It had become a lot colder outside, she took notice of. Her body was slightly trembling from the cold, her hands were deeply buried in her jacket’s pockets, and her arms were tightly pressed against the sides of her body. Anything to keep a bit of warmth.

The girl exhaled, white smoke came out from , and she felt like it really was winter now. Another sigh escaped her lips and she stopped in her tracks, turning towards the apartment complex she had stopped outside.

It wasn’t that familiar, but it had grown familiar, just because she had been here a few times already.

She took out her cellphone from her jeans pocket with her cold hands. Trying to unlock the screen was hard as the hands were barely mobile from the cold, but she soon managed to unlock the screen, and could get to the contact she was searching for.

She bit her lower lip as she pressed the cellphone against her ear. Her eyes looked back at the apartment complex, her heart beat fast and hard against her ribs, and for once she no longer took notice of the cold.

“Yo!” The familiar voice answered after a few dials.

She opened , ready to reply as well, but she felt unable to say anything, her heart was beating too fast and too hard, and she had starting shaking more than before.

“Taeyeon?”

The person on the other line probably wondered what was wrong when she didn’t say anything. She closed her eyes in frustration for her lack of response. She took a deep breath and tried to calm herself down.

“H-hi.” Taeyeon managed to say.

“Hi! What’s up? Oh, awesome performance by the way! You played like a goddess!”

Taeyeon bit her lower lip, she wondered how gods played music, and if that was supposed to be a compliment or if it was a way of saying that she was playing awfully.

“Is everything alright?” She could hear a bit of worry in the other person’s voice. She bit her lower lip at the sound, not sure what to tell the person.

“Jessica…” She trailed off. What was she going to tell the girl? About what had happened? About her feelings? About how she’s standing outside in the cold outside of where Jessica lives?  She didn’t know.

“Yes?”

She inhaled and exhaled again. She a sudden fear of Jessica hanging up because she was taking too long to talk struck her. She gulped, exhaled and inhaled again.

“I told Narsha that I like someone.” Taeyeon said after what felt like minutes of silence.

Jessica was silence on the other line. Taeyeon bit her lower lip, unsure what the silence meant. She opened to ask how Jessica was doing, but no sound came out of it, she only felt her lower lip quivering, and so she decided to close it again. 

“Really? Do I wanna know what made you tell her that?”

Taeyeon bit her lower lip as she felt guilt creep onto her. Should she tell Jessica? Jessica was asking, and she knew the girl preferred honesty. She sighed. She felt nervous about Jessica’s reaction, but it had to get done.

“She tried something…and I told it to tell her off…” Taeyeon said. She bit her lower lip as she waited for Jessica’s response. The blonde girl was silent on the other line, and the silence bothered Taeyeon. She had no idea what Jessica thought, felt or was doing. The girl could be on her way to beat Narsha up for all she knows.

She heard Jessica sigh on the other line. “I told you to be careful around her.” Jessica’s reply came. The words made relief fill Taeyeon’s body, but she also felt guilty for not taking Jessica’s words more seriously.

She looked down on the ground, kicked a pebble as she mumbled, “I know…”

The two girls were silent. Only listening to each other’s breathing. Taeyeon shifted in her position again, the cold was getting to her again.

“So…do you like someone?” Jessica asked and broke the silence between them.

Taeyeon felt her heart skip a beat at the question. She swallowed, felt had gone dry, and she tightened her teeth as she felt her heart beat faster for each second that passed.

“I do.” She answered.

“Have you confessed?” Jessica asked.

Taeyeon felt dizzy. Her body had begun shaking again, and she wasn’t sure if it was from the cold or if it was from the nervousness. She came to the conclusion that this was more nerve wrecking than standing on stage in front of hundreds of people.

“Still trying to figure out what the person feels.” Taeyeon replied and bit her lower lip. Had Jessica figured it out? Did the girl think it was someone else? Had she unintentionally hurt the girl? Taeyeon had no idea.  

“You know if you confess you’d get your answer faster.” Jessica replied.

Taeyeon gulped. She knew. She clearly knew that.

“I know.” She mumbled.

“Then why are you waiting? What if your chance to confess will slip away?” Jessica scolded. Taeyeon didn’t know if the girl was really mad or if she was faking it.

She took a deep breath. “I’d rather confess face to face…” She answered.

“Ask the person if you can meet up then!” Jessica continued to encourage her.

Taeyeon bit her lower lip. Her heart was pounding fast and hard, she could even feel it in her ears. She was so close now, so close, and she wasn’t even sure if Jessica knew what was coming. She gulped, wetted her lips, and let out an unsteady breath.

“Can we meet up?” Taeyeon asked.

The silence that followed her question felt like years. Taeyeon was shifting impatiently in her stance outside of the apartment complex Jessica lived. But she waited, and waited, she wanted some kind of answer. Jessica probably had already figured it out by now, but she still wanted an answer.

“When can you come to my place?” Jessica asked.

