuri’s voice seemed off just now. It was like he’s been crying or something. There’s always something new with him. I feel like I could spend days with him and still not understand him completely.

Whatever the case, I should head out and wait for him, just like he said. I got up from bed and headed for the door. I got out of my room and before I could actually get out of our apartment, Kris caught up to me and asked where I was going. I thought about what to say for a few seconds but then I decided not to lie.

“Yuri called. He’s coming over, I think? I don’t know. He wants to meet. I’ll just wait for him outside.”

Kris opened his mouth but then said nothing. He just gave me a nod and went back to his room.

I think he’s still really uncomfortable with me hanging around Yuri. I guess the idea doesn’t sit with him well, given the things that happened just last year.

I got out of our complex and stood by the sidewalk and waited. It was a pretty cold night and the rain had just stopped. It was a good thing, I had my cardigan on. The wind started to gently blow out and create this chilling, almost horror-movie-like atmosphere.

I stared up in the sky and saw this void covering up all the stars.

What is Yuri thinking now, I wonder. What is he always thinking of, would be a better question. At some point, it feels like I’ve broken his walls down but at the same time I feel like I’m irrelevant to him. Yes, I have feelings for him and he has told me he has feelings for me but we’re both not sure on how to act on them. I don’t know where this would take us but with or without feelings involved, I want to help him… because… I believe he’s a good person. Regardless of what I know or don’t know, I believe in Yuri.

I turn my head slightly to the left and I see beams of light getting nearer. A car comes to a stop exactly in front of me. I quickly recognize it as Yuri’s car, the one he used before when we went out to pick out clothes for their family’s party.

Yuri gets out of the car and with him was a white box he held with both of his hands. He approaches me but stops at a certain distance. This gave me a chance to look at him, I mean really look at him. There was no trace of his usual expression but instead the Yuri that was standing in front of me was actually showing different kinds of emotions. It was all jammed into one expression that I can’t even explain. What I can say is that he looked like he just saw something frightening.

“Are you okay? Did something happen?” I ask out of concern

For seconds he didn’t say anything. He just stood there with the box in his hands. I felt like he wanted to say something but he just didn’t know how.

“What’s in the box?” I tried to help him start the conversation. Whatever he wanted to say, I’m assuming is connected with the box. It could be anything actually; I’m just going on a limb here.

“This box…” he says quietly but audible enough for me to hear

Yuri looked at the box like it was the most precious thing he owned then looks at me right in the eyes like how he always does whenever he talks to me.

“…is important to me. Someone gave this to me and told me to open it when the right time comes. I thought about it and I think now is the right time to open this….” He pauses for second but then picks up immediately after

“…I found a letter that shouldn’t even exist. And now, I’m here in front of you explaining all this because I’m afraid to look at what the second letter has written on it. After reading the first one, it somehow made sense in my mind to call you and ask you to come out at this hour. I don’t know why but I think I just really needed to see you….”

I am at loss for words but Yuri wasn’t done yet.

“…Right now I don’t know what to believe in so I guess I came here because you’re the realest thing I know. Usually, I think things through before doing anything but right now I’m only acting based on my feelings and right now it says that I need you.”

Vulnerable and weak, Yuri appears in front of me. My heart feels like it’s gonna burst. I don’t know why but it hurts seeing him like this.

“What can I do?” these words slip out of my mouth so easily

Yuri turns his back from me for a second to set the box down on the roof of his car. He opens it slowly and pulls out an envelope. He faces me again and hands me the said envelope. At first I didn’t understand it but then it hit me like a truck.

He wants me to read it with him.

“…This whole box is from my mother or at least that’s what the first letter said but…” Yuri pauses again but he finds it in himself to continue

“…this whole thing shouldn’t have existed because… because my mother should have been dead when I was given the box.”

Just when I thought my heart couldn’t possibly feel more constricted, Yuri proves me wrong.

“What…what do you mean, Yuri?”

“My mother died a long time ago and that’s why I’m contesting the existence of this box.”

Apparently this night isn’t the night to relax and actually finish that book I picked up before school started.

