The blonde girl plopped down on the bed back first. A long sigh was followed and she put her arm over her eyes. Without moving she stayed like that. Listening to her own breathing and the occasional sound of cars passing by on the street.

Another sigh escaped Jessica’s lips and she moved her hands down to her jeans’ pocket. She found her phone and moved it to her hand and positioned the hand in front of her face so she could see the screen.

No call or texts. Something she had expected. But not something she had wanted.

Or maybe she did. She wasn’t sure. She had just expected Taeyeon to maybe contact her to see how she was. But then, after how she had acted at the girl’s place, she didn’t think Taeyeon would try to contact her.

She sighed once again. With a swift movement of her thumb she unlocked her cellphone screen and quickly found the number of the person she wanted to contact. She checked the time, figured out the person shouldn’t have a problem to answer the call now, she pressed the call button and listened to the dial tone while she waited for the person to pick up.

“Yo! Why aren’t you in school?” Hyoyeon’s voice was heard on the other line.

“Didn’t feel like it.” Jessica simply said.

“You’re just gliding around and doing whatever you want. What happened to you last night?”

Jessica bit her lip and looked at her free hand as she fidgeted with her fingers. She knew how the series of question would go if she told Hyoyeon the truth, and she wasn’t sure if she wanted to go through all that again.

“I spent the night at Taeyeon’s place.” Jessica replied anyway. She quickly bit her lower lip again and she felt regret fill her body.

“Ooooh. How did it go?” Hyoyeon asked.

“We slept. Clothed.”

“What? Why?”

“Because I wasn’t feeling up to doing anything else.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

Silence was followed on the other line. Jessica could tell Hyoyeon was disappointed. The girl had probably expected something more, something more talk-worthy. But Jessica didn’t do anything talk-worthy anymore. She does unexplainable things that she doesn’t know why she does them.

“Hey, I’m gonna continue to sleep.” Jessica said.

“Do as you want Sleeping beauty. I’ll go to class.”

“Like you’ll understand what the teacher says anyway.”

“ you, Jung. Go sleep so I don’t have to hear you anymore.” Hyoyeon said.

“Yeah. Bye.” Jessica hung up the call and let her hand with the phone in it fall down to the side of her body. A sigh left her lips. She wondered if she should tell Hyoyeon that she had slept with Taeyeon to get the girl to stop pressure her, but then Hyoyeon would want proof. Proof Jessica wouldn’t be able to get unless she went through with Hyoyeon’s plan.

The blonde girl groaned and quickly got up from her bed. She went over to her desk and her computer. She pulled out her desk chair and plopped down on it, waiting for the computer to start up.

Her eyes landed on a pile of magazines next to her computer keyboard. She stared at the title of the magazine that was lying on the top of the pile. And before she knew it she grabbed it, quickly flipped to the page she had read a few days ago. She read the title of the page, skimmed through the text till her eyes landed on a web address.  

She turned back to the computer screen, putting the magazine to the side with the page still open. She opened the internet and typed in the web address in the search bar. Jessica soon found herself going through all the different pages on the website she had found.

The blonde found a page to download different documents. She stared at the title of one of the documents, she was hesitating if she should download it or not.

She gulped and turned to her bed where her phone laid. She felt she needed a second opinion, and she knew there was only one person she should ask, because it was the only person Jessica could admit she cared about.

The girl got the device from her bed and sat down in front of the computer again. She quickly found the number to the person she wanted to call, and with a press of a button she heard the dial tone from the device and she patiently waited for the person to pick up.

“Yeah?” She heard a girl’s voice answer on the other line.

“Hey, Soojung, are you busy?” Jessica asked.

“No, I’m on my way home. Why?” The younger sister of Jessica answered.

“I need to ask you something.” Jessica said and glanced on the computer screen.

“Okay…ask me.”

“Will you be okay if unnie goes abroad?”

Silence followed her question. Jessica felt her heart was beating fast. The opinion of her sister mattered a lot to her, and she felt she needed it to make her decision.

