‘Eomonim,’ Jungshin surprised when he comes home this afternoon to bring some of Mari clean clothes.

‘Oh you’re home, I made seaweeds soup for Mari,’ the elder smiled weakly.

‘I’m sorry Eomonim, I fail to take care of her,’ Jungshin slightly bowed.

Mrs. Lee gives him reassuring smile and guides him to the dinner table.

‘It’s okay Jungshin-ah, it’s purely accidents, none knows, even she herself. Don’t blame yourself. Here, you eat first before you comeback to the hospital. You need to be strong for her, arasseo?’

Jungshin smiled weakly.

‘Ne Eomonim,’

While Jungshin eating Mrs. Lee observed the younger and she sighed.

‘Why Eomonim? Is that something bothering you?’

‘It’s remind me of your Hyung,’

‘Jonghyunie Hyung?’

The elder nodded.

‘I owe him a happy life,’

‘A happy life?’ Jungshin looked up to the elder.

‘I set him apart from someone he dearly loves,’

Jungshin looked at his Hyung’s mother, confused. He never knows this story.

‘We love her but when we know Jonghyunie has felling for her, we just put her into another situation so they can’t falling to each other, we felt sorry for her too but we think its the best for Jonghyunie, for them both.’

‘Why?’

‘The girl has difficult past and she fall to someone else not Jonghyunie, we just don’t want Jonghyunie hurting himself deeper when he obviously doesn’t have chance. And for the girl we don’t want she get together with Jonghyunie just because she thinks she indebt to us.’

‘If that case I guess, yeah the better is to part each other, but Eomonim, Hyung is happy with Jinyi Noona right now.’

‘Yes I can see that, but he will never take his eyes off from his previous love,’ the elder sighed.

‘Maybe he has reason for that,’ Jungshin said.

‘He always did everything for reason,’

***

Jungshin walked inside the closet, and take one by one of his girlfriend clothes. After a while he sat down at the edge of the bed. Holding her favourite jeans once he bought for her.

‘You looked y in white jeans,’ Jungshin ogled her when she tried the fabric.

‘ert!’ Mari flicked his forehead.

‘Your boyfriend is right, you looked y,’ there young woman commented and looked at Mari with such a adoration, ‘if only I can wear that,’

‘Ah thank you,’ Mari took the compliment while Jungshin wickedly winked with I-told-you-so-look, ‘why are you can’t wear this?’

‘Oh it’s too tight, I’m three months pregnant, it just the baby bump is not too obvious,’ she smiled brightly.

‘Oh congrats,’ Mari squealed.

The dreadful word came into Jungshin’s mind again.

Pregnant

Baby

Our baby

Our supposed to be first baby

A tear escaped from his corner of his eyes and before he knows, drop after drop flowing down his cheeks. But he let it be, he doesn’t want to wipe it out, for once he wants to cried his heart out because he knows, he can’t do that if Mari’s around. The feeling is indescribable; he wants to blame himself for not take good care of them but how he supposed to do if he himself has no idea the little one existence?

Like Jonghyun said, it’s pure accident, but of course he can’t just casually let it go, because it was their baby, their supposed to be first baby.

And then pair of hands holds him tightly.

‘It’s okay, just cry, none blame you Jungshin-ah, you should know that,’

‘It’s hurt Eomonim, its hurt ...’

‘I know, but I’m sure you can overcome this, just remember we’re always behind you, come to us if you need place to escape, you got me?’

Jungshin weakly nodded and wipe his tears away.

‘Stay a little while and take rest first, your eyes are too puffy. I know you didn’t want Mari to see that,’

Once again Jungshin nodded.

‘I’ll be outside if you need anything,’

‘Thank you Eomonim,’

‘Mari is my daughter; you don’t need to thank me. It’s me, who supposed to thank you,’ Mrs. Lee smiled and left Jungshin alone.

***

It’s been week since Mari discharged and here Jungshin and Jonghyun were, sitting before the doctor to get Mari’s health review.

‘Her womb is damage severely,’ the doctor began to explain the test Mari had done week ago.

Jungshin and Jonghyun looked at each other in horror.

‘Is there ... any possibilities it will be heal?’ Jungshin asked.

