The device lying on the girl’s stomach began beeping. A limp hand landed on the cellphone, fumbling with it for a few seconds before she was able to shut the alarm off. When the noisy sound had stopped a sigh of relief escaped her lips.

She turned to lay on her side instead. Her eyes stared at the wall on the other side of the room. She hadn’t slept a wink. Not since yesterday’s event. She had tossed and turned all night, trying to figure out why she had done it.

Another sigh escaped Jessica’s lips and she closed her eyes. Why had she asked Taeyeon to be her girlfriend? Why? That hadn’t been her plan. Or had it? She didn’t know. She was confused.

Her eyes opened. She brought the cellphone up to her face to check the time. It was time for her to get up if she wanted to get in time for school. But did she want to go? What was she going to do in school? Hang out with her girlfriend?

Girlfriend. The word left a bitter feeling inside of her. She hadn’t had a girlfriend since she had caught her last one cheating on her with Narsha. The memory of them together made her tighten the hold on her cellphone. She still hadn’t forgiven Narsha for it.

Jessica brushed away the thought of her ex from her mind and quickly got out of bed. Her feet brought her to the full body mirror in her room. The eyeliner and mascara that she hadn’t washed away last night before going to bed had smudged around her eyes, making it look like she had been in a fight.

She sighed and brought a hand up to her face, grimacing as she felt the skin was dry. She reminded herself that she should take care of it better.

Or I should just sleep more. She thought and looked back at the bed.

Before she had been able to decide whether she was going back to it or not her phone vibrated and she looked down on the device. A tired smile appeared on her lips when she saw the name of the person that had sent her a text message.

‘Good morning, are you coming to school today?’

The smile faded from her lips. She was unsure of what to reply. She stared at the message for a few minutes, before her eyes caught the time. If she wanted to get to school in time she needed to make up her mind now.

A sigh escaped her lips and she quickly typed an answer to the girl. She made her way to the wardrobe to get some clothes for her so she could get ready. In the middle of choosing a shirt she felt her phone vibrate again.

‘Okay. See you then! :)’

Jessica looked at the text with guilt and regret inside of her. What had she done? How much hope had she given the girl?

The blonde sighed and threw her phone to her bed, hoping she could throw away some of the guilt with it. She needed to talk to someone about this, but she didn’t know who. She knew Hyoyeon wouldn’t take her seriously, but she had no one else to talk to.

---

The girl parted her lips, slowly blowing the tobacco smoke. Watching it disappearing in the air. She shifted her legs, before she brought the cigarette up to her lips again, inhaling the smoke, letting it stay inside of her lunges, until it hurt so much she had to blow it out before she started coughing.

“You said you had something to tell me.” Hyoyeon said.

Jessica nodded her head. Her eyes followed a guy that walked past the school on the sidewalk outside. She shifted in her position again.

“Did I skip class with you to smoke?”

Jessica could her the impatience in the girl’s voice, it annoyed her. She sighed irritated and threw the cigarette bud to the ground. She crossed her arms and sighed again.

“I went out with Taeyeon last night.” Jessica started.

“Oh, did you do it?” Hyoyeon turned towards her with hopeful eyes. Jessica almost felt disgusted by the way it was asked, and she quickly shook her head.

“No.” She said angrily.

“Oh, I thought you’d claim her that way and shove it in Narsha’s face.”

Jessica felt her nails dig into her jacket’s sleeve. Her eyebrows furrowed and her head tilted to the side in confusion.

“Wait…if I claim her that way how will I prove to Narsha that it happened?” She asked.

“With a picture of course! You her and take a picture of her when she sleeps. And you show it as proof to Narsha.”

Jessica stood up abruptly. She pointed a finger at the girl on the bench, was parted, like she had been about to say something, but seeing the girl’s surprised face, she realized that she didn’t know what she was going to say, or why she felt angry.

“What?” The girl asked.

“I’ll think about it…” Jessica mumbled and lowered her hand.

“Did you have another plan?” Hyoyeon asked.

“I asked Taeyeon to be my girlfriend yesterday.” Jessica confessed.

“What?” Hyoyeon exclaimed and began laughing. “What are you going to do with labels? Tell Narsha that you have claimed her? Last time I checked, Narsha didn’t care whether the girl was you girlfriend or not, she will just take whatever she likes.”

Jessica’s lips formed a thin line. She knew that. She clearly knew that, and maybe she hadn’t thoughts things through before she had asked Taeyeon to be her girlfriend, but what was done was done. She can’t take it back now.