“It depends…will I be able to visit you? Or will you live far off in the Amazon jungle that I won’t be able to find you without getting kidnapped by an Indian tribe?”

Jessica laughed. Somehow her sister always found a way to lighten up the mood in serious matters. The older girl let out a relieved sigh.

“You will be able to visit me. I’ll just be abroad to study.” Jessica explained.

“Then there will be no problem.” Soojung said.

“Good. Hey, thanks.” Jessica said.

“Nothing to thank me for, unnie. By the way, when will you visit?”

“This weekend maybe.” Jessica said with a shrug.

“Okay. I want to see you. Tell me when you will come.”

“I will. I promise.”

“Good, hey, I need to go. Talk to you another time.”

“Yeah. Bye Soojung.”

“Bye unnie.”

Jessica ended the call with her little sister and let her eyes go back to the computer screen. She pressed the download button for one of the documents, saw the download starting, and she leaned back in her chair and let out a contented sigh.

Her eyes went back to her phone, she bit her lower lip as she thought of calling a certain someone that she had left to go to school by herself. Jessica didn’t regret letting Taeyeon go by herself. She felt that if she put some distance between them, then maybe it would be easier to drop the bomb on the girl.

Jessica gulped. Did she really want to drop the bomb on the girl? Or did she just want to do it so she could feel better after being honest with the girl? But then, maybe honesty had an expiration date, that if you wait too long about being honest, it would do more damage than what it would have done if you had been honest from the start.

Jessica sighed and felt her mood getting sour. All this Taeyeon matter was bringing her down, if she continued to dwell on it she could soon shake hands with Hades.

She saw the download was done, and she opened the document, her printer, and pressed the printing button. The printer made mechanical noises while in the paper that it would soon mark with black ink.

Jessica didn’t feel like sitting and waiting for the printer to do its job. She stood from her seat and went to the kitchen. She filled the electric kettle with water and turned it on, while she waited for the water to boil she went over to the kitchen and stared out on the apartment complex building next to the one she was living in.

She wondered if she should tell her mother or father about her future plans. But then she figured that her father probably wouldn’t care, and her mother would probably be skeptical about it and tell her that she wouldn’t be able to make it. And that wasn’t something she needed to hear.

Jessica sighed and leaned against the wall. Who else could she talk to than her sister? Not Hyoyeon, the girl would probably not understand. Taeyeon?

Her thoughts once again went back to the brunette girl. If maybe she hinted to the girl that she would go to overseas to study, then maybe it would be easier to tell the girl about the Narsha matter.

She remembered the sheet of paper she had found in the drawer of the nightstand in Taeyeon’s room, and Jessica figured that no matter what, it would always be a risk to tell the girl about any of it.

Jessica snapped out of her thoughts as she heard the water was ready. She turned back to the counter and got a cup from the cupboard above it, and a teabag from another cupboard. She poured the hot water into the cup and watched as the tea made the clear water a brownish color.

Jessica knew that she had to tell Taeyeon sooner or later. And no matter when she did it, she would cause damage. It was unavoidable.

The blonde sighed and lifted the teabag out of her cup and threw it in the garbage bin.

Just rip the bandage off and it will be over soon. That was what her father always told her as a kid. And Jessica learned to do it. But this time, she might rip the bandage off and hit a person that was standing beside her.

---

It was cold outside. Jessica now regretted that she hadn’t put on a warmer jacket, and brought a pair of gloves for her frozen hands. The blonde walked fast, the sooner she got this done the sooner she could get inside to the warmth again.

She quickly looked left and right before she jogged over the road to the other side. She stopped next to the mailbox and reached out the big, white envelope she had in her hand. Her eyes stared at it for a few seconds, before she finally posted it, and turned around before she regretted herself and put her hand inside the mailbox and tried retrieving the envelope.

She reminded herself she deserved this. She deserved the chance to get a fresh start. A new life. New possibilities. Leaving all the memories behind.