Truth to be told he didn’t want to hear the answer, his chest was already constricting, whenever the man sitting across him explained Mari’s condition further.

‘Very slim,’ he said. ‘We need to cleaned up thoroughly first to avoid any infection and to get to know better her condition,’

‘Didn’t you do it when she brought here week ago?’ Jungshin asked.

‘We did, but there old wound inside and we have no idea about what the cause in the past yet, that’s why we need you to told her as soon as possible then we can suggest you what things you can take but the worst is we have to remove it.’

Dreamy Cafe is like usual, always packed with customers but here they are, Jungshin and Jonghyun sat at the VIP corner, lost. Jungshin hung his head low and Jonghyun sat across him expressionless once in a while he sipped his caramel macchiato.

‘You need to tell her,’ Jonghyun told still with no expression on his face.

‘How?’

‘I don’t know,’

And silence befalls again.

How, how he supposed to tell her?

***

‘Something occupied your mind?’ Mari asked as she runs her fingers on his scalp.

‘Yeah,’

‘Care to share?’

‘Yeah,’

Mari chuckled,

‘What?’

‘You said, yeah, as if you really want to share but you explained nothing,’ Mari quit messaging Jungshin’s head and looking at his eyes.

‘I don’t know how to start,’ he looked away.

‘Is it something about me?’

‘It’s about us,’

‘Good or bad?’

‘Considerably bad,’

‘Can you be frank and told me?’

Be frank.

Frank

Jungshin closed his eyes and in the brief moment he stood up without care with his .

I told him to be frank to tell me the matter not to get up without anything on; Mari signed and put on her nightie.

‘What is it?’ Mari asked when Jungshin handed her an envelope.

‘Your health review,’

Mari’s face fell blank at once, a review, bad review. She read it nevertheless and asked this and that when she did not understand. In the end she was just let out a deep breath. It’s all her fault. She thought once she run away four years ago that horrible past was already buried deep in her heart. She thought it wouldn’t come up in any matter in the future. She thought she could leave it behind and started a new life, which completely new with someone she loves the most.

But she was wrong, all wrong.

It will always hunt her down, no matter where she runs.

‘You can follow what doctor suggestion or simply remove it before it threatening your life.’

Mari shook her head.

Remove the womb means she won’t get chance to be a mother.

Mother, does she deserve to be a mother?

Mari looked up to the man sitting across to her; he was observing her whole time.

‘I want to be woman, a complete woman, can I?’

He didn’t reply instead he reached the fragile woman into tight embrace.

‘You can, of course you can. You’ll be wonderful mother,’ he said and leaned down to kiss her lovingly.

He wanted she knows that no matter what happen ahead, he will be there for her, fight with her.

***

Jungshin carefully pulled away, and gazing at Mari intently, his right hand reached her hair and it softly.

‘You do know how much I love you, don’t you?’ he asked in low voice, merely whisper.

Mari blinked, have no idea why all of sudden Jungshin questioned her with weird question.

‘I do, of course I do,’ she replied nevertheless.

‘Then please don’t hurt me,’

Mari raised one eyebrow, confused.

‘Seeing you like this, it’s hurt me, badly. I don’t want you to be like this. You make love to me not because you love me but because you want to get pregnant, because you want to make up with the last incident. I told you it’s not your fault.’

‘It’s my fault, entirely my fault,’ Mari’s voice cracked and she rolled her body, lying flat on her back. She shut her eyes for a moment and opened again to hold back her tears and stared blankly to the ceiling.

‘Dear ...’

‘Don’t try to entertain me, I know this perfectly well, if only I’m healthy enough, that won’t be happen,’

And all of sudden Jungshin remember what the doctor ever said, she has old wounds, had she ever pregnant before?

He propped his head, wanted to ask but at the same time, he has no idea how to utter the words.

Sighed and he lied back on his back. And both of them occupied themselves with their own thought.

Of course she wants to get pregnant, badly now. Who wouldn’t by the way, being with the most gorgeous man on earth that loving her unconditionally, the last things she wants to do is to disappoint him and with her condition right now, she didn’t even know if that wish would granted, someday. Didn’t he know that it might be once in their lifetime? Facing possibilities that she might not be able to give him the last and ultimate satisfactory is dreadful enough. Didn’t he understand that?

