‘I’ll call ambulance,’ Jonghyun abruptly stood up.

‘No!’ Yonghwa tugged Jonghyun’s arm to prevent the guitarist to go out from rest room.

‘What?!’

‘We can’t call ambulance Jonghyun-ah, there many reporters outside, not to mentions fans too —’

‘Mwo?!?! My Noona in that state and you’re still concern with your image?’ Jonghyun’s face was burning with anger.

Yonghwa took deep breath and Minhyuk called him.

‘Hyung ...’

‘Please Jonghyun-ah, stay calm. I’m not worry with our image or whatever, I’m thinking about her. If medias know what happen, can you imagine the commotion? And who will take care of her at hospital if that happen? As much as I want to let you go to with her, we can’t. You don’t think to ditch the concert, do you?’

‘Then what do we do? We can’t keep her in here, she already lost much blood,’ Minhyuk questioned.

‘How to get her out of the building without people notice her?’

‘Police car —’

‘I’ll get the car ready,’ Jonghyun run up outside without waiting the other respond.

‘Minhyuk-ah,’ Yonghwa called out and the latter turned his head.

‘Ne?’

‘Get me the blanket or towel or anything to cover Mari,’

The younger nodded and disappeared by the door while Jungshin hugged the unconscious Mari unaware what the other three was trying to do.

‘Hyung,’ Minhyuk called the leader as he handed some sheets and Yonghwa groaned upon seeing the sheets, it was all white!

‘There no other sheet out there,’ Minhyuk said when saw the change colour of the leader.

‘It’s okay I guess,’ Yonghwa said as Jonghyun came back with panted.

‘The ... car is ready,’

‘Alright, Jungshin-ah come on,’ Yonghwa gestured the maknae to wake up but the latter didn’t move until Jonghyun came. Upon realising what they do, Jungshin stood up and keep his girlfriend steady.

Jonghyun gently wrapped Mari’s body with towel and blanket while Minhyuk wiped her blood from her both legs.

‘Minhyuk-ah get Jungshin clean t-shirt,’ Yonghwa asked when he saw some blood stained on the guy’s t-shirt but Minhyuk pulled off his t-shirt instead and handed to Jungshin.

‘Wear this first —’

‘Alright, let’s go,’ Jonghyun said.

Jungshin hurriedly — but almost unconsciously either — did what he was told and he took over his girlfriend from Jonghyun.

‘My parents will look after Noona, don’t worry,’ Jonghyun said.

Jungshin absentmindedly nodded.

‘Let’s go,’ Jonghyun patted Jungshin’s shoulder, ‘I’ll go with them Hyung,’

‘Take care of them Jonghyun-ah,’ Yonghwa nodded.

Yonghwa and Minhyuk stood there in the rest room still; neither of them spoke or moved, until the drummer broke the silence.

‘Hyung, you go outside, staff will questioned us —’

Minhyuk hadn’t finished his word when from the outside both of them heard rushing feet approaching them, causing Yonghwa hastily stepped out from the restroom.

‘W-wha-what happen? I saw Jungshin carrying Mari,’ asked one of their stylists.

‘Uhmm, ugh ... Mari passed out, we don’t know what happen,’ Yonghwa replied.

‘Mari passed out?!’

Yonghwa’s eyes widened, it was Jenna.

‘What are you doing here? Why aren’t you with Mari?’

‘Hyung ...’ Minhyuk called.

‘Yes,’

‘Get me t-shirt will you? And Jenna Noona, can you help me with something?’

‘Oh right sorry,’ Yonghwa turned around to get the younger clean tee while the other staff look at them back and forth, confused and Jenna headed to the rest room as puzzled as the other.

‘Why are you shirtless Oppa?’

Came the pretty voice and made Minhyuk, Yonghwa and Jenna jumped. Minhyuk took the tee from Yonghwa and quickly pull it on, when did she came? She’s so sly.

Minhyuk and Yonghwa looked at each other, the older seemed understand something and dragged the owner of the beautiful voice outside.

