Taeyeon wasn’t sure how many times she had woken up during the night. But it felt like a lot, it felt like she hadn’t slept at all. And to her surprise, every time she had woken up, Jessica had been by her side and made her go back to sleep. She didn’t know why the girl had done it, she didn’t know why the girl had stayed. But Jessica had. The girl had stayed till the morning when she had woken Taeyeon up to tell the girl that she needed to go to school.

And this time when Taeyeon had woken up, she was alone in the bed. And she missed Jessica a lot. It had felt safe and warm having the girl by her side. It had been soothing to have Jessica lulling her back to sleep. But now when the girl was out, all Taeyeon could do was clutch the sheets and hug the pillow tighter.

She didn’t even feel like getting out of bed. And what bothered her more was that she didn’t know if Jessica would be back or not. She couldn’t remember the girl had told her if she would come back, and it made her panic, it made her anxious, because she wanted the girl back. She needed to have Jessica by her side.

She was scared of what she could do to herself if Jessica wasn’t with her.

Taeyeon breathed in and out. She let her eyes go to the bedside table where her phone was, she wondered if she could call the girl, but then she was afraid she would disturb Jessica. She was afraid she would appear clingy and make Jessica distance herself from her. She was afraid Jessica would be disgusted by her need.

The brunette girl closed her eyes and sighed. She should go back to sleep, try to escape reality now when reality wasn’t satisfying. And hope that when Jessica returns, if the girl returns, she gets the strength to deal with reality.

---

The girl woke up with a jolt when she heard her phone ringing. She was panting hard, and sweat was running down the sides of her face. She had been having nightmare. With a wipe of the forehead Taeyeon turned to her nightstand where her phone was. She grabbed the device and put it against her ear, and silently thanked whoever had called her and woken her up from her nightmare.

“Unnie?” Taeyeon heard Jinri say on the other line. The older girl let out a sigh after hearing her sister’s voice.

“Yeah.” Taeyeon said and realized was dry when she was speaking. It was probably due to all the hours she had spent not drinking or eating.

“Oppa told me mom was in the hospital…” Jinri said, and Taeyeon could hear the guilt in the younger girl’s voice. Taeyeon frowned, she didn’t like the idea of Kangin talking to Jinri. What if the guy put’s crazy ideas in the younger girl’s head?

“Yes, mom is in the hospital…” Taeyeon sighed.

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because I was busy admitting her to the hospital…” Taeyeon explained.

“Oh…”

Silence was heard from the other line. Taeyeon could hear that Jinri was fidgeting with something. The younger girl was nervous, and Taeyeon didn’t know about what.

“Jinri, you okay?”

“Unnie…if you need money to pay for mom’s hospital bills, you don’t have to pay for boarding school for me.” Jinri finally said what was bugging her.

The older sister sighed and rubbed her temples. If she had known her sister would be concerned about that, she would have made Kangin promised not to tell anyone about their mother, but now it was too late, and she knew Jinri would worry about this unless someone assured her that it would be okay.

“Don’t worry about it Jinri, unnie has it all covered.” Taeyeon said and hoped it would assure her sister it wasn’t something for the girl to worry about. After all, Jinri shouldn’t be concerned about money, all she should focus on is school.

“Are you sure?”

“Yeah, unnie can handle it. Don’t worry.” Taeyeon said.

“Okay, but please unnie, tell me if you get short on money. You don’t have to pay for me. I’ll be fine.”

Taeyeon felt a pull in her heart when she heard her sister’s words. Jinri was too young to be concerned about these things. The girl only deserved what was best for her, and Taeyeon wanted to give her sister what she wanted.

“I will. Don’t worry.” Taeyeon said. And she knew her promise would most likely be broken. But it had to be, because Jinri shouldn’t be involved in this.

“Good, please keep me updated on mom’s progress. I have to go now.”

“I will, I will. Take care. Bye.”

The siblings ended their call, and Taeyeon let out a sigh.  The girl put her phone back on the bedside table, her eyes lingered on it for a moment before she turned away from it again. She had forgotten to check the time, but she didn’t feel like picking up her phone again.

Her gaze remained on the ceiling of her bedroom as her thoughts wandered away. She had to figure out some sort of plan to make it work with the economy. She had to pay for her mother’s hospital bills, pay for the bills at home and be able to save for her sister’s education. And from what she was making now, she would barely be able to pay for the bills at home and for the hospital bills.

Taeyeon bit her lower lip. Maybe she could take more shifts at the bar? Maybe they could offer her another job, like a dishwasher or cleaner or a waitress? Maybe she could find a job elsewhere?

But then she had school. How was she going to be able to go to classes and work at the same time? It was a lot to take on right now. But she had to. There was no one else to depend on.

Taeyeon got out of bed and went over to her desk and laptop. She might as well start looking for another extra job. Maybe there was a possibility for her to work a few hours in the morning before school? And maybe her current boss could offer her to stay and clean up after she had finished playing for a couple of more bucks? There were still possibilities.

The girl her computer and sat down in front of it. She quickly found a page to look at job offers. Most of them required higher academic educations, and wasn’t suitable for a young girl that hadn’t even finished high school. Taeyeon frowned when the fifth page she looked through still had no sign on any jobs that fit her. It looked hopeless.

She let out a sigh and turned off her laptop. If she was going to find a job she had to go out and search for it. Maybe she should write down possible places she could go to? Yeah, that sounded plausible.

She found a pen and a paper and began writing down places she should look for a job. Her first place was her current workplace. She hoped there was possible for her to get some more working hours there, her second option would be a fast food restaurant, and her third option was looking around in other restaurants or stores to see if they were in need of a dishwasher or janitor.

