20 Change
Bittersweet Heart
[Gikwang's POV]
My head is aching. I try to open my eyes slowly, looking around to find where I am right now; I'm in my hotel room.
I was going to rub my eyes with my right hand when I realize that someone is holding my hand. I try to focus on the person who has fallen asleep, sitting at the edge of the bed.
Sora?
Why is she here? Has the party finished? Why is she holding my hand?
And why is she crying?
"Gikwang Oppa...," she murmurs in her sleep as I try to pull my hand away from her slowly; I don't want the others to get a wrong idea anymore about us. "I'm sorry..."
My heart skips a beat upon her apologize. Is she dreaming about me?
Instead of pulling my hand away, I embrace her hand tighter but I try my best to be gentle. My head is really hurt that I can't even sit up even though I really want to wipe away her tears.
I try to find out what time it is when I look at the hanged clock on the wall. It's 10 PM already. I think the party is still going on.
I sigh heavily, regretting the fact that I can't attend the party for our last night at Singapore. I guess both my body and heart couldn't handle the pain. I'm lucky I fainted in the hotel, not on the street.
My eyes move back to Sora. Looks like she fell asleep when she was taking care of me. I want to know her reason for not attending the party; is it really because of me?
Ah, I'm thinking too much. I know she is feeling guilty because she just broke my heart. Again. That's all.
She is too kind-hearted. Ironically, that is one of the reasons I love her.
"Oppa...," Sora murmurs again as another tear rolls down. "Let me love you..."
This time I'm sure that my mind has stopped working for a second because of her words.
Who is she talking to in her sleep?
Oppa?
Is it Yoseob? Or is it me?
"I love you," I whisper, holding her hand gently as I try to sit up so I can reach her cheek. I wipe away the tears slowly, hoping that I won't wake her up. "I can't stop loving you."
Maybe it's not all bad to be left by the others for the party; at least I can be with Sora. All by myself.
[Sora's POV]
I look around but I can't see anything. There is a thick fog, covering my sight from everything. I try to find someone but I can't say a word.
It's a dream. It must be a dream.
Then a figure shows up from nowhere. He offers me his hand, putting a really gentle and sincere smile on his lips.
It's Gikwang.
I was going to take his hand when suddenly he disappears into the fog, leaving me alone again.
"Gikwang Oppa," I call his name slowly, hoping that he will appear again. But he is nowhere. And suddenly I feel scared and lonely; I need him.
I start to cry. He is leaving me for sure. I broke his heart over and over again. He is not going to love me anymore.
And who am I to keep being loved by him?
"I'm sorry...," I bury my face in my hands, letting out the tears of sadness.
I don't know why I'm dreaming about Gikwang. Is it because of the guilty feeling? Or is it because I'm actually thinking about Gikwang?
Someone wraps his arms around my shoulder, pulling me close to him. I don't need to turn around to see the face; I know who it is.
This comfortable feeling. This lovable touch.
It's Yoseob.
"I love you," he whispers next to my ear, making me to shiver because of his breathe. Why does this dream feel so real?
I close my eyes, feeling his hug deeply. But why do I feel something is wrong with this situation? I know he loves me, I know I love him, but somehow I think it's not right.
Why?
Gikwang appears again in front of me, looking at me and Yoseob with a sad smile. He doesn't say a word; he just keeps looking at us as a tear escapes from his eyes.
"I'm sorry," Gikwang finally speaks out. "I'm sorry for loving you."
Another tear rolls down on my cheek. Why is he apologizing for loving me? I should be the one who apologized to him, for all I've done to him.
"Oppa," I mutter and suddenly I can feel Yoseob is disappearing. The warm touch has disappeared.
I step closer to Gikwang, reaching out my hand to touch him, "Let me love you."
Gikwang pulls me into a hug, whispering to me vividly, "I love you. I can't stop loving you."
That's when I finally open my eyes; I knew it's a dream. But why was I dreaming about Yoseob and Gikwang? Why did I say to let myself love Gikwang in the dream?
"You're awake," a voice greets me warmly.
[Gikwang's POV]
Sora stirs in her sleep because of my attempt to wipe her tears. She opens her eyes but I still have her hand with mine.
"You're awake," I manage to say something to her.
She looks up quickly, straightening her body to look at me with widened eyes, "G-Gikwang Oppa!"
"Thank you for taking care of me," I tilt my head, forcing a smile to assure her that I'm alright now. "I feel so much better now."
"Ah, I will take drink for you," she stands up all of a sudden from her chair but looks like she forgets that our hands are still tangled.
I pull her to sit on the bed, hugging her close to me. I inhale her sweet scent, kissing her hair slowly as my right arm wraps her waist. I close my eyes, enjoying her sweet scent that makes me feel drunk.
