There's something about being at home... it just feels so empty.

I have to admit.. I'm not particularly close with my parents. They seem to only care that I do well in school... my mom is too busy with her own life, and my dad is always out on business trips. My sister, yes. We're really close. She's always been there for me and I've always been there for her too. There's only one big problem. She's five years older than me so she's busy with her life in college now so I basically have no one.

The second I walked in through the gates to our house, I felt even more lonely than I did in the first week of school. I would have a few days to spend by myself before my family returned back to Hong Kong to join me for Christmas. It didn't even matter because even when they were home, I'd practically be by myself. It's sad... and I must say, I've never truly gotten used to it.

The one good thing about being home though, is that I can finally see my dogs and I don't have to do my own laundry and clean the house. We have a maid that comes in every week to do that for us. Thank God.

The first few days were okay, though I could feel my sadness eating me up inside. It felt like anything could have pushed me over the cliff. I was still so caught up over the whole Taecyeon deal. But once my family returned, I had to pull myself together and act as if I were fine, like everything at school was going great.

Christmas didn't feel jolly at all. My "friends" from Hong Kong came to visit me, but we didn't hang out for long before I asked for alone time. I didn't want to see anyone. It honestly felt as if I were truly depressed... from being so alone. The days just went by so slowly and I longed to go back to school. I felt like I had no one. At all. It would have been nice to see Jay or even Nicole. I tried to get online to talk to them, but we'd never catch each other at the right time since the time difference was so great. I chatted with Chansung over facebook once, though. It actually lightened up my mood though we really didn't talk about anything, but considering how bored and sad I felt being at home, it was quite understandable. Taecyeon didn't e-mail me his travel plans for Hong Kong so I assumed that he was never coming. 

Then... 
on New Year's Eve, when I sat at my computer watching the countdown while devouring two pints of green tea ice cream, Taecyeon called me on skype.

I picked up.

"Hey!" he looked ecstatic to see me.

I tried to perk up a little as I waved at the webcam. "Heyy."

"It's New Year's Eve in Hong Kong right now, right?"

"Mmhmm.." I said as I continued to eat my ice cream.

"Happy New Year." He smiled, looking into his camera so it seemed like he was looking at me.

"Happy New Year..." I repeated.

"So what are you doing tonight to celebrate?"

"Nothing." I paused. "Actually.. I might order pizza or something."

He chuckled. "So you're like that, even at home."

I smiled faintly, "Yeah." His goofiness was cheering me up a bit. Maybe he does feel bad for what he did the other night and I'm just being a huge mellow-dramatic teenage girl.

"Why so glum?"

"Glum?" I face-palmed, "Who says that?" I joked, trying to lighten up the mood after realizing how depressed I must have seemed.

"So you're okay, then?"

"Why wouldn't I be?"

"I don't know... you just seemed--"

"I'm fine, but thanks for making sure." I smiled.

"Taecyeon??" A girl's voice resonated from my speakers, it came from his microphone.

"Give me a sec?" Taecyeon said to the girl while making the cute pouty-face that he always used to make me less angry. "Hey, I'm gonna have to go soon."

"Oh... okay.." I nodded, still trying to figure out who this mystery girl is.

"But, baby...." The voice said again.

"Hold on!" He chuckled. "Hey, I actually have to go now..."

"Wait, Taec?" I began.

"Hmm?" He directed his full attention to me.

"Are you still coming to Hong Kong? Or.. no?"

"Ah..." He looked a little scared to reply. "Sorry, Tiff.. Not this time."

"Mmm..." I nodded.

"Taec? Who are you talking to??" The voice whispered cutely to him.

"Just a friend," he replied to her. Just a friend....

"Introduce me!!" She insisted.

"Ermm..." 

Suddenly a girl jumped into the range of the webcam. She sat on his lap, wrapping her arms around his neck.

"Hi!!" She waved at me.

"Hey." I tried to remain friendly.

"Susan," he spoke as charismatically and sweetly to the girl as he did to me when we hung out at school, "this is Tiffany. Tiff, this is Susan." He paused, "my girlfriend."

"Hi! it's nice to meet you." I tried to remain calm and collected.

She giggled, "Hi, Tiffany. I'm sorry, but we have to go now."

"Oh. Okay. Well. Then. Have fun." I smiled as I struggled to form a coherent sentence.

"Bye, Tiff," he said in his deep voice. "Talk to you some time later."

"Bye." I waved to him goodbye.

And the skype call ended.

I slammed my head against my desk. It hurt like , but it couldn't have hurt more than the giant gaping hole that had been expanding ever since he said that I was "just a friend". 

I didn't even want to do anything from that point on. I just felt like locking myself in my room and never leaving. How could he do this to me? Does he even have a heart? Tears rolled down my cheeks. There's no way he could have not known that I would be hurt after he said that. 

I continued to cry. It was unstoppable.

I missed the countdown. I didn't even bother leave my room to say "Happy New Year" to anyone. I just sat there.

After a few hours, I finally stopped crying.. but not because I felt better, but because I ran out of tears, literally. I was so thirsty, I felt like I could have just died of dehydration.

At 2:00 AM, I turned my computer on from its sleeping state and found Jay online.

I called him on skype.

"Hey!! Tiff!!!" He seemed so excited to see me.

"Hey." I croaked.

"Are you okay? You look terrible."

"Thanks."

"Tiff? What happened?"

"Well... You can ask Taecyeon. Let's see if he even knows what he did."

"Oh God. What a giant idiot." He rubbed his eyebrows. "Did he tell you about that girl...?"

"You knew that he had a girlfriend and you didn't bother tell me??"

"They're dating?? I thought that she just had a massive crush on him and he didn't really like her..."

"Nope. They're dating."

"Tiffany, I'm sorry."

"It's..." I tried to say 'fine', but the word wouldn't come out.

"Here... I'll talk to him. Not just for you.. but for his own sake too. From a friend's perspective on his life.."

"You don't have to. Actually.. don't, he'll know that I was affected by it."

"But I will. Stop saying that. Sometimes the person just needs to know that they're being a huge douchebag and they're hurting you."

I stared blankly at the screen.

"Just... ugh. I'll catch you later, okay?"

"Wait.. Jay?"

"What?"

"I... I think... it's time to move on."

"No--"

"No, Jay. You need to listen to me this time. I'm done. I can't keep doing this."

"Tiff, you don't understand.."

"I don't think it's about understanding at this point."

He sat silent.

"I'm sick of throwing myself at him and then him just brushing me off as if he didn't know. Plus, that bull crap about him not being capable of getting close to girls? Evidently, that is absolutely not true."

He sighed.

"So please. It'll take some time.. but I'll get over it. I just need time."

He nodded.

After a moment of silence, I asked him how he's been, and he told me that he's been going to B-boying competitions and such. His descriptions of the fun that he's been having made me incredibly jealous. I wanted to be with people that I loved and have as much fun as he did, but I was happy for him. We ended the call when he saw me yawn widely. He said that I shouldn't keep depriving myself of sleep. 

When we hung up, I dragged myself to the bathroom and washed up, then returned to my room, immediately passing out on my bed as soon as my head hit the pillow. I won't be long before we'd return to school. I'm just glad that I'll have someone to lean on, finally.

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ugh depressing chapter.

Sorry if it put you in a bad mood...

uh.. the comment deal failed. But.. I still love you all... Thanks for the support (even if it comes in silent forms). :)

Please, comment though, I really like reading them.

<3,
yellowbee