Jonghyun rubbed his forehead in desperate; recording today was very hard for him. It was not because MC-ing is hard but more he couldn’t keep up his mind and concentration with his work. He felt sorry for the team although he tried his hard to be professional, left his problem behind and did his job but the again that wasn’t an easy task.

It has been two weeks Mari’s disappearing and yet, he has no idea where she is. For sure she hasn’t leave Korea yet because at least he has enough trust on Jenna to tell him what Mari is up to.  Then what makes Jonghyun is quite desperate? Jenna was just texted him told that Mari was resigned and will come back to State, but she still has no idea where she is right now.

State.

State, that country, Mari’s birth place.

There’s no way in hell Mari could come back to that place, to that bastard.

No,

No, way.

Reluctantly Jonghyun leaving the office, it was over midnight already. He heaved deep sigh when open the office gate, he spotted some fans but he is not in the mood to do fan service or something, he is too tired, too desperate an all.

That night, if people know who he is, they might think that Jonghyun already lost his mind or forget which dorm he should be, because he passed the building where he is actually living with the rest of CNBLUE’s member, he walked straight and crossed the street and went inside to the one of big and fancy building. Yes, it is Mari’s apartment, since Mari’s disappears Jonghyun never come back to his dorm and living in Mari’s instead.

Inside the house, he can’t help but missing his Noona so much, he can imagine that she is all over the place and suddenly guilt eats him alive. Why did he say those mean word? And now she’s about to come back to State, what on earth that you’ve been thinking Lee Jonghyun, what do you do if she really come back to State? It’s your entire fault, definitely your fault!!!

Jonghyun groaned in frustration while he harshly pulls the blanket over his body, the smell of Mari welcoming his nose as he shut his eyes tight.

‘Noona where are you?’ he murmured.

He reached out his phone from his jeans pocket and dialled the number, there only her he want to talk to right now. The only person who able to erasing his bad thought and comforting him without doubt.

‘Eomma ... why are you haven’t sleep yet?’

There chuckled from other line.

‘You’re calling me, how I supposed to answer your call if I’m sleeping?’

Jonghyun smiled, that’s true.

‘I mean it’s already past midnight but you still pick up my phone, I didn’t expect you’ll answer me —’ Jonghyun’s word interrupted by woman’s voice that also greeted his mother over there.

‘Eomma, why are you haven’t sleep? I told you no need to wait for me; it’s pretty late already,’

Jonghyun sat up abruptly from his lying position and felt his body stiffen.

‘It’s okay, have you eat your dinner?’

‘Of course Eomma, what time is it? Now go to sleep, it’s too late Eomma,’

‘Arasseo, arasseo, I’ll go to sleep now,’

Jonghyun tightening his grip on his cell-phone, how on earth this could be happening? Right, of course! Jonghyun clapped his hands.

‘Jonghyun-ah,’ there a voice called and startled him.

‘Ah ne, Eomma’

‘Are you calling to tell me something?’

‘Ahh ani, Eomma, it’s too late now, you better go to sleep. I called just wanted to hear your voice. Good night Eomma, I Love You.’

‘You too, eat and rest well, arasseo?’

‘I have too much rest already, good night Eomma.’

‘Good night, sleep tight.’

Wide smile plastered in his face, miracle! Yes it’s called miracle. Hastily he called his manager.

‘Ne Hyung it’s me,’ he replied once his manager picked up his called.

‘What happen? Where are you? Are you alright?’

‘Whoa whoa, easy Hyung I’m fine, I just, well sorry to call you in the midnight. But can you help me to find a ticket to Busan tomorrow?’

‘Tomorrow? Wae?’

‘It won’t take much time, just a day, I promise, we’re free aren’t we?’

‘It’s not ‘cause we’re free or not, but why are you suddenly want to go home, it’s there something happen?’

‘There’s nothing happen, I just wanna see Eomma, that’s all,’

‘Is Eomonim alright?’

‘She’s alright, it’s all about me, okay, will you find me the ticket, and I’m in Noona’s house.’

