Amber sat quietly as she watched Tao push the fried rice around his almost empty plate. He seemed to be stalling for time before he told her this story she was supposed to offer advice for.   “Well Tao, we have all night,” she said, reclining back in her chair and closing her eyes. “Wake me when you decide you are ready to began the story.”   “Wait,  Amber, are you really going to go to sleep on me?” Tao whined.   “You’re the one that is taking three years to began a story! It’s either review some medical papers or rest my eyes,” she shrugged.   Tao smacked his lips, putting down the chop sticks and rubbing his hands together nervously. He really was apprehensive about letting someone else know just how immaturely he had been dealing with Yixing and Jongdae. He knew he practically raised and taught himself, but that really wasn’t an excuse.   “Look, there is this guy who is avoiding his friend because the guy is slightly…I don’t know the word for it. But he is seriously bent on getting the guy to see someone who the guy doesn’t want to see in the slightest. He even tried to trick the guy into meeting her! Then he got mad because the guy was hanging with someone else who he thinks is crazy, but in all honesty the guy thinks that both of the guys are crazy! Everyone is crazy slightly, right?”   Amber kept a straight face through that whole paragraph of a speech. There was no way she kept up with what he was saying but she refused to show it, “So this “guy”,  is he the same as the other “he’s” you mentioned in your story?”   “No, they are all different! The guy is different from the first he who is different from the second he.”   “Um, Tao, do you know Chinese?”   “Yes, I speak Chinese.”   “Oh, ok. Good, well I don’t know Chinese, but maybe if you tell that story again in Chinese, I may understand it better,” she smiled with all seriousness.    Tao began explaining it again in Chinese before he stopped himself, finally registering what Amber had said to him, “It’s not funny.”   “Yes it is,” she laughed. “Tao, I didn’t understand a word of that even though you were speaking my native language! Maybe you should add names?”   “Fine fine fine! Its me ok? I am stressed out. Yixing wants me to meet his mom and I don’t want to meet  her. Not because I am just being mean, but because I keep feeling like Yixing is trying to integrate me or something. I find it all nice and dandy that he found me and helped me here, that he supports me and cares, but it's like he owns me or something.”   “Yixing?” Amber was confused hearing Tao say such things about the sweet natured boy.   “Yes Yixing! Unbelievable right?” Tao scoffed sarcastically. “I owe him so much and he never makes me feel like he is waiting for me to pay him back. But the guy is…possessive? I don’t know if that is the word for it because I have freedom to do the things I want, to talk or go wherever, but when it comes to things he doesn’t like for me to do, he gets this look in his eyes. I don’t even think he is aware he is doing it but it freaks me out!”   “What kind of look? Does it look like he may hit you?”   “Yes and no,” he dropped his voice.    “Why yes?” the clinical doctor was in full professional mode.   “Because it reminded me of a look my mom would get when I disappointed her. She would get that stare right before she snapped and slapped me for whatever.”   “Hm, and why no?”   “Because it’s Yixing. If I were to ever believe he would hit me, then that implies he hits his own mom and siblings and  I know he would kill himself before he ever did such a thing.”   “Then what are you scared of?”   “Losing him.”   Tao was being completely honest with himself and Amber. He really didn’t want to lose Yixing, but that was what plagued him the most. Constantly looking at Yixing’s disappointment.    “What do you mean by that?”   “I keep making him angry Amber. No matter what I do he gets angry at me. He asked me to stop hanging around Jongdae because the truth of the matter is, he thinks Jongdae is a creep. Even though he finally knows why Jongdae was behaving that way, it’s like in the back of Yixing’s mind he has this notion that what you experience makes the future you whether good or bad. And its true! But what he doesn’t realize is he can’t save everyone! If I meet his mother and I experience what a real loving family is like, does that mean I won’t end up beating someone myself?  And just because Jongdae was raised as his Auntie’s putty, does that mean he will end up doing the same thing that was done to him to someone else?” Tao was completely red in the face, bent over the desk, trying his hardest to express himself. Amber could tell he felt relieved letting it all out.   “It doesn’t mean anything! I get angry too Amber! I throw things and I yell, but I would never ever hit someone! I wouldn’t! I know it’s an immature way to express myself when provoked but I do it and I want to change, but Yixing wants me to change on his terms. He never says it but it’s that look, that look he gives me when we are alone. If I keep running from him but trying to hold onto him, won’t I lose him in the end? Won’t he get tired of me before telling me to stay away? I don’t want him to get tired of me Amber,” that was it. Those tears found there way to his eyes as fast as he caught his breath, spilling over onto his cheeks as he paused his garbbled speech to catch his breath.