The next day i sat in the van taking us to the rehearsel of the recording for an award show. We were to attend and perform a few of our songs. Super Junior got nominated for a few songs of the last album, the main reason for attending.

I was just staring out of the window with my earplugs in listening to some songs. I was trying to ease my racing heart. Which so far hasn't helped yet. My nerves today were so overwhelming you could sense it from afar probably.

As i heard the schedule this morning i was mainly thinking what people were going to say. Although i know its going to bad and all, i still couldn't shake the thought they were going to blame me and everything. Like i realized this is not going to be easy. Being strong and smile in front of everybody like nothing happened is an difficult task. Could i pull this off? I started praying silently in my seat trying to calm myself.

Arriving at the venue where we needed to record i braced myself. Taking a deep breath of air i stepped out of the van. Luckily we were in the underground parking lot so i was still extempted from facing anyone. The hyungs got off the vans one by one as i stood waiting. All were tired from yesterdays schedule, clearly seeing the dark circles underneath their eyes from the lack of sleep. As for i did also not sleep from the nerves but i was atleast fit enough having done almost nothing these past days.

Walking inside Leeteuk hyung suddenly appeared aside me.

"Take out your sungglasses and wear them!" Leeteuk hyung said.

"Huh?" I said looking confused at what hyung told me.

"Glasses maknae! Safety messaures when perhaps a reporter catches you" he explained to me as i took my glasses out of my bag and put them on.

Abruptly the hyungs came walking in a protective wall around me. I felt caged and annoyed at this because i knew the hyungs were worried but this is a bit overreacting.

"Hyung there is no need to act like this" i said trying to get them understand.

"We know, dont worry!" Leeteuk hyung said patting me softly on the back.

I sighed at their futile way of protecting me but felt a bit assured. I wasn't going to do this alone i thought to myself. I have family, friends and close brothers standing by my side. With this tought giving me strength i stroded forward facing what ever was coming my way.

The day was unbelievingly tiring for person standing in the spotlight. Especially a idol-star. All they long i was being stared after and hearing whispers everywhere. If i turned somewhere they would stop and greet me but then as i disappeared from their sight it started again. Having double so much attention stripped me from any form of energy i had. It wasn't like people were badmouthing me but everywhere i went i felt and saw the stares of pity and helpness. It was so frustrating to see i just kept my anger inside me knowing it wasn't a good thing to do in the first place. What I could do was to take in all the looks and brace myself all day long. The hyungs also felt it and tried many ways to comfort me. None of them really worked, although Eunhyuk hyung could actually feel some of my stress.

In the next few hours i rehearsed like a crazy madmen. Fed up being pitied all day long i danced, sang and practiced hours after the other. I put my all in every part of the song we sang. I was being so devoted that most of the hyungs were eyeing me suspicously knowing the very reason for me acting like this. I just took small breaks to drink and eat a bit. Sweat was dripping from my forehead to my neck but i just ignored it. What effect had it if I whiped it of if the cause was me sweating more by the minute. Nothing i say so i didn t really care anymore.

After finally finishing i packed up and walked back to the van ignoring everyone. I was in such a grim and bad mood that no hyung dared to talk me. I went and sat in a corner of the van putting my earplugs back in and pulling a cap over my head making clear that no one was to disturb me. I closed my eyes and felt so tired suddenly every limb and bone in my body screamed in pain. I was so stiff from the hours of practice i just silently grumbled underneath my breath in annoyance. So from that day it went like this. Going to schedules and feeling and seeing colleauges, costars and other people staring. Alot of people were disapproving but you had some who put some thoughtfullness to this situation. I just did my work with my head empty and kept acting like i was fine.

On days that were the most tiresome i think back at the events before any of this happened. And than my thoughts come back at Yuraa. Believe it or not but i realized i often think about her whenever doing something. In those two days that i met her she left such a big impact on me that was hard to ignore.

After a week trying to stop myself from thinking about her and cursing myself for the billionth time i just admitted to myself what was obviously the truth. I inevitably had a crush on Yuraa.

At first i was still in denial because i couldn't believe that i could get attracted to a person within such a short of time. But then i noticed little things like accidently ordering a strawberry milkshake or finding myself looking at a girl who had the same hairstyle as Yuraa. I even thought i heard her laugh once somewhere. All little hints that got me acting like this. It felt like i was destined to meet her.

I was often wondering and thinking how she was doing although it was almost two weeks since the scandal broke out. I would search her picture on the internet where we were captured and then store it on my phone. Although it was blurred i could envision it clearly as if she were really there. Almost like a stalker or a fan as i call it I look at the picture of us together holding hands. Reliving the moments when watching her sleep and holding her hand. In those moments I feel happy seeing her. Giving me some kind of strength to keep going, for her and me.

The hyungs noticed my mood change throughout the days. They were happy i didn't let the scandal effect me entirely, which had me brood all day long. Although they didn't know what the cause of my normal state was it still was good to see. Teukie hyung even caught me smiling one day, having him raise his eyebrows in both surprise and a knowing manner. I heard from JH hyung that they released a statement of what happened. This came out and i didn't check what happened afterwards fearing the spitefull comments. I was thinking that hopefully some of the excitement will dye down. I was sincerely relieved when i heard the news.

Despite that i knew she was involved with me in this scandal, i started to believe wholeheartedly that Yuraa didn't had anything to do with the exposure. I had this gut feeling she was another innocent girl dragged into this for fun. On moments like that i was trying really hard to rememeber if i had seen anyone that could have done this. But the only thing i remember were a few nurses and the doctor that was incharge of Yuraa.

On the last day of the third week Teukie hyung came to talk to me. We were in the practice studio perfectioning our dance. Not everyone was here. Some members still had a schedule to attend. Ryeowook, Siwon, Heecuhul and Kangin were not here. Only Eunhyuk, Sungmin, Shindong and Donghae hyung were in the studio practicing. Yesung hyung sat in a corner with headphones on listening to some songs. We already had a few hours behind us. Thus having me taking a break while i sat against the mirrored wall drinking from my waterbottle. I was thinking about Yuraa having me in a dazed state when Teukie Hyung came sitting next to me.

>>>>> Chapter END <<<<<

Hi guys.. I haven't updated for a long time now well since i had alot of crap worrying about. unfortunately that made me not think of this story for awhile. although i'm trying to! so for now this chapter which i wrote in some kind of daze i think. Have no idea if its any good. but well we'll see. i know the latest chapters are kind of sad and angering but it will soon get to some cute moments. Yuraa will be back soon enough! 

ps: cause i havent updated for awhile, tomorrow or the day after you'll be getting a bonus chapter or maybe two to last awhile! sorry for the inconveniance! Till soon ^^