Spring, 2009

Seoul University Hospital

God...my head... a massive headache and pain welcomed her when she finally woke up after her caesarian finished 4 hour ago, instinctively she try to reach her head, but she barely move her finger. But why I feel numb? Eunji? My baby... God my baby..... Feared. She just so scared for a reason that she don't clearly can recalled.

Then the consciousness hit her, when she remember that accident, the blood that streaming from her womb. My baby... she hardly put her hands to her stomach, but she just feel it flatness, without sign anything ever live there. My baby... my baby... she knows that they removed her, she knows that they killed her. She heard in her pain, when the doctor tell Hoya he must abort her. My baby... in her pain, in her numbness, she feel nothing but hollow, it’s like her light snacth away from her, her half, her hope, her family...

“...Hyerim-a...”, she heard a whispher beside her, “Are you already wake up? Hyerim? Honey?”

Why did they take her? What is her fault... My baby... her tears flowing like a stream, but there’s no sound.

“Hyerim-a... Are you hurt, honey?”

That voice... she closed her eyes. I beg him, I plead him to not take my baby from me, he could hate me, he could not love me. I just want him to save her... our baby...

“Hyerim-a? Are you in pain? Just wait a while, okay.. I’ll go get the doctor...”, Hoya didn’t know what to do, he saw her tears, but she didn’t whimper or something, she just cry. He want to make her feel better, but he really don’t know how to do that.

“..no...”, her voice weak but stern.

“No? Are you hurt, honey? Tell me what’s wrong...”, he grab her hands, she trembled.

“Don’t...touch me...”, she waive her hands from his. Her eyes still closed.

“Hyerim-a...tell me what’s wrong...”, Hoya is in panic. “What can I do for you, are you hurt?”

She opened her eyes, full of tears and sorrow. Her life is tugged off from her. “Don’t act like you were care.”

“But, Hyerim-a...”, he tried to reach her.

“I said don’t... guess you’re happy now. Congratulation then, all your wish is granted. You are free now...” she smile, but it smile that scared him, she didn’t even hint a panic in her voice. He prepared her to be panic, to get mad, to hit him, anything, when she know they take her baby. But not this, not like this. He feel helpless.

“But... Hyerim-a, honey... I...”

“Just leave... please...” she closed her eyes.

“Hyerim-a....”, he still try to reach her. But she veiled herself, she make an unseen wall between them, he feel it. But he just stand there, didn’t know what to do.

“Howon-a? Hyerim?”, Sunggyu come in... “Why you are stand here? Hey...!”, he shake his brother, Howon crying? “Howon-a, what’s wrong, what happen with Hyerim?” , he saw Hyerim just like a sleeping person, but she is cry. Is she already know about her baby? She must be hate him right now. “Come on, Howon-a... come out with hyung, you still need to do your CAT now, they allow you to postpone it only after Hyerim wake up.”, and he take along his brother.

...

“Hyung, she must be hate me... I killed our baby.”, Hoya cried in his hyung embrace.

“Yah... don’t say that. It’s not your fault, it’s not anyone fault... You already choosed right, we can’t save the baby after all, but we must save Hyerim, Howon-a...”

“No... if only we didn’t fight, if only I drive well, if only...”

“Howon-a...”, Sunggyu caress him, “It’s an accident...”

“It’s my fault, Hyung. And she will hate me forever, I know I will...”

“Howon... She won’t, she won’t, Howon-a. She loves you, and she will eventualy understand your decision. You have to forgive yourself, it’s not you fault big guy...”

“She won’t love me, Hyung... won’t she?”, he look at Sunggyu, not believe when he said she love him, but really want to assured him self that all he said is true. That she is love him and she will forgive him.

“Yes, Howon-a”, Sunggyu convince him, “You just need to calmed yourself, and give her some times..”, he patted him.

...

I need to get out of this place... Hyerim keep thinking to her self. She decided to left, at least she didn’t want to stay in the hospital anymore.

Ouch... my stomach... her wound sting her, it’s not fully healed. But she stil get up, detached her i.v, take her stuff, and get out.

In front off the door, when she try to open it, she see her wedding ring. The ring that she used to dear, but now just remind her of nothing but pain. I guess it’s not mine anymore...

...

Heartbreaking part...

I can never imagine what the feeling of a mother that have an experience of a miscarriage....TT_TT

Thanks for all that read, comment, and subscribe....^^