Who's Paying The Phone Bills?
MyungYeol One-Shot Collection
it's been like weeks since I updated this omfg ideas are like gone from my head.
well. if any of you guise read my the moon's just a dae away story, you'll kind of get the idea of where this is from. and if you didn't, well, listen carefully.
this is pure dialogue. there's some narration of action but otherwise, it's pure dialogue. it goes through phone conversations, and only phone conversations. any other types of conversations are not included, unless it's ones with the characters by themselves.
LALALALALALLALA the ending's abrupt but I wrote this on an empty stomach so yeah I was kinda finding a way for it to end. sorryyyyy.
“I want you to meet someone.”
“…Um, hyung, I think you forgot who you’re talking to. This is Sungyeol, by the way.”
“What? I know who I’m talking to. I want you to meet somebody, he’s my boyfriend’s cousin.”
“Hyung. Sungyeol. I’m Sungyeol.”
“I know who you are! Stop it, for goodness sake! I told you, Sungyeol, I want you to meet somebody.”
“Sungyeol. I’m Sungyeol. Sungyeol doesn’t like meeting people. Sungyeol does not like getting out of the house.”
“Sungyeol also shouldn’t speak in third person if he doesn’t want to get beaten up by Sunggyu!”
“Oh hyung, calm down.”
[sigh] “Look, Sungyeol, if we’re past the playing stage, can you please hear me out on this?”
“But hyung, the PS4’s coming out and I need to find new ways to tell how much it via the internet. I don’t have time to even eat.”
[another frustrated sigh] “Sungyeol, it’ll take, like, half an hour. That’s it. Then you can go back to your es pee forty or whatever –“
“PS4, hyung, get it right.”
“Great, yeah, I’ll get it for your birthday –“
“No, hyung, who on earth would want to get something as crappy as that for their birthday?!”
“But I thought you said it was coming out? How do you know it’s crappy?”
“Of course it’s gonna be crappy hyung, get on the game.”
“Oh my God, no, I will not get on the game. Now listen to me, Sungyeol. This Sunday. Four PM. I’m gonna be outside of your house, and if you’re not ready by then, I swear I’m gonna call up Dongwoo and Hoya and their entire dance crew to come and get you out.”
“That’s not too threatening; they all get distracted by cookies anyways.”
[brink of patience] “Sungyeol, I swear…just get ready, okay?!”
“Whatever…I’ll go if there’s food involved.”
“Woohyun?”
“Yeah baby?”
“I got Sungyeol to agree.”
“Wait, what?! Really? How?”
[tongue clicking] “I don’t even know myself. Either way, I got him to say yes.”
“Great, Myungsoo’ll be ecstatic. I think. Well, he ought to be, he doesn’t have any friends anyways.”
[moment of silence] “Why don’t you just bring Myungsoo by when we all meet up? So that he could have more friends?”
“Oh, oh, oh, no. Myungsoo’s claustrophobic.”
“…Woohyun, there’s only six of us.”
“I mean, he doesn’t like groups of people or whatever. He gets these weird anxiety attacks or whatnot.”
“I blame it on being homeschooled.”
“I blame it on his overprotective parents, Sunggyu, but that isn’t gonna change anything.”
“Isn’t this the age where all the kids start getting out of the house? Do you remember when we were seventeen? We weren’t this cooped up.”
“Well, Sungjong’s sixteen and he’s like a ing fireworks show, so I’m saying that it depends on the person.”
[groan] “Agh, this is the problem with having friends with a variety of different attitudes. It’s impossible to do anything with them.”
“Wait, now that I think about it, why did we think Myungsoo and Sungyeol would click?”
“They’re both socially deprived.”
“That’s it?”
“Pretty much, yeah.”
“But if they’re both socially deprived or whatnot…don’t they both at talking to people?”
“Wait.”
“Yeah…”
“This wasn’t too good of an idea, was it?’