More over the reason behind her unhealthy body is because of her past, her terrible past. It took years for finally she has courage to admit that she in love with this man and walking in the same path they are right now. Of course she wouldn’t want to ruin this, no, never. She will do whatever it takes to give him a baby. She will be a mother, but not only mother, because she will be the one who giving birth. She will make sure their love will have a living proof.

‘Why?’ he asked.

‘Because we agree to have baby,’ Mari replied.

‘We don’t,’ Jungshin shook his head.

Mari turned at him with horror, she was terrified. At the hospital, didn’t he say he doesn’t mind to be a father?

‘We never agree to have a baby,’ Jungshin reached the terrified woman into hug and look down into her eyes. ‘All I ever said was, I don’t mind to be a father, not I want to be father, or I have to be a father.’ He paused after he said that and emphasizes the word of “want” and “have to”. ‘That’s different words. You should know that.’

‘But still ...’ she trailed off her word.

‘I won’t leave you, if that’s in your mind,’ Jungshin said.

‘How long,’ Mari looked away and Jungshin tightening his hug.

‘I don’t know how long, but let just say, as long as you never push me away,’

Silence befallen between them, they were enjoying the peaceful silence, and Mari stared blankly to the dark ceiling above them while Jungshin inhaled her sweet scent he never gets enough.

‘Do you believe in miracle?’ Jungshin asked out of the random blue.

‘Huh?’

‘Let the miracle playing, we’ll keep trying but no pressure, its making love not to impregnate you and you will continue your treatment. What do you think, deal?’

It took moments for Mari to finally agree.

‘But you have to keep your word and I mean it.’ Jungshin said sternly.

‘Alright,’

‘And I’ll reject you, if you don’t keep your word,’

‘As if you can resist me,’

‘I can today,’

And Jungshin’s word seemed a slap for her, realization hit her, it’s true, he just rejects her.

‘I don’t wanna hurt you, you know that,’ he kissed the tip of her nose snuggled on the crook of her neck.

‘Sorry,’

‘It’s alright, lets sleep now, I have morning schedule tomorrow,’

***

After the agreement between Jungshin and Mari that night, Mari trying her best keep those words in her mind but to no avail because whenever she remember that incident, she will down again.

‘Jungah, can you come over? I think I need more medication now,’ Mari phoned her private physiatrist.

‘Mari what happens? Are you alright?’ the woman on the other line asked with worry tone.

‘I don’t think I’m okay, that’s why I need you here,’ Mari sounded helpless.

‘Alright, I’ll come after lunch?’

‘What if we lunch together, I need some fresh air,’

‘Need me to pick you up?’ Jungah asked.

‘No, I’ll come by myself, meet up at Dreamy?’

‘Okay,’

Jungah, the woman in her mid-thirty sighed when Mari approached her. Her special patient was looked terrible.

‘You looked terrible,’ Jungah said when she sipped her bubble tea.

Mari smiled weakly and took seat across the elegant woman.

‘I know,’ Mari sighed, ‘that’s why I need your help,’

‘What do you want to eat?’

‘Spaghetti Napolitane and apple juice I guess,’

‘Unusual combi,’ Jungah commented, ‘but its okay, makes it two,’ 

The waitress nodded and scribbled their order before leaving.

‘So?’

Mari heaved a deep breath before speaking.

‘I get more anxious that ever, I scared over everything, I scared Jungshin will leave me, I scared his family will find out and not allow us together, you know how much I value family, I scared of everything Jungah, and the last time this feeling hunted me ...’ her word trailed off but Jungah seemed understand.

‘I’ll drop by to your office tomorrow,’ Jungah said.

‘Jungshin was still not allowing me to go to office,’

Just then their order came, after mumbled thank you and the waitress leave them alone Jungah asked once again.

‘How’s your health anyway,’

‘Better, but whenever I remember that, its hurt badly,’

‘Ah, is your dream coming back?’ Mari looked at her and shook her head. ‘Good,’ Jungah nodded.

The lunch went lively; occasionally the conversation is about Mari’s emotional condition but they also talk about random things or just woman stuff.

There a lot of question in this chapter and drama will continue till the rest of the chapter so be ready :)

see you in the next chapter ^^