Brown orbs shifted from the wall they had been staring at for the past hour to the ball of hair on the other side. The girl slightly shifted in her position as she felt her arm was getting numb, her movement seemed to have disturbed the girl who was sleeping next to her and she froze in her position to not wake the sleeping girl completely.

The girl didn’t wake up, and the blonde girl could let out a small sigh of relief as she slowly shifted some more. The bed was way too small for two fully grown girls to sleep in, and even though she hadn’t complained the first times she had slept there, Jessica was bothered by the cramped space now. Mainly because she wanted to get out of bed without waking Taeyeon up, and also because she was feeling guilty, more guilty than ever before.

The blonde managed to sit up in bed without waking Taeyeon up. Jessica let out a tired sigh as she stared at the sleeping brunette. Taeyeon looked so peaceful in her sleep, like nothing was bothering her at all, and Jessica wanted it to stay that way for a long time. Jessica wanted Taeyeon to feel peace and happiness, but she wasn’t so sure how that would be possible now.

She shook her head and trying her best to not waking Taeyeon up she climbed over the girl to get out of the bed. When she finally was on the floor she looked back at the girl still in bed, a sad smile formed on Jessica’s lips. The blonde’s eyes travelled from Taeyeon’s form to the nightstand beside the bed, Jessica’s smile completely faded as her eyes landed on the single drawer. Her shoulders felt heavy when she thought of was what inside of that drawer, what truth about the girl in bed she knew, and she wondered who besides Taeyeon that knew about it, and if without admitting she had seen it already, she could get Taeyeon to tell her about it.

Jessica shook her head. Why should she make Taeyeon tell her about something like that? She hadn’t told anyone about her past, and she knew why she hadn’t. And Taeyeon probably felt the same as her.

The blonde went to the bathroom and the faucet to wash her face. She splashed her face with cold water, rubbed her tired eyes and tried getting some color on her pale cheeks. Her head slowly raised and she stared into the mirror, watching the droplets fall from her face.

She hadn’t told anyone about her past because she was embarrassed. She was embarrassed to open up about it, letting people know about the weakest moment of her life. She was certain that if she told people about it they would look at her differently, they would look at her as weak and would think she would fall back to that state if something were to happen to her.

Jessica clenched her jaws and grabbed the towel and began to slowly dry her face.

She felt like a hypocrite. She was afraid that people would look at her differently if they found out about her past, and here she are, looking completely different at Taeyeon because she had accidentally found out about the girl’s past.

Jessica felt she had no right to feel afraid of what was going to happen to her. She was just the same as other people, she was no different. The one who might be different might be the girl she had spent the night with in the same bed.

Besides, she had already revealed a part of herself she hadn’t shown anyone else. And Taeyeon hadn’t backed away, the girl hadn’t treated her any differently. The girl had acted the same, just like she had wanted her to do.

Jessica began to wonder if maybe their relationship could be more, that maybe they could actually be a couple. A couple that knows each other’s secrets, a couple that shares their burdens and problems. A couple that’s just like any other couple.

The blonde bit her lip and turned away from the mirror. She knew it wasn’t possible to have a serious relationship. She knew that if she ever was going to make it serious with Taeyeon there were a lot of secrets to be revealed, and there was a lot of forgiving and forgetting on Taeyeon’s part, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to put the girl through it.

Jessica sighed and looked back at the mirror. Her eyes glistened with unshed tears, and her bottom lip was quivering like she was about to cry. And she was. She was about to break down because she was angry and frustrated at herself.

She was angry that she had managed to screw up something that could have been good before she even knew it could be good.

---

The locker door yanked open with the lock hitting against the metal door with a loud bang. The girl didn’t bother about the sound as she began looking through the things inside the locker in a calmer manner than she had opened it. Her eyebrows furrowed as she tried to find the right books and notebook she was in search of.

She felt a presence beside her, but she ignored it as she wasn’t up for any talking right now. It was eight in the morning, a time when Jessica usually wasn’t in school nevertheless looking for books and notebooks.

“What are you doing?” Jessica heard the girl who had stopped beside her ask.

The blonde averted her gaze from the locker to the girl beside her. Tiffany looked at her with a raised eyebrow, and Jessica looked back inside the locker.

“Getting Taeyeon’s books.” Jessica simply asked.

“Why?”

“Because she asked me to.”

“Why can’t she get them herself?”

“Because she’s home.”

“Why – “

Jessica slammed the locker door shut and locked at the startled girl beside her. She leaned against the locker, and looked at Tiffany with a raised eyebrow.

