The alarm from her cellphone filled the silence in the room. A groan emitted from the girl on the bed and she reached out towards the device, failing to shut off the alarm the first time but succeeded the second. A sigh escaped her lips when it got silent again and she turned to her back and placed one arm over her head.

She felt dead tired. Like she hadn’t slept one wink all night, but Taeyeon knew she had gotten a few hours of sleep.  She sighed once again and opened her eyes and stared up at the ceiling. The feelings caught up with her and she felt how little she wanted to get out of bed today, anything but getting out of bed. She would rather stay inside and listened to her mother’s complaints and demands than going out.

But she knew she had to do it. She had made up her mind yesterday that this day was the day she was going to do it. If she didn’t do it today, she knew she would probably continue to push it forward and never get it done, and she knew she would probably not be happier not having it done.

With another sigh she finally got out of bed. Feeling the autumn mornings had gotten colder she searched for a sweater or something else she could cover herself with in the meantime while her body was getting used to the temperature in the apartment.

Finding a black sweater on the floor she put it on and made her way out of the room. She heard snores from the living room and she looked inside there, seeing her mother on the couch she continued her way to the kitchen. No matter how much she hated it, she had to eat breakfast, she knew she would otherwise pass out during the first period, or at least feeling faint during the first period.

She made her way around the kitchen, getting the necessary things she needed to fix a bowl with cereals and milk and a cup of tea. When she finally was done she took a seat by the kitchen table and ate her breakfast slowly while thinking of the things she needed to do.

She was honestly a bit nervous, and she would rather run away from it. But just as much as she wanted to run away, she felt she had to do it.

A sigh left her lips and she took a sip of her warm tea while staring outside the kitchen window at the leaves on the trees that were starting to change color. She had to do it. Today. Not tomorrow, not next week, but today. If she runs away from it now, she’ll run away from it forever.

She finished her breakfast, washed her dishes before she got ready for school. At least she had a few hours to get some mental preparation for what she was going to do, but she knew that during that time she could very well change her mind and just push it up to some other day, which will be never.


---


The bell that signaled for lunch break startled Taeyeon as she had been in deep thought throughout the whole lesson instead of concentrating on what the teacher was talking about. Her heart beat rapidly as she watched the students in her class preparing to leave.

She glanced at the girl beside her, noticing Tiffany also was getting ready to leave. Taeyeon bit her lower lip, thinking about stopping Tiffany now, but didn’t know if it was a good time. Before she even had come to a decision Tiffany had left the classroom and Taeyeon had to wait for what she wanted to say.

A sigh left her lips and she stood up from her seat, shoving her books into her bag before leaving. Her mind trying to come up with something to do while she waited for Tiffany to finish eating, as she didn’t feel like approaching the girl during her meal. She wanted to give Tiffany at least that peace before bothering her.

Taeyeon found herself mindlessly walking through the hallways of the school. She started to walk on the second floor, before going down to the first floor and then up again. While she was walking she repeated what she had to say in her head several times, also things Tiffany might say, if the girl even will say something.

Taeyeon heard voices coming up the stairs as she was walking. She slowed down in her pace and saw two blonde girls and a brunette go the other direction when they had reached the second floor. Taeyeon stopped and listened to the voices as they got further and further away. She figured they must have finished eating and this was the time she should approach Tiffany.

After taking a deep breath Taeyeon went the same way the girls had gone. Her heart beat fast and she caught herself wanting to turn back and just do it some other time. But she told herself there might not be another time.

Taeyeon approached the three girls that sat together and chatted in the hallway of the school. The brunette girl that was with the two blonde ones was mostly quiet and just nodded and laughed here and there during their conversation. Taeyeon couldn’t help but think Tiffany was a bit odd in that small group.

When she had reached the group she noticed that Jessica and Hyoyeon stopped talking and they turned to the approaching girl. Tiffany turned towards her as well, and Taeyeon could see the girl frown upon her presence and turned around.

“Uhm, hi.” Taeyeon awkwardly greeted the trio.

“Hi!” Both Jessica and Hyoyeon greeted her with more confidence Taeyeon never could muster up to greet someone she barely knew. Taeyeon glanced at the brunette girl that hadn’t said anything yet, and Tiffany’s silence also earned her the attention of her two blonde companions.

“Are you here to talk to Tiffany?” Jessica asked and looked at Taeyeon. Taeyeon nodded her head and looked at Tiffany that was shaking her head towards Jessica.

“I don’t need to talk right now, if it’s a problem.” Taeyeon butted in before Jessica could say anything else. She had a feeling the blonde girl would take Hyoyeon with her and leave her and Tiffany to talk, and Taeyeon had a feeling that Tiffany wouldn’t even stay to listen to her if she talked to her when she wasn’t even the slightest interested in listening to her.

“After school. If you want to talk I’ll be in the classroom when our last class ends.” Taeyeon said and looked at the brunette. Tiffany continued to stay silent and Taeyeon looked at the two blonde girls that shrugged their shoulders.

