(a/n)horrible because i'm drowsy af from my new eye pills.

*WARNING* horrible grammar and punctuation and dialogue because you know what this is my diary stress reliever. what kind of person writes in perfect grammar and memorizes exactly what happened during their day and who said what words. like honestly okay I am not perfect and I will never ever ever be able to know what people are saying when.

Day One

HOLY FCKING SHIZZUS OKAY YOU HAVE NO IDEA HE WAS SO FCKING HOT TODAY I SWEAR ASDFGHJKL NO WORDS.

Okay I swear you have no freaking idea what I mean why hot.

I’m not kidding.

He was wearing the school uniform because duh he always has to wear the school uniform, but you know what, like safhiuhfalkdjclfadshfi I think I officially died and went to Happy Heaven.

Okay so you know how he sits in the table next to mines in sixth period right.

Well holy crap you have no idea we were doing our flipbooks and then I had to staple mines but then our table didn’t have a stapler but his did

AND DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENED.

I  was just being me and going all “where’s the stapler” and shat and he was right there and he gave me the stapler that he touched and holy crap he heard me.

I think I’m dead I’m not kidding I think I’m dead.

I don’t even know what I’m writing anymore ohmygawd these hands typing on this keyboard right now touched the stapler that Kim Myungsoo touched ohmygawd I will never ever ever ever wash my hands again like holy crap.

I think I’m dead.

I’m just gonna go over to my bed and scream and die some more thinking about him okay yeah okay.

Day Two

Well nothing happened today, not that I would’ve expected anything to.

Woohyun let me sit in the seat closest to the door when we were in the lab, and you know how me and Woohyun always go in first right? So he was walking past the door with his friends and everything and he passed me.

He probably saw me too because he almost tripped over my backpack. I’m blushing right now I can just feel it UGH MYUNGSOO THE THINGS YOU DO TO ME.

I don’t even know what he does to me he doesn’t even talk to me like what even.

I don’t think I’m supposed to be this happy over some petty little thing like this. And people ask my why I’m always so happy. Huh.

Short entry because homework huhuhuhuhu.

Day Three

He wasn’t at school today ;___;

I ish asked Sungjong just ‘cause and Sungjong’s a lot closer to him than I’d ever be, and Sungjong told me that Myungsoo had to go visit his grandma.

ASDFGHJKL WHY WASN’T I EVER INFORMED OF SUCH NEWS.

I SHOULD’VE KNOWN. Psh my stalking skills are dying okay time to refresh them somehow.

I’m like telling myself to calm down okay Sungyeol calm down before you start hyperventilating like honestly.

Agh I think I’m already hyperventilating okay so it doesn’t even matter.

More homework. I think Myungsoo’s smart right. He can tutor me right. Right. Right. Maybe then he’d acknowledge my existence.

lol I’m funny.

Day Four

Oh. My. I can’t even. Words are nonexistent in my dictionary as of today (it’s funny, you get it, because like I’m typing words and…hahaha never mind I guess that’s just me ._____.)

Sungjong asked me and Woohyun if we wanted to go to the movies with him, Hoya, and possibly Myungsoo.

Did you catch that.

Possibly Myungsoo.

Meaning that Myungsoo could possibly go.

Do you know what that means. DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

I might be able to say something other than “Sorry, I just threw my backpack there” or “thank you” to him.

I could actually say hello to him.

Oh holy crap I could maybe even introduce myself.

Should I practice. Like. “Hey I’m Lee Sungyeol, nice to meet you.”

Or is that too formal. He’s a cool kid right.

Do I use slang or something oh God I don’t know how to use slang somebody teach me how to use slang.

“Yo, it’s Yeollie.”

How does that sound :D

I sound even creepier don’t I.

UGHHHH SOMEBODY JUST KILL ME NOW I DON’T KNOW WHAT I’M DOING.

FREAK HOMEWORK I DON’T CARE ABOUT THAT I COULD POSSIBLY MEET MYUNGSOO DO YOU KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS.

