The two girls startled woke up by the beeping alarm from the brunette’s alarm. Taeyeon fumbled with her cellphone to shut off the noisy sound it was making, heaving a sigh of relief when the bedroom was filled with silence again.

She put her cellphone back to the bedside table and turned to the blonde girl that was lying next to her. She didn’t know when nor how they had gone to sleep, but they were both fully clothed. And she guessed she must have dozed of listening to Jessica’s breathing while thinking of what the girl had asked her on their way to her place.

What had Jessica’s intention been with asking that? Had the girl wanted to do it? Shouldn’t they have a proper conversation about it before getting into that kind of activities? She didn’t know, and she wasn’t sure what she wanted.

“When is your first class?” Jessica groggily asked.

Taeyeon turned to the girl again, Jessica’s eyes were still closed, but her face was turned towards her. Taeyeon smiled by the sight and moved closer to the blonde.

Jessica suddenly opened her eyes, startling Taeyeon has she hadn’t been prepared for the girl to look at her.

“What?” Jessica didn’t seem to be bothered, she only looked confused at her. Taeyeon shook her head and leaned back.

“Nothing.” She said and turned to get out of bed.

“You didn’t answer me.”

Taeyeon stopped in her way of getting out of bed, she turned to the blonde still laying down. Jessica’s left eyebrow raised, and it took another five seconds for Taeyeon to remember what the girl had asked her.

“Eight. I think.” Taeyeon said and stood up from the bed. Jessica rolled around and lied on her back, stretching her arms above her head and letting out a long sigh.

“That’s too early.” The blonde said. Taeyeon nodded her head absentmindedly. She tried focusing on finding clothes instead of the blonde girl that was lying in her bed. When she glanced at Jessica, she noticed the blonde had her eyes fixed on her. Taeyeon turned away flustered.

“Um…do you want breakfast or something? Coffee? Tea?” Taeyeon asked to get something else to focus on.

“Coffee will be fine.” Jessica replied.

Taeyeon nodded her head again. She turned towards the blonde in time of catching Jessica getting out of bed. The blonde stretched her arms above her head before she let them fall limply to her sides, grabbing the hem of the t-shirt she was wearing, and in a swift movement Jessica had removed the only article of clothing that had been covering her upper body.

Taeyeon’s eyes widened, and she felt her cheeks flush red. Jessica didn’t seem bothered about her lack of clothes and walked over to the desk chair where the clothes she had worn last night were. Taeyeon felt her eyes drawn to the body of the blonde, not because of the ness, but because she could see line marks. Scars. Straight white lines going over the blonde’s upper arms, side of her ribs and across her tummy.

“What?”

Taeyeon snapped out of her trance like state when she heard Jessica talking. She blushed again when she noticed that Jessica had caught her staring, and she shamefully lowered her gaze to the floor, not too sure how to explain her actions.

“Um…I…you…” Taeyeon couldn’t form any coherent sentence, maybe because she didn’t know what to say. Should she ask about the scars? Should she say something about Jessica’s body? Was any of that appropriate? She didn’t know. She had no idea what to do in a situation like this.

“Do you have a t-shirt I can borrow?” Jessica suddenly asked.

The brunette blinked when she had been asked something. She quickly nodded her head in answer and went to get something for the blonde to wear. She found a white tank-top that she thought would fit Jessica, and she spun around, only to get startled when she noticed that Jessica had gotten closer to her. Very close to her.

“This will be fine.” Jessica answered the question Taeyeon hadn’t gotten the chance to ask.

The blonde reached out towards the tank-top, she grabbed it but didn’t make any movement of getting it out of Taeyeon’s hands. The blonde looked down at the article of clothing both of them were holding, Taeyeon followed her gaze.

A sigh left Jessica’s lips, Taeyeon looked at the blonde that looked sadly at their hands before she looked up and met Taeyeon’s gaze.

“Pain can’t be solved with pain.” Jessica suddenly said.

Taeyeon blinked confused. What did the girl mean with that?

She didn’t get any more time to think about it as Jessica snatched the tank-top out of Taeyeon’s hands and began putting it on. The brunette once again looked away from the blonde as she felt it was inappropriate to look at her. She was feeling shy and awkward. She wasn’t sure what to do or say.

The sound of a zipper made Taeyeon glance back at the blonde girl, only to see she had put on all of her clothes. Taeyeon felt more relaxed for some reason. She felt her shoulders slump down and she continued to watch Jessica as the girl plopped back down on the bed with her cellphone in hand.

“I don’t want to stress you, but if you don’t get ready and make that coffee you’ll be late for your first class.” The blonde said.

Remembering that she had actually a time limit Taeyeon spun around, grabbed whatever clothes she could find in her wardrobe and made her way out of the room. She halted in her steps and turned around and glanced at the girl on her bed. Jessica was still focused on the device in her hand, and Taeyeon had a feeling the girl would be till she gets back.

The brunette turned back and made her way into the bathroom, changing into her clothes before she made her way into the kitchen to prepare the coffee.

“Hey,”

The voice of someone calling her made Taeyeon turn her head towards the door to the kitchen. Jessica was standing in the doorframe, the blonde had put her blonde hair into a bun now, only a few hair strands hanging down at the side of her face. Taeyeon didn’t look away from the girl as she made her way towards her. She felt her heart beat faster as Jessica got closer to her, the girl only stopping when she was standing right next to her.

