Gimpo International Airport

       Never knew how life changes and turned in the way that we didn’t even could predicted. Or which steps that we took in this unforeseen journey. I don’t even know what I thought that night, or what did he think either. So here I am, sitting side by side with him in a flight to my favorite island. To go to the most beautiful place in my memory. To Jejudo. And I have to go there with him. Just with him.

          Call me crazy, call me delusional, call me dumb. But trust me when I said my heart want to bursting just because he’s there beside me. Sleeping soundly, as pure as little child. As handsome as grown up man. He’s change. His feature slightly changes. How can’t I figure it out before? It’s almost six month from the first time I’d met him again. Six tired month, filled with days when I have always to ran. Run away from him, and myself. But still here I am. Never able to get away from him.

          That thrilling night. Our kissed. Is it really ever happened. I still can’t believe it. “I love you, Jung Hyerim. I do and I always do.” Is it what he told me that night? Really? Can I believe my ear. Can I put my trust to him. Those kisses feel like true. I still can feel his lips in mine. His hand. His smell, his breath, his heartbeat. But why in the same time it’s seems so fake. Isn’t it just too good to be true.

          I can’t even imagine, how I can end with him again somehow. Get remarried with someone that I always thought I hate. The one that made my whole universe tumbled down. The one that made me felt all the mixed emotion that I didn’t even knew before. The one that stole my heart and refuse to give it back to me.

          How can he just seems like he has that bipolar disorder. A split personality. Acted cold and full of hatred sometime, and then acted sweet and lovely in a mean time. And I feel that he bring me with him in that mental disorder. Which one that really him. Which feels that sincerely he felt towards me? The hate or the love. He really drove me crazy.

          It’s just became more awkward for us after that night. I can’t trust myself even more, just the two of us in the house. That’s why I’m avoided him. Is he mad at me?

          See... That’s the things that always in my mind these times. Is he mad? Is he angry? Is he sad... It’s just about him. And I just can’t told my heart to think again. It’s not about logic anymore.

          Even though I’m always thought how to get divorced with him, but my heart shriek. My heart pained just from those thought to get separated from him again. I’m fine these years, but why now I don’t want him to left? I don’t know now. Is it the time for me to not think? To stop calculated everything and follow my heart.

          Now looked at him. Still sleeping. He must be tired from all those preparation for this meeting. Sunggyu oppa just too cruel to get him here with just one day to prepared. But then he gave us the holiday here after that, so how can I nagged at him.

          Eunji remembered when Sunggyu approached her yesterday in her room, after Hoya told her to go to Jejudo with him. “Eunji-a... Is it all right for you to accompany Howon tomorrow? He will need your help with that presentation, after all, he have to fixed it in here and there, because the preparation is made by Woohyun.”

          Actually she has had that hesitant to go with Hoya, just the two of them, when things absolutely go awkward between them. “Oppa sure that you’ll be a great help for him”, he smiled at her. Trust. There’s that always the biggest thing that he gave for her. He always believes her no matter what she done, in every situation. How she always thankful for that. And burdened in the same time, because there’ll always some expectation in there. As for now, she didn’t believe herself, that she will do a great work with Hoya.

          “Eoh, Oppa... I’ll try”

          “Okay then...thank you”, he smiled and patted her head, get up to exited her room. But from the door he said to her, “And Eunji-a, don’t get too hard to Howon and to yourself. Give both of you a chance. And trust. Things would be clearer if you try to looked with different perception, huh?”

          She’s still in that dream called mind when the pilot informed that they’ll landed in a mean time. She looked at Hoya that still sleeping peacefully beside her. With gentle she tapped him. “Hoya-ssi... Wake up. Hoya-ssi? We’ll get landed in a moment.”

          “Huh...?”, Hoya slightly opened his eyes, obviously annoyed with the light that suddenly blinded him, when he heard her soft voice talked gently to him.

