A sigh left the brunette girl’s lips and she slumped further down in her seat on the bench outside of the school building. She stifled a yawn and buried her cold hands deeper into her jeans pockets. It was beginning to get cold outside, but she didn’t want to leave yet. It was rather peaceful being here instead of inside where almost all other students were.

Another sigh left the pair of lips and she slowly titled her head back, feeling it lightly bump against the backrest and she closed her eyes.

She felt a small breeze blow past, tugging a bit on her hair and clothes. She shivered by the cold it left behind it and cracked her eyes open.

Steps coming her way made her raise her head up and look the way the steps was being heard. Seeing a blonde girl on her way towards her Taeyeon straightened up in her seat and watched as Jessica took a seat next to her on the bench.

“Hi.” Jessica greeted her and turned to her with a smile. Taeyeon gave the blonde an acknowledging nod before she turned her gaze forward. Silence filled between them. The only sound was heard from the wind that occasionally blew past them and students that went inside the school building.

“Why aren’t you with Tiffany?” Jessica suddenly asked. Taeyeon didn’t reply right away and continued to enjoy not opening for a few seconds before she finally answered the blonde’s inquiry.

“Sometimes I like to be alone.” Taeyeon simply answered.

“So I’m disturbing your alone time now?”

Taeyeon looked at the blonde girl beside her. Jessica turned and met her gaze, waiting for her to say something. She lightly shook her head and turned her gaze forward again.

“No, it’s okay.” Taeyeon said.  She caught Jessica smiling in the corner of her eyes, and a small smile appeared on her lips in return.

“Why aren’t you with Hyoyeon?” Taeyeon asked and turned to the blonde. Jessica turned towards her, a smile on her lips.

“Do you have to hang around your friends all the time?” Jessica asked in return. Taeyeon smiled and let her gaze lower to the ground instead.

“No.” She answered.

“Besides, all Hyoyeon talks about is her problems with her boyfriend. And I’ve told her to break up with him countless of times, but she doesn’t listen. So I kind of wanted to get away from that.” Jessica confessed and leaned her head back.

“So you’re just with me to get away from her?” Taeyeon asked jokingly. Jessica smiled and turned towards her.

“Yes. But to make you feel better I kind of enjoy hanging out with you.” Jessica said locking her gaze with Taeyeon’s. Taeyeon felt herself slightly taken aback by Jessica’s words, her eyebrows furrowed as she thought about it for a while. Her gaze left the blonde girl’s, an uncertain expression appeared on her face and she looked down on her fidgeting fingers.

“How?” Taeyeon asked.

“What?”

“You haven’t hung out with me that much, so how can you already tell you enjoy it?” Taeyeon asked and looked back at Jessica.  No smile was on Jessica’s lips this time, the girl only stared back at her. She figured Jessica hadn’t expected that.

“I just do.” Jessica finally answered. They continued to hold each other’s gazes, Taeyeon finally looked away, her gaze going to her hands and a sigh leaving her lips.

“I have to go. I have music in a few minutes.” Taeyeon finally said and stood up from her seat. The girl she left on the bench was quiet until Taeyeon turned to look at her. Jessica smiled then and titled her head a bit to the side.

“Have fun.” Jessica said.

“Thanks.” Taeyeon mumbled before she began heading to the school building.


---


She arrived at the music classroom, the students who already where inside were noisy and she couldn’t wait to get away from there as she didn’t feel like being around people at all at the moment. Her eyes landed on the music teacher who was busy talking to another student, feeling like she shouldn’t interrupt in that she just went to the wall with the guitars and grabbed one.

“Hey, Kim.” Taeyeon halted in her action when she heard her name. She spun around and noticed the teacher was talking to her.

“You can stick around for a while. I need to tell the whole class something.” The teacher said.

She felt her shoulders sag, but she nodded understanding anyway. A sigh left her lips and she turned towards the rest of the students in the classroom. She noticed that if she wanted to take a seat she would have to do it next to another student, who she barely knew.