‘Arasseo,’

‘Gomawo Hyung, good night,’

‘Good night,’

That night passed by without Jonghyun could even close his eyes, his mind was travel away. Busan, his family, why that’s possibility has never occur to him before? Where else she can be? She has no one in Korea but his family. Pabo Jonghyun-ah, he cursed himself.

It was 6.30 AM when his manager finally appeared at Mari’s house.

‘This is ticket you asked, but seriously, what happen? You can’t just ... go,’

Jonghyun sighed,

‘I’ll go to see Noona, that’s all,’

‘She’s at Busan?’

Jonghyun nodded.

‘I heard she’s resign, and it caused a bit chaos,’

‘That’s why I’ll ask her to come back,’ Jonghyun said.

His manager nodded and stood up, ‘you can go by yourself can’t you?’

Jonghyun chuckled,

‘I can, don’t worry, I wont mess up,’

‘You better be,’

‘Thank you Hyung,’

‘Anytime,’

Silence surrounded him once again the moment his manager left the house. Jonghyun keep staring the ticket that lying on the table. Mari, Busan, flight ticket, what else he needed?

The only thing he needs to do is grabbed the ticket and catching the flight, and that’s what he did. Shoved the flight ticket into his coat pocket, grabbed his car key and left the house immediately.

‘I won’t let you come back to State Noona, just let’s see what I could do to make you stay,’ he muttered to himself as he drove off.

***

Jonghyun knocked Jungshin’s room door,

‘Come in, it’s unlocked.’

To his surprise, Jungshin is lying on his bed with his bass on his stomach.

‘You wake up early,’ Jonghyun said,

‘Is there anything?’ Jungshin chuckled and put his bass aside.

Instead of answering Jonghyun walked back and forth in the room, he did not know how to start, it is complicated and definitely he needs to explain everything, which might take forever.

‘Hyung, is there anything happen? You barged in this early morning and your face is like somebody pressing you on something –’

‘I need you to go to Busan, to my home,’ Jonghyun blurted out all in sudden.

Jungshin frowned and look at his Hyung with confusion look, Busan? What for?

‘Busan? What for?’

‘Noona, look, Jungshin-ah, do you remember Noona’s reason to stay?’ Jungshin nodded still wondering himself what the connection among Busan, Mari, and Jonghyun who came quite unexpectedly. ‘The reason is you.’

Jungshin’s jaw dropped, what on earth is happening here? Jonghyun made quick explanation and Jungshin try his best to process it. It is something he had never hope before, thus far all he thinks is Mari and Jonghyun is couple. What a life.

‘You know I had quarrel that led her to disappear, I can’t and have no right to bring her back here, but, if you still want to start what you supposed to, she’s in Busan, at my home. As much as I wanna go there, nope, I can’t. I didn’t ask you help me to bring her back; I just give you two a chance. Here the ticket,’

And without any other word, Jonghyun stepped out from the room, leaving Jungshin dumbfounded. Jungshin sighed, he is still surprised, and he is still amazed, how was that even possible. Mari, is actually like him,

“Mari is in Busan at my home,”

Jonghyun’s words chanting endlessly on his head, but should he? Should he going?

***

‘I guess I made mistake by coming here,’ Jonghyun mumbled.

‘Oh why Oppa?’ Krystal turned to him and asked.

Jonghyun sighed and shrugged, he is eyeing Shinhye who sits beside him giggling over her cell-phone, surely she is texting random things with her choding boyfriend, then he turns to Minhyuk that busy reading his script with his left arm rested around Krystal’s waist.

Krystal oh-ing from her silliness, ‘Oppa haven’t you make up with Jinyi Eonnie?’

Jonghyun just replied it with bitter smile. Before Krystal could start to speak again Minhyuk’s cell-phose is ringing and his eyes widened in surprise by seeing the name on his screen,

‘Yoboseo?’ he answered, somebody over the line was speaking and Minhyuk raised his eyes occasionally, ‘he’s here by the way,’ he replied.

‘Hyung, Jinyi Noona,’ Minhyuk shoved his cell-phone to the man that seems uninterested. ‘Hyung ...’ Minhyuk waved his cell-phone.

‘What?’