‘I told you outside Soojung-ah,’

Yes it was Krystal and with confused look she reluctantly obeyed what Yonghwa told.

‘Noona, help me to get rid of this, but don’t do in this building, better yet you do dispose this on public trash bin and help me to wash this. This is Jungshinie’s favourite t-shirt, his birthday present from Mari. I washed it already but there blood stained since its white one,’

Jenna was only nodded and listen the order carefully. Just then after Minhyuk finish all of his order she gathered her courage to ask.

‘Minhyuk ssi, what happen with Mari?’

Minhyuk snapped back and he realized that he hadn’t told anything about Mari.

’We don’t know, she’s passed out and bleed,’

‘Bleed?!?!’ Jenna literally screaming and Minhyuk quickly hushed her.

‘Hush Noona, none knows this yet, ‘

‘Ahh sorry,’

‘Its okay,’ Minhyuk smiled, ‘you’ll help, won’t you?’

Jenna smiled and raised her hand who bring the trash bag.

‘Of course, don’t worry but with whom she’s at the hospy?’

‘With Jungshine and Jonghyunie Hyung, but later Lee Eomonim and Abonimie will stay with her, Jonghyunie’s Hyung parents I mean.’

‘Oh,’

With that both of them came out from the rest room and Jenna continued to leave the dressing room.

‘Why you aren’t with Shinhye Noona?’ Minhyuk questioned his girlfriend as he slumped down to the sofa.

‘Shinhye Noona and Jinyi Noona went after Jonghyunie Oppa and Jungshinie, and they told me to check on you instead,’ the girl pouted and took seat next to her boyfriend.

Yonghwa chuckled upon hearing that, well Krystal is not a spoiled girl for sure but she has difficulties to control especially when she is too excited or nervous.

***

Jungshin was anxiously pacing back and forth in front of the Emergency room while Jonghyun busy with his phone, calling someone Jungshin could care less because right now, his entire mind is what happen with Mari and will she be fine.

‘Jonghyun-ah,’ the familiar voice called and Jonghyun stood up immediately, there Shinhye and Jinyi hurrying toward them.

‘What happen?’ was the first question Jinyi asked once they were on arm reach.

Jonghyun shook his head.

Not long after Jonghyun parents comes with the same amount of fear and worry.

‘Oh my God! What happen?’ Mrs. Lee exclaimed.

‘We don’t know Eomma, we’d like to wait but we’ve to comeback to the concert,’ and everyone let out “ah...” seemed suddenly realize that both of them still have to go. ‘The doctor hasn’t come out yet...’

‘Alright, we’re understand, don’t worry about her,’ Mrs. Lee reassuring her anxious son.

‘Eomonim is right, you go back to your concert, we will take care of Mari,’ Mr. Lee patted Jungshin’s shoulder and gave the young man warm smile.

‘Come on Jungshin-ah,’ Jonghyun motioned to his maknae.

‘And you two, go back to the venue, its okay.’ Mrs. Lee asked to Shinhye and Jinyi.

‘Come on guys there concert waiting for us,’ Jonghyun told while the other three did not give any sign to move.

‘Jungshin-ah ...’ Jonghyun called.

Jungshin stood up reluctantly and bow to the Jonghyun parents before he took one last glance to where Mari once being takes care by the doctor and turned his heal followed the elder which he earned a comfort pat on his shoulder.

***

As it scheduled before, concert is still continue like nothing happen. And it’s true, no one knows about Mari’s incident. Even the staff, not all of them know. The guys keep the incident under the book, they only told the story to the managers.

Two hours of concert might be too short for boice but for both Jungshin and Jonghyun, tonight’s concert was the longest concert they have ever doing. Of course they would like to cancel it if that even possible. Unfortunately, not, show must go on and both of them have no choice but coming up to the stage.

Jungshin and Jonghyun skipped the after party and both of them literally jumped down from the stage and hopped to staff car to get to the hospital as soon as possible.

It’s been couple hours ago since Mari brought here and now the girl was sleeping soundlessly in the white room with Mr. and Mrs. Lee sitting on the long sofa. Before both of them excused giving Jungshin and the sleeping girl some time alone.