She sighed upon that realization and instead made her way towards the door. She stopped beside it and leaned her back against the wall and turned her focus to the teacher who was still chatting with one of the students. Her eyes rolled and her gaze went down to her feet instead, hoping that the teacher would just say what he was going to say so she could just leave.

The door to her left suddenly opened and her gaze was turned towards the girl who entered. She straightened up when she noticed she recognized this girl. The girl at first didn’t seem to notice her, until she turned her head and their eyes met.

“What are you doing here?” Narsha asked.

“Waiting for the teacher to say something.” Taeyeon said. Narsha turned towards the music teacher who was still talking to other students, Taeyeon caught a frown appear on Narsha’s lips and the girl turned back to her.

“And when will that be?” She asked a slight annoyance behind her words.

“Now.” Taeyeon said and nodded towards the teacher who now walked away from the students he had been talking to to stand in front of the whiteboard. He looked around the classroom like he checked who was there.

“I have something to tell you all before I let you go to practice.” He said and looked at the students that sat nearest him. His gaze went out over the other students until his gaze finally fell on Taeyeon’s. Taeyeon raised an eyebrow, but got a small frown in return from the teacher before he looked away.

“In a few weeks’ time we’ll perform for the whole school, but we’ll also invite people outside of school. Like parents, siblings or other family members.” He explained and turned towards the whiteboard.

Taeyeon felt the corner of her lips fall down, forming a frown. This wasn’t exactly something she needed to hear, it wasn’t like she was going to perform anyway.

Her shoulders sagged and she continued to listen to the teacher who talked about how he had followed the process of everyone and it looked really promising, some of them just needed to adjust a few things and they’d have a perfect performance. Taeyeon couldn’t help but roll her eyes at what he was saying.

After giving the students the date of when the performance would be he dismissed everyone to let them go back to practice. Taeyeon couldn’t wait to get away from here, and all other students who would be excited over the performance, and she couldn’t even feel the slightest bit joy over it.

“He hasn’t checked our process.” Narsha whispered to her on their way to their own practice room.  

“I know.” Taeyeon mumbled and focused on getting to the room as fast as possible and just forget everything she just had heard.

“Kim, Park!” The two girls spun around when they heard their names being called. Seeing the music teacher coming towards them Taeyeon couldn’t help but frown. She crossed her arms and waited for the teacher to say whatever it was he needed to say.

“I haven’t checked how you’re doing. Can I do that now?”

Taeyeon felt Narsha looking at her, and she could already tell that the girl was leaving the decision up to her. She held back a sigh from escaping her lips and just shrugged her shoulders.

“Sure.” She said and the three of them entered the small room that had grown familiar to Taeyeon.

Narsha and Taeyeon took a seat beside each other and the teacher sat down opposite them. The teacher gave Taeyeon the guitar he had brought and he looked back and forth between them.

“So what song have you been practicing?”

“The song you told us to practice.” Taeyeon answered dryly. The teacher frowned and looked disapprovingly at Taeyeon before he turned to Narsha.

“And what song was it?”

“Knocking on heaven’s door by Bob Dylan.” Taeyeon answered again and let her gaze go down to her nails. She felt the teacher once again turn towards her, not appreciating that she was answering the questions.

“Okay. Is the song difficult?”

“No.”

This time the teacher sent a glare Taeyeon’s way. She continued to not be faced by his disapproval and met his glaring gaze.

“I’m asking miss Park, Kim.” The teacher said through gritted teeth. Taeyeon shrugged her shoulders and leaned back in her seat and looked at Narsha. Narsha smiled politely and glanced at Taeyeon before she turned back to the teacher.

“No, the song isn’t difficult.” Narsha said.

“Is the tone too high?”

“No.”

“Is– “

“She sings it without difficulty.” Taeyeon in.

“Was I speaking to you?” The teacher asked. And Taeyeon could see he was trying his hardest to not snap at her.

“No.”

“Be quiet then.” He said and ce again to Narsha. He took a deep breath and tried to find his composure.