“What’s your outfit, then?”
[snort] “What do you think it is, hyung? The things I usually wear.”
“Black? Again? Myungsoo, sometimes I swear you can just crash a funeral and fit right in. Honestly.”
“Means I’m prepared, right?”
“No, it means that you wear too much black.”
“I think you’re just being too judgmental.”
[groan] “I’m taking you shopping tomorrow. I have to.”
“Ew, hyung, ew. There’s a reason I hate shopping, and there’s a reason Umma buys everything for me.”
“…Your mom still buys your clothes for you?”
“Well, duh. I mean, what’s the point of going shopping for myself when I’d just buy the same things each time? So I get Umma to do it for me.”
“Oh God, I really hope Sungyeol’s nothing like you…”
“Sungyeol? Isn’t that the kid you want me to meet?”
“Don’t call him a kid, Myungsoo, he’s older than you.”
“Same difference.”
“I really don’t understand you…”
“Yeah, well, nobody really does. So are we done here? Because I wanna get some of my math homework done before I have to go meet up with you.”
“Math homework.”
“Yeah, what about it?”
“You’re killing me here, Myungsoo!”
“Well yesterday when everybody in the house went to go eat out, I read a book on the most efficient ways to murder somebody. So if you really do want to be efficiently murdered, I could, like, do it for you…”
“And on my gravestone, please write “NAM WOOHYUN: I tried”.”
“You tried? You tried what?”
“Nothing, dammit, just be ready by four so I can pick you up.”
“Sungyeol! Where the freak are you?! I’m in front of your house right now, and I’ve been for about ten minutes! You said you’d be ready!”
[crinkling noise] “I’m sorry, hyung! Geez, it’s just that I forgot and I overslept by accident so my hair’s all poofy and sticking up and Umma says it’s not sanitary to go out with hair like this so right now I’m in the bathroom trying to flatten it down with water but it’s not working!”
“Forget it, just throw on some hair gel –“
“Hyung, I’m Sungyeol. Do you think I own hair gel?!”
“Oops, forgot you didn’t have anything modern. Oh wait. Oh God. What are you wearing right now, what are you freaking wearing right now.”
“OH, that! I borrowed Daeyeol’s black skinny jeans, but they’re too big for me. Like literally, I asked for the skinniest ones he had and they’re like freaking whale pants or some ! I swear, and I didn’t know what to do so I stole my mom’s scarf and used it for a belt.”
“You don’t own a belt?”
“Well, I only wear sweatpants so I never found the use for a belt!”
“Oh my God, okay, fine, you know what, what shirt are you wearing right now?”
“The blue cardigan.”
“Come again.”
“The blue cardigan. You know, the one my dad got for me after he came back from the London convention?”
“Crap, Sungyeol, the old man cardigan?! You do realize your dad got that as a side present for senior citizens!”
“Well it’s comfy, and it’s cold out, so I’m wearing it.”
“Sungyeol!”
“What! It’s not like I’m meeting the president of the United States or anything like that.”
“Sungyeol –“
[BEEP]
“Sungyeol, I have an incoming call. I’m going to pick it up and you better be ready by the time I’m done. You hear me?!”
“Yeah, whatever hyung.”
[…picking up…]
“Gyu! Where are you?”
“Sitting in my car, in front of Sungyeol’s house.”
“What the freak are you there for?! Me and Myungsoo are already in the restaurant, we’re waiting for you guys.”
“I’m sorry, okay, but Sungyeol’s taking like ages using his mom’s belt as a scarf or whatever but I don’t even know!”
“Well we’ve been here for like – wait, what was that? Speak louder, Myungsoo. Oh. – Hey Sunggyu, Myungsoo asks if he can leave now –“
“NO! I’m gonna make Sungyeol a new friend if it’s the last thing that I do!”
“Gyu, honey, that’s not possible. This is Sungyeol we’re talking about.”