Jessica sighed and put her arms closer to her body to try to keep herself warm as she was walking down the street to Taeyeon’s work place. She didn’t know why she would go there, not after figuring that keeping a distance might be good for them. Be easier on them.

Jessica wasn’t sure for whose sake she was doing it. Was it for her or was it for Taeyeon? Was it for her sake that it would be easier letting the girl go if she had somehow detached herself from the girl, or had she made up some delusional that Taeyeon would take her not so pleasant honest confession better if she keeps herself away from the girl?

Jessica didn’t know.  She felt stuck in a mess.

“Hey, Jessica.” Jessica startled snapped out of her thoughts as she heard someone greeting her. She spun around, her eyes landing on a brunette girl, and a blonde guy. She blinked as she realized she was standing in front of Tiffany and her boyfriend.

“Oh, hi, Tiffany.” Jessica said and tried muster up some kind of smile.

“How are you? Haven’t talked with you for a while.” Tiffany said.

“Yeah, we’ve both been busy, I guess.” Jessica said and looked at the guy next to Tiffany before she averted her eyes back to the girl. She suddenly remembered what she had been thinking about before Tiffany had interrupted her thoughts.

“Have you talked to Taeyeon?” Jessica asked.

Tiffany’s eyebrows knotted together. “No. She doesn’t exactly speak to me.” Tiffany said sourly.

“Yeah, right.” Jessica nodded her head and averted her gaze to the road before she turned back to the brunette. Tiffany looked a bit confused and anticipating. Like she was waiting for Jessica to explain why the sudden question had come up.

“I think Taeyeon needs a friend.” Jessica suddenly said. She looked Tiffany in the eyes, and saw that some concern had appeared, but the confusion remained.

“But she has you, doesn’t she?” Tiffany asked.

Jessica slightly nodded her head, she bit her lower lip and kept her gaze with Tiffany.

“Jessica, what’s going on?” Tiffany looked worried now. And Jessica felt bad for making the girl worry like that, but she felt it could save a life.

“I’m not enough for her.” Jessica said. “You should try to make up with her. I can talk to her. But I think she needs you, more than you might think.”

Tiffany still looked confused and worried. Jessica figured that Taeyeon hadn’t told anyone about why she actually had disappeared, and even though Jessica knew, she felt it wasn’t her place to tell anyone about it if Taeyeon wanted to keep it a secret.

“Just trust me. Taeyeon needs all the support she can get. I mean, when I– “ Jessica stopped herself. She realized in the middle of keeping Taeyeon’s secrets, she almost spilled her own. Tiffany raised an eyebrow, and Jessica figured that it must look suspicious to end midsentence.

“I meant, if I had been in Taeyeon’s situation, I’d have loved to have an understanding friend by my side.” Jessica corrected herself, and hoped it would sound believable.

Tiffany nodded her head, and Jessica took this as a cue to go before she spills secrets all over the place.

“I have to go. Nice to see you, Tiffany.” Jessica said and walked past the couple and hoped that Tiffany’s worries would make her try to befriend Taeyeon again.

Jessica let out a relieved sigh. All this secret keeping and not being honest was straining her. It felt like she soon would say things she would rather keep to herself.

---

The bar wasn’t crowded. It was a few customers by some tables, eating and drinking and chatting lowly. There was another five customers by the bar counter, two men were discussing something in a serious manner, one of them gesturing with his hands while his cheeks were flushed red. Either from anger or from alcohol.

The other three people by the bar seemed to be in deep thought, minding their own business, or just enjoying a relaxing evening with a drink and some live music.

Jessica had found a table at the left side of the stage. She could see Taeyeon as she was singing and playing her guitar, filling the silence between people’s conversations. The blonde wasn’t sure if the girl had seen her when she had arrived, and even if she had it didn’t seem Taeyeon would lower her professionalism to give Jessica some sort of signal to let her know that she had been seen.

