I entered the café and saw Victoria and Khun-oppa at the far end corner, sitting and happily chatting. I sat down opposite the couple and grabbed Victoria’s drink.

“Hey, that’s mine.”

I drank the tea in one go and placed the mug in front of Victoria. I buried my face in my palms and tried to calm myself down. “I’m so confused.”

I heard Victoria giggling and looked up. “Hyuk-joon told me about that dilemma of yours and I have to agree with him on this one. I saw how you acted the other day and you’re just so…different. Not the usual Yuri but it’s not a bad thing.”

I shook my head vigorously. “Not you, too.”

“Victoria’s filled me in with the details and from what she’s said, I think you’re in love with her, too,” said Khun-oppa. “I haven’t even seen it first-hand but from what she said I think it’s not just a simple crush.”

“How…how can I not know that I’ve fallen for her?”

“You’re stupid.”

Okay. That was rather blunt. Victoria glared at Nichkhun-oppa.

He just shrugged and said, “I’m just returning the favour. When I first realized I’ve fallen for someone, her brother called me stupid, too.”

“You’re not stupid, Yul. You were just…a little clueless.”

“But seriously, how come you guys knew but I didn’t? I mean, isn’t that—“

“Because we know you and we know that you don’t go around blocking a ball with your hand during a dodge ball game with your brother just because it’s going to hit someone in the face WHICH you did the other day,” said Victoria who’s smiling…proudly.

Here I was thinking they’d make my confusion about this whole thing go away.

“Las time we played that you pulled and used me as a shield so that you won’t get hit by the ball. I forgive you, by the way. Even though you almost ruined my face,” Nichkhun-oppa said.

“You did that to me, too,” exclaimed Victoria. “The point here is that you hate losing as much as you hate your soufflé…collapsing right away and when it’s too gooey.”

“You hate it as much as you hate your vinaigrette tasting like, I don’t know…when it does not taste like vinaigrette.”

He is such a fail. He put too much effort in making his muscles all buff and forgot about his brains. I watched as Victoria patted his head and shush him with a kiss. I swear I almost threw up but I didn’t because the washroom’s too far from where we’re sitting at and I can’t just barf here. It’s not right. 

But the weird thing is that this isn’t what I feel every time I see Soo and Fany kissing. It’s different. I’m not grossed out when they kiss but it makes me want to run away and not see it anymore but my knees feel weak all the time. It’s like I’ll collapse even though I’m already lying down and I just wanna cry…

“Earth to Yuri.” Victoria snapped her fingers. “What’s with the crestfallen face? What were you thinking about?”

“Nothing.”

“Oh come on. Don’t lie.”

“It was nothing, really.” I’ve been doing this since morning. Zoning out. Thinking about stuff that involved Fany. While I was taking my exam all I could think about was her. I barely passed the exam in three subjects and now I have to study harder to pull my grades up.

“I know Hyuk-joon has already asked you this since he told me what you guys talked about earlier but I’m going to ask it to you again. Don’t lie to me, Yuri-ah. I want an honest answer.”

She looked at me and cupped my face. What the hell?! She’s squishing my face! And Khun-oppa’s laughing! I bet I look like a puffer fish now. I tried to pry her hands away from my face but it wouldn’t budge. Damn, I bet Khun-oppa’s influencing her to work out that’s why she’s stronger now! Aish!!

“Do you ever get jealous when you see her with her girlfriend?”

“No,” I quickly answered.

She squished my face more. I released a grunt and tried to pry her hands away again with more force this time. “Oh for crying out loud let go of my face!” She still won’t let go.

“FINE!! I DO! I GET JEALOUS!” I shouted with all my might which earned weird looks from the other customers.

I held my face and rubbed the part that stings like hell.

Victoria and Khun-oppa looked at me in anticipation.

I sighed and looked down, preparing to confess everything I feel because to be honest, I don’t know what to do anymore. My brother’s right, all these feelings are just unfamiliar for me.