“I can’t believe you’ve lost hope too!”
“Well, to be quite honest, it’s Myungsoo sitting here. He’s literally been coped up against his will – fine, no, not ‘against his will’ but because of his parents – in a house for the past seventeen years. He has about the same social skills as a napkin does.”
“And Sungyeol voluntarily locks himself in! Don’t you see, they’re perfect for each other!”
[quiet voice] “Hyung, how long do I have to spend sitting here starving?”
“Tell Myungsoo that it won’t take long, okay? Oh – look, here comes Sungyeol right now – oh Lord, what the is he wearing –“
[screaming from Sunggyu’s line] “HYUUUUUUNGGGGG. I used lotion! See, now my hair is flat!”
“Oh dear Lord, save me.”
“…Hyung?”
“Sungjong, I’m begging you, save me.”
[curious voice] “Who’d you kill now?”
[shrieking] “SUNJONG! I didn’t kill anybody! You don’t understand, Sunggyu forced me to go out on this double-date-slash-blind-date-slash-make-new-friends thing with Woohyun’s cousin and oh my God it’s the most awful thing I’ve ever done in my life!”
“Wait, you’re actually leaving your house?”
“Yeah, if you haven’t realized, I’m actually trapped in the last open stall of the men’s bathroom hissing into my cell phone!”
“You do realize that the PS4 –“
“, Sungjong, I know! Now get me out of here so I can do more research on how much the thing !”
“I’m sorry, but I can’t really do that. Good luck with your date.”
“Dammit, Sungjong! I can’t do this, you know how awkward I am around people! You know how much I hate meeting new people, it’s like on my list of the worst things possible to have done to me! SUNGJONGGG!”
[giggling] “Bye, hyung! Tell me how it goes tomorrow~”
“Sungjong you little piece of I swear I will –“
[BEEP]
“Dammit, Sungjong!”
“Moonsoo. Moonsoo. Moonsoo. Moonsoo. Moonsoo!”
“What the freak, hyung! What do you want!”
“Save me. Please. Get me out of here.”
[laughing] “Out of where? Did you drop yourself into another sewer!”
“That was one time, okay, one time! Geez. You don’t get it, Moonsoo. Remember when Woohyun forced me to go out with him today?”
“Oh, right! How’d that go?”
“It’s terrible. Horrible. I literally want a rock to come falling from the sky and kill me right now. I swear. I can’t do this anymore.”
“See, this is why I told Umma specifically that you shouldn’t be allowed to go out by yourself.” [sigh] “You and your years of being homeschooled and not making a single friend –“
“I get it, alright?! Now please, just come save me.”
“Wouldn’t Woohyun notice?”
“No, he’s too busy being all lovey-dovey with his boyfriend. And the other guy already left to go to the ‘bathroom’, which we both know is code word for escaping this damn place.”
[chuckling] “Fine, where are you right now?”
“That restaurant across from the music store. La Resturante or whatever. I’m hiding behind a fake tree, by the way. Just call me when you get here and I’ll come out.”
“…You’re the worst, hyung, I swear.”
“Well you know what, just get me out of here!”
“What was Dongwoo’s number again? Dammit, this is why you don’t change numbers without telling me…what was it…1-234-567-8910?”
[…dialing…]
“…Hello?”
[hopeful voice] “Dongwoo hyung?”
“What? No.”
“Oh, I’m so sorry! Wrong number then, I was just trying to dial my –“
“Sungyeol?”
[scared tone] “…Do you know me?”
“Oh my God.”
“Wait, stop, shouldn’t I be the one freaking out right now –“
“Oh …”
“Wait, hold it –“
[BEEP]
“What’s with people hanging up on me these days?! Dammit, redial…”
[BEEP]
“Fine, be that way. Hiding my contact info…1-234-567-8910...”
[…dialing…]
“Hello?”
