A sigh escaped the girl’s lips as she checked the time for the fourth time this hour. It wasn’t getting late, it was still early in the morning, too early for her to be awake. But lately, she had found herself lying awake in the early hours of the day, thinking about everything going on in her life, especially, thinking about a person she had accidentally dragged into her life.

Jessica turned her gaze away from the ceiling and let her eyes fall upon the girl still sleeping in the bed next to her. A bitter smile crossed appeared on Jessica’s lips, and she stopped herself from wanting to brush away the hair strands blocking her view from seeing the closed eyes of the brunette girl next to her.

A frustrated sigh escaped her lips and she turned away from Taeyeon’s form. She had all these weird urges of wanting to take care of the girl, show her emotions and be all touchy. But she knew that if she gave into those urges she would get deeper into this relationship, and there would be no way out.

She exhaled and glanced at Taeyeon’s form again. She felt sorry for the girl, she truly did. And she hated herself for what she had done.

The blonde slowly began to move out of bed, she glanced at the remaining girl to make sure that she didn’t wake her up. Seeing that Taeyeon was still sound asleep, Jessica got out of bed and quietly exited the bedroom.

Once she was outside she went to her jacket hanging in the foyer. She fumbled through her jacket pockets, and finally finding what she was looking for, she headed for the balcony.

She went outside, the fresh morning air hit her face, making her more awake than she already was. She shivered a bit in the cold weather, but managed to get a cigarette out of the package she had gotten from her jacket, and lit it and inhaled the poisonous smoke.

Her body relaxed, and she felt more tranquil than she had been lying in bed thinking about what to do with all the secrets she was carrying around, and all other things as well.

She took another blow from the cigarette and slowly letting the smoke out.

Who could she talk about this with? Hyoyeon? No, the girl already had her mind set on that the relationship wouldn’t last. Her sister? Maybe. But then, Jessica didn’t want to bother the younger girl with her problems.

The blonde let out a defeated sigh. The time she spent thinking about this was too much. She could be thinking about something else, something more rewarding.

Jessica closed her eyes and tilted her head back. But then, she had no one else but herself to blame for being in this position. She made the decision of approaching Taeyeon, she made the decision about getting revenge on Narsha. She is the idiot in this problem.

She felt her thoughts were giving her a headache. She felt she was in need of a breakfast, or coffee at least. She finished her cigarette and went inside.

Jessica stopped in her tracks when she noticed Taeyeon had woken up, and was preparing breakfast, in form of coffee. The brunette stopped her actions and looked towards Jessica, the blonde noticed a small blush appear on her cheeks before she turned back to making the coffees.

“Do you want coffee?” Taeyeon asked. Jessica could still hear grogginess in Taeyeon’s voice, confirming that the girl must have woken up not long ago.

“Yeah.” Jessica said and went over to the counter where Taeyeon was preparing the coffee. She noticed that the girl had some awkwardness to her movements, the girl kept fumbling with the spoons and dropped the cups. Jessica wasn’t sure why the girl seemed unable to act normal, and if maybe it was due to her presence.

The blonde went over to the kitchen table and took a seat on one of the chairs in hope of making Taeyeon feel more comfortable. She noted that it seemed to go easier for the girl to prepare the coffee now, and the blonde leaned back in the chair, letting out a sigh.

“D-did you…sleep well…?” Taeyeon asked.

Jessica didn’t immediately answer. She kept staring outside the kitchen window, wondering exactly how she had slept. She probably would have slept better if there wasn’t so much on her mind, she at least would have slept longer if there wasn’t so much on her mind.

“Yeah, what about you?” She answered and glanced at the girl by the counter that was now pouring the freshly made coffee into the two cups.

“I slept well.” Taeyeon answered.

Jessica wanted to ask if there was a special reason for her to sleep well this night, and she felt she already knew the answer, and so she didn’t ask as she figured if she did she would probably embarrass the girl even further.

“Here.” Taeyeon handed her one of the cups. Jessica gladly took it, but felt it was too warm to drink. She lowered the cup to the table, but kept her hands around it to feel the comfort of the warmth from the cup.

Taeyeon had taken a seat opposite her by the table. The girl wasn’t drinking her coffee either, probably because she too realized it was too warm.

Jessica kept staring. She noted the ruffled brown hair, the still puffy eyelids, and the pale complexion of Taeyeon’s skin. She kept staring. What were the odds for her to fall for the girl in front of her? Taeyeon was nothing like the girls she had dated before. But then, it didn’t turn out well with those girls, so maybe, this was the type of girl she was supposed to be with.

