It is chaos.

           That is to say at least.

           The world looks like it is tumbling down, then up, then it will revolve and then shift.

           I cannot see what is in front of my eyes. No, Actually, I can, although I cannot determine what those things are. Everything looks blurry.

           Smudged.

           Distorted.

           I frowned and tried to make it stable. That is when the frame came to a still but it is all darkness.

           My eyebrows met in confusion. I heard a laugh, a sob and a bark amidst a loud music I cannot decipher. And no, I am not drunk and I am definitely not in a club partying. I am still at home.

           I suddenly wanted the world to stop. If there could just be a pause button, I could have clicked it so it would freeze for some time and let me process what is happening.

           Wait, actually there is. How dumb can I be?

           I lifted my hand and hovers my index finger along with the middle finger above the space bar. I was about to stop the chaos but I heard a definite voice that I wouldn’t mistook to be from someone else. And as if it’s magic it made my fingers stop and hang there on the air, afloat. It made me want to listen to that video clip despite how chaotic it may be. Oh, and yes, the world I’m talking about is just a record of a part of a world in some time in the past which was sent through our mail.

           I furrowed my eyebrows in an attempt to decode what she is saying. However, as soon as I focused my ears on it, a wavelength of sound rapidly passed through. It went in and then out, just piercing through my ears and those in between. It made me hit the pause button abruptly and my face naturally grimaced as I try to recover from it.

           I opened my left eye and tried to process what it is. I then opened the right one which I left closed as I played the video and let myself absorb what was happening on the video. The piercing high-pitched sound was actually coming from the screeching of a microphone.

           “Jung Yerin. You’re drunk, get that mic over here.”

           A voice in the background said. And considering that tone and saying her whole name, I guess the owner of the voice is getting serious… or is she?

           “So this is my song… And, my friend here would play the piano for me. ”

           “To you, whom I sing this song for, I hope you could listen to my heart…”

           And as on cue, the notes from the black and white tiles of a piano resounded, and at the fourth second, I found myself slowly lowering my head as a smile form within my lips. She started singing and I don’t know if it’s just my love for her or what, but in spite of her current state, it still sounds so good.

** You could listen to: 봄비 / Spring Rain / Rain in the Spring Time ** Not everything is included here + I arranged the translation a bit to make it easier to understand so the hangul & Romanization doesn’t necessarily correspond to the English translation by lines ** But it could be a bit off too at the later part ="> **

/would like to say advance sorry - aff editor changed some of the 'styles'/

Outside the window is filled with sounds of
an early spring rain
that touches your heart
like a piano melody.

아련하게 흘러오는 
피아노 선율처럼 
창문 밖엔 
이른 봄비 소리 가득해

aryeonage heulleooneun 
piano seonyulcheoreom 
changmun bakken 
ireun bombi sori gadeukhae

You’re dripping down

From the tip of my hands

Meanwhile, you gently drenched the tips of my feet, baby

내 두 손 끝에 
네가 내려 촉촉히 
그새 내 발 끝에 
물들어 살며시 baby

nae du son kkeute 
nega naeryeo chokchokhi 
geusae nae bal kkeute 
muldeureo salmyeoshi baby

           If my smile could be softer and more expressive, then probably it did. Upon hearing this song, I can’t just not think that she isn’t that rain that spreads over me when I called her name on that cold winter season. She is that rain outside, tapping on my window and in the process knocking on my heart, creating melodies in its rhythmic style as if the leaves it touches are keys of the piano. She is that rain that drenched the lands for my eyes to see – those eyes that has almost got accustomed from seeing the colors of winter – gray and white – just as how I accepted that deepening wound in my heart. She drenches those lands just like she let the blood on my blood vessels flow as if the increase in blood would heal that wound.

           Again, I smiled. Did I ever wipe out that smile anyway?

           Because after all, it worked. The rain drenched me, it spreads all over me, and healed the wounds I got, either be that I have known that they had existed or not. One by one, the things I should forget disappear like how the water washes away the dirt and mud that clings.