“Finally! Okay stop, we both know that you know who I am so freaking tell me who you are because I’m getting really paranoid right now and –“
“Wait, you’re still here?”
“Still where?”
“You’re still in the bathroom? I can hear the echo. You haven’t left yet? Isn’t there, like, a window there or something you could climb out of –“
“Okay, wait, stop, who the are you and how on earth do you –“
“It’s Myungsoo. I’m hiding behind a fake tree right now.”
“…Myungsoo.”
“Yeah. And if you hang up on me, I swear I will rip out your guts.”
“Well, you’re a lot more straightforward over the phone.”
“I communicate better not talking face-to-face with people. It brings up too much contact and contact isn’t really my thing.”
“…So you’re hiding behind a tree instead?”
“Surprisingly, nobody’s noticed me yet.”
“And surprisingly, no matter how many times I press the flush button on this toilet, it still hasn’t clogged up!”
“So you’re not going out of there anytime soon?”
“You’re not leaving the tree anytime soon?”
“No.”
“Well there you go.”
“We’re awful people.”
“No, we’re not the awful people, Sunggyu and Woohyun hyung are. Speaking of them, they don’t notice that we’re gone?”
“Uh…wait, let me check.” [bush rustling noises] “Hah, no. Woohyun’s feeding Sunggyu something right now. Either way, I’m not too interested in going back.”
“Yeah, me neither.”
“Mhm…”
“So what do we do now?”
“I dunno. The waitress is looking around the place kind of strangely. I think she hears my voice.”
“Yeah, I think the guys outside are talking about how much I’m flushing the toilet inside here.”
“Even without trying, we’re very awkward people.”
“What? Me, Lee Sungyeol, awkward? I don’t think so. Awesome’s more like it.”
“Awesome? I’m sorry, but weren’t you the one that came here wearing a pink scarf in your belt loop and an old man jacket? Oh, right, don’t let me forget about the slimy white stuff in your hair. And no, I’m not too keen in knowing what that was.”
“…It’s lotion, dammit. My hair wouldn’t stay put.”
“I don’t know if you’ve heard about it, but there’s this new thing called hair gel –“
“I don’t own any of that fancy stuff for goodness sake!”
“…Yeah, I think I kinda know what Woohyun means about you “don’t like going out”.”
“Woohyun told you that?” [snort] “Well. I guess it’s true.”
“I mean, I’ve been homeschooled all my life and I still have a better sense of fashion than you do.”
“Oh, no, no, no, we’re not going on that path right now. Did you see what you were wearing?”
“Normal clothes?”
“Oh no. Those aren’t normal clothes. Excuse you, but those are funeral clothes.”
“I’m not dying anytime soon.”
“No, those clothes are probably gonna be the ones you wear to my funeral after I die from awkwardness and the stench of the men’s bathroom.”
[laughing] “Well, I guess I’m all set then.”
“No, I’m serious, I’m gonna die in here. I think the guys are gonna go call the manager or something.”
“What? For what?”
“Because the toilet keeps flushing in here, duh.”
“Oh my God, then stop flushing the toilet!”
“But then they’ll hear me talking on the phone!”
“Just stop flushing the toilet. You’re gonna raise their water bill up by a load.”
“Well they deserve it. They should at least put perfume in the bathroom, God.”
“It’s a men’s bathroom. You don’t really expect perfume –“
“Okay, yeah, someone’s knocking on the stall! I’ll call you back right after this –“
[Deeper voice from Sungyeol’s line] “Hey man, are you okay in there?”
[BEEP]
“…Hello?”
“Sungyeol?”
“Oh. Hi. Hey. Wait.” [pause] “Myungsoo, right?”
“Yeah…sorry. I was actually deciding on whether or not to call you, but like, it’s been about four days and I wanted to see how you were doing and I haven’t really spoken to Woohyun hyung since that incident and –“
[laughing] “Calm down, I’m fine. I went under the stall and out the other one, so they never found me. Sunggyu drove me home…Woohyun said you magically vanished, but he also said you do that a lot so I didn’t have to worry.”
