Brown eyes stared at the pale face in the mirror. Her eyebrows furrowed as her eyes left her face, taking in the blonde locks that fell down over her shoulders. A sigh left her lips and she brushed her fingers through her messy hair, glancing one last time at the pale person with dark eye bags under her eyes before she turned and made her way to the desk in the room.

She picked up the hand bag that was lying on top of the desk chair, rummaging through it until she found what she was looking for. She placed the lighter and packet of L&M in her sweatpants’ pocket and grabbed her phone which was lying on her desk before she made her way out of the room.

The place was quiet, which she liked at this hour in the morning. The only sound was from her feet walking across the floor until they came to a stop in front of the balcony door. She opened it, fished up a cigarette from the packet in her pocket and propped it into and lit it before she took a seat on one of the plastic chairs.

She blew the smoke slowly out of and began skimming through her contacts on her phone, she finally landed on the name she had looked for and pressed call before she put the device against her ear and took another puff of smoke from the cigarette while she listened to the dial tone.

“Yo!” A girl answered on the other end, making a small smile appear on her lips.

“What’s up Hyo?” Jessica asked and blew the smoke out of her lips.

“Just getting ready to go out for the gym, what about you?”

“Just woke up.” Jessica said and leaned back in her seat and gazed out over the building tops she could see from the balcony.

“Not surprised.” Was the reply she got, making a smile form on her lips. She took another inhale of smoke and slowly blew it out and listened to Hyoyeon who seemed to walk around on the other line.

“Taeyeon came to my place yesterday.” Jessica revealed and waited for Hyoyeon’s reaction.

“Oh, really? What did you two do then?” Hyoyeon sounded excited, but Jessica couldn’t share that joy with her, instead a frown appeared on her lips and she watched as the ash from the cigarette fell down to the ashtray on the table.

“She confessed.” Jessica said.

“Really?” Hyoyeon didn’t sound surprised, which Jessica could understand, she wasn’t surprised over Taeyeon confession either. She sighed, she could feel a small headache coming her way, making her wonder where her painkillers were.

“Yeah.” Jessica said and bit her lip.

“So, you won over Narsha then?” Hyoyeon asked.  

Jessica didn’t say anything, instead she took another blow from her cigarette, slowly blew out the poisonous smoke. Seeing it disappearing in the morning air.

“I guess I did.” She said nonchalantly.

“You should rub it in Narsha’s face if you see her.” Hyoyeon said.

Jessica hummed agreeing, but her thoughts went back to the girl who had gotten dressed in a t-shirt last night, making things Jessica had never seen before appear.

“Is Taeyeon still there?”

Jessica snapped out of her thoughts when she heard Taeyeon’s name. She had to think of what Hyoyeon had asked before she could answer.

“No, she has left. She had to go to work.” Jessica said as she thought back to how Taeyeon had said she needed to leave, and she had asked why, and the girl had explained.

“I see. So what are you gonna do today then?”

That’s what Jessica was wondering too. She had nothing planned. It was the first day of the break, she could sleep the whole day away if she wanted. The question was if she wanted it or not.

Her mind wandered to the girl that had slept in her bed last night. She remembered the ashamed look on the girl’s face, and how nervous Taeyeon had seemed to show her. She frowned, brought the cigarette up to , inhaled the smoke, and slowly let it out.

“Take it easy.” Jessica replied after a while.

“You’re probably going back to bed after we hang up.” Hyoyeon pointed out.

“Maybe I am.” Jessica said. She wasn’t sure if she should or not. She didn’t feel like doing anything, actually, there was one thing, but she felt she couldn’t do it.

“Well, I’m going to head to the gym. Talk to you later.” Hyoyeon announced.

“Yeah, talk to you later.” Jessica said.

She heard the girl to a smooching sound in the phone, which made her cringe, and soon after the call ended. The blonde girl put out her cigarette before standing up and going inside again, trying to warm her now cold hands by blowing air on them.

She walked back to her bedroom, got herself a clean set of clothes and her towel before heading to the bathroom across from her bedroom, closing and locking the door once she was inside.

She began by taking off her slippers, her sweatpants and soon her t-shirt was also on the floor of the bathroom. She stopped in her action of undressing when her hands brushed against the skin of her hips, she flinched by the touch, and slowly lowered her gaze to her tummy.