Taeyeon leaned back in her chair when she had finished the list. She had some options to go from now, and hopefully maybe something else would pop up along the way.

With a nod the girl got up from her seat and made her way to her wardrobe. She needed to change clothes, she was still in the clothes she had worn two days from now, and she had also slept in them. Something else she needed was a shower.

After finding a pair of clean clothes she wandered towards the bathroom, but before she could get there she heard someone unlocking the door to her apartment. Her eyes snapped towards the door, confusion and fear building up inside of her. The only person she could imagine to get home was her mother, but yesterday when she had been in the hospital it hadn’t seem like she would get released anytime soon.

The door opened and in came Jessica. The blonde girl was carrying a bag of groceries and didn’t seem to be too troubled about the fact that she had entered Taeyeon’s apartment. The brunette girl stared at Jessica in confusion, her mind wondering where the girl had gotten the key, and why the girl had gotten back.

“Hi!” Jessica said when her eyes fell on Taeyeon.

“H-hi…” Taeyeon said and kept her eyes on the other girl as she walked into the kitchen like she lived in the place.

“I bought some food for you. You didn’t have anything in the fridge so I figured it was better to buy it so we can have dinner.” Jessica explained whiel she was unpacking what she had bought.

We can have dinner. The words echoed in Taeyeon’s head. She blinked confused and slowly entered the kitchen where Jessica was walking around and finding her way around.

Taeyeon was really confused, she didn’t know why Jessica would do this after being so distant for days, and now the girl was acting like they were living together. The mixed signals she was getting were making her head spin and she didn’t know what to think or what to do.

“Are you going to change?” Jessica suddenly asked.

Taeyeon snapped out of her thoughts and her gaze fell down to the clothes she had in her hands. She shifted embarrassed and hugged the pile of clothes to her chest as she looked back at the other girl.

“Yeah…I’m going out.” Taeyeon said.

“Where?” Jessica asked.

“To look for another job.” Taeyeon explained.

Jessica got silent. The blonde girl turned around and continued to unpack things. Taeyeon wondered if she somehow had hurt Jessica’s feelings. If maybe Jessica had expected to do something else but now Taeyeon had destroyed her plans with her announcement of going out. The brunette girl shifted in her stance and turned to leave the kitchen.

“I’m going to take a shower…” Taeyeon announced.

“No.” Jessica shut the refrigerator door and turned towards Taeyeon. “You’re not going out.” The blonde said firmly.

Taeyeon looked shocked at Jessica. At first she was surprised Jessica had said something like that, and then she wondered why the girl thought she even would listen to her. Her eyebrows furrowed, and she turned back to the blonde that didn’t leave her with her eyes.

“What makes you think I’ll listen to you?” Taeyeon asked.

Jessica crossed her arms. At first it looked like the blonde wasn’t going to explain, but then she took a deep breath and fixed her gaze on Taeyeon. The latter didn’t remember seeing Jessica this serious before, and it scared her.

“I don’t think you’ll listen to me.” Jessica said. “But I hope you will. I’m here to help you because I –“ Jessica stopped. Taeyeon raised an eyebrow as she waited for Jessica to finish her sentence. The blonde took a deep breath and slowly released it.

“I’m here to help you because I really care about you. And I don’t want to see you getting hurt.” Jessica finally finished her sentence.

Taeyeon stared at the blonde, a bit shocked over Jessica genuine confession. The latter seemed a bit embarrassed over what she had said and she walked closer to Taeyeon, and thinking the blonde would kiss her Taeyeon took a step back but got held back as Jessica grabbed her arm and brought her closer.

Like a magnet Taeyeon was dragged into Jessica’s arms. The blonde put her arms protectively around her body in a hug. The brunette stiffed at first by the action, but she slowly relaxed and leaned her head against Jessica’s shoulder. She hadn’t know it until Jessica had done it, but she had really needed this, she had been in need of a hug in this chaos, and without knowing how Jessica had given it to her like she had somehow known.

“Don’t go out.” Jessica whispered.

“I won’t.” Taeyeon said back.

The two girls remained silent as they continued to hug in the kitchen. Taeyeon didn’t mind it at all, it was soothing, and she felt relaxed and safe in Jessica’s arms. She wanted to be like this forever.

“Taeyeon,” Jessica broke the silence between them. Taeyeon nodded her head, feeling no need to say anything verbally.

Because she was this close to the other girl she felt Jessica’s heart start to beat faster. Taeyeon blinked confused and when she wanted to distance herself from the girl to take a look at Jessica’s face the blonde didn’t let her. When she moved Jessica hugged her tighter.

“I…” Jessica began saying. Taeyeon could heard on the girl’s voice that she was nervous, and not knowing why she extended her arms and placed them around the blonde’s waist, when she did, she felt that Jessica was really tense.

“I…really like you. So don’t get hurt…because it will hurt me too…” Jessica said.

Taeyeon remained quiet. She felt herself blushing, so she was happy that she was facing away from the blonde. She gulped and she felt that her heart was also beating fast.

Jessica had just said the words she had wanted to hear her say since they had become a couple. The blonde had finally confessed to her. It took a while for her to calm down after Jessica confession, but when she did she hugged Jessica and leaned her head against the blonde’s shoulder.

“I like you too.” Taeyeon said. She felt the blonde got more relaxed, and Jessica leaned her head against Taeyeon’s.

A small smile found itself to Taeyeon’s lips, and she closed her eyes and savored the warmth from Jessica’s body. And she took her time feeling safe and protected in the arms of another person.