[pause] “Now that I think about it, yeah, I actually do that a lot.”
“Mhm…you’re not at school right now?”
“I’m homeschooled, remember? My mom left to cook me lunch, then we’re going back to the lesson. You’re not?”
“We’re on our lunch break right now. On my good days, I go outside to the garden and eat with Sunggyu and Woohyun and Dongwoo and Hoya and Sungjong, but they usually have a bunch of people surrounding them so I’m just here awkwardly sitting in the corner of the cafeteria by myself.”
“…Is that really what high school’s like?”
“Pretty much, yeah. Sunggyu always tries coaxing me over there but the kids that they hang out with don’t really like me that much, so I try my best to avoid them.”
“Oh…”
“But it’s okay because I sit next to the trash can in here.”
“…What’s so good about that?”
“You see, I can see everything from here. Anybody that actually comes throw their trash away, I deem that they’re a good person. Anyone who doesn’t, they’re awful. And from this point of view, you can see the entire cafeteria plus the garden outside from the window.”
“So if it’s such a perfect view, why doesn’t anybody else sit there with you?”
“Mainly because nobody likes sitting next to the trash can. And nobody cool really sits in the cafeteria.”
“Well, I think cafeterias are cool.”
[chuckling] “You think?”
“I mean, I’ve never tried it before or anything. I’ve always eaten lunch in my own dinner table at home.”
“Then why don’t you come to school? Check it out for once, see what it’s like.”
“…Naw, I’d rather not. How about you come get homeschooled with me instead?”
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
“…Sungyeol?”
“Wait, quiet, I’m thinking.”
“Oh. Okay then.”
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
“Is your mom a teacher?”
“…Well, I mean, your parent doesn’t have to be a teacher to home-school you, but yeah. She’s a certified teacher…she quit to home-school me.”
“I mean, I’ve always wanted to be homeschooled. Like, I’ve been begging my mom for it for ages but she keeps telling me it’s only for kids that are sick. That’s not true, right?”
“Other than asthma, I seem to be perfectly fine, so I dunno what your mom’s talking about.”
“Wait, would your mom be willing to home-school me?”
“…What.”
“I mean, you just offered, right? That I could go and get homeschooled with you instead of dying here at high school?”
“If my mom says okay, then I guess I could –“
“YES! OH MY GOD, you have no idea how long I’ve been waiting for this day to come, I’m serious! I can finally get out of this hellhole they call high school and be free!”
“It’s not really being free, it’s being homeschooled…and you do realize that you’re gonna have it with me? As in, I’m gonna be the only person you’re having it with? The guy you met for about three minutes before running off to the bathroom because awkwardness consumed you?”
“…Yeah.”
“Okay, I’ll ask my mom.”
“Call me back?”
“Sure.”
“Just not during class.”
“Okay.”
“Wait, no, actually, call me during class. That way, when my phone rings out loud I could be like HEYY ES I CAN’T GET IN TROUBLE BECAUSE I’M LEAVINGGGGGGG!”
“Got it.”
“Okay?”
“Yep.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
“Sungyeol’s being taught by your aunt?!”
“Yep, she just called to dish the news of class today. Apparently Sungyeol’s actually really smart, he just doesn’t like participating in class. And in public high schools, participation counts for like fifty million percent of the grade.”
“Wait, first of all, how is he and Myungsoo doing?”
“When she called, she just said they were sitting across each other doing math worksheets quietly while they ate peanuts. I don’t really know if that’s a good thing or not.”
[wondrous sigh] “This is the blossoming of a beautiful relationship.”
“…Not really –“
“Stop ruining my dream, God.”
“Or I mean, it could be. You know. One day they get married or some shet like that.”
“Oh my God, and they can book us for entertainment! We’ll sing this awesome love song that everybody bawls during and then we can like be recommended to sing at other weddings and Woohyun! We could open our own business!”