I COULD POSSIBLY MEET HIM.

Asdfghjkl I’m going to bury myself in a mountain of chocolate cupcakes now okay.

Day Five

Figured out I can’t go to the movies anyway, I have my science project to do.

It ‘cause everybody else is finished expect for me. Mostly because everybody had partners and being the Loner Lee Sungyeol that I am, nobody wanted to be my partner.

I’m gonna go cry in a corner now okay this will be my suicide note in case I drown in tears.

Myungsoo partnered up with the new kid, whatever her name was.

It’s like stupidy or something I don’t really remember.

I think she’s from land, I’m not too sure though, I’ll ask her tomorrow.

Well, got to go start on my crying if I want to die soon.

Day Six

…Woohyun told me that Myungsoo did go to the movies with them. They watched that creepy scary movie about the daughter killing herself after getting .

Imagine if I went there with them.

I could’ve clung onto Myungsoo. We could have cried together.

WE COULD HAVE CRIED TOGETHER.

But no. Oh no. I had to lock myself up in the school’s science lab to finish all this chemistry crying myself to a passing grade.

No I really did cry actually, note to self never to spill unknown chemicals. They can hurt your eyes a lot.

The entire time I was like begging for Myungsoo to randomly appear in the school and help me or something but you know what MIRACLES NEVER HAPPEN TO ME DAMMIT.

WHY AM I SO FREAKING UNLUCKY.

So I swear our school’s haunted okay. And I had to endure that all on my own. With no Kim Myungsoo.

Seriously why am I so unlucky aslkdhfnaliudhyfilakjnclajs aren’t they supposed to randomly appear and help the poor protagonists or whatever drama .

I’m pissed off okay I slept like two hours last night finishing the damn project.

On the other hand, Woohyun told me that it was a really good movie, so I guess I’m happy Myungsoo could enjoy it. At least I hope he enjoyed it. I don’t even know anymore.

Brb gotta go cry in my corner now okay.

Day Seven

I’m dead.

OKAY I KNOW I SAY THAT 1843975894859342546 TIMES BUT I’M SEIROUS THIS TIME OKAY.

I SWEAR I’M DEAD.

Myungsoo walked up to me –

Let me pause there for a second and explain to you something completely and utterly amazing.

He walked up to me okay and do you know how y he walks. He puts like one foot in front of the other and ashduafhyreilufjradsa I think I died just when he was walking.

And he said – I specifically remember him saying this – “You couldn’t go to the movies, huh?”

This is where the flowers come falling to my feet because I am an absolute genius.

I just waved it past as if I didn’t care because I’m just cool like that (my insides were dying btw remind me to go to the doctor I think my liver melted or something) and said, “Had to finish the science project.”

Right there.

Had. To. Finish. The. Science. Project.

That’s six words to add to the “things I’ve said to Kim Myungsoo” list.

Aiowernfkjdskachasdkjfhkjsda HE TALKED TO ME.

I CAN DIE HAPPY NOW.

WHO WANTS TO DIE WITH ME.

Wait forgot I can’t die happy I’m already dead.

Duh, Sungyeol.

Day Eight

Tired af, turned in our science project T________________T

I don’t wanna talk about it.

So embarrassing.

So motherfcking embarrassing I can’t even anymore. I think I’m really gonna drown myself in tears.

Long story short I’m an embarrassing person okay.

So the teacher made Myungsoo (yes Myungsoo okay him out of all people) collect the projects.

I WASN’T LISTENING. I. WAS. NOT. LISTENING.

So naturally, he comes up to me, right? And I’m just sitting there pretty much sleeping because you know what I’m a sleeping person.

He said something about me finishing my project that I don’t remember because I WAS SLEEPING OKAY.

And then he sticks his hand out.

I’m like what.

Hand? Why’s he giving me his hand for? I don’t want his hand.

No wait I take that back I actually do want his hand okay it’s just that I was in that high state at the moment where I don’t know anything that’s going around me and I just want to drown myself in a hole.