“Well, now you know.” Taeyeon said and spun around and walked away from the trio. She shoved her hands into her pockets and let out a sigh of relief. She hated how awkward it had been, and she hadn’t felt more confident with having the blonde duo there listening to her. She would rather dig a hole and bury herself in it.


---


The day went by faster than Taeyeon had hoped it would. She sat rooted in her seat as the students were leaving the classroom when their last class had ended. Taeyeon found her eyes drawn to the girl in the seat next to hers. She saw Tiffany was preparing to leave, and for some reason Taeyeon couldn’t feel disappointed by that fact as she had expected it would be like that.

She continued to sit in her seat even though she had seen Tiffany leave a minute ago. Something inside her hoped the girl would come back and actually listen to her, but a small part of her told her that Tiffany wouldn’t and she’s just wasting time waiting here.

When the last student had left and Taeyeon was the only one there the teacher looked at her. His eyes went to the door before he looked back at Taeyeon again.

“Are you waiting for someone?” The teacher asked.

“Yes, but I’m not sure they’ll show up.” Taeyeon said. The teacher nodded his head, glanced at the door one more time, before he made his way there to close it. He went back to grab a few things by his desk before he went to where Taeyeon was sitting.

“Okay, to make the time you’re wasting a bit more meaningful I thought I could check how you’re doing with your assignments.” The teacher said and brought out a notebook. Actually feeling a bit relieved to have someone to talk to while she waited Taeyeon brought out the assignments she had finished and started on. The teacher looked at them, nodding his head.

“Good, good. I had expected you to be done with a few more but this is good.” The teacher praised and wrote something in his notebook. Taeyeon could only hang her head low as she knew she had been doing other things before her school work she needed to catch up with.

“But I guess you’ve had a lot to do. How is it going with your music?” He asked instead.

A knock on the door stopped Taeyeon from answering and she and the teacher turned towards the door in the classroom. The teacher leaned back in his chair and crossed his arms as he waited for the door to open.

“Yes, you can come in.” He said when no one opened the door. Just when Taeyeon thought that it had just been a student that had passed by and playfully knocked on the door the door opened and a brunette girl stuck her head inside the classroom. Taeyeon’s eyes slightly widened when she saw who she was, but she quickly recovered from her surprised state before the girl had laid her eyes on her.

“Ah, Tiffany, looking for Taeyeon?” The teacher asked with a smile on his face. Taeyeon met his gaze when he looked at her before he turned back to Tiffany that still stood by the door.

“Uhm…yes…she wanted to talk to me.” Tiffany said and averted her gaze to the floor. Taeyeon furrowed her eyebrows as she watched how awkwardly Tiffany was acting. When the latter looked up again she glanced at Taeyeon before she looked back at their teacher. “But I guess it can wait.” Tiffany added and proceeded to close the door.

“Wait, actually, we’re done here. Whatever you need to talk about, you can do it here. I’m going to the teacher’s room now.” The teacher said and stood up from his seat opposite Taeyeon.

The teacher left and Taeyeon and Tiffany were left alone in the classroom. Silence engulfed them as none of them said anything. Taeyeon looked from the door the teacher had left through to the girl that stood in front of her, a few feet away. Tiffany had her head bent down like she didn’t want to meet Taeyeon’s eyes.

A sigh escaped Taeyeon’s lips and she stood up from her seat. She walked towards the window in the classroom and looked outside it. Her eyes fell on a group of guys that was playing soccer. She let her eyes focus on them until she finally had sorted out her words in her head and found a way to explain to Tiffany why she had left, and a proper apologize that she hopefully wouldn’t have to suffer blows from like she had done last time.

“Tiff, I– “ Taeyeon spun around to start up the conversation with the other girl, but she stopped midsentence when she heard sniffles coming from the slightly taller girl that still kept her head down. Seeing Tiffany bring a hand up to her face and wiped away something, Taeyeon carefully started to approach the girl.

“Are you crying?” Taeyeon asked in a whisper. She bent down and tried to look at Tiffany’s face but the girl turned away from her.

Another sniffle was heard from the girl and guilt washed over Taeyeon’s being. She looked around the classroom like she tried to find help until her eyes landed on the back of the other girl. Her teeth bit down on her lower lip and she reached her hand out towards the girl. She hesitated a bit but she finally placed her hand on Tiffany’s shoulder.

She felt Tiffany flinch, and her brain screamed to remove the hand as it could already picture the danger by touching the girl, but she didn’t take her brain’s warning and let her hand move from the shoulder to Tiffany’s back where she began the crying girl.

“I-I’m sorry if I hurt you…” Taeyeon said as she didn’t know what to say. She didn’t even know if she was the cause for Tiffany’s tears but she felt she needed to apologize anyway.

She had completely forgotten about apologize or explaining her disappearance. Her whole focus was on making Tiffany stop crying, and finding out why the girl was crying, and if she wouldn’t be able to find out why she at least wanted to make the girl stop. She looked with sorrow filled eyes at the backside of Tiffany’s head as the girl still didn’t seem to want to face her.

“Hey, it’s no point in hiding it, you know. I can clearly see and hear that you’re crying.” Taeyeon said and momentarily stopped Tiffany’s back. When she saw the girl didn’t stop or turn around Taeyeon continued.