‘Jinyi Noona, she wants to talk, she said your cell is off,’

Jonghyun stared at his younger brother in disbelief, Jinyi?

‘Come on —’  

Before Minhyuk could nagged any longer Jonghyun grabbed Minhyuk’s cell-phone and yes, it was Jinyi’s voice greet him.

‘Collin-ah, why are your cell is off?’ the girl on the other line said once he said hello.

‘...’

‘Can I ask you favour?’

‘What is it?’

‘Can you pick me up? My car is resting on the hospital now,’

Jonghyun chuckled with her joke; it seems like aged he didn’t hear her joke anymore.

‘Alright, I’ll be right there, I need place to escape too actually, here’s bloody annoying,’ he said as he glance over his shoulder and looked up to newly coupled that giggled together and Shinhye that seems has not done with her cell-phone date. Jonghyun’s sighed.

‘What happen?’

‘It’s nothing, I’ll go now,’

‘Okay I’m waiting, bye.’

‘I’ll see you soon.’

Soon Jinyi hung up the phone; Jonghyun returned the cell in his hand to the original owner who looked at him with eyebrows joined in one.

‘I’ll go first,’ Jonghyun made a quick goodbye as he grabbed his key car.

‘Hyung,’

‘See you later, Shinhye-ah, I’ll leaving,’ Jonghyun bid Shinhye and Minhyuk.

‘Oh, eh yeah, well drive safely,’ Shinhye startled as her attention was on her cell-phone at her hands.

Jonghyun chuckled and waved to Krystal,

‘Bye,’

‘Bye, make it up with Eonnie, Oppa,’

Jonghyun just laughed by Krystal’s suggestion, being the youngest among their girlfriend, Krystal is kind of sweet annoying girl sometimes, although on the other time she’ll be a good loving girl.

***

‘You look terrible,’ that was the only word Jinyi said once Jonghyun standing next to her.

Jinyi traces her gaze to her precious Collin; his pale face is paler than before, he looked like that he is losing his soul somewhere.

‘What?’ Jonghyun asked because Jinyi keep stripping him off with her gaze.

‘Nothing,’ she waved and stretched out her right hand,

‘What now?’

‘Let me drive,’

‘What? No!’ Jonghyun rejected the idea almost immediately.

‘Oh come on you have no idea how terrible you are right now, how come I entrust my self to somebody that can’t even take care himself properly? Colin-ah, give me the key ...’

Jonghyun stands still.

‘Please ...’

Jonghyun sighed in defeat and handed over his car key (Mari’s car actually).

‘If you insist,’ he said.

‘Good boy,’

Jonghyun’s widened when Jinyi opened passengers door and gestured to him to seat in.

‘What the ...’

‘Please, I’m tired already,’

Jonghyun look at the girl that still holding his car’s door, this girl, he thought. Eventually he did as he told.

But Jinyi seemed has not to be done yet with her order because once both of them inside the car, she gives Jonghyun another order.

‘Lie down,’

‘What?’

‘I told you to lie down,’

Jonghyun stares at her.

‘Lie down, I don’t know how many days you haven’t been sleep already, but obviously you need rest, sleep to be exact, so will you please, lie down now and we’ll start to drive,’

‘Yoon Jinyi,’

‘Oh do you want to call somebody else Sir?’ Jonghyun couldn’t believe his eyes and ears so he just sat there, in silence, because of Jinyi’s strange action, ‘my name is Meahri, Sir, Im Meahri. So will you please Sir?’

For the second times Jonghyun sighed in defeat.

‘Thank you Sir,’ Jinyi winked and started the engine while Jonghyun chuckled, he really has no idea what he feels right now.

His heart pounded violently against his chest as if it going to jump out at any moment. But he holds it back, he will to hide everything as he acknowledged that he will only able to give pain than smile to the girl whose sitting on the driver seat.

Jonghyun startled when suddenly he felt warmth reaching and intertwining his fingers, he look at it,

‘Meah Ri-ah,’

‘Don’t worry,’ she glanced, winked and back to the road again, ‘I’ll drive very slow and make sure we’ll reach home safely. You just get some rest, okay?’ she squeezed his hand lightly.

