You guys are going to hate me.

–––

Taeyeon cursed under her breath for waking up late. Today was the first day ever in her life that she would get to school late. Her eyes glanced at the packaged breakfast on the leather passenger seat for a second before they refocused on the road.

But it’s worth it. Tiffany’s worth it.

Sure, she still hasn’t grown a set to talk to the other girl, and now she has to be very quiet when she leaves things at the once bubbly girl’s house. The thing is, Taeyeon doesn’t know what to say. She knows the feeling of not having a mom, but her mom left her. Tiffany’s died in a car accident. They’re both two very different scenarios.

As always, there was only one car stationed in Tiffany’s driveway when she arrived. Tiffany’s car has been the only car that she sees from dusk to dawn. Guilt fuels a fire within Taeyeon and feels like a chimney.

Tiffany’s mom is dead and she’s lonely now. You’re such a great friend Taeyeon.

The lights inside the house are off, so she quickly gets the container and walks to the front door. Like the previous days, she doesn’t knock or ring the doorbell. Taeyeon knows that Tiffany saw her that one day. She still has Tiffany’s voice engraved in her memory as she drove away.

I’m a ty friend.

Taeyeon put the container down on the doormat before she suddenly halted when she heard soft panting behind her. She could see the puffs of cold air travel to her as the familiar presence kept painting.

A deep sigh left Tiffany’s mouth after they stood there for a minute or two with Taeyeon still facing the front door and Tiffany standing there, looking at Taeyeon’s back. “You can leave now.” Tiffany’s voice sounded hoarse, not like how Taeyeon was used to hearing it.

Ever so slowly Taeyeon looks over her shoulder and finds Tiffany in a snug Nike sweater that’s over a pair of tights, hugging her thin frame perfectly. If it weren’t for the fact that Tiffany’s eyes  looked dead, Taeyeon would have thought that Tiffany looked healthy, slim with curves in all the right place.

“It’s what you’re good at this past month.”

It stung, hearing Tiffany voice how much of a ty friend she really is. Her jaw clenched tightly as she turned around fully and she lowered head, ashamed to even look at Tiffany in the eyes. Taeyeon wants to say something. She really does, but won’t vocalize anything. Instead, she finds her feet walking to her car.

Tiffany’s right. It’s what she does best.

“Why am I not surprised!”

Taeyeon stops when she hears Tiffany’s loud, hoarse voice behind her.

“My mom’s dead and you’re still not talking to me.”

“What do you want me to say?” She turns to face Tiffany, who has tears slowly running down her face.

“Oh, I don’t know. How are you, Tiffany? You look like . Do you want some company? Or better yet. I’m sorry I’ve been an of a friend to you these past weeks! At least explain yourself rather than leaving me useless on my front doorstep every damn day!!” Tiffany fumed.

Taeyeon didn’t blame Tiffany for being upset.

“I’m sorry you have a sorry friend as myself. I mean if I’m even considered as one since I haven’t been one these past days. You look like , get some rest. Actually eat something than starve yourself to death. You lost a lot of weight. Anyone with two perfectly working eyes can see that.”

Tiffany waited for Taeyeon to continue but she didn’t. “That’s it?”

Taeyeon stood there. She wanted to explain herself, but wouldn’t open. She felt like throwing up her breakfast. Everything was going too fast for her. What was she supposed to tell Tiffany? That she didn’t talk to her because she liked her? What would she think about her?

Tiffany took one last hurtful look at Taeyeon. “You know what Taeyeon? Go yourself.” With that, Tiffany turned and walked inside her house, leaving the container of food outside her door and a teary eyed Taeyeon.

She doesn’t deserve me.