My once dry heart

Like sweet rain that fell in me

Like the sunlight that shines on me

You melt me baby

메말랐던 내 맘 속에 
부드런 단비처럼 
날 비추는 햇살처럼 
너는 나를 녹여가 baby

All of the cold wind goes away

And you came to me like the warm spring rain

You wake me from my sleep

Now fill me up with you

차갑던 바람 전부 다 걷히고

따스했던 그 봄비처럼 다가와

잠든 나를 깨워줘

이제 너로 채워줘

           Then that short seconds for the instrumental came, that part before the bridge. I found myself swaying to the song, and as soon as I heard her voice I let myself succumb to it as if I let myself feel that she is singing me a lullaby, no matter how far it is from a sober state.

           I would always love to hear that voice in any moment of my life, may it be tomorrow, the day after, or any days in the future. That voice could make my day complete once I heard it after I woke up. She could not be the main vocal or even the lead on our group, but for me, she is that main and that lead person of my life, in whatever terms it might be. Okay, that’s too cheesy.

           But believe me, sometimes, I just realized I’m staring into space, wondering how it feels to hear a ‘good morning’ from her once the ray of the sun hit my closed eyes. And then, when those fluttered open, she would repeat it for me. It would be best if she would say some expression of love and blind me with her eye smiles, but I guess I’m wishing for the ultimate things already. Well, we’re free to dream anyway.

           I was brought back to Earth when I heard fanchants being shouted on and the video has turn back to chaos. The one who must have been holding the camera is using it as a lightstick. Well, can I ever be more surprised?

           The microphone screeched again making me instantly cover the speakers of the laptop with my hand. But that didn’t lower the volume and instead just let the sound blast from it. I’m about to scowl when I heard something else that made me grin in giddiness instead.

           “This is for my Hwang Eunbi... Please listen to my heart.”

           I zipped my lips, completely wanting to listen, and just in case I need to contain my emotions. She became so serious suddenly. But that is only for seconds as I heard her scream again. Something that could transform my grin into something else more (if there is…). I know it became so wide, my lips might need a lip gloss later, for the reason that it might break some of its skin.

           ‘황은비 사랑해’ (Hwang Eunbi Saranghae!)

           I heard Yerin-unnie’s voice screaming it on the microphone.

           I guess no matter how ridiculous, weird or funny that may be. If someone you love says she loves you, either sober or not, it would still leave you with butterflies and whatever kind of things in your stomach that could make you feel all giddy, effectively painting your cheeks with all shades of red.

           No matter what, hearing someone you love confessed her love to you, in any way, could make you feel all the feelings the statement ‘cloud nine’ couldn’t even par.

           The video suddenly became fixed looking like the one holding it put it down on a high table. I could now see then Yerin rocking things on stage, being the hyped beagle as ever and acting like she is in a concert - owning the stage as if it’s the finale. Well, she owns me and she could rock me. Okay, that doesn’t sound good.

           From time to time, she would scream those statements that I swear I would never get tired of hearing.

‘Hwang Eunbi!’

‘I love you’

‘OMG. I love her’

‘SinB, my love’

           I would occasionally hear female voices screaming due to what Yerin-unnie is doing, laughing with her silliness, and again the fanchants chanted by obviously drunk ladies. It’s embarrassing to say but I’m screaming too, well internally.

           I could have actually guessed who is who already as the video became clearer and clearer. The one holding it a while ago must be Hayoung, though she is now somehow visible. The other one must be Joy considering that honey voice and that loud laugh. There is another one with them but I can’t seem to pinpoint who. She doesn’t speak much. All I could hear from that lady is a laugh harmonizing the loud laughs of the trio.

           But I could not give any more attention on knowing the owner of the voice because I heard my Yennie’s voice. And there and then, I found myself being absorbed in it again. Who could blame me?

