The honeymoon was better than I expected. It did not go as I planned how I wanted it to go. I had a list of places to visit before we flew back to China. Yixing, however, has his own plans. He practically dragged me to all the places that he always wanted to visit. It wasn't as romantic as I wanted it to be but I was glad to see the smile etched on his face. We spent our nights cuddling in bed while he talked about his Iife. How he lost his father at a young age. How they struggled with very little money in hand but he managed to graduate college. Yixing asked me how my life like and I was at loss on how am I supposed to tell him. Am I supposed to be telling him that mama sold her body for a living? Am I supposed to tell him that papa drinks all day and beat the out of mama and now he is one of the most influential politicians in China?

I was taken out of my reverie when I felt Yixing leaned his head on my chest. He drew circles on my chest and looked up at me with his huge eyes, “Its fine if you don't feel like talking about it,” He said. “I just heard from some in campus that you grew up in a broken family and you ran away from home to seek a better future.” He continued as he leaned up to kiss me on the lips.

I returned the gesture and smiled back down at him. I brushed his bangs away from his eyes as I gazed into them. “Can I?” I asked.

“I'm not ready yet. But I will in the future,” He said softly. I held him closer to my body as the both of us drifted to sleep.

We moved in a small humble house at a quiet street far off the heart of Changsha. Yixing wanted to ask his mama to move in together with us but she said that she wouldn't want to interfere in our married life. I stood at the doorway as I watched Yixing looked at the house in awe. He looked at the interior of the house. He dashed for the kitchen first because it was one of the places where he loved the most. Yixing always promised me that he would prepare our lunch and dinner together because I requested that he should be staying in the house. I would be the one who will earn for the both of us and maybe our babies in the future. I followed him all the way to the master bedroom and his jaw dropped when he sees the interior.

“I love it, Han!” He exclaimed as he peppered me with kisses.

“I knew you'll love it, Love,” I said as I held his body close by his waist.

“Thank you,” he mumbled.

“You're most welcome,” I replied.

“We can tell mini versions of us one day how we build our family here,” Yixing said as he leaned his body closer to mine.

But we never got to build a happy family together.

Everything starts to go downhill when he started talking to the neighbours. The old couple who lived next to us were nice and friendly. They visited us when Mrs Tan made extra apple pies. I loved the taste of it and I requested that she taught Yixing how to make one. Our married life was peaceful. I would come home from work with dinner laid out on the table and once a month, Yixing would make the apple pie that I loved. It was one of his weird traditions to celebrate monthsaries.

I was walking pass the gates with a smile on my face when I remembered that it is the time of the month. I can’t wait to take a bite of my favourite apple pie. I opened the door to our humble home when I see the man I hated with all my heart sitting on the couch. He had one of his hands over Yixing’s shoulder. That isn’t how you would touch your best friend’s husband. He was the first one to look up from my sudden intrusion. He looked at me with that sly smirk on his face as he lifted his hand off Yixing’s shoulder; not forgetting to brush pass my husband’s sensitive spot.

“Oh! Li Han! You’re home!” He exclaimed as he stood up to shake hands with me. I simply glared at him when he walked up to me.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I was just thinking of paying my best friend a visit,” He replied. “Since now that you’re home, I think it will be good if I were to leave the both of you alone.” He continued.

“Goodbye Yixing!” He said. “It was nice talking to you,” He continued before walking out of the door.

“Thank you for coming, Jian! It was nice talking to you,” Yixing replied.

Yixing smiled at me as he took my coat and briefcase and walked back to our bedroom. I was surprised that he did not feel the anger radiating out of me. I watched as he sauntered away and my fists clenched when I realise that he might have walked that way when Jian arrived.  A flash of memory passed when I remembered how mama did the same thing with Jian. Did Yixing already slept with Jian? Did Yixing allowed Jian touched places that only I was permitted to? I was taken out of my reverie when I heard his voice calling my name. He placed the freshly baked apple pie on the table. I noticed that a slice of the pie was missing that causes something inside me break. He allowed someone other than me to taste the apple pie.

He sat me down on one of the chairs and served me the apple pie with a glass of wine. Yixing smiled my way and held my hand tightly. “Happy first year Anniversary, baby,” He wished.

I could only smile when he wished because that disgusting smile on his face is one of the last things I want to see right now. I wonder how many man he seduced into bed with him with that heartbreaking smile. “I made your apple pie extra special today and since Jian came over today, I decided to let him have a slice,” He explained.

Yixing continued blabbering throughout dinner but I wasn’t listening. My mind drifted to all the times when I wasn’t home. When Jian did start visiting our home? What were they doing when I wasn’t home? Different thoughts flashed through my head and then I started to understand the pain papa felt over what mama did. I don’t know why and how but little voices started talking to me in my head.

He’s cheating on you, Li Han.

They had on the bed.

He allowed another man touched him but not you.

He never loved you.

He married you because he sympathise with you.

Once he is satisfied with the money you’re making, he’s going to elope with that man.

He is doing the same thing as mama did.

He is nothing but a .

Yixing collected the empty plates and placed it in the sink. I watched as he washed the dishes carefully with both of his hands. He hummed a tune I remembered as the song played when he walked down the aisle. He has that beautiful smile on his face which I am sure has melted a lot of men hearts. My eyes gave his body the once-over and rested them on the slim waist. I wondered how many men ever had their hands around that slim waist. How many men had grazed their fingers over his erect s? How many men had themselves inside of him?

I got up from my seat on the dining table and walked up to him. I slipped my strong arms around his waist and I felt Yixing relaxing his body against mine. I kissed his neck slowly – in hopes that he realises what I am implying at. He laughed softly when my teeth grazed over that sensitive part. One of my hands moved south and grabbed a hold of his half erect manhood. He gasped in surprise when I did that and turned around swiftly. Yixing’s eyes showed nothing but shock and fear.

I ignored that look in his eyes and leaned in to kiss him harshly. Yixing weakly tried to push me away but I did nothing to budge. My anger and lust took the best of me as the desire to dominate him grew. I stripped him of the button down shirt he has on and threw it on the ground. I kissed his pale body, leaving hickeys behind – to show him who he really belonged to. Soft sobs escaped from his lips as he punched me in my face. Yixing scrambled onto his feet and gathered his discarded shirt covering his pale body.

Blood boils as I noticed him backing away from him. I grabbed a fistful of his hair and pinned him on the kitchen floor. “Let me go!” Yixing screamed, kicking his leg around.

“Why?! Where do you want to run to now?” I growled.

“You’re hurting me,” He continued as his cries became softer.

“And you think that I am not hurting?! You don’t know how I felt when I see you talking to Jian behind my back! Allowing him to touch you at places that only I am permitted to! How long have he been coming over?! Have you slept with him yet?!” I screamed as I threw a punch across his face.

“I did not! He did not force me to sleep with him! He was just congratulating us on our first year anniversary!” Yixing cried.

“Shut up you ! Don’t lie to me! Isn’t that what all little like you do! You act all innocent in front of me but when I am gone, you spread your legs for other men!” I continued screaming.

Yixing continued struggling for me to let him go but I did not give in to him. All I did was to attack his neck over and over again. I marked him on every visible spots for the world and him to know that he belongs to me and no one else. Every single time he tried moving away, I threw a punch across his face. Once I was done with marking him, I got up and walked out of the door; not forgetting to leave my wedding band and breaking our wedding picture.

When I got home that night and noticed the bruises on his body, I knew I made a big mistake. I shouldn’t have done that to him. It was the anger and the hatred I had on mama that causes me to do it. Those little voices in my head told me to do it.

But that was the only time I regretted the actions because I continued abusing him ually and physically.