There nothing Jonghyun could do but smile and let Jinyi does whatever she want to do. He’s grateful enough to have her right now, holding her hands that somehow encourage him from everything that hit him since his fight with Mari some days ago. How could he resist her? He needs her, so much, but he can’t  doing anything, he has no right to ask her to stay, not with Mari is still hanging on his life and with her gone, there’s no way for him to have peaceful love life anymore. Mari is everything for him, he promised to guard her, to accompany her to get through her life and he just sent her back to the hell she tried very hard to escape, what kind guardian is he? What kind of brother is he that pushes his Noona back into her torturing past?

All those heavy thought driven Jonghyun to the light place where his feeling become light and lighter until he felt his shoulder being shaken, softly. There also a familiar voice that calling him lovingly, voice he is yearning about, the voice he is really wants to exchange even with his soul just to hear it once, does he dreaming? He should be.

‘Collin-ah,’

Yeah, he supposed to be dreaming right now, she left him already. And he didn’t blame her either; he deserved it, whose going to voluntary to share someone their love with anybody else? He felt sorry for her; he loves her, so much but not enough to makes him leaving his Noona. As he ever said, in some occasion, Mari will come first, even with his own life.

‘Collin –ah, wake up we’re here already,’

But he didn’t wanna wake up; he can’t bear his own guilty. That feeling has eaten him alive since their fight that night. No, he didn’t wanna wake up, because he knows once he did, this loving voice will also disappear and the only thing left is the fact he is all alone and he is the one who pushes away his helpless Noona, what kind of brother is he? Yet he felt another shook on his shoulder,

‘Collin-ah, wake up now, you can sleep again inside,’

That voice calling again to wake him up, but this time, he felt a delicate finger traced his face up and down slowly; it was right before he felt a light pinch on his cheek, place where usually his dimple appeared up.

He’s about to cursed to the ones who disturb his very nice dream, Jungshin apparently need bit judo lesson and he was more than ready to tackle his maknae. But he’s lying frozen, his eyes opened wide as wide as his mouth, strangely, no word uttered, and no curse, cursed. Beside him was sitting somebody he yearning about, somebody that the voice was rang in his dream, somebody that lean her face close to him, very close, so if he dare enough to lean forward he would be able to kiss her.

‘What? Your expression as if you see a ghost, am I the ghost?’ she asked.

Jonghyun tried to compose himself while he muttering incoherent words before he sat up as Jinyi also moves backward and reluctantly got out from the car.

‘Go and sleep inside if you’re still sleepy,’ Jinyi told as Jonghyun took mineral water from her fridge.

‘What are you doing?’ he asked while he looked Jinyi following him into the kitchen and pulling apron around her body.

‘I’ll make breakfast for us, I’m hungry already,’

‘Can we eat outside? You must be tired —’

‘I’ll just make something easy, omelette, sausage, salad, you don’t mind, do you?’ Jinyi cut Jonghyun’s across.

‘Let me help,’

‘No, it’s okay, just get yourself rest, I’ll call you once it’s ready,’

‘I insist,’

‘Up to you then,’ Jinyi shrugged and began to preparing the food.

Jonghyun did his best to help though it’s more like he is messing up Jinyi’s kitchen rather than helping. In less then twenty minutes later both of Jonghyun and Jinyi sitting next to each other on Jinyi’s dining room.

Jinyi’s has to hold back his laughter seeing how Jonghyun attacking his food, suddenly she remember what Mari had ever said once Jinyi’s walked in Jonghyun’s slept over at Mari’s place long time ago,

“Jonghyun had to eat right before he sleep otherwise he’ll finish off any food in the morning,”

‘What?’ Jonghyun asked once he realised the girl next to him didn’t touch her food yet but simply staring at him.

Jinyi shrugged and picked up her fork and knife,

‘Didn’t you eat anything last night?’ she asked.

Jonghyun rose up his head and shrugged as he took sip of water.

‘I forget when the last time I’m eating,’ he told the truth, ‘this is not bad.’ He said referring to the food he was eating.

‘I’m good at cooking,’ retorted Jinyi.

‘I’m sure you do,’ he replied and continued chewing his food.