"Please, stay like this," I murmur. Maybe the fever has gotten into me because I can't control my mind with the headache mixed with her sweet scent. "Stay with me."
I can feel she clutches my shirt but she doesn't say a word.
My heart is beating uncontrollably right now but I don't care. I don't want to care about how many times she has broken my heart, whether it's true or not that she is still in love with Yoseob, or about the fact that she doesn't give me her heart.
I just want her to stay like this with me for now.
Because I need to make a decision soon. Because I know I must change something between us.
Because I need to make a decision soon. Because I know I must change something between us.
[Yoseob's POV]
The party is great. It's a pity that both Sora and Gikwang can't attend the party. Some staffs asked us about where they are and we told them that Sora needs some rest while Gikwang is exhausted because of the hectic schedule, just like what happened to Bomi.
Yes, Bomi doesn't attend the party as well. She is taking a rest in her own room.
While the other members are talking to some staffs, enjoying the desserts and drinks, I sit on a chair as I let my mind to wander around.
Is Gikwang alright? What happened between Sora and Gikwang that made Sora to cry endlessly and Gikwang to be that frustrated to walk in the rain?
It's really frustrating that I can't do a thing to help myself.
I love Sora. I really do. But hurting Gikwang is not an option to reach Sora's heart, isn't it?
Aish, what should I do?
I take a glance on my phone strap, the "YS" pendant. I know I am really silly for loving her in this way; after her attempt to forget me, after what happened between us, after everything between all of us.
But I know she still loves me.
I don't even remember why we broke up in the first place. We were arguing about something silly; we're fighting for nothing. We broke up because of my ego, her uncontrolled emotion, our messed up schedules.
"Can I go back first?" I tug Doojoon's sleeve. He is talking to a staff about our mini showcase tomorrow. "I think I need to rest earlier."
He frowns but then says calmly, "Go. Rest in your room. We will talk again about Sora later."
I nod slightly because I know I can't avoid the topic forever. We need to find the best solution for all of us sooner or later.
Right after I stepped out from the elevator, I am really surprised to find Bomi is wearing her pink dress, waiting for an elevator.
"Bomi?" I call her name with hesitation.
She turns to look at me. She looks extremely pale yet she still wears the dress. I quickly take off my tuxedo and put it on her shoulders because I know she is not feeling well.
"Thank you, Yoseob Oppa," she smiles weakly. I can see she is blushing.
"You're supposed to be in your room," I can't hide my panic tone. I think she can collapse anytime with her current condition. "You still have schedule tomorrow."
"I know but I want to see Oppa," she answers with a smile, looking at me with her happy eyes. "I want to enjoy each of my days when we're together."
I blink.
"Forgive me for being so silly," she giggles awkwardly. "I know you only think of me as your junior. Don't worry."
At first, I want to ask her why she keeps her feeling for me but then I know I'm not different from her; I keep loving Sora after all these times.
But her sincere words reach my heart.
"Let's go back," I pat her head gently. "I will accompany you until you fall asleep."
A bright smile appears on her face, "Really? Thank you, Yoseob Oppa!"
Her smile reminds me of Sora.
But I know she is not Sora.
Can my heart change?
[Sora's POV]
I don't know how long I let Gikwang hugged me before he finally pulls away from me. He caresses my cheek gently, having the sad smile on her face while I'm totally speechless.
"Sora," Gikwang mutters, "I know you can't love me."
I flinch a little because of his words. I don't know if it's true or not; I can't figure out my own feeling right now.
"No matter how much I love you, I still want you to have your own happiness," Gikwang continues. "Were you happy when you're with Yoseob?"
The memories of me together with Yoseob are filling my mind: our first date, my birthday, our last date, his birthday.
I've never been happier in my life.
I nod slightly because my tears are threatening to fall again. I can't cry again. I've cried enough for tonight.
"I will be lying if I tell you that I don't want to be with you. I will be lying if I tell you that I'm perfectly alright with you loving him," he holds my hand, "but I will be the biggest fool if I want you to stay with me when your heart is belonged to Yoseob."
I look down. I don't know what to say or what to do.
"Try to talk with him once again," Gikwang lifts my chin so he can look at my eyes. "If he hurts you again, I promise I will take you from him. I will make you happy."
"Gikwang Oppa...," I almost cried again but Gikwang quickly cups my face with his hands, resting his forehead against mine.
"Don't cry," he whispers as he closes his eyes. "You're more beautiful when you smile. Don't ever forget that."
I take a deep breath and then smile for the first time after all tears that I've been sheding.
He smiles with satisfied look when he looks at my smile. Gikwang kisses my forehead gently, as if he is telling me that I need to smile more often.
"Thank you, Gikwang Oppa."
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