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The Reason I Live [Abandoned]The next morning I woke up, slapping my annoying alarm clock so it would quit wailing in my ear. I groaned and rolled ontu my side, looking for the familiar lump in Baekhyun's bed. However, it was empty and the white sheets were still messy. "Baekhyun?" silence. "Hyung?" Another round of silence. I sat up in bed, wondering where my room mate could be so early in the morning. I still had to apologize to him after what I said yesterday.
"Yeah and you're such a hypocrite."
"Admit it, Baekhyun. You're no better than what you say."
I felt so guilty for telling him those words, but it was spoken out of anger and the honest truth. I was angry, no, furious because Byun Baekhyun always told me ever since I arrived here that there was always light at the end of the tunnel. That I should be happy and I shouldn't be harming myself because of self-hatred. He was always the one to snatch my razors away, the one who let me cry on his shoulders. And yet. . . . the bitter reality was that Baekhyun was no better than he said so. He struggled to keep himself afloat. I knew from personal experience that Baekhyun cried himself to sleep most nights. He still wrapped up fresh cuts on his wrists, covering them with long sleeved shirts so that the nurses and doctors wouldn't know. He'd smile every single day, but as his friend, I easily saw through his masquerade.
The sound of a door being slammed shut brought me back to reality. "Hyung?" I called out. I got a grunt for a response. I quickly stumbled out of bed and ran to the kitchen, seeing the small male putting grocery bags on the counter. "Where did you go?" I asked curiously, picking through a bag to see what was inside. It was just food from the cafeteria.
"To the cafeteria downstairs." he answered, taking some items out and placing them on the table. I noticed how his facial expression looked angry and how he would slam each item ontu the table, making it slightly shake each time.
I frowned, studying his face. "Ahm, Baekhyun hyung, are you okay? You seem angry today." I asked him carefully and slowly, not wanting to aggravate him even more. He looked up and we made eye contact. His gaze made me flinch and I looked another way.
"I'm fine." he lied. In those two words, I heard how frustrated he sounded. How tired he was.
I scowled. "Don't lie to me."
He rolled his eyes and continued to place things on the table.
"Baekhyun hyung. You can trust me." I assured him. We made eye contact again.
"You want to know what's wrong?" he snapped, tossing a pack of cookies down on the table. I tried to keep my face steady.
"Yes."
"I was heading back upstairs from the cafeteria and guess what I overheard from the nurses? They said you would be discharged in three months or less."
I blinked a few times, frowning. Was I hearing right?
"Yes, you're hearing right." Baekhyun growled as if he could read my mind. "You know what else they said? They're going to send me to some other rehab center. You know why? They said 'Subject Byun Baekhyun has showed no signs of improvement.' So they're going to send me to some crazy center!" His eyes started to get teary.
"Hyung, I'm sure they didn't-"
"It's not fair! Nothing's fair! I've been here for over a year now! I hate it here! You told them didn't you?" he asked, his voice wobbly and broken.
"I didn't tell them anything, hyung."
He grabbed my shoulders and held them with a firm grip, making me flinch. "You told them that I still self-harm, didn't you?! Don't lie to me, Jonghyun! It's not my fault that you're better than me!! It's not my fault!! I'm not crazy. . . . I want to leave. . . .I want to leave." he whimpered. His tears finally spilled over his cheeks, dripping down his chin. "I want my Yeol. Where is he?" he shoved me away causing me to fall on my . He swiped out his phone and dialed a number, which I assumed was Chanyeol's.
"Yeol?" he sounded so defeated. I wanted to hug him and hold him, but Baekhyun was probably too unstable right now for that. The older male furiously rubbed his eyes.
"Yeollie? Please come visit me." my hyung practically begged. A few seconds of silence as Baekhyun listened to Chanyeol talking. "I'm okay. I just. . . . please, Chanyeol." Baekhyun started crying again, a pained sob making its way through his lips.
He hung up. "Baekhyun hyung, I know you're upset, but remember that the nurses are doing this for your own sake. You shouldn't be mad at them."
He glared at me, his eyes burning with fire. "Says the one who's only been here a few months." he scoffed.
"True, but you really need to try and stop self-harming. You're my friend and I care for you. When I get discharged, I'll come visit you every week, okay hyung?" I smiled at him. His lip trembled, but he stopped crying now. He gave me a small nod.
"You're a wonderful person, you shouldn't be doing this to yourself." I assured him, patting his arm. He hung his head and pulled away from my touch. We both heard his phone suddenly vibrate and he checked the screen.
"I'm going downstairs to meet with Chanyeol. I'll be back in a few hours." he informed me. I didn't even get to say bye when he closed the door in my face.
Was I really going to be discharged in three months or less? And more importantly, was Baekhyun hyung really going to be sent away?
The more I thought about it, the more I realized that Baekhyun hyung had been correct. It was certainly frustrating to him because I'd been here for a shorter time period, but I was leaving first. However, a small part of me said it was Baekhyun's fault for not trying as hard. Then, another part of me countered that, saying that it wasn't his fault he was like this.
I tugged at my hair in frustration. I didn't know what to think of the situation anymore.
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a/n: Yeah. y chapter with a y ending. =_= sorry. Please do comment honestly? c: I lub you all~
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