“What is it Tiff? Why are you all up my ?” Jessica asked.

Tiffany’s eyes widened and the girl stepped back. The girl soon relaxed and her eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m just concerned about Taeyeon. She seems to be talking to you, but she isn’t talking to me or Sunny.” Tiffany said.

“I’ll tell her you said hi.” Jessica said and brushed past Tiffany with her bag filled with Taeyeon’s school books. She hadn’t gotten that far when Tiffany spoke up again.

“Jessica,” Jessica stopped in her tracks. Her shoulders slump, and she made an extra effort to make the other girl see how little she wanted to wait for her to speak. And luckily, Jessica didn’t have to wait that long.

“I’m glad you’re taking care of Taeyeon. But remember, Taeyeon has friends, and even though she doesn’t want to depend on us, you can always reach out to us. We want to help as much as we can, we’re just waiting to be let in.” Tiffany said.

Jessica relaxed more in her posture and she slowly turned around. Her gaze met with Tiffany’s, she could see the girl was determined. The blonde nodded her head, to let the girl know she had acknowledged what she had heard.

“I’ll tell Taeyeon that.” Jessica said and turned around once again. Even if she could depend on Taeyeon’s friends because they cared about the girl, she still thought it was up to Taeyeon to tell them about her situation. She wasn’t someone to spill someone else’s secrets or talk about someone else’s problems.

If Taeyeon wanted to open up it was up to her. Jessica wasn’t going to forcefully open Taeyeon’s door and expose things the girl wanted to keep hiding.

---

“Jessica!” The blonde stopped in her tracks and turned around to see Hyoyeon walking up to her. Jessica couldn’t hold back her roll of eyes as the girl closed in on her. She crossed her arms and waited for Hyoyeon to say whatever it was on the girl’s mind.

“Where are you going?” Hyoyeon asked with her eyebrows furrowed.

“To Taeyeon’s place.” Jessica said.

Hyoyeon eyebrows raised and the girl’s eyes landed on the backpack hanging over Jessica’s shoulders. The blonde furrowed her eyebrows as her eyes averted back to Jessica.

“I thought we could hang out.” Hyoyeon said.

“I can’t. I’m gonna help Taeyeon with something.” Jessica said.

Hyoyeon looked surprised, but then started lightly laughing. Jessica looked at Hyoyeon with a strange look as she didn’t see what was funny about what she had said. The latter seemed to realize that what Jessica had said wasn’t a joke and she stopped laughing.

“Seriously?”

“Yeah.” Jessica said.

“Don’t you think you’re getting a bit too serious with Taeyeon? I mean, it’s like you’re actually in a relationship with her. I thought you were gonna break it off with her.” Hyoyeon said.

Jessica didn’t know why, but she got really pissed by what Hyoyeon had said. She frowned and thought of leaving without answering the girl, but a part of her didn’t feel like it, a part of her wanted to stand her ground and defend herself, or fight for herself.

“What if I want to get serious with her?” Jessica said.

Hyoyeon’s eyes widened, it looked like the eye balls were going to fall out of their sockets. Jessica didn’t say anything and waited for the girl to recover from her shock. Hyoyeon seemed to realize that everything Jessica said was serious, and the girl really meant it, and her eyebrows furrowed as she took in Jessica’s expression and body language.

“You realize the relationship will never work out considering how it started, right?” Hyoyeon said.

“Maybe the start doesn’t need to be revealed.” Jessica said.

Hyoyeon scoffed. “Okay, good luck with that. Just tell me how you deal with it when Narsha gets her claws on Taeyeon and tells the girl about it. Tell me then what you told her. Because as far as I know, relationships shouldn’t be built on lies.” Hyoyeon said.

“I don’t see how someone who screws around like you would know anything about having a serious relationship.” Jessica said.

Hyoyeon frowned and the girl spun around.

“Do whatever you want Jessica. I’m just telling you, it doesn’t look bright to me. Better get out of there before it gets too messy.” The girl said as she was walking back to the school building.

Jessica watched as Hyoyeon walked further and further away from her. Maybe the girl was right, maybe she was wrong, Jessica wasn’t sure and even if she was sure she would most likely not admit that Hyoyeon was right.

Because as of now Jessica would rather just be the girlfriend Taeyeon needs, without making the situation any worse. And even though their relationship might seem a bit tangled Jessica was sure it could be fixed, with a bit of time.

But the thing was Jessica wasn’t sure how much time she had to fix it.