She noticed Taeyeon looked at her. A pink hue appeared on the normally pale cheeks and the girl turned away from her. Jessica noticed that Taeyeon brought up her cup towards her lips, tried taking a sip of the hot liquid but quickly lowered the cup when she felt the hotness.

A smile formed on Jessica’s lips and her gaze lowered to her cup. She felt she liked making Taeyeon blush, but she didn’t like making the girl uncomfortable. Her eyes observed her thumbs that were mindlessly caressing the sides of the cup.

Being with Taeyeon like this, wasn’t so bad. Jessica caught herself smiling and immediately stopped herself from showing her obvious joyous state. She looked up to see if Taeyeon had noticed her, but the girl seemed to have been deep in her own thoughts to even notice the smile on Jessica’s lips.

A low sigh escaped Jessica’s lips and she brought the cup to her lips, hoping that the coffee had gotten enough cold for her to be able to drink.

It was still a bit hot, but not too much. Only so much that Jessica could feel the warmth as it went down when she swallowed.

Her eyes went to the brunette in front of her. Taeyeon still hadn’t touched her coffee, and it made Jessica wonder if the girl was going to drink it at all, or if she just had made the coffee for herself as an excuse to make Jessica company. Whatever the reason was, Jessica found it cute.

Her finger started to tap impatiently against the cup as her thoughts wandered and the silence between her and Taeyeon was not broken. Her thoughts wandered to the option of maybe going back to her place today, just to give Taeyeon a bit of space, and her a bit of thinking space. And to give her a chance to contact her sister.

Jessica looked back at the brunette opposite her. She bit her lower lip and glanced down at the table, she took a deep breath before she exhaled and looked up at Taeyeon again.

“I was thinking of going to my place today…” Jessica started. She noticed a glimpse of disappointment on Taeyeon’s expression, but before she even could point it out the girl had covered it up.

“Okay.” Taeyeon answered and nodded her head.

Jessica’s grip on the cup tightened. If Taeyeon had wanted her to stay she wished the girl had said so, but she figured there must lay something behind Taeyeon not speaking about her wants and wishes.

“I…don’t know if I will come back here…today.” Jessica said and continued to observe the brunette.

“It’s alright.” Taeyeon answered. Jessica could notice a bit of annoyance in Taeyeon’s voice that she hadn’t heard before. She wondered if she was stepping on a soft spot and continue on this topic will just lead to getting the girl further annoyed.

“I will text you, though.” Jessica said in hope of making the damage she had caused better. This seemed to bring Taeyeon into a better mood as the girl’s hardened face relaxed.

“Okay.” Taeyeon answered once again.

Jessica relaxed as well and brought her cup of coffee up to once again. Taeyeon did the same, and the two girls sat in silence as both of the finished their coffees.

---

A sigh escaped the blonde’s lips as she entered her bedroom and closed the door after her. Her back leaned against the closed door as her eyes skimmed over her room. Everything was exactly like how she had left it, nothing had been touched.

Her eyes continued to go over the room until her eyes caught a new addition to her desk, something that hadn’t been there before. She left the support of the door and began to slowly walk over to her desk, she stopped in front of it and continued to stare at the white envelope that was laying on it.

She saw her name on the envelope, and she could already tell where it was from as there was a logo on the right corner of the envelope.

She swallowed hard, and she began to move her hand towards the envelope. Her hand grabbed it and when she was going to bring it up it felt heavier than it actually was. Maybe because whatever that was inside, probably had a heavier importance that normal letters.

Jessica gulped again and began to open the envelope. All sort of thoughts ran through her mind. Was it actually time for her to get this now? What was she hoping it would say inside of it? She didn’t know. She began to get so nervous that she was shaking.

She finally opened the envelope and could get the letter out of it. It was all written in formal language, nothing that Jessica found difficult to understand, but at this moment, even slang language would be difficult to understand.

She finished reading the letter. And she began to read it once again, and once again, and once again and after the fifth time she had read it she lowered the letter. She began to back towards to her bed and plopped down on it.

Her mind was spinning. She had gotten an acceptance letter. An acceptance letter to a university in England. If she answered yes, she would go abroad to study.

She looked down on the letter again. Suddenly she felt this was a joke, someone must have pranked her.