“I’m already outside.” Taeyeon answered.

No response came from the other girl on the other line, mainly because Jessica had hung up. Taeyeon blinked confused at her cellphone before she pocketed the device. She sighed and looked towards the entrance to the apartment complex.

She caught the sight of a blonde girl running outside of it. As the girl was getting closer and closer to her, she felt her heart beat faster and faster, and before she knew it Jessica’s arms was around her neck, the girl’s body pressed against hers, and her raspberry tasting lips was on hers.

“Jess– “ Taeyeon tried to speak between their kisses, but Jessica silenced her with the tip of her index finger.

“Ssh. Less talking.” Jessica said. Taeyeon only nodded her head, closing her eyes before Jessica captured her lips once again.

The kiss felt so desperate. Jessica kissed her with such force that she stumbled backwards and almost fell, but the blonde girl had a good grip on her and didn’t let her fall. When the blonde finally pulled away both of them were panting, no one able to say something, just staring at each other with flushed cheeks and slightly gaping mouths.

“My stepsister is out.” Jessica said.

Taeyeon closed and gulped, wondered what Jessica indicated with that statement.

“Okay.” She breathed out. She observed the blonde who smiled at her.

“You can sleep over if you want.” Jessica said and tilted her head to the left.

Taeyeon exhaled and studied Jessica’s expression. Sleep as just sleeping or sleep as something else? Her heart beat faster, she gulped, wetted her lips and continued to hold Jessica’s gaze with her own.

“I don’t have any clothes with me.” Taeyeon mumbled out.

Jessica’s eyebrow rose and her eyes wandered down to Taeyeon’s attire. Her head titled to the side before she looked up at her again, a smile gracing her lips.

“I’m sure my clothes will fit you.” Jessica stated.

“Okay.” Taeyeon breathed out. She saw Jessica smile and wrapped an arm around her waist and brought her closer to her.

“So it’s a yes?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah.”

Jessica’s smile widened by her answer and the blonde moved to the side, continued to keep her hold around Taeyeon’s waist, and liked that the blonde led Taeyeon to the apartment complex where they went to Jessica’s apartment.

---

Taeyeon was seated on Jessica’s bed. She was watching the blonde girl who was rummaging through her closet, probably trying to find something for Taeyeon to wear. That Jessica was searching for clothes made the answer to Taeyeon’s question clear.

They would sleep. As in just sleeping.

And Taeyeon felt relieved from that. The pressure and some of the nervousness had been lifted from her body. She felt more relaxed.

But something was bothering her, it was gnawing in the back of her head. She hadn’t actually confessed to the girl, she hadn’t managed to directly tell the girl about her feelings, and that bothered her. Did Jessica know or not? She wasn’t sure, but she wanted the girl to know. She had gotten this far, she had to let the girl know.

“Jessica,” She called the girl who stopped her search to turn to her. Jessica was smiling at her. She mustered up a small smile herself, even though she felt nervous. She gulped, and noticed Jessica was still waiting for her to say something.

“I like you.” Taeyeon said.

Jessica smiled warmly at her. “I know.” The blonde replied and turned back to look for the clothes.

Taeyeon didn’t know what she had expected. That Jessica said it back? That they would make an official statement about their relationship? What was their relationship anyway? There was still so much that was unclear between them, but Taeyeon didn’t get to voice her inquires as a pile of clothes landed on her lap.

“There you go.” Jessica said and took a seat next to her on the bed.

Taeyeon fumbled with the clothes in her lap. It was a grey t-shirt and light grey sweatpants. Simple clothes, fitted for sleeping.

“I can turn around while you change, no worry.” Jessica said and turned around and faced the wall.

Taeyeon bit her lip. She stood up from her seat on the bed and proceeded to change into her sleeping attire. Her jeans went off, and on went the sweatpants. When she was about to take off her sweater she stopped in her action, turned to the t-shirt, and then back to Jessica who was still facing the wall.

“Do…you have something long-sleeved?” Taeyeon asked.

“Long-sleeved?” Jessica spun around, she glanced at the t-shirt she had taken out for the girl, before she looked at Taeyeon. “I might have.”

Jessica said and stood up from her seat and went back to the closet. Taeyeon returned to her seat on the bed and watched as Jessica looked for the long-sleeved shirt she had requested. She felt bad for making the girl do it.

“Um…if you can’t find it, it doesn’t matter…” Taeyeon said and played with the hem of her shirt. “The t-shirt will do…” She said and looked at it on the bed.

It wouldn’t do, because what she was trying to hide would be visible. But a part of her told her that she couldn’t hide it forever, while another part of her told her that she would never know if she could hide it if she didn’t try.

“I can just sleep in my sweater.” Taeyeon mumbled out.

“Won’t it be too hot?” Jessica asked.

Taeyeon didn’t reply. She looked down on the sweater she was wearing. It sure as hell would be hot to sleep in it. She bit her lower lip, and looked up at Jessica again.