The ‘me’ of yesterday

Who was a bit young and awkward,

Is getting wet with rain

One by one, things get forgotten

They all disappear

Like snow melting

조금 어렸었던 서툴렀던 
어제의 나는
비에 젖어 하나 둘씩 
잊혀져 가고
틈새 없던 맘은 

봄 눈 녹듯이 다 사라져

           I thought after that time in which I have considered myself finally encountering what cold winter season is… I thought I have picked up some of the ice I have trudged upon while walking under the falling spree of snowflakes. I thought I have picked them up and build myself a fortress with walls of ice around my heart.

           And maybe I really did.

           But you came.

           You came despite the cold.

           You came and head straight on the cold in which you are more sensitive with. You came to me like the warm spring rain. And just like the sunlight that shines on me, you melt all those ice I thought I have built. And just like the sweet rain that fell in me, you liven up my once dry heart.

           There is you, whom I found inside my heart that has dried up, like a sweet rain, like the sun that shines on me, you melt me and woke me up from my slumber. There are you who touch me and wake me from my sleep – my heart’s hibernation in this winter season, filling it up, and chasing away the coldness as you replace it with your warmth. All of the pain, all of the sad memories, all the worries and all of the weight disappears slowly like a melting snow. I know then, that I won’t be defying gravity anymore and  let myself fall the moment my feelings for you had piled up – fall in the greatest way possible. Well, aren’t I falling for you since the start?

           There is love. And there is you.

           As if it’s magic, maybe something more powerful than Expelliarmus or any other spells in Harry Potter, you stopped that cold season. I did not know if you knew Expecto Patronum and cast it as a spell to protect me against dementors. But I do know that if you did cast that spell, that happiest memory to produce the greatest spell is something that we could have ever share – something great as our love for each other. On my second thought, am I the one who casted that spell when I called your name? Because after all, you are that light and that memory I have which could protect me from darkness.

           You came.

           You’re here with me, with us. And probably, that is all that matters.

           The way we met like this, if it’s not fate and if it’s not a coincidence, even though it is embarrassing, I want to say it is a miracle.

           Indeed, finding you is like coming home.

           God, my heart flutters but what can I do?

           Without you I’d probably be a tree with no leaves, blasted in bleakness with no Spring. I might be crazy but your love is the weather of my being. Tell me, what is an island without the ocean? And if you know the answer, that is comparable to me without you.

           I honestly don’t need any explanation right now on how things go. I thought maybe we’re part of that plan. And in my part, we, together, is that main plot of my story. I’m a little afraid – that, I cannot deny, but still I promise I would always want to walk this path with you.

Just like now, just like today

Will you be with me forever?

지금처럼만 오늘처럼만

영원히 함께할래

           And the ‘me’ that is embracing the atmosphere, all absorbed in my thoughts and my feelings for you, grinned. It now clicked to me, that in those practices we have done, you really meant those lines for me, and I hope you do know that I meant every little look at you, every little nod of my head towards you and every line that comes out of my mouth.

           I hope you do know, that I want and I will be with you forever, just like now, just like today.

           The grin I am wearing grows wider when a thought passed through. I just wonder how it feels when we sing that through our promotions, and as usual, we’d both act out that line, and in the background is Yuju-unnie hitting that high note. I hope I could contain the feels at those times – may it be me wearing the ‘it’s weird face’ or may it be me who can’t control the smile growing in my pretty face.

           Because after all, you are that miraculous spring rain that came to me and bloomed the flowers in my heart.

           I know now. All along, you are my Spring Rain.

           All this time, Jung Yerin is my Spring Rain.

           Soon after, the song ended. And I saw my Yerin smiling slowly. She then roamed her eyes and to my shock, she stopped exactly on that line of sight – just probably above that high table where the camera is left recording. I almost thought she is staring at me, which is of course not possible since I’m not there. But maybe, she did see the video.

           I saw her squint her eyes and I internally prayed for the