“I want milk with my coffee.” Jessica said.

“A-ah…” Taeyeon said and averted her gaze from the blonde down to the two cups she had placed on the kitchen counter.

“And also,” Taeyeon tensed as she felt Jessica place a hand on her wrist, but the blonde probably sensed her reaction and immediately released it.  The brunette slowly turned to face the blonde girl, Jessica was looking at the two cups on the kitchen counter.

Taeyeon her lips. She gulped and kept her gaze on the other girl. “W-what?” She asked.

“You’re working tonight, right?” Jessica asked.

“I am.”

A thoughtful expression appeared on Jessica’s face. Taeyeon wondered what was going on in the blonde’s head. She lowered her gaze down to her hands, only to notice that one of Jessica’s hands was lying next to them, almost like the blonde wanted to grab her hand. Taeyeon wondered if she should move her hand closer to the other girl’s, make some initiation that it’s okay for her to hold her hand.

“I might come by your work place then.” Jessica said and tilted her head.

“Okay.” Taeyeon mumbled. She still had her eyes focused on their hands. She gulped, and with all the courage she could muster up she began to slowly move her right hand closer to Jessica’s.

She felt the side of her hand bump against Jessica’s fingers. She waited to see if the blonde would react. But no reaction came from the other girl, Jessica neither moved nor said anything. Taeyeon gulped again and moved her hand even closer.

“Taeyeon, the coffee.”

Taeyeon snapped her head in the direction of the coffee maker. She unwillingly moved her hand away from Jessica’s and went over to the coffee maker to grab the can of newly made coffee. She turned back to the blonde, the girl hand now grabbed one of the cups with the hand that Taeyeon had been about to hold.

Taeyeon didn’t say anything and poured their coffee in silence. She didn’t know why, but she felt rejected. Maybe Jessica didn’t mean to reject her, maybe the girl just wanted to remind her of the coffee. She didn’t know, but a part of her was a bit hurt.

The brunette tried to not think of it and went to get the milk instead. She handed the milk to the blonde that poured the white liquid in her cup before she handed it to Taeyeon. When the latter had finished pouring it in her cup she put it back in the refrigerator.

“I’m not going to school with you.” Jessica announced when Taeyeon had her back facing the blonde.

Shocked Taeyeon spun around. Jessica was not looking at her, she had her eyes focused on the coffee cup in her hand. Taeyeon wanted to ask why, she wanted to ask if she had done something wrong.

“I’m not feeling well.” Jessica later added.

Taeyeon relaxed, but even though she had been given an explanation she still felt it was because of her.

“So…you’re not going to school at all?” Taeyeon asked.

“I’ll go home and rest.” Jessica replied and raised the cup of coffee to her lips and took a sip of it.

The kitchen was filled with silence. Taeyeon wasn’t sure what to say, if Jessica wasn’t feeling well she couldn’t make the blonde go to school, what if she would get worse? But nevertheless she wanted Jessica to go to school with her, she wanted the blonde’s company.

“You should drink your coffee before you get late.” Jessica suddenly pointed out.

Taeyeon nodded her head and reluctantly grabbed the cup. She felt that if she prolonged this, she would have more time with Jessica, but she had a feeling the blonde wouldn’t let her be late. She felt like Jessica was pushing her away, or finding ways to avoid her.

Had she somehow hurt the girl?

She bit her lip and tried to come up with what she could have done to hurt the girl to the point of not wanting to be with her. She suddenly remembered Jessica changing in front of her, and Taeyeon felt shame fill her.

Was it because she had said nothing at that time?

Her shoulders slump. She should probably have said something at that time, she should have given a compliment, or said something to let the girl know she has been seen.

“Taeyeon, your coffee will get cold.” Taeyeon heard the girl say. The brunette snapped out of her thoughts and looked at the blonde. Jessica looked back at her, her eyes tired eyes staring straight into her own. Taeyeon couldn’t see any hurt in them, but then, Taeyeon didn’t know how Jessica looked like when she was hurt.

The brunette sipped on her coffee, momentarily taking her eyes off of Jessica. She heard the blonde sigh, making her look back at the girl. Jessica looked annoyed, irritated. Worry filled the brunette’s body, and thinking it was because she was taking her time with the coffee, she took a large gulp of the beverage.

“I need a smoke.” Jessica announced.

And with that Jessica left the cup at the counter and went to Taeyeon’s room. When the girl came back she had a cigarette between her lips, and a lighter in her hand. Taeyeon watched at the girl went to the balcony, only lightening the tobacco filled stick once she had partly closed the door behind her.

Taeyeon continued to watch Jessica as the girl stood with her back facing her. She could see the smoke disappearing in the air as she girl blew it out from her lips.

For some reason Taeyeon felt distant from the girl. Very, very distant to the girl. It didn’t feel like she even know the girl’s name. It didn’t feel like she know what flavor of the girl’s favorite lip balm was. She felt like she didn’t know the warmth of the girl’s body. The sound of her laughter. The feeling of having her arms around her.

Taeyeon felt she didn’t know the girl at all.