“I do get jealous when they’re together. I don’t know if it’ll prove that I’m in love with her…but whenever she chooses Soo over me, whenever they’re together…when I see them do what couples do, I just…I just want to be numb than to feel these strange feelings.”

“Strange feelings?” I heard Khun-oppa asked.

“It feels like being trapped in an enclosed box and it gets harder to breathe every second every time I see them holding each other’s hand. It’s like all this time I’ve been on life support and every time I see them kiss like they’re the only two people who exist, it’s like someone’s messing up with the machine. It’s like—“

“It feels like your only living because the doctors implanted a cardiac device on you but every time you see them together… it’s like some evil doctor decides to play with you and somehow manages to deactivate your pacemaker for a few seconds using his…evil remote control,” Khun-oppa said stupidly. 

But I have to agree. I feel like that every time.

Victoria and I stared at him. This buff oppa who sounded like a total idiot earlier just said something that actually made sense.

“What?”

“You sounded like what you said was based on your own experience.” 

“Well, it was. A perfect dude like me is capable of getting hurt, too.”

I could only scoff to his answer.

“That answers it. You are in love with her,” said Victoria.

“Just because I get jealous—“

“Oh my god, Yuri-ah! You’re still going to deny it? You’re not in love with her just because you get jealous when she’s with her girlfriend. You clearly care about her.” She released a sigh before continuing, “You’re only gonna fool yourself when you walk out this café without admitting to yourself that you love her.”

I stayed quiet and thought about what Victoria said. “But I can’t fall in love with her.”

“Why? ‘Cause she’s already dating someone? Who in the world said you can’t fall in love with someone who’s already taken?” It was another one of those comments Khun-oppa made that seems a little idiotic. 

“He’s right.” Okay! So I’m the idiot.

“That’s just great then. My first love is an unrequited love. Why must the world be so cruel to me?”

“At least you’re not in denial anymore.”

“What should I do?” I felt like pulling my hair out. I’m having a serious headache because of this.

“Forget her and move on.”

Why this idiot!

“You guys just made me realize what I really feel about her and now you’re saying I should forget her and move on?! Are you freakin’ kidding me?”

“What do you want to do? Try to steal her away from your friend?” he asked.

“No! Of course, not!”

“Then forget her. That’s what I did.” He smirked.

“How am I supposed to do that when all I think about is her? Even when I’m in class, it’s her that I see instead of the annoying professor which is good I suppose since—“

“Stay away from her. Ignore her and don’t talk to her. Act like she doesn’t exist.”

“How could I do that? We’re in the same class most of the time and we’re roommates!”

“I’m sure you could find a way.” They paid their bill and stood up. They both gave a pat on the shoulder before they left.

I thought about what Khun-oppa said. It’s…doable. I just have to ignore her which isn’t really that hard because there are times when she spends her whole day with Soo. I can do this. I can forget about my feelings for her and move on just like what Khun-oppa said he did.


---


“What you said to her back there, did you really do that?” Victoria asked Nichkhun as they walked towards the car.

“Yup. I tried to ignore you and forget my feelings for you. I forgot to mention an important thing though. It didn’t really work since we are going to get married in a few months.” He put an arm around her shoulder.

“What you said about the pacemaker thingy…was that how you felt when Hyuk-joon and I were still a couple?” Victoria asked, her tone was clearly indicating that she’s teasing the guy.

“Yes. I felt like dying so I know what Yuri’s feeling right now.”


---


The girls just finished their dinner and it has been two hours since Taeyeon and Jessica got home and so far the only questions they’ve received from the other girls were “Where did you guys go?” and “Did you guys get us food?” 

Jessica showed her photo getting kissed by a sea lion and she received mixed comments. Some of them were in awe that Jessica agreed to get kissed by it and some, just one actually, Tiffany, said “Eew gross.”

She defended herself by informing the others that Taeyeon gave the sea lion a kiss on the lips. Everyone agreed that it was kind of gross.

The two of them were already in the bedroom while their other roommate was still downstairs.

