The plane ride back to Boston was miserable. It wasn't even that I felt like my heart was falling, perpetually, no. It just felt as if I had been completely drained of my feelings. Anything that would have tipped me over my limit would have just been something that I'd acknowledge nonchalantly, too deep inside my own pitiful world that I couldn't, or wouldn't dare leave the center of my comfort zone.

Then when the plane landed, I went about like a zombie, emotionless, to pick up my luggage.

Before I could call a taxi, I bumped into someone, spilling my passport and travel documents all over the snowy ground.

I sighed, still unable to care about anything but the pain in my heart, picking up my things before waving a taxi over, but the person grabbed my forearm so that he could pick them up instead of me.

I shook him loose. What a creep.

Then he hugged me.

Jesus.

"Welcome back."

I looked up to see who it was, only to be see Chansung smiling at me, wary of the fact that I didn't look too happy.

"Did you have an enjoyable break?" He continued, still extremely happy to see me.

"No." 

He let go of me. "Come on, let's share a cab. You can tell me on the way back to school."

I didn't reply.

He patted my head and hailed a taxi. After it pulled in, Chansung grabbed my luggage for me and put it in the trunk. Then suddenly... 

"Hey guys! Wait!" Someone was trying to get our attention.

I still didn't look, but Chansung did. His eyes widened with surprise.

Through my peripheral vision, I saw a figure running towards us. 

"Hey, I was just here to pick Jay up. Do you guys want to come too?" I could tell it was Taecyeon from his voice, but I still didn't look up. I honestly just didn't want to see him.

Chansung nodded and apologized to the taxi driver for wasting his time, like a gentleman. I grabbed my suitcase from the trunk, but before I could walk towards Taecyeon's car, someone's warm hand grabbed my hand which rested on the handle of the suitcase. 

"Let me get that for you," Taecyeon offered.

"It's fine. I can handle it." I walked off, bumping him out of the way.

Chansung ran after me, trying to catch up with my speed walking as Taecyeon stood where I shut him down, dumbfounded at my cold response.

"Hey, I can help you... if you want...?" There was uneasiness in Chansung's voice as he spoke.

"It's okay. Really." I put on a fake smile.

After loading our things into the car, we climbed in. I sat next to Jay, and Chansung sat next to me; Taecyeon sat shotgun, the way he did on the night of his birthday, checking back every couple of minutes to see if I was okay.

Jay and I exchanged words through the "notes" application on his iPhone.

"So?" He asked.

"What?"

"What's the deal with you and that one?"

"Nothing. There is nothing."

"What??"

"Our relationship doesn't exist anymore. He's just so... so... insensitive."

"..."

"He clearly knows that I like him, yet he's still acting like he doesn't know and he still tells me that he has girlfriend."

"So you're going to just stop caring about him because he's a bumbling idiot?"

"No. It's not because he's an idiot. I just don't think I can take it anymore."

"Maybe all you need is time."

"Yeah. A lot of it."

He put his phone away, sighing really loudly. I was so tired from not getting any sleep on the plane that I just passed out on the car ride. When I woke up I found my head resting upon Jay's shoulder. I tried to pull away without making it obvious that I felt awkward, but Jay called me out on it.

When we got back to campus, Taecyeon's mom first dropped me off in front of my dorm. As I grabbed my things from the trunk, she walked me to the front door. 

"Tiffany. You know... when you get older, you become wiser too, you develop super senses. It's not hard to figure out that there's something wrong between you and my son." She sighed. "He hasn't been feeling too well lately either. I don't know what it is exactly, but I know it's not school. Maybe.. and this is just a very random guess.. but I think it has something to do with his social life... maybe... girls?" She hesitated again, "Boys his age are very hard to figure out."

I stopped acting emo for a split second. "He has?" I was quite surprised. I mean, he seemed really happy with his girlfriend on skype...

She nodded. "He probably did something really stupid. He always does; he just doesn't know what to do sometimes and makes really dumb decisions. Just go a little bit easier on him."

I apologized to her for making her worry and asked her to drive home safely. I never really guaranteed that I wouldn't stop acting emo for a while, though I probably should have. 

She returned to her car after giving me a hug.

When she opened the car door on her side, I could see Taecyeon, glumly looking out his window on the opposite side. The chilly air filled the car and he shivered, and somehow, just somehow, he knew that I was looking at him with concern, so he turned his head and gave me a smile that was weighed down by the obvious anxiety he was feeling. I waved to him and he gave me a nod back. 

I don't know what he's thinking and why he's being so strange. If he likes his girlfriend, then obviously, he should just worry about her. If he were my boyfriend, I wouldn't want him to be thinking about other girls, and I really don't want to run into trouble with his girlfriend... Sharon, was it? I should probably just settle with Chansung. He's a nice guy, and he really cares about me. It's not even like I don't like him. Maybe it'll be good for me. Plus, who ever said that it'd hurt to try?

I pulled out my keycard to get into the dorm and as soon as I walked into the warm, cozy, holiday-scented lobby, I pulled out my phone.

"Do you want to hang out after I/you unpack later?" Sent. To Chansung

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Sorry for the depressing chapters, guys. I've been really stressed lately... and I guess this is my way of channeling it.

aghhh. one chapter before I go to sleepp :)

goodnight, all!
yellowbee