Suddenly, I remember something. Something I asked him before the party happened.

“You told me your mother was in Jeju, right? I swear you told me that.”

“She is…well her ashes are. We scattered them there before when she died but let’s not dwell on that. I don’t want you to get as confused as I am. I need your clear and level-headed mind. I can’t let you go crazy like me.”

Technically he didn’t lie to me but then again he could’ve told me the state of his mother being in Jeju. I can’t believe I asked him if his mother was gonna attend that party from last time. I feel stupid now but I can’t blame Yuri. It’s just one of those things he probably doesn’t talk about.

Yuri closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He releases it slowly to soothe himself and to even possibly remind himself that whatever this situation in front of him was really happening.

“I want you to read the letter with me but before that I want you to know that you can say no to this. I can go home and deal with this myself. Whatever is in that letter is probably something about me and I highly doubt it’s anything good. Let’s be real here, if my own mother, if it is really her, couldn’t say it to me back then, then it must be something really bad.”

I’ve only said a handful of words since he came by. Mostly because there’s too much going all at the same time and he’s dropping all these bombs on me.

“I want to help, Yuri but do you think you could tell me more about the box?” I ask not just because I’m curious but because I think this could help him remember stuff. Talking more might help him recall things that he isn’t aware that he knows.

“...I don’t remember who gave me the box. Judging from the first letter, it should be my mother but…that would be impossible because she should’ve been dead when the letter was written.”

I thought back to what Dr. Kim said about Yuri’s condition. There’s a great chance that he’s just confused because his memories aren’t that intact.

“Are you sure? Maybe you just got the timings confused.” I try to phrase it as nicely as I can. I can’t exactly say that he’s downright wrong just because of his condition.

“I’m fairly certain that I’m right. I only remember a handful of things from my past and this is something I’m quite sure of. This box was given to me when I started seeing Dr. Kim. Everything lies in its content. These letters and probably everything in that box should not have even existed because when I started seeing Dr. Kim, my mother already passed.”

Yuri seems confident with the fact that he remembers it correctly. I also noticed how easy it is for him to mention his mother. I’m not saying that he should be having a difficulty but I guess if I was in shoes, I’d find it hard to talk about a loved one that has passed.

Yuri runs his hand through his hair and then closes his eyes.

“But… I… I could be wrong. I don’t know… I… I can’t remember things right. Maybe that’s it but…” I could feel Yuri’s frustration

“My mother was…she was really nice. I can remember that much. I remember feelings but not actual moments. Who am I kidding? I can’t even remember her face…” Yuri lowers his head down, his face covered by his hands.

Seeing him break down like this, it’s almost like I can hear my own heart break. My chest tightens and without thinking, I took steps forward.

My hands reached for his and I tried to gently put them down, away from his face. Slowly, I guided his hands away from his face and there my heart found more reasons to break into a million more pieces.

Kwon Yuri was crying. Kwon Yuri, the boy who has little to none of expressions was crying in front of me. My heart has officially lost it and along with it my mind shut down too.

I found myself taking him in my arms. My hands rested behind his back and my face was where his heart was placed. At this point, I lost words. There was a lot I wanted to say.

I wanted to say that everything will be alright.

I wanted to say that he’s not alone

I wanted tell him to stop crying because my heart can’t take it

I wanted to tell him that I wish I could take away all the pain he’s been hiding

I wanted to tell him that I’ll always be here

And I think...I wanted to tell him that I may have started falling in love with him

But none of those words were said. Instead, I quietly took him in my arms as he silently let out all the tears he’s been keeping. 

--

I didn't want to split this update into two parts since technically this was supposed to be about the second letter but today is Yuri's birthday today so to celebrate I wanted to update lol sorry if this was such a cliffhanger! 

:D 

I heavily appreciate the continued support! To be quite honest I've been having a hard time to continue this story because I keep on re-writing the chapters lel but I hope in the end I could fulfill the expectations of my dear readers! 

Thank you again for everything, dear readers!

As always please write what you think down at the comments!

Peace! -ymllama