“Okay, let’s hear what you got then.” He said. Taeyeon had a feeling he just wanted to get away from here, and she couldn’t blame him. She too wanted him to get away.

She felt Narsha turn towards her, she turned towards the other girl and positioned the guitar in a better position to be able to play. She nodded towards the other girl and began to count down before she started to play and Narsha joined by singing.

She tried to not look at the teacher, but instead focused on Narsha. She knew that if she looked at the teacher she would most likely lose her focus and mess up. It had happened before, and it had cost her a chance to perform in the past.

The song neared its end. Narsha sang the last line and Taeyeon played out the last chords and put a nice ending to it. Her eyes were still on the instrument in her lap. And she noticed there was no sound after she had stopped playing, and she wondered why the teacher wasn’t saying anything.

“It was good.” She suddenly heard the teacher say. She looked up, a bit surprised by his compliment. “If you continue like this you might be able to perform as well.” He added.

“What?” Taeyeon couldn’t hide her surprise.

“Continue practice and we’ll see how it turns out. But how it sounds now you seem to be on a good way.” He said before he stood up from his seat and made his way out of the room.

Taeyeon was shocked. This must be the closest she had gotten to be able to perform. Wide eyed she turned to Narsha who had a big smile on her lips.

“Isn’t that great?” She said and nudged Taeyeon with her elbow.

“It…is…” Taeyeon felt herself being completely speechless. She had no idea what to say. Should she thank someone? Should she ask the teacher what she suddenly had done good so he would allow her to perform?

Her excitement wasn’t there for long however, as she soon realized that the teacher had said ‘might be able to perform’. Disappointment came crashing down on her when she thought back to all the times when the teacher had told he no when she had asked if she would be able to perform as well. She had a vague feeling that getting her hopes up for this would lead to her being disappointed in the end.

A sigh escaped her lips and she turned to Narsha who looked at her with a puzzled expression. She shook her head and turned to the guitar in her lap.

“Let’s just practice and see how far we can go.” Taeyeon said.

There was no objections from the other girl, and Taeyeon didn’t want to have it another way either.                            


---


“Good bye.” Taeyeon waved to the other girl who walked the other way after the class had ended. A tired sigh escaped her lips and she spun around to go the other direction. Her gaze went from the floor, up to a figure who she hadn’t noticed since she got out of the classroom. Her eyes blinked a bit surprised before she stopped in her tracks.

An uncertain smile appeared on girl’s lips and Taeyeon watched as she pushed herself off the wall she had been leaning against before she slowly made her way towards her. Taeyeon felt herself frown but waited for the girl to say something as she guessed she was here because of that.

“Hi.” Tiffany said and Taeyeon felt the girl study her face a bit, like she waited for some kind of reaction.

Taeyeon didn’t reply and let her gaze leave Tiffany’s form and began walking again.

“Taeyeon.”

She stopped in her tracks and waited for Tiffany to continue. It took a few seconds and soon she felt the girl by her side.

“I honestly thought you knew he was out.” Tiffany said. Taeyeon felt her jaw tense and she screwed her eyes shut. She should have known Tiffany was here to talk about that.

“I didn’t keep it a secret from you. I don’t keep secrets from you, you know that.” Tiffany said, a bit of desperation lacing her voice.

A sigh escaped her lips and she turned towards the girl. She saw Tiffany looking back at her with pleading eyes and it just made her shake her head and turn away before she began walking again.

“Taeyeon please, don’t be mad at me. I…you’ve just come back…and I’ve finally forgiven you for leaving…and…please.”

Tiffany’s pleading made her stop in her tracks once again. She slowly turned around towards the girl and saw Tiffany still looking at her with pleading eyes. A raspy breath left the brunette’s lips, her shoulders sagged and she continued to hold Taeyeon’s gaze with hers.

“I just got my best friend back. So please don’t be mad at me.”

Taeyeon let out another sigh and let her gaze fall down to her shoes. She shifted her feet a bit before she looked up at Tiffany again that still hadn’t let her go with her gaze. It made her look away and brush her fingers through her hair.