“I can practically hear your teardrops hit the floor.” Taeyeon said jokingly.

Another sniffle came from the girl in front of her. She felt Tiffany move and which made her move away her hand from Tiffany’s back. When Tiffany had turned around and fully faced her Taeyeon looked at the girl with apologetically eyes. Tiffany’s eyes were red and swollen. Her nose was the same color as Rudolf’s, and she had black streaks of her mascara lining her cheeks.

“Uhm…” At loss of words Taeyeon stared at the girl that looked at her with tear-filled eyes. “You have–“ Taeyeon pointed at her own cheeks to try to tell Tiffany about her make-up being ruined. The other girl just scoffed and looked off to the side before she looked at Taeyeon again.

“Yes, thank you. I know!” Tiffany said and shoved Taeyeon’s shoulder. More amused by the reaction Taeyeon had to hold back a smile from appearing on her lips, she saw that Tiffany also seemed to do the same and before anyone of them could burst out in full smiles Tiffany flied on to her and wrapped her arms tightly around her body.

“You’re so stupid.” Tiffany mumbled against Taeyeon’s shoulder.

“I know, I know.” Taeyeon said and patted Tiffany’s back.

Sniffles from the other girl caught Taeyeon’s eyes and she stopped patting Tiffany’s back. Instead she placed her arms around her and hugged her and hoped it would comfort the girl. Tiffany continued to cry and hold on to Taeyeon for support, and Taeyeon remained still and quiet until Tiffany finally pulled away on her own.

With worried eyes Taeyeon watched as Tiffany wiped her cheeks which made her smear out the mascara even more. Trying to not make a comment about the black streaks on Tiffany’s cheeks Taeyeon watched silently as Tiffany gathered her composure.

“Are you okay?” Taeyeon asked after she had seen Tiffany taken a long inhale.

“Yeah, not sure about my appearance though.” Tiffany said and looked at Taeyeon. Taeyeon clamped shut as she looked at Tiffany. She eyed Tiffany’s whole face before she finally met the other girl’s eyes.

“You look fine.” Taeyeon said and nodded.

Tiffany frowned and hit Taeyeon’s shoulder before she went to the wall Taeyeon had behind her and took a seat on the floor by it.

“You’re so bad at lying.” Tiffany said and looked at Taeyeon that took a seat next to her.

“It’s my eyes, isn’t it?” Taeyeon said and looked at the girl.

“Yeah, they give you away.” Tiffany said and looked down at her hands.

“Aish, I knew it.” Taeyeon said and looked in front of her.

Silent engulfed the two girls. Both deep in thought about what to say first to start up a conversation. Taeyeon wasn’t sure if she needed to apologize to Tiffany, she felt if she did she might annoy the girl and Tiffany might get angry again, which she would prefer not to happen as they were acting pretty calmly right now.

Taeyeon finally turned to Tiffany. The latter seemed to still be in deep thought and didn’t notice Taeyeon was looking at her. The girl shifted some in her position until she had made herself comfortable. Once again she turned to Tiffany and noticed she was looking at her. A smile formed on Taeyeon’s lips and she saw Tiffany shaking her head and turned away.

“I missed you a lot.” Tiffany was the first one to break the silence between them. Taeyeon nodded her head as she had heard about that.

“I know.”

“During the first days I got angry for you not contacting me back when I was trying to get ahold of you. But the longer you were gone the more worried I started to get.”

Taeyeon bit her lower lip and bent her head down. She felt she wanted to apologize again but she felt it wasn’t the right time.  

“I thought you were dead, but I thought ‘no, she can’t be. I must keep believing she’s not’ and yeah, I kept telling myself that, that I had to believe you were still alive and then you’d be.” Tiffany continued. Taeyeon looked up at her with apologetic eyes.

“I’m sorry I made you suffer like that.” Taeyeon apologized. Tiffany turned to her. None of them was saying anything, Taeyeon just looked at the girl with apologetic eyes while Tiffany observed her.

“Where did you go, Taeyeon? And why? Is it because of that?”

“Yeah,” Taeyeon admitted. “I went to my uncle’s place. To get peace and space to think.”

“You should have talked to me. Or Sunny. Given us some hint or something. Not just disappeared like that.”

“I’m sorry. I just wanted to get away as soon as possible. Besides I don’t want to burden you with my problems.”

“Shut up. You’re not burdening me with your problems. How many times have I told you that?”

“Probably not enough.” Taeyeon said and sighed. She slumped further down on the floor; she looked to her right at the girl next to her. Tiffany turned her head towards her, a small smile started to form on her lips and she placed her arm around Taeyeon’s shoulders and brought in the girl for a small hug.

“Don’t disappear on me, Taeyeon. Not without telling me first. You’re really important to me.” Tiffany begged and squeezed Taeyeon’s shoulder.

“I know.” Taeyeon said and patted Tiffany’s back. But Taeyeon knew that no matter how much she heard it, no matter how much she tried to tell herself it, she would never truly believe she was important. She always thought that leaving without saying anything wouldn’t affect anyone.