So I high fived it .___________.

Okay you know what I don’t know it’s the first reaction you have when somebody sticks their hand out to you okay YOU HIGH FIVE IT.

Now that I look over it, it isn’t so embarrassing but you have no idea what my face was like okay I swear I was burning up.

And what made it about a thousandklsahfciedhsaickse worse was that since it’s Myungsoo everybody looks at Myungsoo. So everybody saw me making an asdfghjkl out of myself.

Ten claps for the totally embarrassing Sungyeol.

Day Nine

Of course nothing happened okay. My life is boring.

Why is my life so boring ugh something exciting happen.

Oh okay so basically today Sungjong invited me and Woohyun to one of his parties, you know the ones with underage drinking and ity losing and all that happy .

Yeah LOL he was funny, thinking I’d go. He let it slip that Myungsoo was going, but I’m sorry, I’m not putting myself into that position just to see Myungsoo okay.

I AM STRONG.

Whatever, I’m still not going to the stupid thing. It’s gonna stink and smell and whatever, I’ll be Loner Lee Sungyeol ‘FO LYFE.

I like the name actually it has a ring to it.

I would start blasting my Beyonce right now but we both know my fingers are way to tired to type the stupid thing so I’m not going to.

Mom keeps asking me what I’m doing on the computer all day long.

I think she read some erted magazine okay mother Sungyeol is still innocent mmkay.

I mean I think I’d much rather her catch me watching *bleeeeeeeep* than see me typing up some daily paragraph about my day.

It’s like a diary.

NO IT’S NOT A DIARY OKAY I AM STRONG AND STRONG PEOPLE DON’T WRITE DIARIES.

I don’t even know anymore okay I give up with life. Life is stupid.

Wait I can’t do that I’m already dead.

Day Ten

ISADHCLIUSHEILKFADSHNLRCKJHDAFKASIJAF OKAY I AM DEAD I TELL YOU DEAD I’M NOT KIDDING ACTUALLY DEAD THIS TIME OKAY DEADDDDD.

Myungsoo asked me if I was going to the party.

Obviously I said no because, uh duh, I don’t want to die.

But then he started talking in that heavenly ugh voice of his about why I should go. I think he mentioned something about me never getting out of the house but you know what who cares he asked me if I was going.

So long story short I’m going.

I figured out how to send you to my phone, so make sure you’re here to listen to my rambling on all the girls that turned into s and all the s that turned into and all the that turned into even bigger .

Day Eleven

Okay so what even my hands are shaking like effing crazy and IAHDKSJFHASLDHCADSAF WOOHYUN’S DRIVING ME TO THE PARTY RIGHT NOW.

I’M GOING TO CRY I SWEAR I’M GOING TO CRY.

Okay we’re here I don’t think I can even see clearly anymore okay I’m crying.

Day Twelve

Slkfjwe4iofejiiewhfkjdddddddddddfgggggggggggggggggkkkkkkkkkreeeeeoooooooooooggggggggggggknnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnfddddddddd

[ERROR]

Xx[BROKEN MESSAGE]xX

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…

Day Twelve: Part 2 Before the Breaking Dawn

What even what happened I don’t even know.

Ugh I feel like today.

Don’t even ask me what yesterday’s thing was I typed all that shat.

The party.

Ugh.

The party I don’t even remember what happened okay I just know I feel like right now.

Nobody’s at home, Dad’s at work, Mom and Daeyeol went shopping again.

Why am I even typing my eyes hurt like hell.

UGH WHAT HAPPENED YESTERDAY.

I think I’m dead.

Maybe I finally did die.

Wait wait wait I only die when Myungsoo does something for me.

WAIT WHAT DID HE DO.

LSANHCJKSDHALKF

I’ll spam you later okay I think I’m going to throw up my stomach now.

Day Fourteen

Holy Mother ing I Am Dead.

No I am.

