anon_XD

hi, its me again. i have a problem that probably affects a lot of people my age- depression.
btw, im going to split it in two since it wont fit T_T

Let's just start at the beginning, so im sorry if this is really long... anyways, so im turning 16 this year, but ive skipped a grade, and i guess my grades havent been the absolute best. I dont have many friends and im scared of talking to them and my family about my problems. I try to bottle up all my feelings, and smile whenever anyones around, but sometimes i let it all out when im alone, and it makes me feel cowardly and stupid. I always question why exist because i know that nothing wouldve changed if i had not been born from the beginning (ive been told many times that i was an accident to begin with, so why didnt they just abort me?). So all my life ive basically just studied my hardest, and do everything thats been asked, to try and impress my parents, and still they dont take much notice of me at all. they always blame everything on me even though i didnt do it, and it really hurts me, but of course i dont show them that. i have tried to speak to them before but all they said was that i complain too much and that i should' do something right for once. So, yeah my life had only consisted on working hard to impress the people i knew, until last year when i discovered you guys. i started listening to suju and i realised how you guys were my only escape in life. That was until my parents found out and said that it was ruining my life, and even my friends said that you guys were stupid and shouldnt be getting all the fame that you guys are having. This, once again, made me question if i really had true friends, and a loving family to support what i want to do. I mean, if they cant accept the type of music i like, then how would they support what i want to do when i grow up? i really want to make then happy and be the daughter they would want me to be- as a doctor or accountant, but i have a strong liking towards teaching.. i love working with children but i know no one will ever agree with it. i honestly dont know what to do. I admit, to try and make my family satisfied with the way i am, i tried to stop listening to your music, stopped watching your shows, and everything.. but my depression just came back even worse, so now whenever i no ones around id watch you guys. i feel like im doing a terrible crime, but its only music and it helps right? however, lately, ive found out my grandpa is dying, and my depression has heightened, all my parent's angers are being thrown on me, and i just cant stop thinking about death and how much simpler everyones lives would be with out me in it (even when i try to escape by listening to suju, i still cant stop thinking about death). ive always told myself that suicide is a coward's way of escaping, but i guess i am one. i dont know what to do, i feel like my friendship and my family are breaking because of me. i cant impress them or make them happy. and i know i will never be loved or cared for.

as i said before, im really sorry for taking up space, but i really wanted to tell someone this, and this advice column is really special to me. i hate myself for making you guys read about my problem and i hope you wont be mad.

And, thank you very much Super Junior for actually putting a genuine smile back on my face, even if its for a second, it feels good and i owe you guys so much. <3

Heechul: Please don't hate yourself for making us read your problems! It's what this is here for! It's what this advice column is for!

Ryeowook: Of course we're not mad!

Donghae: Hang in there ELF! We know you're having a hard time but you're strong!

Shindong: Fighting!

Kibum: If teaching is something you like to do then go for it. Even if people don't agree with it, it doesn't matter.

Heechul: Exactly. It to say this, but not everyone is going to like what you do. Not everyone is going to like you. Your friends may not like Super Junior but they should respect your choices if they don't then those aren't true friends. And no its not that simple to just get new friends but you can start to talk to people who actually respect your favorite things.

Zhou Mi: And even if your parents act like they don't care, I'm sure they do. You shouldn't try so hard to impress them. I mean, yes, get good grades but don't stress yourself out too much. Just try your best!

Sungmin: If your depression gets worse please go see a doctor or an adult that can help you.

Siwon: We were all accidents! Half of all pregnancies are accidents. You have a right to be alive as anyone else. Don't forget that. Also we will pray for your grandfather.

Kangin: And don't forget you're loved. You may not see it sometimes, but you are. And if you can't think of anyone that cares about you, remember we care about you! All of us!

Everyone: WE LOVE YOU! GET BETTER!