Hi Kyungsoo, my love. I don’t know why I’m writing this, because I really hope this letter never gets to you, because if it does, it means I’m dead. It also means I never had time to show you just how much I really love you.

You're the beat of my heart, the soul in my body. You are me, because without you, I’m nothing. I love you, Kyungsoo, my love, my best friend. I never meant to break up with you, I never did. God knows how much it breaks my heart. I never wanted to avoid you. I always want to be with you, every minute, every second of my life.

You have shown me what love is and what it feels to be loved. You have shown me how to live, and you have shown me how to be truly happy. I want you to know that everytime I smile, it’s you who puts it there.

You're my first love, first kiss. I loved you for eight years, and those years were the best years of my life. I thought I couldn’t get any happier, then you accepted me. My first relationship.

But fate is not in our favor. I've been diagnosed with liver cancer. I just found out about it the day Chanyeol asked you to be his maid. That's why I let you go. That's why I never answer your calls. That's why I’m always 'busy'. That’s why I avoid you.

Because I think it’s better this way. It’s better if you hate me. It’s better if you forget me. That won't cause you as much pain.

If only I knew about this cancer, if only I knew I was sick. I wouldn't have asked you to date me. I would’ve just stayed friends. I should never have let you love me. Only god knows how much I regret it. I’m so sorry.

The reason I'm not at the restaurant, the reason I’m not with you is because I’m in America for further surgery. I tried so so hard to fight this cancer, but I’m weak. So weak. I can’t.