A sigh left the blonde’s lips and she averted her gaze from the girl on the stage to the customers by the bar counter. She had been there for twenty minutes already, and it didn’t seem like Taeyeon was going to get any break soon, and even though Jessica didn’t quite want to admit it, but she was beginning to get bored to wait for the brunette.

Just when she thought of getting out of there a man approached her. Jessica looked up at him and recognized him as the man who was working as the bartender. The man placed a glass filled with a dark liquid with bubbles on her table. He smiled at her and leaned closer to her for her to be able to hear what he had to say.

“I was told by Taeyeon to give this to you.” The man said before he left Jessica with her beverage. The blonde looked surprised at the glass in front of her. She hadn’t even seen Taeyeon talking to someone after she had arrived. But the girl must somehow had noticed her and somehow signaled the bartender to give her a drink.

Jessica smiled a small smile by the kind act and grabbed the glass to take a sip of it. It was just plain coca cola, but it was good anyway. It was better at nothing.

Now with something to keep her form leaving Jessica turned back to the stage to continue to listen to Taeyeon’s performance. The girl was singing a song about finding love. It was a nice song, and Taeyeon’s voice seemed to be able to convey all the emotions the song was about.

Jessica enjoyed listening to the song so much that she actually got disappointed when it ended. She wondered if she could ask Taeyeon to sing the song for her, but somehow she had a feeling Taeyeon might be too shy to give her a solo concert.

Even though the nice song had ended, Jessica didn’t had to be disappointed for long. She noticed that Taeyeon went off the stage and put away her guitar before she went to the bar counter, grabbed a glass of a transparent, bubbly drink the bartender handed her, before she turned around and began to make her way towards Jessica’s table.

An unknowing smile formed on Jessica’s lips as Taeyeon got closer. When the girl had grabbed a chair by the table and was about to sit down, Jessica couldn’t keep quiet.

“What an honor, the big star sits by my table.” Jessica said as Taeyeon had taken her seat.

She saw a blush form on Taeyeon’s cheeks and Jessica couldn’t help but feel amused by the reaction.

“Please sign my shirt, will you?” Jessica said with a mocking smile. Taeyeon didn’t even reply and just sipped on her drink without making eye contact with Jessica.

“You played well. I really liked the last song.” Jessica praised.

“Thank you. But it needs some more improvement.” Taeyeon mumbled out shyly.

“Really? Well, I didn’t hear anything. But what do I know? I know nothing about music.” Jessica said and leaned her arms on the table. Taeyeon nodded her head before she met Jessica’s gaze.

Something was different, Jessica could feel. She could feel it inside of her. She could feel it by how she was drawn to the girl sitting opposite her. And to not make any weird moves, Jessica leaned back in her seat, just to make sure she could get as far away from the brunette as possible.

She could see Taeyeon noticed her movement. And she tried to ignore the confused, brown eyes that looked at her. She turned to the stage and tried to come up with a topic to talk about.

“Will you play more tonight?” Jessica asked.

“No, it was the last time for today.” Taeyeon said.

“Oh.” Jessica felt disappointed. She wasn’t sure why. It was probably because she wanted to her that song again.

“Well, I was thinking of heading home.” Jessica said and downed the last of her coke cola.

“Do you want me to walk you home?” Taeyeon unexpectedly asked.

“No, I’ll be fine.” Jessica said and stood up from her seat. She got a confused look from Taeyeon, and to distract the girl Jessica leaned closer and kissed the brunette’s cheek before she began walking towards the exit.

“Good night, Kim Taeyeon. It was nice hearing you play.” Jessica said with a wave before she quickly went outside of the bar, and stopped when she felt the cold of the night hit her face.

It was cold and dark outside. And Jessica didn’t like it at all. She sighed and began walking away from the bar before she had the chance to run back inside and drag Taeyeon with her to walk her home.

Jessica had to keep reminding herself to keep a distance between her and Taeyeon. Even though she somehow felt she wanted to be close to the girl. But she knew that they had to be apart. The further apart they would be the easier it would be to cut the strings.