A knot formed in by the sight. Her eyes left her body, only to look at the mirror reflection of her face in the bathroom mirror. She placed her arms around her lower part of her tummy, and continued to stare at the pale, blonde girl in the mirror. Her mind drifting away to red line marks on white skin on an arm she had seen yesterday.

Dealing with pain…I know everything about it. She thought before she turned away from the mirror to undress the last article of clothing and stepping into the shower.

---

The blonde girl’s eyes kept going back and forth between the side of the street she was walking, and the other side of the street. She wasn’t sure exactly where she was headed, and she wasn’t even sure if she should go where she was planning to go. A part of her said she should head back home, another part of her wanted to go to the place.

She had been debating about it since she had stepped out of the shower. Her argument for leaving was that she had nothing else to do today, and her stepsister would soon get home, and she didn’t want to be stuck in the apartment with her. It was the only reason she had gone outside. And because she had nowhere else to go she felt this was the best place to go.

Jessica stopped looking when her eyes landed on the place she had planned to head to. A small smile appeared on her lips and she went up to the door of the bar, she opened it and was greeted by the warm air inside, and the tune of someone playing guitar.

She continued to smile as she went further inside, her eyes instantly going to the small stage in the bar. A brunette girl was sitting on a stool, playing guitar and singing a soft tune to the melody she was playing. It sounded nice, the girl really had talent for it, Jessica had to admit.

Without knowing if the girl on stage had noticed her she walked further into the bar. She felt it maybe was better for the girl to not know she was here while she was performing, maybe she would get thrown off guard and lose her focus. Jessica didn’t want to mess up her performance.

The blonde walked up to a table that was behind an old couple’s table. The couple was eating and talking with each other. Jessica took a seat by the table, turned towards the stage, and realized the girl on stage would most probably not see her here, hopefully. She already knew her hair could stand out a bit too much.

She continued to listen to the girl’s performance till a waiter came up to her, asked her if she wanted to look at the menu. She only said she wanted a coke for drink, and the waiter left again with her order. Her eyes went back to the girl on stage, who seemed to be closing in on the end of the song she was performing.

Jessica made a mental note to ask the waiter when he came back when the girl on stage had a break.

The blonde nodded to the beat to the song. She watched as the brunette performer continued to sing and play, completely oblivious to her presence. She smiled at the thought of surprising the girl. It was beyond the girl’s imagination of her coming here today.

The waiter returned with her coke, she motioned for him to come closer, when she remembered the question she had for him.

“Do you know if the girl has a break?” Jessica asked and pointed at the girl on stage.

“Oh, yes, she has. She’s performing two more songs and then she gets off for a short break. Do you want me to tell her to come here?” The waiter asked, and by the smile on his face Jessica could see he seemed to like the idea of her asking for the performer. She smiled politely and shook her head.

“No need to.” Jessica said.

The waiter nodded understanding. He left her table, and watched as he went back to the bar, said something to the bartender, and saw the bartender looking towards her. A smile appeared on the bartender’s lips and he turned back to the waiter, whispered something in his ear, which made the waiter smile as well.

Not minding about the bartender and the waiter, Jessica turned back to the stage to watch the listen to the last two songs. She sipped on her coke, and nodded her head to the beat of a song of unrequited love. The song made her think back to the confession she had received yesterday. It hadn’t been surprising, but the guilty feeling she had felt had made her surprised.

A frown appeared on her lips. She didn’t like it. She had expected her to feel nothing when the confession came. Not feeling like this, guilty and not being able to be straight about her own feelings.

She brushed away the memories of last night, turned back to the girl on the stage. Right, she was living in the presence, no need to think about yesterday, the past.

The last song the girl was going to play ended, and she heard her thank the people for listening. The brunette girl received a small applaud before she stepped of the stage. Jessica took one last sip of her coke, before she stood up from her seat and made her way to the girl who had taken a seat on one of the stools by the bar counter.

She sneaked up behind the girl, placed both of her hands over the girl’s eyes, earning a surprised yelp from the girl.

“Guess who?” Jessica said with a mischievous smile.

She let the girl remove her hands from her eyes to be able to turn around to face her. Surprised brown orbs looked at her, the girl’s mouth was gaping in shook. Jessica wanted to snap a picture of it, she enjoyed it too much.

