beautifultargetslove

I know it will probably be awhile until you get to mine but that's okay. I really do love this column and how everything is really genuine and sweet. Sorry if it's really long. Okay, here it goes.

So I have this guy friend that I only met a couple of weeks ago. I only know him because he's friends with another one of my friends and they're both a year older than me. We joke around a lot and it's all good fun and everything and he does understand my love of Koreans. :)

But then he gave me his number today and then a few hours later, texted me during class. We were joking back and forth until he asked me if I liked him. I said as a friend, yes and he obviously meant something more, to which I said I wouldn't say no to that either. But he's not looking for a relationship(so he says)and suggested we could just be friends with benefits. That made me a little uncomfortable but I just agreed, even though I kind of wanted an actual relationship. Then he wanted me to come meet him, which I did. I'm so ashamed of this but we ended up kissing in the bathroom. I didn't find it enjoyable at all(actually kind of gross)and he wanted to go farther than I wanted, so I said no. To make things worse, that was my first kiss. I feel like crying because I just feel so dirty. I told him I don't think I can do that anymore and he said that was fine but it was all over text and then I have to see him in class and I know it's going to be so awkward. I want to tell the other friend but at the same time, I want no one to know. Am I a bad person? I just feel so disgusting and sad and I really want to cry. I knew what I was getting into but at the same time, I thought things would turn out better. But they didn't and I just feel so idiotic. Awful. Disgusting.I just really needed to get it out of my head. So even if you don't answer back, I feel a little better, so thanks for that. :) I love Eunhae and Yewook and Ryeowook is my bias, Donghae second. But of course I can never say no to Heechul. ;)

Heechul: Oh you sweet poor child! 

Hangeng: Hee, why are you crying? 

Kangin: Heechul's crying? *runs to Heechul* Oh my god! He is! Everyone come look! 

*Everyone runs to him* 

Leeteuk: Heechul, we never knew you were so...

Heechul: Quiet! Someone is chopping onions! 

*No one is chopping onions* 

Hangeng: What has you this way? 

Heechul: Well, you see when I was in middle school, I also lost my first kiss to a digusting boy who thought he could trick me. 

Ryeowook: I thought Sungmin was your first kiss.

Siwon: I thought I was your first kiss. 

Hangeng: I thought me...

Heechul: Um...

Everyone:

Heechul: Well, I lied okay! It was this guy. We were friends and I thought he wanted to be more, but like a fool I let him kiss me and almost touch me, but I slapped him away. 

Leeteuk: Would you care to help them then? 

Heechul: I guess. You see, beautifultargetslove, a lot of people try and tell others they aren't ready for a relationship and would rather be friends with benefits. This is nonsense! What this really means is that the person wants to do the ual stuff with you like kissing and touching without the love. When you are in a relationship it's more than just kissy kiss, it means having fun, having fights, but most importantly being there for each other. If this person's kisses are making you feel nasty and ashamed then you must stop this kind of relationship. It will only make you feel bad in the end. 

Ryeowook: Even though it is awkward you should stand firm in your decision to just be friends, in the end it's for your well-being.

Donghae: Also if you feel like you can trust your other friend and want to confide in them, then you should go ahead and tell them. 

Kangin: And don't worry! Not everyone has had the perfect first kiss. 

Henry: Mine was with my cousin! 

Everyone: 

Yesung: We were three! 

Everyone: 

Yesung: Babies! 

Kyuhyun: Ew. 

Henry: Ew. 

Ryeowook: Hyung, I don't think that counts...

Yesung: -___-

Ryeowook: Good luck!

Heechul: Stay strong ELF!