          “Oppa... wake up...”, softly, almost like a hissed. But he that heard it clearly, can’t believe his own ear, and wake up in full alert, just because of that. She just rarely called him that. ‘Oppa’ . She always called her Hoya-ssi. Mr.Lee. Mr. Hoya. How he hated those called. The one that made him like nothing for her, just another stranger that by chance became her husband. How he love it when she called him ‘Oppa’. But in his memory, those times when she called him that, in the contrary is the painest time in his life. When she plead him to save their daughter, and when she told him that she want to divorced.

          Wait....oppa? Am I heard wrongly? Hoya looked at Eunji’s face, she averted his eyes from him, looked at the blue ocean and green pasture below them. But he can see that trail of pink in her cheeks. Is she...blushed? Am I can take my hope high, for her to accept me once again? But why she avoided me in this two days. God, my head spinning around, because of her, always because of her. Can’t I know what’s inside her heart, what thought that’s inside his mind. Sunggyu hyung, hope all your plan really doing well here.

Shilla Hotel, Jejudo

          “Eunji-a... Just sleep in bed if you’re tired.” Hoya looked at Eunji that fell asleep in the couch near their bed in the Hotel. “Eunji-a...” ,he tapped her gently. “Hon...” he blurted that word unknowingly, but stopped it when he realize. He wants to call her that way, but a thought that she’ll feel burdened by it stop him.

          He looked at her. She looked so tired. Since morning, when they’re arrived in Jeju, they just locked their self in the hotel room, too busy to fix and perfected the presentation. After all, Hoya thought that Sunggyu were right, they mustn’t look down at Eunji’s knowledge at this field, she is really helped him. But when Hoya made some finishing touch of their presentation, he didn’t even realize that she is already worn-out to actually fell asleep like that.

Slowly he lifted her up, carried her as gentle as he can, to not awaken her up and put her in the bed. Then he kneeled beside her. Look at her closely. He moved her fringe aside, to have a better look at her. Stare at her closely, never remember how long did he ever look at her this closely, this freely, just as he always wanted. Just to watched her sleeping. To wondering is there him in her dream. He moved his fingers to her nose. Her small nose. He didn’t realize it before.

To her eyes. Her two closed eyes, rest peacefully, shut herself from everything in this world. He wondering, is it included him? Her beautiful opened eyes. Her two orbs that drowned him from the first time he met her, even he didn’t want to acknowledge it before. Her pretty eye smile. The one thing that always in his mind, in his heart. Remained as a memory. How he wished to see it again. To look at her crescent eye, smiled only for him. Eyes that pained him every time its spill her tears. Her hurt. Her pain. How he hoped to sweep it away with his thumbs. As his soul that want to swept all her heartache.

He caressed her soft cheeks slowly, as afraid to broken the vulnerable silk in his hand. Her blushed cheeks as the pink as flower trailed it ways to her eyes. Her chubby cheeks. How much he wanted to touch it every day, to feel the softness of her baby skin.

He trailed his fingers to her lips. Her plump lips. The lips that always satisfied his hunger. How his lips find hers so perfectly fit together. Just as like that night, as his lips contented with her. The form of her smile, her beautiful smile. How she lift her right edge of , a cute traits when she amused, the special habit of her that made him loved the way her smile. 

He listened at her soft breath as she drifted to her dream. Her voice. Her beautiful voice that he always heard just when she was humming, or singing for their baby before. Pretty voice that yelled at him a lot. Soft voice that turned into a harsh voice that always have an argument with him.

How can he just tell her everything. Every feeling that he felt, now and before. Every wishes, every hoped to make their marriage last. Every joy when he had her in his side. Every pain, every worries, every curiosity that drove him crazy. Every heartached that they must’ve been through. Every love that he feel for her in every beats of his heart, in every cell in his body. That just her. In his mind. In his heart. In his life. And how he wished that she feel the same.

Softly he sighed, made a mental note to himself, I must tell her everything when it’s all done. Mumbled under his breath he said silently, “I promise Eunji-a. We’ll make it cleared between us. No more this tug of war. No more argue. I’ll give you all you wanted. I’ll respect your decision. Your picture of your future, with or without me in there. No matter it’ll hurt for me, because all that I want is your happiness. The one thing that I loved the most in this world is your smile. For me or not. I love you, Jung Hyerim.” And he kissed her forehead.

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Another late update....><.... Have a fun read

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