Bittersweet Heart
Description
I never wanted to admit it.
I never thought we would end it like this.
But I gotta say...
Foreword
"Girl, I still regret a lot."
"Our twelfth photobook!" Dongwoon shouts with excitement. He picks the photobook and dances as the sign of his happiness.
"Well, a year has passed!" Doojoon claps. "It's been a year since you started as our personal photographer, Sora."
"Ne," Sora answers simply with a curve forms on her lips. "Time flies."
"It's such a pity Mina can't join with our one year anniversary here," Hyunseung puts down the glasses on the table. "One year full of memories."
"Will you continue the contract, Sora ah?" Junhyung takes one of the glasses.
"Maybe," she shrugs while Yoseob hands one of the glasses to her. She flashes a smile to Yoseob. "I'm not sure."
"Hey, it's not what you said to me yesterday," Yoseob pouts. "You said you will continue!"
"I said I will think of it," Sora chuckles. "I really want to continue but I have research projects to work with."
I just look at them, talking about the new photobook and our preparation for the new mini album. I can't hold my smile when I'm looking at Sora.
She doesn't change at all even though a year has passed.
She is still the calm and beautiful Sora. Her hair is longer though, it has passed her shoulder now.
There are only two things that haven't changed until now.
First is her relationship with Yoseob. It's almost six months since the day Yoseob announced his love to Sora at United Cube Concert. Since that day, they are officially a couple.
The second is the fact that I still can't move on from my love for Sora.
Yes, I still love her. Yes, I know it's useless.
She is happy with Yoseob and I can't do a single thing about that. I'm glad that both of them are happy, even once in a while my heart aches when I look at them together.
How I wish I can turn back the time.
"I wanna, I wanna turn back times"
----------
"Words that I don’t even mean, I send them to you."
"Ah, I really love this spot," I mutter and feel the night breeze. I feel more alive everytime I'm here.
"We can't stay long here," Sora speaks. "You have a meeting tomorrow for your new mini album."
I turn around to look at her. We are at the rooftop of our apartment building, our special spot.
"Just enjoy for a while, will you?" I approach her and hold her hand. "You really need some refreshment. You work too hard lately."
After President agreed with our relationship and he announced it to the public, we received many letters and supports from our fans, which are, of course, encouraging us.
Despite the happiness, our works are getting more and more in the lines.
For the four months until her birthday, I've tried my best to mix and match my schedule with her, especially because BEAST didn't have many schedules to work on except for promotion and United Cube Concert Project.
But the past two months were different.
BEAST need to prepare for the new mini album while Sora's works keep increasing since she has been promoted as one of the permanent member of research project team.
She also works on her photography, taking care of our photobook and some other projects from her clients.
Our meeting has decreased rapidly this month.
And, to be honest, I am annoyed with it.
We rarely text each other now because of our hectic schedule. When we finally meet, it's always for work, causing that both of us can't interact with each other freely.
Mina even covered her jobs almost everyday since she worked hard for her other works; she even fainted around a month ago because of anemia.
That day I had a fight with her.
I told her to take care of herself but she argued that she did everything as a professional. I didn't get it and demanded her to stop her other projects of photography, making her to enrage because it's one thing she loves.
We finally made up again after few days; she apologized to me because she didn't think clearly and I apologized because of my stubborness.
Sora doesn't change. She is just enhancing herself. I know that.
But I don't like it when she prefers her works rather than me.
"Clenching my fists tight, Good luck to you."
----------
"Where's the way love would go?"
I'm really tired tonight because I needed to work on the new research project, meet a client for her son's birthday, and finally meet BEAST to celebrate the twelfth photobook.
Don't get it wrong. I'm happy I can spend my times with them, especially with Yoseob.
But, seriously, I need a good rest now. Yoseob asked me to go with the rooftop with him when I was going to sleep. He said that it's been a while since our last time went to this special spot.
Six months have passed since Yoseob announced his love for me to public, proofing that his love for me is real.
I still wear the necklace he gave to me on my birthday two months ago, the necklace with "YS" initial as the pendant. I really treasure this necklace since he said that I need to think of it as a engagement ring.
My sister is already married with Junghwa and they live in a new house now. I haven't visited them though.
Both of my parents are still staying at Paris but they pay a visit for us every month. I'm happy because they show their care for me now.
But now I think I have another problem to solve.
It's me and Yoseob.
Despite the fact that our meeting frequency has decreased, we fight more often now. Even for the most simple thing.
Yesterday he asked me about my decision whether I will continue to work as their personal photographer or not but I didn't give him a straight answer because I have some considerations.
He decided to ignore me the whole day. I knew he was joking but I was not in the mood for jokes yesterday. Why didn't he get it?
Somehow I think I lack my patience over his cheerful and honest attitude.
I know he loves me. I love him too.
But I think we spent most of our times together too much and it makes us uncomfortable with the current condition.
I know he feels the same but he doesn't say anything so I keep silence as well.
"Come on, let's go back," I mutter. "I'm feeling sleepy already."
I turn my body around to return but Yoseob suddenly hugs me from behind, wrapping his arms around my waist.
"Why do you want to leave so soon?" he whispers next to my ear; I can feel his warm breathe on my cold skin.
"I-It's not like that," I stammer because my heart starts to beat uncontrollably. Why does he suddenly act like this?
"I miss you," his words soften my heart.
I was going to whisper him the same thing when he continues, "I don't want you to choose your works over me..."
I frown upon his words. What is he trying to say?
I pull away from his hug, looking at him directly with disbelief. He looks at me with puzzled look.
"What do you mean?" I sigh. "From all people, I thought you would understand. You are busier than me. What made you say that?"
"I only have one work and I always try to make my time for you," he says impatiently. "Why are you even angry now?"
I can't believe he just said that.
"I don't want to fight," I rub my temple; my head is aching now. "I need to sleep."
"Do you think I want to argue with you?" he holds my hand firmly. "I'm trying to clear everything here!"
"Not now!" I toss away his hand and I notice I raise my voice when I say it.
He steps backward, surprised because of my sudden anger. I'm not mad at him; I just want him to understand me, at least for tonight.
"What's wrong with you, Sora?" he hisses, looking very disappointed.
"I'm supposed to be the one who ask that," I shake my head; I can't believe he thinks about me like that. "I'm tired, Yoseob Oppa, please stop here tonight."
"I hate it when you end our conversation like that," he clenches his fists. "As if you're trying to break up with me."
I blink. It's not what I meant.
"Yoseob Oppa...," I try to explain it to him but he cuts in quickly.
"Fine, I want to sleep too now," he walks pass me and leaves the rooftop, not letting me to say a word.
What's wrong with him?
What's wrong with us?
"We gotta go. We don't need to say goodbye."
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Author's Note:
"I never wanted to admit it
I never thought we would end it like this
But I gotta say: I still love you"
- Yet by BEAST, "Beast is the B2ST" mini album
"Girl, I still regret a lot
I wanna, I wanna turn back times"
- I'm Sorry by BEAST, "Lights Go On Again" mini album
"Words that I don’t even mean, I send them to you
Clenching my fists tight, Good luck to you"
- Clenching a Tight Fist by BEAST, "Mastermind" mini album
"Where's the way love would go?
We gotta go. We don't need to say goodbye."
- Easy (Sincere Ver.) by BEAST
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