‘I need to talk to you,’ Mrs. Lee mouthed to her son Jonghyun.

‘So, what is it?’ Jonghyun asked his parents once three of them sat down at the hospital café.

‘It’s about Mari’s health history, things you told us before, was that the whole truth?’

‘Appa what happen to Noona?’

‘Mari was miscarriage,’

‘MWO???’

Both of his parents nodded.

‘B-but why? How long she was?’

‘Three and half weeks, there no certain reason why, but doctor said, she is too weak to bear a baby —’

‘No!!!’

‘— she had too much dangerous medicine before and not well took good care of her previous incidents.’ Mr. Lee explained.

‘Jonghyun-ah, please stay calm, we need to tell Jungshinie and the most important thing is, how we tell Mari? She must be upset —’

‘She will devastated,’

‘And I can’t bear to see her that way, I’m woman myself,’

‘I’ll tell Jungshinie, but don’t tell anything to Noona yet, it must be Jungshinie,’ Jonghyun spoke and his parents nodded understandingly.

Miscarriage, losing baby, what the hell is going on? And they say she is too weak to bear a baby? It’s not right, Noona is strong, and she is strong! Jonghyun frustratingly rummaged his hair before heaved a deep breath to steadying himself and opened the door knob.

Jungshin was sitting on the stool beside his Noona and holding her hand, occasionally he caresses her fingers as if inspecting her nails. While Mari was sleeping soundlessly and her face was pale as white as the sheet. Jonghyun’s heart sank upon seeing the sight. How he supposed to tell the unfortunate news to Jungshin? Will he still loving Mari if it as right that she has no chance to be a real mother?

‘You here Hyung,’

Jungshin’s voice snapped Jonghyun back from his trance. Jungshin is still worry but at least now he is here, at her side.

‘Yeah, ugh ... can we talk outside for while?’

‘Oh, okay,’ Jungshin fixed Mari’s blanket and kissed her forehead before he followed the elder.

Jungshin’s world seemed stop at the moment Jonghyun told everything. Baby, my baby, my, our supposed to be first son and the fact that doctor told she is too weak to bear a baby. How that can happen to me? How I supposed to tell her? Losing a baby is already heartbreaking enough; will she survive if she knows the cruel fact?

‘Don’t tell her anything yet, she can’t bear it,’ Jonghyun’s voice sounded too far for Jungshin that already drown in his own trance.

Life is cruel.

Too cruel to face.

And Jungshin fight back to hold his tears, as much as he wants to surrender to tears; he knows he can’t, no not now.

***

Jungshin opened his eyes when he felt soft fingers his hair.

‘Hey, you wake up?’ Jungshin smiled as he straightened his back and rubbed his eyes.

‘Sorry, I wake you up,’ Mari weakly said.

‘Its okay,’ Jungshin shook his head. ‘Do you want something?’

‘Water please,’

Jungshin help Mari to sit and she winched in pain.

‘Are you okay? I call the doctor —‘

‘No its okay, what happen? It’s hurt,’ Mari pointed to her lower body.

Jungshin’s heart dropped and he reached glass of water instead of replying his girlfriend’s question.

‘Here,’

Mari mumbled thanks and sipped the water through the straw while Jungshin stretched out his hand to pull her strands of hair in to the back of her ear.

‘You scared me; you passed out while you’re alone. I told you not to overwork but you never listen.’ Jungshin told her.

A memory crept out Mari’s mind. And fear surged instantly, she remembered the pain. The unbearable pain that attacked her in the dressing-room earlier. No, no way, it can’t be happen. The colour of Mari’s face fade away as she turned her head and found Jungshin observed her.

‘Is there something wrong?’ Jungshin worriedly asked.

‘Is – is doctor told you something?’

‘About?’

‘About ... me?’

Jungshin smiled, ‘if I tell you what the doctor told me, will you listen to me?’

‘O-of course,’ Mari stuttered.