“Whoa there, hyung, I think you’re getting a little too far.”
“You think?”
“Yeah.”
“Well, I don’t think so.”
Seven years later
“Hello?”
“WOOHYUNNNN!”
“Hey Gyu baby, what’s up?”
“You owe me fifty bucks.”
“…Okay first of all, we’re married, so we kinda share accounts, so you’re basically stealing from yourself. And second of all, what?”
“Sungyeol hired us for his wedding with Myungsoo. So mister, fifty bucks please!”
“You’re kidding me.”
“Nope.”
“Bride and groom aren’t supposed to see each other before the wedding, but they never said anything about talking to each other.”
[laughing] “Talking was always our thing, anyways.”
“I knowwwwww. God, I can’t imagine it. We’re getting married tomorrow.”
“Yep. Tomorrow. Can you believe it?”
“I can’t even believe that you managed to ask me out all those years ago.”
“Okay, look, it was hard. You better appreciate it.”
“I still have the paper you graded with the question on it, you know?”
“…Wait, are you serious?”
“Yep, I actually pulled it out to stare at it…look at the top. I still can’t get over how cheesy this is, oh my God!” [laughing]
“Sungyeol!”
“‘100%, A+ in school and A+ in my heart. If you want to…c/b Kim Myungsoo.’ You dork.”
[huffing] “I’m a wonderful dork.”
“Yep, you’re my wonderful dork.”
“I’m gonna be your wonderful husband tomorrow, too.”
“I dunno, I like the sound of ‘fiancé’ better than ‘husband’ though.”
“You know you can’t change your mind, right?”
“We can, like, meet up and run off to Cancoon or something.”
“Cancoon? Is that even a real place?”
“I don’t think so. But if we’re there, we can, like, be engaged forever and not have to get married.”
“You don’t want to get married with me?”
“Well yeah…I just like the sound of ‘fiancé’ better. I mean, it just makes you sound younger somehow. Young and in love.”
“So you wanna be engaged for the next sixty years? ‘Oh, here’s my fiancé. We’ve been engaged for eighty-two years and we’re planning on getting married in never.’”
“Geez, stop bursting my bubble.”
“Darling, your bubble was burst long ago. The water in that bubble had to be used to make up for the amount of water that you flushed away in the restaurant.”
“…At least I didn’t hide behind a bush.”
“At least I got somebody to come pick me up.”
“You’re a terrible person, Myungsoo.”
“Hmm. I’m very well aware.”
“…Well, it’s 1:52 AM. I need to wake up at 5 to get ready…I’ll see you?”
“Definitely.”
“And you won’t hide behind a fake tree?”
“You won’t hide in the bathroom?”
“…No.”
“Then no.”
“…I’ll go to sleep now, then. I love youuuuuu.”
“Love you toooooo.”
“Bye.”
“Bye.”
I should also mention that I got the idea of this from a book I'm reading right now about gay guys. yep. yep. yep.
I was aiming for a valentine's day special and I had it all planned out in my head and everything but then GAH LIFE COMES AND TOTALLY RUINS EVERY LITTLE BIT OF FUN I HAD IN MY LIFE.
okay yeah. hope you're all having a wonderful friday!<3 my foot's asleep right now so I'm really uncomfortable but I'm still trying. <3 I LOVE YOU ALL SO MUCH AND I'M SORRY FOR THIS FAIL OKAY
MAYBE WHEN I HAVE FREE TIME I'LL WRITE IN STORY FORMAT WHAT HAPPENED BEFORE THE TIME SKIP. I MEAN I WILL. this is just too fast for me to cope with myself.
okerrrrrr bye<3 I'll go spazz about my belated nu'est and shinee and b.a.p comebacks now 8D
ren looks really hot.
<3 sorry again. I love you?
"bye."
[[c:13]]
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