Woohyun told me what happened oh my God Woohyun told me what happened I can’t even type right now.

I just screamed into my pillow but, surprise surprise, that doesn’t actually work and I think my neighbors just called the cops on me.

Riesdkl;fjmnfhisrdahkdahfjsdhfadsfjknkfdkdfsdhka WHY IS MY LIFE LIKE THIS.

Woohyun told me that I accidentally drank an entire four bottles of vodka what even vodka tastes like okay why would I even drink the stuff.

Apparently I thought it was lemonade, but we both know I’m not that stupid alright.

I was probably in my high state, that’s all.

Either way.

Woohyun being the most amazing friend in the entire world left me in my worst stage.

That’s all.

That’s all

That is mother ing all.

He’s an idiot okay an idiot I will strangle him later if I wasn’t so embarrassed.

Okay so he said he tried to redo his idiotic actions like the he is but he couldn’t find me.

THAT MEANS SOMETHING HAPPENED TO ME.

I would do anything if somebody would just tell me what happened to me. I’m going to cry okay and really drown myself in my tears.

That reminds me.

How did I even get home.

Day Fifteen

You know what I give up on life I’m just going with the fact that my ingenious brain allowed me to walk home drunk by myself and then I went to bed.

That’s all okay that will be all. That’s what happened.

We’re sealing the deal.

HOLY CRAP BUT KIM ING MYUNGSOO I FORGOT TO TELL YOU SOMETHING ISOERHACLJKSDLFA

He asked me if I was okay yesterday. I don’t know why and I don’t care he voluntarily talked to me for the third time in my entire life.

Holy crap I can now die peacefully.

If you’re wondering, I told him that I wasn’t okay at all but he didn’t really care so it doesn’t even matter.

Day Sixteen

Dear Umma and Appa,

                Hi. Remember me? I’m your oldest son, Lee Sungyeol. If you found this, I’m probably dead right now.

                I’m sorry. I tried to live with it, I tried, but I couldn’t. No matter what I did, the embarrassment in me could not subside. I just want  you to know I love you, alright?

                Thank you for everything you’ve done for me. The food, the clothing, the shelter. Really, thank you so much. I know there have been times when my temper and my anger got the best of me, so I really do thank you for keeping up with that.

                You’ve been amazing to me. More amazing than I deserve, and I never really go the chance to say thank you and I love you with meaning. So I’m saying it now, please listen, okay?

                Thank you so much, from the bottom of my pitless heart. I want you to know that I love you. I’m sorry you raised me to just let me do this, but I’m sorry. I can’t carry on with life like this anymore.

P.S. Tell Dayeol I love him okay. Oh and tell him never to let his crush catch him drunk if you don’t want him to suicide.

Day Seventeen

I’m pretty sure it’s haunting you what happened right.

And look I’m not dead yet.

I tried killing myself but then I remembered that the new episode of my drama was just released so I couldn’t kill myself just yet, I had to watch it D:

After I finished watching it (it was a crappy episode anyways. Smh, I gave up dying just for that.) my mom came home  and, really, who wants to see their son kill himself.

Maybe crazy people that hate their kids BUT YOU KNOW WHAT my mother isn’t like that okay.

I’m just going to give this to the bastard over here because he’ll just explain everything like the lewjafklhdkchaskdjf maniac he is.

I’m going to go into the bathroom and drown myself in the bathtub now okay.

Yeah bye.

What is this…what am I supposed to do with this. Do I just type?

Oh, well, okay, hi. I’m your guest for tonight, if that’s appropriate.

Kim Myungsoo, if you may.

I can hear the water running in the bathroom right now LOL is Sungyeol really planning on killing himself? Wait let me do something.

Word says that there are exactly 3 ‘kill’ and 15 ‘dead’.

I’m scared, is he suicidal? Because I really don’t want a suicidal boyfriend.

He’s screaming now, should I call the police or something? Or is this is usual acting.

It’s how he usually acts, isn’t it? I’ll try to get used to it, don’t worry.