‘Don’t overwork yourself, maybe you better resign from FNC,’

‘I can’t just resign,’ Mari handed the empty glass to Jungshin and leaned to the pillows behind her.

‘I know, I just suggest it, Editor is tough work. Alright, you go back to sleep. Take as much time you need as possible to rest, tomorrow you will feel much better.’

‘You also sleep, I won’t asked you to go home cause I know you’ll refuse it, but don’t sleep at the stool you will sick, you’re tired too, Dear,’

‘You know me well,’ Jungshin smiled and tucked Mari to bed and planted a soft peck on her forehead and kissed her lips a little longer. ‘I’ll sleep at sofa after you sleep.’

Upon mentioned sofa, Mari just realized there already someone occupied one of the long sofas.

‘I told him to go home but he refused, Yongyonie Hyung, Minhyukie, Shinhye Noona, Jinyi Noona and Soojongie were come here while you’re sleeping, they’ll be here again tomorrow,’ Jungshin explained before Mari asked him question.

‘It’s okay,’ Mari smiled.

‘Well, Goodnight, I love you,’

‘Goodnight and I love you more,’

***

‘Good morning Miss Lee,’ the nurse greeted Mari.

‘Good morning,’

‘Feeling much better today? I’m sorry for your loss,’

Loss?

It feels like a brick fall from his throat down to his stomach when a nurse bowed deeply and never stop apologizing. No, it’s not about that, Jungshin chanted to himself while he jogged back to Mari’s room only to find her hid beneath the thick blanket. The thick sheet was pulled up until it completely covered her head. But with the slightly movements from the soft material Jungshin knows that she was crying.

The man’s heart clenched but he can’t break down now, not when she needs him the most. Not today when she needs a grip to hold on. Not right now when she needs shoulder to cry on. Silently Jungshin approached the bed and occupied the empty side of the bed. Softly he pulled down the sheet and hugged the living yet devastated foetus shape tightly.

‘Why are you crying all by yourself? Didn’t I tell you do not cry if I’m not around?’ he whispered.

She did not reply and instead she turned around and buried her face on his chest.

Jungshin had no idea how long Mari was cried and now he felt relief bit seeing her sleep. Here face was still stained with the tears, and occasionally there tear escape from her eyes.

 ‘Morning,’

Jungshin’s head turned around and found Jonghyun came back with two cups of coffee in his hands.

‘What happen?’ Jonghyun observed Jungshin’s face that red and his eyes somewhat, puffy. Was he cried?

‘She knows the loss,’ Jungshin replied weakly as she took seat next to Jonghyun with a cup of coffee on his hand.

‘How come?’ Jonghyun’s eyes widened.

‘A nurse gave her condolence,’

Jonghyun rubbed his temple, ‘only that?’

Jungshin nodded.

‘Good,’

Both of them need to take it slow, they need okay sign from Mari’s psychiatrist, they need her to have stable emotions before they reveal the devastating news.

***

‘Why didn’t you tell me,’ Mari asked to her boyfriend after she took her lunch.

‘I will,’ Jungshin smiled. ‘I won’t keep that as secret, I’ll tell you but I need you to be stronger first. I planned to tell you that once you’re discharged.

‘I’m sorry,’ Mari hung her head low, a tear dropped into her cheek.

‘I’m sorry too; I didn’t take good care of you and the little one,’

At first, hearing sweet word from Jungshin, Mari thought it will lessen her pain but she proves it wrong. The guilt building up inside her, making the tears go harder.

‘Hey, hey don’t cry, its okay,’ Jungshin reached her to give comfortable hug.

‘I should have known; I should have more cautious ...’

‘We’ll have another chance,’ and Jungshin’s innards constricts at once, when will they have second chances? Doctor said it almost impossible though there some intensive treatments to give try. ‘Just give your body and emotion to rest first, and then we think that thoroughly.’

‘You don’t mind to have baby?’ Mari looked up to him.

‘Why would I?’

‘Well you’re idol and all; your image comes first,’

‘And my image as father would be the best, don’t you think?’

And for the first time since she knows the loss, she smiled, genuine smiled.