“Maybe…” She mumbled.

She looked up at Jessica again. The girl was smiling warmly at her, and Taeyeon felt that maybe, maybe it wouldn’t be so bad to sleep in the t-shirt anyway, even though she would have to reveal more of herself than she wanted.

A small sigh escaped her lips and she picked up the t-shirt. She looked back at Jessica who spun around to give her privacy while she changed. She bit her lower lip as she looked at the t-shirt. Yeah, it would show what she didn’t want to show.

She dismissed the thoughts of what would be shown and not shown and began undressing her upper body. Once the t-shirt was on she felt . Exposed. She tried covering her arms with her hands, but it was nothing compared to the protective fabric of her sweater.

She looked longingly towards the article of clothing that was folded on top of her jeans. She contemplated whether she should wear it anyway. Maybe she could wear it to bed, wait for Jessica to fall asleep, take it off, and wake up before the blonde girl does and put it on.

No, she felt it was too much effort. And how would she know when Jessica would wake up? She felt like it could end with Jessica waking her up.

“Are you done?” She heard Jessica ask.

Taeyeon snapped out of her thoughts and turned back to Jessica who was still facing another way. She looked down on her body, a sudden panic to cover herself up appeared, but then she remember she already was dressed, not as much as she would like to be dressed, but she was still decently dressed.

“Y-yeah…I’m done.” Taeyeon answered after a while.

She fidgeted nervously as Jessica spun around and faced her, oblivious to her nervous and shyness. The blonde smiled at her, still oblivious to how she was trying to hide her exposed arms.

“Is the t-shirt bad?” Jessica asked as she stepped closer to her.

Taeyeon could only shake her head in answer. She noticed Jessica looked at her confused, and she turned towards her clothes that were folded on the bed.

“Are you cold?” Jessica asked.

“N-no…not really.” Taeyeon said and picked up her pile of clothes and placed them elsewhere. When she turned back to Jessica she noticed the girl was still watching her. Taeyeon felt like she wanted to hide somewhere else, and she felt like the bed wasn’t such a bad escape now.

She walked back to the bed, stopped by Jessica’s side. She noticed the blonde looked at her, the blonde’s eyes going up and down. She bit her lip as she felt shy under Jessica’s gaze. She gulped, that action seemed to earn her Jessica’s gaze locked on her own.

“Are you okay?” Jessica asked.

“Y-yeah–“  Taeyeon froze in her position when she felt Jessica’s warm hand grab one of her arms that were pressed against her waist. She watched as the girl’s hand went to her hand, grabbed it and brought it closer to her, revealing the underside of her arm that she had been trying to hide from the girl.

Jessica stopped in her action, the blonde’s brown orbs staring down at her arm that were outstretched. Taeyeon had to look away from the girl, she felt so exposed that she didn’t know what to do with herself. She regretted taking off her sweater now.

“You…” Jessica trailed off. Taeyeon looked back at the girl, expecting to see a judgmental expression on Jessica’s face. But the girl didn’t look judgmental. The blonde looked tense, almost like she was in pain.

“You have self-harmed?” Jessica asked and looked up to meet Taeyeon’s gaze.

Taeyeon didn’t reply. She just stared at Jessica that waited for an answer. Something had changed inside the blonde, Taeyeon could tell. There was something in Jessica’s gaze that had changed, the warmth she usually could see in the girl’s eyes were gone. It had been replaced by something else, something colder, something darker, and Taeyeon couldn’t understand why.

“It’s not self-harm…” Taeyeon said and looked away from Jessica’s gaze.

“Then what are these marks?” Jessica asked. Taeyeon got surprised as she could hear a hint of anger in the girl’s voice.

“It’s a way to deal with pain…” Taeyeon answered.

Jessica scoffed. Taeyeon looked back at the blonde who now had let her arm go. The blonde brushed her fingers through her blonde locks as she turned to the bed.

“A way to deal with pain…yeah…” Jessica mumbled. Taeyeon didn’t know if she should respond to the blonde, but she figured it was no need as Jessica said no more. She watched as Jessica removed the comforter from the bed before turning back to her, nodding her head towards the bed.

“Let’s go to sleep.” Jessica said.

And like that had Jessica let go of the subject about why there were scars on Taeyeon’s arms. The brunette climbed into bed with Jessica following her. She had expected the girl to ask more about her scars, but the girl didn’t. Instead she was staring at the ceiling of Jessica’s bedroom while she listened to the blonde’s breathing.

After a few minutes of silence an arm was wrapped around her waist, and she felt Jessica’s breathing had become more rhythmic. The blonde girl had fallen asleep.

And while Taeyeon listened to Jessica’s slow, rhythmic breath, she thought about the change she had seen in the girl’s eyes after she had seen the scars. She wondered why Jessica had reacted that way, and she could only come to one conclusion about it.

There was a lot she didn’t know about Jessica.