“Taeyeon wouldn’t cheat on me.” Jessica said.

“Really?”

“Yeah. If Narsha tries to approach her, she will reject the girl. Especially now when she’s my girlfriend.”

“So you’re going to use Taeyeon’s loyalty to break Narsha?”

Jessica felt had gotten dry. Was that really what she was going to do? Use Taeyeon’s feelings for her to get her revenge? No matter how much she wanted to deny it, but she didn’t like the sound of it. She didn’t like the thought of using the girl.

“If you ask me I still think you should just sleep with her, get the picture, show Narsha and get it over with. It’s much smoother and easier. Now you have to break up with the girl when you’re done with her. It will be too much tears and drama. It will be a mess.”

Jessica felt her heart sink. Her shoulders slump, and she stared into space. Hyoyeon was wrong, it wouldn’t be a mess later on, it already was a mess.

“But hey, at least you won’t need to come up with a reason to break up with her. You can say you just used her. And it won’t even be a lie!” Hyoyeon said and patted her back like it was a thing to congratulate her for.

Jessica didn’t even try to muster up a smile. She only nodded her head, the feeling of regret and guilt was taking over her completely.

If Hyoyeon only knew what a mess she was dealing with inside of her.

---

The girl sighed. Her eyes were focused on the ground in front of her and she shifted her weight back and forth on her feet. She felt nervous, anxious. Almost impatience. She didn’t know why, she saw no reason to feel that way.

Jessica let her gaze go up. She inhaled and slowly exhaled. She wasn’t used to feel like this.

A familiar brunette exiting the school building caught her eyes. Without knowing a small smile appeared on her lips as the girl approached her.

“Hey!” Jessica said and extended her hand towards the girl. She saw the confusion on the girl’s face, and without taking time to further explain she grabbed the girl’s hand and began leading her away from the school.

“I didn’t see you around today.” Taeyeon pointed out.

“Sorry, I was busy dealing with Hyoyeon.” Jessica apologized.

“Oh.”

Jessica could hear the disappointment in the girl’s voice. It made her turn towards the brunette, only to catch Taeyeon looking away.

“Did you want to hang out?” Jessica asked.

“No.”

Jessica could hear the girl was lying, but she didn’t feel like pointing it out. If the girl wasn’t going to tell her the truth, she wasn’t going to make her. It wasn’t like Jessica was keeping things from the girl.

Jessica was walking fast, like she was in a rush. She could feel Taeyeon had a hard time keeping up with her pace, but she didn’t care. She just wanted to get to a place where they could be alone. Where no one would disturb them.

They turned at a corner and ended up on an empty street. Jessica saw that as an opportunity to slow down. She did, and she spun around to face the brunette, she leaned closer, catching Taeyeon’s blushing cheeks before she closed the distance between them and kissed the girl.

“I missed you today.” She told the brunette after she had pulled away from the kiss.

She saw Taeyeon’s eyes sparkle, and the girl began blushing even more. The reaction her words had caused, made her drop her smile.

What the am I saying?

Jessica leaned away from the girl. She straightened up her back and began to slowly walk down the street.

“Can I ask you something?” Jessica asked.

“It’s not like you to ask for permission to ask things.” Taeyeon pointed out.

Well, I’m not myself right now. Jessica thought.

“Do you have any ual experience?” Jessica asked.

“W-what?”

Jessica didn’t even need an answer. By the girl’s reaction she could already tell. She clenched her free hand, and tried to focus on moving her feet forward.

“Can we go to your place?” Jessica asked.

“Yeah.”

They walked in silence the whole way to Taeyeon’s apartment. Jessica regretted asking the girl the stupid question. Why did she even need to know it? It wasn’t like she cared.

Jessica clenched her teeth.

Truthfully she cared. She cared more than she wanted to admit it. Especially if she was going to do what Hyoyeon told her to do.

---

The sound from the TV greeted the two girl as they entered the apartment. They took off their shoes and jacket in silence before they made their way in. Jessica glanced into the living room, to see if Taeyeon’s mother was at her usual seat.

The woman was. Her head was lolled to the side, snores coming from the parted lips. The blonde girl could catch an almost empty wine bottle of the coffee table next to where the woman was seated. Jessica grimaced by the sight. How could Taeyeon live with this?