“No one noticed,” Taeyeon suddenly said.

“We weren’t doing any stuff for them to notice, Taengoo,” Jessica answered, her eyes glued to her notes. She was preparing for an exam tomorrow.

Taeyeon nodded. “If you held my hand, they would’ve made a big fuss about it.”

“If I held your hand you would’ve probably died of happiness.” She looked at Taeyeon and smirked.

“You’re right. I’ve died like…” she pretended to count with her hands, “seven times today. That’s enough for one day.” She grinned.

Jessica didn’t answer and continued reading her notes. A few minutes later, she closed her books and fixed her things. She stood up and stretched a bit. 

She saw Taeyeon coming out of the bathroom after brushing her teeth. She approached her and just stood there, blocking her way.

“Uh, Sica…”

“I don’t like odd numbers, let’s make it eight.” She leaned forward and kissed Taeyeon on the cheeks. Taeyeon was blushing like crazy.

“Good night, Taengoo,” she said before entering the bathroom.

Taeyeon was still rooted on her spot. She only moved when she got hit on the back by Yoona. “Unnie, are you okay?”

Taeyeon turned around and faced her. “I’ve never been better.”


---


Here I am sitting on my bed which is beside Tiffany’s. So far, I’ve been successful on ignoring Tiffany. Not really. She was glued to Soo, hwo was feeling better now, and they’ve been talking about random stuff. This is the tough part. How could I not talk to her when we’re the only ones in the room? Knowing Tiffany, she’d probably ask me about my day and she did.

“It was fine. Nothing big happened.” I just realized that I’m in love with you. That’s not a big thing. I looked at her and she was lying down on her bed. 

“Oh. How was the exam in Communication?”

“It’s okay. I almost failed.”

“What?!”

“Keyword there is ‘almost’.”

“You idiot, didn’t you study?”

“I did.” But I was busy thinking of you the whole time.

“Knock, knock.” I looked towards the direction where the voice came from and there Soo was standing behind the slightly opened door.

“Hi, Soo,” I greeted.

“Hi, Yul,” she greeted back and walked towards Fany’s bed. 

Oh no, not again. 

She sat down and held Tiffany’s free hand. “Busy?”

“No.”

I tried not to listen to their conversation but it was tougher than I thought. I had to think about the most random things like scariest bug on earth that I read somewhere. I also thought about the animated movies that were supposedly a rip-off of another movie or series. I’ve been reading too much article on the website ‘cracked’. I continued doing it but heard something that caught my attention.

“Tell it to Yul, first.” That was Tiffany.

Tell me what?

I heard Soo sighing and then she called me. “Yul, can I sleep here?”

I didn’t know what to say. If I said ‘yes’, I’d probably distracted by both of them and end up flunking the exam tomorrow. If I said ‘no’, they might suspect that I’m jealous and find out about my feelings for Tiffany. Well, maybe not but who knows?! I didn’t know I was so easy to read and now my brother, Khun-oppa and Victoria know I’m in love with her.

“Yul?”

“Yes,” I said without thinking. No. Actually, the Yuri who answered that was the babo Yuri who didn’t know she was in love with her roommate. Great. I think I’m gonna go crazy.

“Thanks, Yul.”

I just nodded. 

Thirty minutes have passed since Soo entered our room and the only thing I’ve been hearing is their murmuring. It didn’t irk me though. What bothered me was that half of their bodies were under the covers and Soo’s face was buried in Fany’s neck. There goes that feeling again. Jealousy. I wanna meet the person who discovered that such feeling existed and I want to slap him senselessly for that diabolical discovery.

“I’ll just switch rooms with you Soo and leave you two here.” I heard Soo asking if I’m sure and I just nodded.

I went to their room and found Seohyun studying. “Hi, Seohyun-ah. I switched rooms with Soo. I hope you don’t mind.”

She shook her head and smiled. I plopped myself on Soo’s bed and tried to forget about the things that happened today. It’s going to be a long night. Again.