“I honestly, honestly thought you knew your brother was out of jail. If I had known you didn’t knew I’d have told you right away. But because I thought you knew, and I know how much you don’t want to talk about him I didn’t want to bring it up.” Tiffany explained.

Taeyeon screwed her eyes shut, her grip around the shoulder strap to her backpack tightened.

“Taeyeon– “

“You’re doing it now.” Taeyeon interrupted.

“What?”

“Talking about him.” Taeyeon looked back at Tiffany, seeing the girl looking wide eyed and panicked at her.

“But that’s because– “

“I know. I get it.” Taeyeon said and looked down on the floor again. “You thought I knew and didn’t want to bring it up. I get it. I understand. But…” Another sigh escaped her lips and she looked up at Tiffany again. “I was surprised to see him. I got angry, as you can tell. And…” Taeyeon momentarily looked away from the girl, letting her eyes close.

“They shouldn’t have let him out of jail.” Taeyeon mumbled.

“Taeyeon…he’s your brother.”

“That still doesn’t make what he did right.” Taeyeon said and looked back at the girl. “He can be my brother, but still, what he did was wrong. And I’d prefer to have him behind bars than wandering the streets.”

She saw Tiffany was a bit taken aback by her words. Silence filled between them, Tiffany just nodded her head, and let her gaze leave Taeyeon’s form. It made Taeyeon sigh and she too looked away from Tiffany.

“It shouldn’t come as a surprise to you…that I think like that…” Taeyeon mumbled.

“It’s not…it’s just.” Tiffany looked back at her and Taeyeon met her gaze. The other girl shook her head and closed her eyes before she let her gaze fall down to her shoes.

Tiffany said no more, and Taeyeon felt like she didn’t need to be there anymore. The girl had explained her reason for not telling her about her brother, and now Taeyeon just needed time to cool herself down and actually start to believe that Tiffany had wanted to tell her.

“I’m going home.” Taeyeon announced before she spun around.

“You don’t wanna come with me to Sunny?” Tiffany asked and made her stop once again. A sigh left her lips and she shook her head before she began walking again.

“Taeyeon,” Taeyeon halted in her tracks and screwed her eyes shut as she felt the raising annoyance build inside her. A slow sigh escaped her lips and she turned her head towards Tiffany again.  

“You can talk to me and Sunny if you’re not feeling well.” Tiffany said. It made Taeyeon furrow her eyebrows. She saw small glint of fear appear on Tiffany’s face, it made her raise an eyebrow and turn to fully face her.

“I…I just don’t want the past to repeat itself…I don’t want to lose–“

“Stop. Don’t talk about it.” Taeyeon mumbled before Tiffany had been able to mention it. Tiffany blinked surprised, and Taeyeon had to turn her gaze away from the other girl.

“Don’t talk about it…or I’ll start to feel really unwell again and the past might repeat itself anyway.” Taeyeon said through gritted teeth.

Taeyeon felt like she was going to cry. A painful knot had formed in , and tears burned behind her eyes. When she looked at Tiffany she caught the girl’s glossy eyes and her quivering bottom lip. The girl looked to be in the same state as her, yet here she was, trying to stand firm and not show how much in pain she was.

Tiffany looked away from her, and she did the same. She let her gaze fall to the floor, letting her breathing become more regular and letting her head cool down a bit.

“Okay I won’t talk about it.” Tiffany promised after seconds of painful silence. Taeyeon nodded her head and looked up at the other girl.

“Good.” She said.

Tiffany nodded her head. Taeyeon let a sigh escape her lips, the knot was gone and she didn’t feel like crying anymore. She was fine.

“I’m going home.” She announced and her heels.

“See you tomorrow?” She had no idea why it sounded more like Tiffany was asking her, or why the girl even would need to ask her.

“Yeah, see you tomorrow.” Taeyeon said and continued to walk. She couldn’t wait until she got home, to her bed she could just bury herself in and just forget about real life for a few seconds.