“J-Jessica?” Taeyeon asked. Jessica could see the girl hadn’t expected to see the girl she had slept beside to be at her work place. She stepped back from the brunette and stretched her arms out by her side.

“Surprise!” Jessica said.

“What are you doing here?” Taeyeon was surprised, and nervous. Jessica could see it by the way the girl was fidgeting with her fingers, and slightly avoiding her gaze.

The girl’s confession yesterday appeared in her head, she felt her lips slowly losing the curve of smile they had, and she quickly brushed away the thoughts before she had lost her positive side completely, and recovered the smile on her lips.

“I wanted to surprise you.” Jessica said.

“Oh, you succeeded. Pretty well.” Taeyeon said.

Jessica smiled proudly. I know. She thought.

She took a seat on the empty stool beside the brunette. She turned to face Taeyeon, who had gone into her shy and nervous state again. It didn’t make Jessica step back, she continued to smile, at the girl. The next time Taeyeon looked at her, she saw the girl blush, and quickly turning away from her.

Taeyeon’s feelings were too obvious.

Jessica had to turn away from the girl when she felt the guilt inside of her grow. She drummed the fingers against the bar counter, trying to think of something else that would make the feeling disappear.

“You okay?” She heard Taeyeon ask.

She snapped her head towards the girl. A bit surprised to see the concern on the girl’s face. She smiled, hoping the smile could ease the girl’s worries.

“Yeah, I was just wondering what drink I should buy this performer.” Jessica said.

“Citrus water.” A manly voice said beside her.

Jessica turned towards the owner of the voice. It was the bartender, who placed a glass of water in front of Taeyeon. Jessica looked at the glass, before turning back to the man.

“I’ll remember that.” Jessica told the man.

The man smiled, but didn’t get to share more about Taeyeon’s favorite drinks before he had to leave to attend another customer. Jessica turned to Taeyeon that was sipping on her citrus water.

“You played good.” Jessica told the girl.

She saw Taeyeon’s cheeks turn red. The brunette nodded her head, and Jessica could only smile at the girl’s shyness.

“Do you have plans after this?” Jessica asked.

Taeyeon swallowed the water in before she turned to her, Jessica could already tell what the girl’s answer would be by the guilt in the girl’s eyes, and to her surprise, she felt disappointed.

“Yes, I’m meeting a friend.” Taeyeon replied, and made it sound like she had ditched Jessica when they were going out on a date. Jessica shrugged her shoulders, trying to not mind that she was feeling disappointed.

“It’s okay. I’ll claim you another day.“  Jessica said and winked.

She saw Taeyeon blush. Jessica smiled and turned away from the girl. Silence grew between them, she listened to the occasional sound of Taeyeon drinking her water, Jessica began to wonder when the girl would go back to perform, she also began to grow restless and bored.

An idea popped up in her head. She turned to the girl beside her, she grabbed Taeyeon’s arm, making the girl turn towards her. Once Taeyeon was facing her, she leaned in and captured the girl’s lips with hers, making Taeyeon tense in her seat, letting her have full control of where the kiss was going to go.

She broke the kiss, kissed Taeyeon’s cheek, and leaned away from the girl.

“Good luck with your performance.” Jessica said. “I might call you later.” Jessica said and jumped down from the stool she was sitting on top.

She was slowly walking towards the exit of the bar, making sure she was swaying her hips as she walked. She knew that if this had been a love story, Taeyeon would have stopped her from leaving, telling her that would ditch her friend for her, and they would have left the bar together.

But when Jessica turned back to the girl sitting dumbfounded by the bar she realized this isn’t a love story. It might be Taeyeon’s love story, but it isn’t hers. She mustered up one last smile at the girl, before she left the bar, feeling the cold air outside soothing the guilt she was feeling inside of her.

She knew this wasn’t her love story. Hyoyeon knew it wasn’t Jessica’s love story. The only one that didn’t know it wasn’t a love story was Taeyeon, and Jessica felt guilty for having brought Taeyeon to this point.

She inhaled the cold winter air. She put her hand inside her pocket, bringing out the cigarette packet inside, taking one of the cancer sticks and putting it in before lighting it.

To make herself feel less guilty she reminded herself it wasn’t her fault Taeyeon fell for her. She wasn’t the one in charge of other people’s feelings. People are in charge of their own feelings, she told herself.