I tapped my feet nervously as I sent a quick 'I'm here.'  text to Kyungsoo. I should be nervous of coming to the company for the first time but that's far from what I had on my mind. I'm more worried of the things that I would be telling Kyungsoo for the next minutes. 

I shouldn’t be here. I was scared and terrified and not about the fact that I'm not allowed to step inside the company. I made a move to turn around and leave but as if on cue, a sweaty and panting Kyungsoo came down the stairs with a really broad smile on his face. 

"Come inside, it's cold." He said, holding his hand out but I stood still, still staring at his waiting hand. I gulped and took a step back. "Let's just talk here."  

Kyungsoo laughed at my absurd suggestion and took my hand in his hand, pulling me in. "Don't be scared, just pretend that you're one of the trainees or something, you'll be fine." I bit my lips, that was not what I was worried about. 

We stepped in the elevator and I kept quiet. We're meeting the boys and that was the last thing I wanted. If I meet the boys, it would be harder for me to actually leave. How can I leave them when they're the ones that I had for 2 years? 

When I had no friends, they were there. When I had no shoulders to cry on, they were there. When I had no ears to whine to, they were there, always and forever will--they said. 

"You're going to burn a hole into my face." Kyungsoo commented which made me realize that I had been staring the whole time. "Sorry." I muttered quietly and I knew that he knew something's wrong.  

"Is everything okay?" He asked and I smiled weakly. "Of course." I'm a terrible liar and he sighed, "Let's talk about this later." Kyungsoo said and pulled me out of the elevator and into an unfamiliar room. 

8 heads turned to me and unknowingly a smile etched itself on my face. I missed them. I'm going to miss them. "Welcome!" A couple of voices loudly hollered. I sat my self down right next to Kyungsoo and Jongin. "Thanks." 

"So how is it?" Sehun spoke up. I raised my eyebrow, didn’t quite get what he was asking. "The company, does it pass your expectation?" I shrugged, not knowing what to answer since I wasn’t actually paying attention to the building. 

"Aren't you guys excited? You'll be debuting in a week." I tried to sound excited but failed miserably. It seemed like no one noticed my failed attempt as they excitedly talked on and on. I wasn’t listening and would casually smile and laugh from time to time. 

Yixing who sat across me sent me a smile and asked the dreaded question, "You're going to be there, right?" My breath hitched on my throat and I kept my mouth shut. As I said earlier, I'm a terrible liar. "Of course." That wasn’t me who answered but my boyfriend who pulled me close. "She's my girlfriend, of course she's going to be there." 

They continued on talking as I kept quiet, slightly feeling guilty. Yixing kept on staring at me I raised my eyebrows, asking what's up but he simply shook his head.  

"We've rested enough, let's continue on practicing." Joonmyun clapped his hands and all of them stood up, obeying their leader.  

I sat against the mirror, looking at them from the back as Yixing sat next to me. "Is something wrong?" He asked nudging me slightly and I took a deep shaky breath. "No." I can't lie to Yixing, he would caught on quickly anyway.  

"You're nervous, tell me." He sat closer, knowing that he wouldn’t hear me over the loud music that was playing. When I didn’t say anything for minutes, Yixing spoke up again. "Are you leaving?" He asked and I looked at him, teary eyed. 

"Oh sweetie." He ruffled my hair, trying to cheer me up. "Do you think you're doing the right thing?" He asked and I pondered on it for a moment. 

It is the right thing to do, but it certainly doesn’t feel like it. "Think about it. How would he feel when he doesn’t see you in the crowd, cheering for him as he expected to you do so? How would he feel, not being with you …"  

"But this is not my place, I can't be right by his side all the time." I uncertainly said. "Look at yourself, trying to act all strong when you know you're not. At some point, after leaving everything, you'll regret it and by then it would be too late." Yixing spoke up and I sighed. I already came to a decision to break it off when I arrived but I was not sure anymore. 

"Stay for a little bit longer, please. We need you too, you know?" As if on cue, Kyungsoo looked at me through the mirror and smiled. I smiled back and showed his two thumbs up.  

"Thanks, oppa." Yixing chuckled and hugged me, "Anytime, little one."