Jonghyun slumped in the couch lazily with his eyes unfocused from the TV in front of him and the image someone he misses so much at the kitchen. Jinyi had made him to go away from kitchen and insist he is better to watch TV or something.

‘I hate her,’ Jinyi said quietly as she took seat beside Jonghyun , the latter turned his head with question look.

‘I seriously hate her,’ she repeated, ‘I hate because she make my Collin suffering like this,’

Jonghyun sat still, he froze on the spot not knowing what he should say or do. Before he will certainly reached her and pull his beloved into hug and attack her with kiss but now, he was not sure. He still wants to but he force himself to hold it back, not with his mind is completely distracted by Mari, he doesn’t want to hurt the only third women he loved, no more.

And his statue state continue as suddenly he felt warm feeling embracing his lips. His eyes widened in surprise.

‘Me Ahri-ah, what ...’

‘Shut up and just kiss me,’ Jinyi replied in between her kiss, somehow the replied made Jonghyun choked so hard that causing him pull away from the kiss abruptly.

Jonghyun was still coughing when he said, ‘I don’t know if you’re that bold,’

‘Blaming you Collin,’ Jinyi pouted.

Jonghyun laughed and pulled Jinyi into tight hug.

‘I’m sorry,’

***

‘I was so worry when you turn off your cell,’ Jinyi said as she rested his head upon Jonghyun’s chest.

‘I’m sorry, I just ... I need sometime off,’

‘I thought you’re still looking for Mari Eonnie,’

Jonghyun didn’t answer it and Jinyi’s hair gently instead, it took some time before he replied,

‘She’s in my home at Busan,’

Jinyi looked up at him but Jonghyun kept his eyes staring at Jinyi’s ceiling room.

‘Then why you didn’t go after her? You should take her back here Collin-ah,’

Jonghyun smiled bitterly and slowly shook his head.

‘No, I don’t have right to do that, I hurt her deeply and I’m unforgiving,’ after he claimed that her life was given by him, how could he expect Mari will forgive him? No, especially if there something happen to her, he would never forgive himself. The only his hope now is Jungshin. If he could bring Mari’s back or at least prevent her for her temptation to come back to state, than it would be enough for him.

‘I hope someday, she will acknowledge how much you love her,’ with those words, Jinyi’s surprised herself; it’s looked like she cheering up the man she love to run into another girl’s arm. But seriously, she can’t bear to see how dark her precious Collin’s face is.

‘She knows, she knew it all along,’ Jonghyun replied weakly and bitterly.

Mari knew it, she knew what kind of feeling he had for her, but she choose to ignore it, she choose his family over him, she choose to become his sister, no more.

Jinyi kissed Jonghyun’s bare chest softly, the only thing she can do for him now, this unrequited love, how long she can bear it? She had decided once she called him today, but now, she’s not sure anymore. It is the second time he unknowingly confesses about his feeling toward Mari.

Love, why are you so complicated?

***

First of all SORRY, VERY SORRY for the late update, it is like ages hehe I’ll try to update every weekend but who knows cause recently I have some issue with my health

Happy belated new year to all of you

Sometime ago, there fans posted jonghyun pic (possibly) after he recording for SBS the show which he was MC guested for the show. At that time, the fans complained a little bit cause of Jonghyun didn’t even wave or smile toward them. For me, it was pretty much nothing, because it was his habit, Jonghyun’s fan service is known very pricey, he did it when he’s on very good mood and his very good mood mostly when he’s well fed, in short, that night he probably haven’t eaten his dinner yet or the dinner were unsatisfied him xD whatever it was, fans that complained about Jonghyun “rudeness” it should be new fans kkkk

Come back to the story, finally Jonghyun discovered Mari’s whereabouts!!! What Jungshin will do? Will Mari willing to come back to Seoul?

Just wait for the other chapter hehhe no spoiler here xD

Ah before I forget, welcome to new subbies, hope you enjoy my story

By the way I and my fan club starting a project to celebrate Lee Jonghyun 25 th Birthday this year, it is short story competition, please check here if you interest and please help us to spread the word, THANK YOU

Untill the next update ..................