Her eyes landed on the neat signature of the headmaster. Maybe it wasn’t a prank after all.

She laid down on the bed and stared up at the ceiling. She had a hard time wrapping her mind around this. She was leaving this place, she was abroad to study. She was leaving her friends, she was going to meet new people. She was even leaving her girlfriend, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to leave her.

A sigh left Jessica’s lips and she closed her eyes.

She had now brought another problem into her life, and another secret to tell Taeyeon that probably would break the girl’s heart.

---

The blonde girl picked up her cellphone and unlocked the screen. She checked her last called number list and found the person she wanted to call without having to scroll down. She pressed the number and put her phone to the ear, a sigh left as she listened to the dial tone.

“Hello?” A young girl’s voice said on the other end. And even though Jessica had practiced what to say ten times in her head before she had called the person she was lost for words.

“Unnie? Hello?” The voice of her little sister said on the other end.

“Hi.” Jessica finally spoke.

“Gosh, don’t go silence like that, it makes me think that something happened to you…” Soojung scolded.

A small smile found itself to Jessica’s lips. Her sister cared so much for her, yet Jessica felt that if her sister truly knew what she had done the younger girl would be greatly disappointed in her.

“I have some news for you…” Jessica began.

“Is it good or bad?” Soojung asked.

Jessica felt got dry. Was it good or bad? She felt like it depended on who you asked. But right now she felt like it was bad news.

“It depends on how you see it.” Jessica said.

“Okay, tell me.”

“I got accepted into the university…in England.” Jessica said.

“Isn’t that good news?!” Soojung exclaimed excited. “I thought that’s what you wanted. I think it’s good news. I’m happy for you, unnie.” 

“Yeah…thanks…”

“But you don’t sound too happy. So tell me, why would this be bad news?”

Jessica got silence. She fiddled with her hair as she tried to think of a good way to bring up the problem. But she didn’t feel like it was a better or worse way to bring it up, it was better to just be straight about it.

“I have a girlfriend now…and she doesn’t know about it. She doesn’t even know that I was thinking of studying abroad.” Jessica said.

Her sister got silence, which made Jessica feel uneasy. Jessica shifted in her position as she waited for the younger girl to say something.

“I don’t see the problem.” Soojung finally said. “I mean, sure, it is a problem you haven’t told her that you were thinking of studying abroad, but I mean, if she really likes and cares for you she should support you. And there’s no need to end the relationship unless you want to.”

Jessica was once again impressed with Soojung’s wisdom. And Jessica was once again glad she had the girl to talk to, but she also wished that Soojung’s solutions to her problems wouldn’t require her to be so honest. But then, she couldn’t blame the girl, because Soojung’s solutions would be for the best, in the long run.

“Is your girlfriend the same person you had kept another secret from?”

Jessica got a bit surprised by the question. She realized she hadn’t told her sister about anything that had been going on in her life up until now, and she felt bad food leaving the girl out of it.

“It is.” Jessica said. And before Soojung had been able to ask, Jessica had already figured out what the girl would say next.

“Have you told her about the other secret?”

“No…” Jessica said and lowered her head. When she was talking about the matter like this it became more and more obvious just how badly Jessica was treating Taeyeon. She kept secret after secret from the girl, and she realized that the more secrets she keeps, and the longer she keeps them, the more they will hurt the girl once she tells her them.

“Well, I guess you have something else to talk to her about.” Soojung said.

“Yeah.” Jessica said.

“Unless you are planning on going without telling her. Which I wouldn’t recommend.”

Jessica looked up from the spot on her desk she had been staring at. That was an option too. Going without telling the girl. That would mean that Taeyeon wouldn’t be deeply hurt, and Jessica had to carry the guilt of the secret all by herself with Taeyeon in another country. And maybe she wouldn’t feel that guilty if she didn’t see the girl.

“Unnie.” Jessica snapped out of her thoughts when she heard the younger girl calling her.

“Yes?”

“I need to go, I have homework to do.”

“It’s alright, study well.”

“Thanks. Good luck to your problem solving.”

“Thank you. Thanks for your help.”

“I haven’t helped you. I have just given you advice, it is up to you if you want to follow them.”

The sisters said good bye and hung up. Jessica sat with her phone in her hands for a few more minutes after the call had ended. She was in deep thought about what they had talked about, and she had a lot of options to choose from now on.

All she had to do was to make a decision. A decision Jessica hoped she wouldn’t regret further down the line.