Each step, faster and faster, my heart beated wildly as he held my hand. In this frigid night, I've never felt so warm, so blissful. Before I had thought of him almost like a girl, someone elegant and beautiful but as his fingers wrapped around mine, his hand felt large, rough. He was a man.

The icy wind glided against my body as we turned and twisted, avoiding the crowd behind us. As if flying, I was running fowards without knowing where. For the first time, I didn't restrict myself because I was afraid of falling. I trusted him to take me along. As we slowly came to a stop, blood was rushing to my head. Dizzy, I sat down and tried to catch my breath. This excitement that kept boiling inside me ultimately erupted as I began laughing. For a long time the burden of leaving home and my worries had made my sleep restless and weary, but a least for a little while, I felt it lifting off my shoulders. I could breathe again without the sharp pain of anxiousity.

........................................

My heart raced inside my chest. Her smile, her laugh..My face grew warm as I looked away, embarrassed. Cursing to myself, I demanded to know what was wrong with me. I have never been so unstable around a girl but she somehow made me weak. Biting my lip, I tried to forced myself to snap out of it, to stop acting foolish but she still managed to melt away my defenses.

It was silent as I sat a few feet away from her on the snow. I kept wondering what was wrong with me...

My mind filled with thoughts suddenly froze and dissapeared as soon as she spoke. Her voice was unually high and shakey. "It seems we've seperated from Kwangmin and Joori." She had a worried expression as she picked at her scarf. I cleared my throat to speak but was interrupted by a humming sound. She pulled a small blue phone from her pocket, "It's Joori." 

"Hello? Are you guys alright?"

"You found it already?... sure, Ill tell him that."

"Okay, be careful on your way back.."

She hung up and looked at me. Again, my chest gave. "Kwangmin and Joori are fine." She smiled. "They found the Ramen house so they're planning to eat, then head back to the dorms." Happy we were alone but also nervous, I could only nod. We sat in silence for a while long, when suddenly she stood up. Grinning Hayoung held out her hand. "Lets go.."

........................................

My pocket vibrated as I pulled out my phone. The screen glowed "Joori" as I quickly answered my first phone call.

"Hello?" The background was loud.

"Unnie it's me, Joori!" She said, trying to speak over the clamor.

"Are you guys alright?" I asked, worried something may have happened when we separated.

"We're fine! We managed to find the ramen house from before. Since it's getting late, we going to eat then head back to the dorms after.

"You found it?"

Yeah, it was near the train station. Oh! Before i forget, Kwangmin told me to tell you to remind Youngmin that they have a photoshoot in the morning so not to be out late."

"Sure, I'll tell him that. Be careful on your way back."

"Okay Unnie, bye bye!."

I hung up then turned towards Youngmin. " They found the ramen house already. They're planning to eat and head back to the dorms." His expression was stiff. I wondered if he was upset for me laughing then. Suddenly I felt my stomach rumble. Remembering that I haven't eaten anything since morning, I contemplated in silence my hunger. Worried, I tried to lessen the awkward enviroment. With the remaining courage I had left, I smiled, holding out my hand. "Lets get something to eat."

He looked down briefly before touching my palm. Again, I felt the warm electric tingles on my fingertips. "I'm sorta hungry and since Joori and Kwangmin are already at the restaurant, should we also eat something?" Finally he smiled, "I know a great spicy rice cake shop around here." I nodded, glad he was returning back to his usual self.

..................................................

I watched Joori as she called Hayoung. She was with Youngmin right now. Imagining Youngmin alone with her, I felt bothered and guilty towards Joori. Inside, I secretely wished it was Hayoung in front of me not her. As soon as Joori hung up the phone, she smiled a secretive grin. "She's with Youngmin." I bit the wooden chopsticks thinking, "Damn."

..................................................

The christmas lights were glittering and blinking in different colors between the white branches. As we crossed the familar street, I caught sight of the tent restaurant. Inside was almost empty which I was thankful for. Sitting by the coal heater, I immediately felt my body thaw. Ever since Kwangmin and me moved from Paris, I could never stand the winter in Korea. I felt like a block of ice. I stared at Hayoung as she breathed heavily, entertaining herself with the rising smoke of her breath. I chuckled.

The store owner came and gave us a bent, worn out menu. I started to feel sorry that I didn't take her to a nice restaurant instead. As she studied the menu, I noticed her lips pursed against each other in concentration. I chuckled again under my breath. I've never seen someone look so serious at a menu. After ordering, I recognized the white paperbag with the christmas gift beside her. I was still curious of who's present that was.

.........................................

Inside was fascinating. The restaurant was under a tent and even though we were basically outside, it was still warm. Unwrapping my scarf, I examined the menu. It was all handwritten and the pictures looked as if it was glued on. After ordering udon soup and the spicy rice cake, I watched Youngmin placing more coal in the heater. How was it that even when surrounded by a blue plastic tent and sitting in a tiny plastic chair, he could look so appealing? His hair, slightly orange from the glow of the fire and his face radiating from under his blue scarf, I was mesmerized. When he suddenly turn to face me, I was startle. "Can I ask you something?"

"S-sure. " I folded my napkin repeatingly with my eyes avert. My cheeks suddenly felt warm.  You don't have to answer but I've been..curious." I met his gaze as he continued. "That bag... Joori mentioned it was for a boyfriend... is it true?" I looked up at his gaze, "Bag?" I suddenly remembered it by my side. "Oh this?" I pointed down. He nodded gently. I smiled moderately. "No, not a boyfriend. Its for the principal of my last school, as a thank you gift." His rigid posture relaxed, "Oh, really? I thought.. nevermind. He grinned then raised an eyebrow. "But.. why are you giving that to your principal?" I looked at him, then my eyes dimmed, unsure if I should tell him. I didnt want him to look at me sympathetically, like they all do. I looked into his eyes and saw how clear they were. I felt I could trust him. " He was the one that took care of me at the orphanage.."