She turned and followed Taeyeon into the girl’s bedroom. It smelled like Taeyeon in there. For some reason Jessica felt comforted by the smell. She looked around the room as she was standing in the middle of it. Nothing had changed since the last time she had been there, the only difference is that it was a pile of note papers next to Taeyeon’s computer.

She heard the brunette girl closed the door to her bedroom, and it made Jessica turn towards her. Taeyeon was fidgeting with the sleeves of her hoodie as she faced her, the girl wasn’t looking at her, her head was slightly tilted down, like she was shy.

Jessica knew the pose too well. And she didn’t blame the girl for being shy, considering what she had asked on the way there.

The blonde held back a sigh and made her way to Taeyeon’s bed. She plopped down on it, and turned to the brunette that was walking closer to her. Jessica managed to muster up a smile as the girl looked at her.

“Do you want something? I can get something you something to drink.” Taeyeon offered.

Jessica lightly laughed.

“No thanks.” The blonde said. “Come sit.” Jessica said and patted the space next to her.

Taeyeon didn’t object and went to sit next to her. Jessica could feel an awkward atmosphere building up between them. She tried shaking it off, and turned to the girl next to her.

“You’re not working today?” Jessica asked.

“No. Tomorrow night.” Taeyeon said.

“I see.” Jessica nodded her head. Her eyes travelled from Taeyeon to the floor next to the bed, before she went back to the girl. She could see Taeyeon was nervous by her presence, she knew the girl didn’t know what was going to happen, or the girl had something in mind of what can happen, and she was nervous about that.

Jessica smiled when Taeyeon looked at her. She saw the corner of the girl’s lips go up. She saw that as a chance and she leaned closer to the girl, taking notice of that Taeyeon’s didn’t back away, the girl only blushed. Jessica took that as a que to be able to lean closer, and closer, and soon she could feel Taeyeon’s breath brush against her lips, and when Taeyeon still hadn’t made any movement of shying away, Jessica closed the distance and kissed the girl.

They kissed for minutes, Jessica only let Taeyeon get away to catch some oxygen before she captured the girl’s lips again. The blonde took the lead, and made Taeyeon lay down, but still not breaking away from the kiss.

Jessica felt her body was beginning to get hot, and knowing that she probably wasn’t the only one and brought her hand to Taeyeon’s hoodie, going up till she found the zipper and pulled it down. Taeyeon still didn’t make any move to signal her to stop, and Jessica continued her venture.

The blonde moved her hand down to the hem of Taeyeon’s shirt, finding her way under it and slowly sneaking her hand up. Her hand touched the skin of Taeyeon’s stomach, and the brunette broke the kiss and gasped.

The two girls stared at each other. Taeyeon’s face was flushed, and Jessica could guess she was also slightly flushed by now. The blonde gulped, but she still didn’t move her hand away from Taeyeon’s stomach.

“I’ve never done it.” The words came out as a whisper from Taeyeon’s lips.

Jessica already knew that. She nodded her head, took her hand out from under Taeyeon’s shirt, and lied down next to the girl on the bed.

They lied in silence. Taeyeon hadn’t said that she didn’t want to do it, she had only said she never had done it, but it had killed whatever spark Jessica had inside of her to do it.

The blonde watched as Taeyeon’s chest rose up and down as the girl breathed. She clenched her hand and closed her eyes tightly.

Jessica knew that wasn’t what had killed the mood. Her guilt had killed the mood. She had no idea how she was going to do what Hyoyeon had told her to do. She was feeling too many things, and she was confused. She was guilty, and she didn’t know why she was guilty, she saw no reason for her to be guilty.

“Jessica.” Taeyeon voice broke her train of thought, but she didn’t open her eyes.

“Yes.” The blonde said to let the girl know she had heard her.

“Are you okay?” Taeyeon asked, her voice laced with concern.

Jessica waited for a few seconds. She wasn’t okay. She felt like . And she wasn’t sure exactly why she was feeling like .

“Is it dark outside?” She asked.

“It’s starting to get.”

“Can I stay over the night?” Jessica asked.

Taeyeon was quiet for a few seconds. She felt the girl shift a bit in her position on the bed.

“Yes, you can.” Taeyeon finally answered.

“Good.” Jessica mumbled. She put her arm around Taeyeon’s waist, she didn’t know why, but the warmth from another body soothed her. It made her feel less like .

And Jessica hoped that she could find a way to stop feeling guilty. Jessica hoped that if she acted like nothing was wrong, if she acted like the revenge thing hadn’t been the start of all this, then maybe, maybe she would stop feeling guilty about it all.