I wake up as the sun’s warm rays hit my tear streaked face. It took some time for me to figure out where I was. I got up and rubbed my eyes. Peeking around I saw that the park was empty. So I walked over to one of the swings. Sceneries from last night came flooding back into my mind a tear slid down my face.

*Oppa…. where are you? Please, don’t tell me you’re dead. Please come find me. I don’t know where to go. I’m... lost… please……come.* I wiped the tears away.

 I remembered what oppa said one day. “No matter how hard life gets we must always think positively and never give up.” I sighed *Oppa… I miss you...* I closed my eyes and stayed like that for a while. Clearing the thoughts of last night out of my head. I opened my eyes and stared at the ground.

Soon kids around my age started to come and play. Some came with their parents. While others with their friends. I sat there swinging myself back and forth thinking how it would be like to have parents. I watched them play, envying them. How lucky are they to have parents and friends? I questioned myself.

Suddenly a group of older boys caught my attention. Maybe because I felt they were talking about me.

“Who does she think she is? Coming to our park looking like that”. One of them said.

“Tch! She looks so ugly. Dirt all over!” another one said in a disgusted manner.

I kept looking at the ground trying to look like I’m ignoring them.

“YAH! STUPID GIRL!” one of them called me. I didn’t look up though. I stood up walking away.

“Is she deaf?

“How stupid!”

I kept walking until someone pushed me from behind causing me to land flat on my face. I tried to get up but someone kicked my legs. It hurt but I got up and walked, well not exactly walked, I was limping.

“You’ll get it for ignoring me!” I still kept ignoring what he said and walked on. No one in the park even bothered to care about anything that happened around them.

Suddenly I felt a sharp blow on the back of my head. Pain rushed inside me. I heard them laughing like hyenas and then….everything went black.

“Hey.. Hey…. Wake up.” I opened my eyes slowly to find a woman’s face looking at me with concern. “Are you okay?” she asked. I hurriedly got up and took a few steps away from her. I don’t know why I did that. “Are you okay?” she asked again. I blankly stared at her.

“It’s okay. I won’t hurt you. Come on let’s get you home. She said reaching her hand out to me. I looked away when she said ‘home’.

“Where do you live?” she asked.

“I- I don’t have a … home.” My voice was barely audible, but she heard. She walked over and placed her hand on my head in a loving way.

“It’s okay. I’ll get you a place where you feel like home. Let’s go.” She took my hand and started walking.

“What’s your name?” she asked. I looked at her and blinked before looking back to the front.

“M- Min Jin” I replied.

She suddenly stopped and took a water bottle from her bag and handed it to me.

“Min Jin, You must be thirsty. Drink some.” I nodded and gladly drank some water and handed the bottle back.

“No. No. Keep it. You might feel thirsty again” she smiled.

“Where are we going?” I asked her quietly.

“I’m taking you to a place that is just like home. It’s called an orphanage.”

“What is an o-pan-age?” I didn’t know how to pronounce the word so I said it the way I heard.

“Orphanage.” She pronounced it correctly for me. “It’s a place where cute little kids like you go when you don’t have a home.”

I immediately felt scared to go there. She must have noticed.

“It’s a nice place.  There will be kids around your age. I’m sure you’ll make a lot of friends. There will be ahjummas taking care of you and the other kids. It’s not a scary place.” She smiled assuring me that it was fine.

Half of me liked the idea of going to the orphanage. The other half was afraid to be around people you don’t know.

“If you are lucky, some really nice might adopt you.”

“A- a- adopt?”

“It’s when someone will take you with them, take care of you and love you as their own child.”

I nodded slowly taking the information in. I guessed it would be best if I went there. I know I’m not able to take care of myself yet. I was starving but I endured it because I did not want the woman to spend money on me. After walking for a while, we arrived in front of a big building.

“We’re here.” She said with a smile. We went inside.

I was very amused by the interior of the building. Of course I would be, I haven’t seen any other place except for my house. The woman went and talked to one of the ahjummas there.

There were kids of different age running around. Some of them looked older than me. Some looked at me weirdly. *Do I look weird?* I became self conscious and uncomfortable to be here. Some kids looked at me as if I’m some alien and they did not seem nice. I just hope things will go well starting now.

“I’m leaving now! Take care, okay? Bye” the woman said with a smile. I smiled back and she left.

Well in the end things didn’t go so well. Most of the kids here criticized me. They hated me. Some bullied me while other pitied me. The ahjummas don’t seem to notice a thing. The bullies here act all goody-two-shoes in front of them.

I didn’t like being in this orphanage at all. So, I planned my run away from the orphanage and left the place. I ran away all the time. I would walk as far as I could before I eventually get tired and fall asleep somewhere. Then someone would see me and take me to an orphanage close by.

I kept running away from orphanages. Sometimes there are scary looking men on the roads and alleys at night. It scares me. Once a group of drunk men ran after me. It reminded me of ‘that night’. That was when I realized that the world can be a scary place.  It was not a safe place at all. To be alone with no one. I couldn’t trust anyone after being left at the orphanage.

Over all I ran away from five orphanages. So I felt sick of running and decided to stay at one orphanage. Here I am now sitting in a corner of Seoul Orphanage., drawing oppa and me on a paper. The people here as same as every orphanage I went to. I didn’t talk at all. I answered questions with a head movement or ignored them. Soon I got used to the criticism and being left out.

It’s been a year since that particular night which will never fade away from my memories. Couples and families come and go. None of them really bothered to take a look at me and neither did I. I waited for the day that some really nice person would come and adopt me. That was only if I was lucky enough, just like what the woman said.

Until one day a family of three entered the orphanage.

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21.05.2013