I feel like I’m talking to myself right now. Honestly, when is Sungyeol going to get out of the bathroom and stop trying to drown himself?

Day Eighteen

Okay you know what I GIVE UP ON MY CRUSH WITH MYUNGSOO HE IS A FCKING MEANIE HEAD OKAY AN

I’m not a meanie head, I ju

AGH HE’S A MEANIE HEAD I GIVE UP ON LIFE AND MYUNGSOO STOP LOOKING OVER MY SHOULDER BEFORE I STAB YOU.

Okay well you know what I give up on life.

It took eighteen days, I HOPE YOU’RE PROUD OF YOURSELF, MYUNGSOO.

EIGHTEEN DAYS OF MY PRECIOUS LIFE WASTED ON TRYING TO GET TO YOU.

Ugh and he didn’t even explain anything yesterday like really. He’s giving me lame excuses YES YOU ARE OKAY SO STOP TRYING TO MAKE ME THINK OTHERWISE. I’M BUSY OKAY about why he didn’t. huh what a faker.

By the way, we have an English project coming up soon.

I’m not going to be Loner Lee Sungyeol anymore :D

Yes okay Myungsoo that’s the only thing I care about. Who cares nobody needs you anyways.

Day…what, like, million or something.

DAY INFINITE.

Aw, It’s been a while hasn’t it J

It’s Myungsoo again, we’re cleaning out Sungyeol’s things right now. His funeral is tomorrow and we need to clear the house.

If you’re wondering, it was a good while spent with Sungyeol. It’s sad that he’s gone now, but he lived a good life. Or at least I hope it was a good life, I don’t really know, I wasn’t there for the end of it.

LOL that’s funny I’m making it sound like he actually died.

No he’s sleeping on the bed right now, we did it for the first time.

Somebody give me a high five right now (LOLOLOLOLOLOL WHO ELSE READ SUNGYEOL’S OLD ENTRY, I REMEMBER WHEN THAT HAPPENED, so embarrassing for him. The entire class was laughing. I thought he was really going to switch schools or something after that.)

I figured it’d be a good time to snoop around his stuff and see what he hid from me since he sleeps so darn much.

Apparently he’s in love with Girls’ Generation, but whatever, he can have his one girl obsession.

I read that since apparently everything that involved me killed him, if I actually had been inside him, he’d really die.

Too bad he’s snoring right now and not dead yet.

I’m kidding. Ah, I feel like such an idiot writing in this thing.

Sungyeol told me it was his way to “relieve stress”. He’s adorable, honestly.

He liked me so much, it’s so cute.

Then there’s that one entry about the party, I remember what happened. He was such a dork, drinking all that whatnot.

He was crying though, that’s all I remember. Crying a lot. He kept on saying that life was useless because nobody loved him.

Ah, that was about three years ago. I don’t even know why I still have it caught in the back of my mind.

Maybe because…I don’t know right now. He was a special kid, anybody could’ve realized it. If somebody didn’t, I would’ve gleefully dunked their heads into a blender and turned it on high speed or something.

I’ll test him next time around. Eight bottles of ‘lemonde’ now? :D see what he says this time.

WELL GOTTA GO. SUNGYEOL’S WAKING UP.

Read a fact online that said lions can mate up to fifty times a day.

New goal.

(a/r)

MEDICINE ISN'T SUPPOSED TO MAKE YOU THIS TIRED.

don't ask okay no words. I wasn't thinking when I wrote this and my setences refused to form correctly, so I just opened another document and wrote this. and am I still the only one that thinks it's really weird that stories depicted as a kid's "diary" has perfect dialouge and shat. Like no kid ever remembers that stuff. and nobody really writes in a diary anymore. do they? do you? I type everything, bahahaha.

I probably missed a ton of things but that's the fun part in writing this. You will never know unless the owner of the document decides to tell you it. And that's Sungyeol, not me. So you can make everything up in your little minds.

[[c:11]